I don't even know how to begin to thank you for the incredible outpouring of responses to my Anniversary post about my wonderful wife Gail. We were both astounded by the number of "Likes", "Loves" and "Shares", and your comments... Truly amazing. Your good wishes, stories about listening to the show, personal remembrances, and those of you who said you gained hope and inspiration from Gail's battle with Cancer meant so much to us.  We not only read every one... but printed them out so we will have them to look back on. There was even one man who said that our having six daughters made him decide to get a vasectomy after he and his wife had only two! Priceless. Please know that you all made two kids from Buffalo smile. (And yes... mine is still crooked... I just hide it with the mustache!) 

And now on to our attempt at a Christmas Podcast...

You may have noticed that we've had some technical difficulties of late, so we brought in our IT guy to do his thing and make sure everything was back on track during the Podcast. The result? Well... it recorded, but it's a bit raspy. At least we're making progress! 

Jackie and I attempt to sing some Christmas Music (key word: "attempt") and I reveal which of the many novelty Holiday songs I played on the radio was my favorite (even thought some listeners thought it was "Non PC"). I also share my proudest achievement in high school (other than actually graduating!), and we talk about a few great movies and one terrible one. 

It's short and sweet... think of it as an "Audio Elf". 

Have a great day, and again, thank you so much! 

See you back here Christmas Day...

-Dick  

On this day...a few years back... (ahem) I had the honor of marrying Gail Nulton, my high school sweetheart and the girl of my dreams. I was 16 and she was 15 when we met. Four and a half years later, we "took the plunge" as they say, and said our "I Do's" on a cold day in our hometown of Kenmore, NY.  The photo above was snapped at her parent's house right after we returned from our brief honeymoon in NYC. Thus the slightly nervous smiles on both of our faces!! The two of us knowing that the two of them knew, that we knew, that they knew, well... you get the picture. Those were different days... 

Gail, the kindest, most giving woman I've ever known, cheered me on as we zig-zagged across the country from one radio station to another, finally landing in Detroit, as I pursued my dream of making it in Radio. And always with a smile on her face. (Even when we moved to Baltimore and I was fired after 5 weeks - just as she finished hanging the curtains!) 

Along the way, she gave me (at least I think they're mine) 6 beautiful girls. Over the years, lots of people have said, "Dick... 6 Girls! You're amazing!" and I always reply, "Hey... it took Gail 54 months... It's only took me 6 minutes!" 

Our beautiful girls went on to bless us with eight incredible grandchildren - 2 Girls - and, unbelievably, 6 Boys! And I think it says a lot about Gail that everyone in our family lives within 20 minutes of our house. 

Our life together has been an incredible adventure... meeting John F. Kennedy... our home movies with The Beatles taken when we brought them to Cincinnati in 1964... Gail singing a duet with Regis Philbin a few years ago at Andiamo's... and so much more.  

We have been lucky enough to take wonderful vacations... with our family... with friends... and sometimes, just the two of us. 

We have faced down health crises both with our kids and ourselves. In fact, next month marks 20 years since Gail was diagnosed with advanced Ovarian Cancer and given a 20% chance of making it 5 years. 

Two decades later, she is here, next to me as always, celebrating the Anniversary of our Wedding. 

This time of year, with Christmas just days away, you often come across "It's A Wonderful Life" on TV. 

And I can tell you... Thanks to the strong, beautiful, funny, generous, charitable, thoughtful and loving young girl sitting next to the guy with the crooked smile... mine, indeed, has been... and continues to be... A Wonderful Life. 

Happy Anniversary Gail. I Love You more than you can ever know! 

-Dick

Yesterday, President Obama granted clemency to 231 Federal Prison Inmates... the most ever by a US President in a single day... but Kwame Kilpatrick wasn't one of them. 

- On the bright side, this means Kwame can continue his role in the Prison's "Living Nativity Scene". He plays the Ass standing next to the Ox. 

*****

Donald Trump officially became the President-Elect of the U.S. when he was certified by the Electoral College yesterday. 

- Unlike most guys leaving College, instead of moving into his parent's basement, he's moving into the White House. 

*****

Michelle Obama told Oprah she wouldn't rule out a run for the Presidency. 

- It would mark the first time in U.S. history that a woman has come close to becoming President... correction, it would be the first time a woman who wears Skirts could make it all the way to the Oval Office. 

