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Fall officially arrived this morning at 3:50.

- On the bright side… there are only 178 more days until SPRING!!!

*****

Elizabeth Warren is now leading all Democrats in the state of Iowa.

- Which reminds me… What’s up with this Indian Summer??

*****

Some are criticizing VP Pence for using an 8 car motorcade during a conference on vehicle-free Mackinac Island over the weekend.

- One resident said, “This stinks!” But it turns out he wasn’t talking about the cars… he was talking about the horse poop.

*****

An NPR study found that overweight cats are having a harder time slimming down than ever before.

- Are they not aware of the Catkins Diet?

*****

A new survey found that the average woman enjoys just twenty-five minutes Outside per day.

- She’s actually Outside for three hours… but she doesn’t enjoy the 2 hours 35 minutes she spends watching her 7 year old’s soccer game.

*****

Kim Kardashian and her sister Kylie Jenner were laughed at by the Emmy audience last night after claiming their show, "Keeping Up With The Kardashians," was "real" and "unscripted."

- Kylie was upset, but Kim… not so much. She’s used to being the butt of jokes.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

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A British gambling site reports that it’s gotten more bets for HILLARY to win the 2020 Prez Election than any of the Democrats running.

- Must be payback for us winning the Revolutionary War.

*****

A study found that Orlando is the most dangerous place to walk… with more than 5000 pedestrians being hit by cars last year.

- Most of them were hit by the 8th Dwarf. Let’s see… there’s Doc, Grumpy, Happy, Sleepy, Bashful, Sneezy, Dopey - and, oh yeah…“TEXTY”.

*****

New research out of Canada found that people who snore sleep just as soundly as people who don’t.

- Notice they failed to mention the person sleeping NEXT TO the person who snores.

*****

The country of Turkey’s Supreme Court of Appeals has ruled that employees who gossip at work can be fired without severance pay.

- It’s a good thing for Joy Behar that “The View” is just Hosted BY Turkeys, not BROADCAST from there.

*****

A Royal insider says that Queen Elizabeth - who is worth $530 million - is so frugal she wears 40 year old gloves, reuses wrapping paper & bows, and has guests at Buckingham Palace sleep on old sheets.

- Apparently the only thing the Queen would happily throw out is Meghan Markle.

*****

Kanye West beat out Jay-Z to become hip-hop’s richest star with a net worth of $150 Mil compared to Jay-Z’s paltry $81 Mil.

- Kanye’s married to Kim Kardashian and Jay-Z is married to Beyonce… so Kanye also took home the “Wife With the Most Junk in Her Trunk” award.

*****

Speaking of Trunks… A doctor from Pittsburgh is claiming that recently hired New England Patriot Antonio Brown not only owes him for past due bills, but repeatedly “broke wind” on purpose while the doc was giving him an exam.

- This explains why Brown is a Wide Receiver and not a Tight End.

*****

Scientists say that because the ancient human pelvis was wider 2 Million years ago, giving birth back then was “Relatively Easy”.

- NOTE: The Scientists who mentioned the “Relatively Easy” part were all Men.

*****

I was told by several people that Howard Stern mentioned me again (in a good way!) on his network show a couple of days ago. Thanks as always Howard for the kind words!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

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Many thanks for the “Likes