*****

Speaking of "Skirts"... Bill Clinton says that Donald Trump's only talent is "getting Angry White Men to vote for him".

- I can think of one Angry White Man who didn't vote for Trump... Bill Clinton. 

*****

Scientists claim that humans aren't the only ones who "go gray" due to stress... They say the same thing happens to dogs who lead stressful lives. 

- The Makers of "Just For Men" hair coloring immediately introduced "Just For Shitzu's". 

*****

A U.S. Marshall pulled a gun on a McDonald's employee who was taking too long to bring his Filet-o-Fish. 

- The quick thinking employee escaped injury by kneeing the Marshall in his McNuggets. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

RIP... Zsa Zsa Gabor who has died of a heart attack at the age of 99. She was married nine times and once said, "I'm a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man... I keep his house".  

In related news.... RIP Dr. Henry Heimlich, inventor of the Heimlich maneuver, who has died at the age of 96.

- We're checking a rumor that he died of a heart attack while trying to save Zsa Zsa who was choking on one her diamond rings. 

*****

Merriam-Webster's Dictionary has announced the "Word of the Year" for 2016, and the winner is: "Surreal". It's defined as "unbelievable".

- Or as Hillary Clinton defines it: "I lost??? Are you kidding me???". 

*****

China has agreed to return the Underwater Drone that it stole off a U.S. Navy ship in International Waters. 

- They've agreed to return it... but the U.S. has to pay for shipping and handling. 

*****

President Elect Trump is taking heat for a spelling error on Twitter... in which he said called the Chinese stealing of the drone "Un Presidented" instead of "Unprecedented". 

- In a related story... Democrats are pressuring the Electoral College to "Un President" Trump when they cast their votes later today. 

*****

Tech experts are warning that hot Christmas Gifts like Fitbit may be hacked by people's employers... so they'd know things like how many calories employees are consuming. 

- Which isn't that big of a deal, unless you work for Jenny Craig. 

- In a related story, Michael Moore bought himself a Fitbit... and then ate it. 

*****

73 year old Mick Jagger and his 32 year old girlfriend have announced that they've named their  newborn baby (Mick's 8th child... that we know of) "Deveraux". 

- The baby is said to have Her eyes and Mick's lips... which is making Breast Feeding incredibly painful. 

*****

An amendment to Italy's Civil Code means that married couples will no longer have to pledge to be faithful in their Wedding Vows. 

- After hearing the news, Bill Clinton asked Hillary to fly to Italy for a romantic trip to Renew their vows. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see your back here Tuesday!

-Dick

In the largest computer Hack so far, Yahoo announced that more than One Billion of it's users names, email addresses, passwords, dates of birth, and phone numbers were breached in 2013. 

- This explains why I keep getting calls from Vladimir Putin.

- Yahoo is encouraging users to change their Passwords immediately... so Hackers will have something to work on over Christmas Break. 

*****

A top NASA Scientist is warning that the Earth is due for an "Extinction Level Event". 

- Top Democrats are like, "Duh... Trump already won the election!"

*****

A group of Hollywood Celebrities, led by Martin Sheen, released a video urging Electors not to cast their ballots for Donald Trump on Monday.

- I think we can all trust Martin Sheen... He did such a great job raising his son Charlie. 

- And of course he played a President on the TV show "The West Wing"... so what better qualifications could he have??

*****

According to a Facebook study 62% of Americans admitted that they have purchased a present for themselves while Christmas Shopping. 

- The other 38% lied. 

*****

A Brown University study found that drinking white wine can increase your chance of getting melanoma. 

- Look for "Pinot Grigio SPF 45" coming to a store near you. 

*****

Just hours after releasing driverless Uber cars onto the streets of San Francisco, one of the cars was caught on video running a red light. 

- Cops pulled the car over... but couldn't figure out who to ticket. 

 *****

A friend of the Jackson Family claims Micheal Jackson once got upset with Madonna because she told reporters he needed to change his look. 

- Apparently it really got Michael's nose out of joint. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Kim Jong Un got drunk and ordered top North Korean officials to come to his villa and write letters of apology to him, but the next morning had no memory of it and asked why they were all at his house. 

- For once KJU was doing Jell-O shots instead of real ones. 

- We should all just be glad he didn't decide to play "Spin the Nuclear Missile".

*****

A Chinese newspaper says Donald Trump acted like an "Ignorant Child" by taking a phone call from Taiwan. 

- This from the country who has millions of Innocent Children working double-shifts at the "Trump 2016" T-Shirt Factory. 

*****

Uber has updated it's App so it will continue to track customers for 5 minutes after they they're dropped off. 

- So all those drunk Passengers may not know where they are... but their Uber driver will! 

*****

A Gallup Poll found that 49% of Americans want to abolish the Electoral College. 

- And the other 51% think the Electoral College needs a better football team.

*****

A psychic said that last night's "Supermoon"... the third in the last three months... may push Christmas shoppers over the edge, and claims she's had visions of "women fighting over shoes". 

- That's not a "vision"... That's just the average Saturday at every Mall in America. 

*****

According to a new report, the divorce rate in the US is at its lowest point in 40 years. 

- See, it's true. Misery DOES Love Company. 

*****

Bill Cosby has asked a Pennsylvania judge for a plea deal so he doesn't have to sit through a trial. 

- Why doesn't he just make himself one of his special cocktails... He'll sleep through the trial and won't remember a thing. 

*****

RIP... Alan Thicke, star of the 80's hit TV show "Growing Pains", who died yesterday of a heart attack at the age of 69. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick 

Yesterday's storm left between 7 and 12 inches of Snow across Metro Detroit closing hundreds of schools and making for a messy commute. 

- Donald Trump tweeted, "See... I'm not even President yet and I've already created thousands of Shovel Ready Jobs". 

*****

Over the weekend, Trump's campaign manager, Kellyanne Conway, was the Grand Marshall at the Christmas Parade in her hometown of Hammonton, New Jersey. 

- She almost didn't make it, but Trump convinced Chris Christie to open the Bridge. 

*****

More than 20 years after figure skater Nancy Kerrigan was attacked at a Detroit Ice Skating Rink, hand written notes by Tonya Harding have been uncovered proving that she planned the assault. 

- Tonya said the notes are fake and that the press is having "A knee jerk reaction". 

*****

This weekend, a Pastor in Texas walked up to children waiting in line to sit on Santa's lap, and yelled, "There is no Santa! There are no elves making toys! Christmas is about Jesus! Parents, stop lying to your kids!"

- Well I know one man who's getting coal in his stocking Christmas morning. 

*****

Kirk Douglas celebrated his 100th Birthday over the weekend... He attended his Birthday Party, had one shot of Vodka, and 20 minutes later went home to bed. (True!) 

*****

A Harvard study found that having an optimistic outlook on life could help you live longer. 

- Yeah, right!!!

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday! 

-Dick 

Leo Di Caprio held a secret meeting with The Donald at Trump Tower yesterday to explain how "Going Green" could help create jobs. 

- Leo's so obsessed with Climate Change, a lot of people are starting to admit they wish he'd really gone down on the Titanic. 

*****

Donald Trump was voted "Man of the Year" by Time Magazine, but the Prime Minister of India won the reader's online vote. 

- Hillary could have taken the popular vote if only she's spent more time in the battleground areas of Calcutta and Mumbai. 

*****

Hillary will throw a Holiday themed party at the Plaza in NYC on December 15th for all of her Millionaire donors. 

- Tickets to the party are pricey... but include a FREE speech by Hillary! 

*****

For the first time since 2000, the average life span for an American has gone down. 

- But researchers admit the data was affected by people who were offed by their relatives during Thanksgiving dinner because of their political views.  

*****

The Iranian Government has opened a new theme park for "Revolutionary Children" featuring checkpoints, AK-47's and full Military Gear for the kids. 

- Makes "Mr. Toad's Wild Ride" seem kind of tame. 

*****

Giraffes have been put on the world's "Endangered Species Watch List". 

- Apparently they're doing a lot of "necking" but are never getting to the "reproducing" part. 

*****

A study by Rover.com found that the growing trend is for dog owners to give their pooches human names. 

- If only celebrities would catch on to this trend with their kids. 

*****

A University of Michigan study revealed that parents spend an average of 9 hours and 22 minutes everyday using media and technology. 

- It would have been longer, but they had to take a break to yell at their kids to stop playing with their phones and go play outside. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

74 year old Joe Biden told reporters that he will run for President in 2020 - which, at 78, would make him the oldest person ever to run for the American Presidency. 

- He's already got a campaign slogan... "Hey You Voters... Get Offa My Lawn!"

- If he's successful,  he'll be declared "The Early Bird Winner". 

*****

Madonna, Billboard Magazine's "Woman of the Year", said she felt like "someone died" when Trump won and that she hasn't gotten a good night's sleep since the election. 

- Then again, she's so busy sleeping around, she hasn't had a good night's sleep since 1983. 

*****

The price of Viagra and Cialis has quadrupled since 2010, which means those without insurance will have to pay $50 for each pill. 

- Which begs the question... "When The Moment's Right... Will You Have Enough Cash?"

- This has left a lot of men feeling a little blue. 

- BTW... If it takes you more than four hours to read this story, call your doctor immediately. 

*****

China has lodged a formal complaint with the US Government over Donald Trump's phone call with the President of Taiwan. 

- They're so mad they want to "Take him out" and if anybody knows "Take Out", it's the Chinese. 

*****

Meanwhile a Chinese Lending Company has been offering loans to young women in exchange for naked selfies... then threatening to send them to their families if they don't pay a 30% interest rate. 

- If they really want to make some dough, they should offer a loan to Anthony Weiner. 

*****

During a report near the blizzard-striken Dakota pipeline this morning - with a wind chill of 21 below zero - a Fox News Reporter said "Oh S---!" live on the air. 

- That's the Exact Same Thing everyone at CNN and MSNBC said on Election night - but their mics weren't on. 

*****

A Southwest Airlines flight had to be diverted after a baby was born on the plane mid-flight. 

- Airline execs congratulated the proud mom and dad... then charged the baby for an extra seat. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

The Russian made Jeep carrying Fidel Castro's ashes to the cemetery broke down and had to be pushed down the road by soldiers to a repair shop. 

- Just like Fidel himself, the breakdown was a Pain in the Ash. 

*****

Alec Baldwin says he'll stop doing his Donald Trump imitation on "Saturday Night Live" if the President Elect releases his tax returns. 

- C'mon Donald... release 'em so we can begin to make "SNL Great Again".

*****

Over three feet of snow fell over Hawaii this weekend... and more is on the way.

- The Weather Channel is doing a special on it called "Hawaii-Five-Snow".

*****

Time Magazine has revealed the short list for it's "Person of the Year". Nominees include Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, Vladimir Putin, the Flint Water Crisis Whistleblowers and Beyonce. 

- Most of the nominees made a huge impact on World Events... and apparently Beyonce looked really hot at some Music Award Show . 

*****

A new study shows that eating one ounce of nuts a day can dramatically increase your lifespan. 

- Unless, of course, you happen to be allergic to nuts. 

*****

The New York Post is reporting that Anthony Weiner has been calling friends in the restaurant industry looking for a job. 

- He sent out a ton of resumes... but apparently nothing popped up. 

- I guess his Amateur Photography business isn't bringing in enough cash. 

*****

More photos surfaced over the weekend of Hillary Clinton hiking in the woods. 

- And just like her Campaign Strategists... she can't see the forest for the trees. 

- If she'd spend this much time hiking around states like Iowa and Michigan, she might have won the election.

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday! 

-Dick

Apple has been awarded a patent for a new design that would allow iPhones to be folded in half, thus making them Flip-Phones. 

- Attention Purtan girls: Apparently Dad's not so "Uncool" for sticking with his original Flip-Phone! 

- I knew my black socks and sandals made me "Fashion Forward" but I had no idea using my original Flip-Phone made me "Tech-Forward"!

*****

A study out of McGill University in Canada found that the more sex a woman has, the better her memory. 

- This explains why Lindsday Lohan always remembers where she hides her drugs. 

- And why a lot of married women can't remember where they put their car keys. 

*****

Great news... Kayne is out of the psych ward and back home with his wife Kim Kardashian.  

- Can you say "Christmas Miracle"???

- Seriously... Does it get any Butt-er than this?

*****

70 year old Donald Trump has swapped his "Make America Great Again" baseball cap for one that reads "USA" on the front and has "45" on the side. 

- "USA" shows his patriotism but "45" is just bragging about how young Melania is. 

*****

Inside sources say the iPhone 8 may have a 3D camera. 

- The technical name for it is the iAnthonyWeiner. 

*****

A new Twitter account called "HRC in the Wild" allows followers to track every move Hillary Clinton makes from a walk in the woods to going to the grocery store. 

- No offense, but I think tracking Bill's every move would be a lot more entertaining. 

*****

On the flip side, Hillary Clinton is now following Snoop Dogg on Twitter. 

- At first I was skeptical, but I Googled it and it's real fo shizzle. 

*****

A study published in the British Journal of Sports Medicine found that tennis players live longer than other athletes. 

- Upon hearing the news, John McEnroe threw down his racquet and shouted "YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS!" 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Online surveys show that 122 Million Americans shopped on Cyber Monday. 

- Among them Hillary Clinton who saved a whopping 95% on an "I'm With Her!" coffee mug. 

*****

As if there wasn't enough bad news lately... Kim Kardashian has announced that she is shutting down production on "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" due to her husband Kanye West's hospitalization for a mental break down. 

- On the bright side, she's decided to film a new show in the hospital called "Keeping Up With Krazy Kanye". 

- Meanwhile Kanye told his doctors that "Beyonce had the greatest mental breakdown of all time". 

*****

The Victoria Secret "Angel" models have arrived in Paris to prepare for their upcoming lingerie fashion show. 

- We'll be sure to keep you Abreast of developments in this breaking story. 

*****

A new study found that only 1 in 5 adults really mean it when they say that they're "Fine". 

- And any man who's ever been married long enough, knows that 1 person who doesn't mean it is his wife. 

*****

A Canadian man was arrested for stealing $165,000 dollars in gold bars from a mint by hiding them... well... where the sun don't shine. 

- He sold them for cash. We can only hope it was Laundered Money. 

*****

A new erectile dysfunction pill called Noxitrill is marketing itself as "Viagra on Steroids". 

- This could really shrink sales of Viagra... among other things. 

*****

An Italian woman who just celebrated her 117th Birthday has been named "The Oldest Person in the World". 

- And as with everyone named "The Oldest Person In The World"... her funeral will be sometime next week.   

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick 

It's Cyber Monday! 

- It's basically the same thing as Black Friday, but instead of getting trampled at the Mall, you risk getting fired by your boss for shopping online at work. 

*****

Hillary Clinton's campaign confirmed that it is participating in re-count efforts in Wisconsin, Pennsylvania and Michigan. 

- If I didn't know better, I'd think she thinks the election was Rigged.

*****

Cuba has ordered the Cuban people to observe a nine day mourning period following the death of Fidel Castro. 

- And if you don't mourn appropriately, the government will make sure you join him in Hell.

- Doctors say they were almost able to save Fidel... but as they say, "Close... but no Cigar". 

*****

America is still mourning the death of Florence "Carol Brady" Henderson who died unexpectedly over the weekend at the age of 82. 

- Insiders say three people will speak at her funeral:  Marcia... Marcia... and Marcia. 

- Florence was known as "America's Favorite Mom"... while Bill Cosby is known as "America's Favorite 'Date-Drugging' Dad". 

*****

Goggle is trying to determine who hacked into Google Maps and changed the name of Trump Tower to "Dump Tower". 

- Hello? Why don't they just Google it? 

*****

The California Bar Association is considering making it illegal for Lawyers to have sex with their  Clients. 

- If the law passes, it's really gonna cut down on Lindsay Lohan's sex life. 

*****

A new study by eHarmony.com found that today's singles are dating, on average, about six people at a time. 

- Ladies...if you're considering dating six men at a time, you might want to sign up for some wrestling lessons beforehand. 

- Men in the survey say the hardest part is deciding which of the six women gets to ride shot-gun. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday! 

-Dick 

Despite supporting Hillary during the campaign, and bashing The Donald, Elton John will give a concert at the Inauguration.

- Even if Elton wears his old duck costume it's still not gonna look as stupid as Aretha's inaugural Hat did. 

*****

President-Elect Trump will NOT pursue charges against Hillary in the wake of the Email and Clinton Foundation Scandals, saying, in his opinion she's done a lot of great things. 

- Topping his list: Losing the election. 

*****

Kim Jong Un sent a 9-page letter to Prez-Elect Trump demanding that the U.S. stop it's "hostile nuclear threats toward North Korea". 

- After he finished the letter to Trump, KJU got busy writing his wish-list letter to Santa Claus.

*****

A study by the Daily Meal found that Mashed Potatoes are the most popular Thanksgiving side dish. 

- But because of the election, they noted that this year most people won't be eating the mashed potatoes... they'll be flinging them at each other. 

*****

Kanye West is reportedly suffering from "temporary psychosis brought on by dehydration and exhaustion". 

- I hope he takes some time off to rest. Like say 10 or 20 years. 

*****

Apple is reportedly considering moving iPhone production to the US. 

- Which means thousands of Chinese 5 year olds can go back to Kindergarten where they belong. 

*****

The gown that Marilyn Monroe wore when she sang "Happy Birthday" to John F. Kennedy sold for $4.8 Million at auction. 

- In related news... Monica Lewinsky just announced she's got a new retirement plan. 

*****

Well here's something to be Thankful for... A Japanese Scientist claims that eating Ice Cream for breakfast makes you "smarter" - with test subjects showing faster reaction times and better information processing capabilities.

- So basically DQ can increase your IQ. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here tomorrow... on Thanksgiving!

-Dick

Hard to believe...but Thanksgiving is this Thursday! And a new survey shows that the two things Americans are most Thankful for are "Family" and "Friends". 

- At least the ones who voted the same way they did. 

*****

Vice President-Elect Mike Pence was booed while attending the Broadway musical "Hamilton", and lectured by the cast at the end of the play. 

- It was a cheap shot.... but not the worst "shot" ever taken at a politician at a theater. 

*****

Insiders say Melania Trump will not move into the White House, but will continue living in New York. 

- She and Hillary have a lot more in common that I thought. 

*****

The National Highway Safety Administration says that apps like SnapChat and Pokemon Go are responsible for the biggest spike in traffic accidents in the past 50 years. 

- So if you're just plain TEXTING while you're driving... give yourself a pat on the back. 

*****

Kanye West said he didn't vote, but if he had, he would have voted for Donald Trump. 

- His wife Kim Kardashian didn't vote either, but she's being cheeky about who she she supported. Really cheeky. 

*****

Meanwhile, Kanye has reportedly cancelled the rest of his tour after a bizarre outburst over the weekend, meaning he won't be performing at the Palace on December 22nd. 

- Great... now Gail and I are going to have to figure out something else to do to celebrate our Anniversary. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday! 

-Dick

Purtan Podcast #209

What happens when you record a 45 minute podcast full of interesting subjects and witty banter? The program crashes again and only records 20 minutes of it. Yes... Another "Technical Glitch". But, fear not... Jackie and I managed to get in a few topics before our recording program failed, yet again. What do we talk about, you ask? Subjects include:

- What I see when I look in the mirror. 

- The first snow of the season! 

- "23andMe"... what it is and how it works. 

-Thanksgiving Day & Social Media Conversations... and how a recent event has turned friends and family who used to be like a Norman Rockwell painting into "The Hatfields & The McCoys". 

-The behind-the-scenes Digital Strategy that allowed Trump to win the election. 

And...

- My theory on Obama's start versus Trump's start... and how their beginnings and endings could potentially be complete opposites of each other. 

So take a few minutes away from ranting on Facebook and join us for Podcast #209. It may not be perfect, but I don't think you'll "unfriend" us over it! 

Have a great rest of the day and I'll see you back here Monday with my regular blog! 

-Dick

A Los Angeles man is suing Krispy Kreme donuts for "misleading business practices", claiming their fruit filled donuts don't actually contain any fruit. 

- If you're looking to get your daily servings of fruit from a donut, there may be some bigger issues involved here. 

- The man, a Mr. "H. Simpson" said he wants to make a point and "isn't just in it for the D'oh!"

*****

Ten year old Barron Trump will be the First Presidential Son to be in the White House since John F. Kennedy Jr. 

- Unless you count the 8 years George W. Bush lived there. 

- Who can forget the adorable pics of John-John playing under his Dad's desk... or the mental images of Monica Lewinsky hiding under Bill Clinton's?

*****

Jesse Jackson is calling for President Obama to issue a blanket Pardon to Hillary Clinton. 

- He's not saying she actually committed any CRIMES, he just thinks to PARDON her would be a good idea. 

*****

Yesterday, Hillary made her first public appearance since her concession speech, telling a crowd that it was hard for her, and part of her wanted to "curl up with my dogs and never leave the house". 

- Her dogs include a Poodle named "Tally", a mutt named "Maisie", and a hound dog named "Bill". 

*****

A study by the Journal Pediatrics found that a 50% of parents aren't spanking their kids anymore. 

- But ever since "Fifty Shades of Grey" came out, the Dads are spanking the Moms. 

*****

A new study found that 40% of Americans now crave Wi-Fi more than chocolate, alcohol or sex. 

- Of course a lot of them crave Wi-Fi so they can go online and buy candy bars and wine from Amazon... and then watch some X rated entertainment. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Carrie Fisher has announced that she and Harrison Ford had a 3-month affair while filming one the original Star Wars Movies in 1976. 

- So apparently... Han wasn't going Solo. 

*****

A Pew Research Center study found that 62% of Americans get their political news from Facebook.

- I prefer to get mine from more informed sources... like "Twitter". 

*****

An MRC YouGov Poll found that 78% of voters think the media was biased toward Hillary Clinton in their election coverage... including more than 30% of Hillary supporters. 

- The media was biased towards Hillary? Right... what's next? We find out that the Cubs won the World Series? 

*****

A growing number of Hillary Clinton supporters have been burning their "New Balance" sneakers after the company president expressed support for Donald Trump. 

- It's not nearly as fun as the "Bra Burning" protests in the '60's and 70s. Nobody really wants to sneak a peek at the protestors feet. 

*****

Donald Trump sent the media into a "frenzy" last night by sneaking out for a steak dinner with his family without letting them know. 

- During the campaign the media was angry about everything he said, now they're angry that he didn't say anything. 

*****

Hugh Hefner's son, Cooper Hefner, has told insiders that Playboy is going to bring back nude photos in 2017. 

- Wow. It's only been a week and Trump is already Making America Great Again!

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday! 

-Dick

North Korean Officials have reportedly asked the Chinese Government to stop their people from referring to Kim Jong Un as "Kim Fatty The Third". 

- Kim Jong Un himself is said to be "taking it on the chin". And that is one, very chubby double chin. 

- China chocked it up to "Sweet & Sour Grapes". 

*****

President Obama said that the first thing he'll do after his Presidency is over, it take a few weeks off. 

- After 8 long years he's FINALLY gonna have time to play a few rounds of golf! 

*****

A fake news story claiming that Donald Trump was going to offer Hillary Clinton a position in his cabinet has gotten a lot of reaction on the internet. 

- People realized it was fake they read he was going to make her "Secretary of Email Security".

*****

After being ridiculed on social media, U of M's Law School has cancelled it's “Post-Election Self-Care With Food and Play” event which invited students to work out their Trump-win anxiety with crayons, coloring books, bubble blowing, and Play-Doh. 

- Law students still interested in those activities are encourage to enroll in Pre-School. 

*****

Momentum is building for a proposal which would see Nevada, Oregon, Washington State and California leaving the US to join Canada. 

- Some Trump supporters said, "Hey... Don't let North Dakota Hit You On The Ass On The Way Out". 

*****

George W. Bush and Laura posted a pic of themselves of Facebook with their newly adopted puppy "Freddie". 

- Apparently they were bored with the family's former dog... Jeb. 

*****

A 3,200 year old mummy has been discovered in an Egyptian Tomb. 

- That or Larry King is vacationing in Giza. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Tonight we'll have another chance to see the "Supermoon"... where the moon will look bigger and brighter than it has since 1948. 

- The term "Supermoon" was coined the first time Kim Kardashian posted a naked selfie of her butt.

*****

A Westchester, New York woman claims she ran into Bill and Hillary Clinton on a hiking trail in the woods on Saturday. 

- She said Hillary seemed upbeat... and looked great in her plaid flannel pantsuit. 

- Hillary hit the trail to bury some more emails... while Bill just hit on the woman. 

*****

Donald Trump was on "60 Minutes" Sunday night, and said that part of The Wall he plans to build on the southern border might be "a fence". 

- In big related construction news... Wallside Windows is having a sale!!!

*****

According to a new Facebook survey, 62% of Americans expect the election to make their Thanksgiving dinner more difficult. 

- Be honest. Is it really possible for ANYTHING to make Thanksgiving dinner more difficult? 

*****

Dozens of colleges around the country have put "Therapy Dogs" on campus and organized "Cry-Ins" for students who can't handle the Election results. 

- Parents everywhere are trading their "My Child Is An Honor Student" bumper sticker for one reading "My Child Goes To The University Of Pansy Ass".  

*****

Reports have surfaced that The Donald-Elect's ex-wife Ivana Trump wants to be the U.S. Ambassador to the Czech Republic. 

- Find out more in the new movie "The First Wives Who Become Ambassadors Club". 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick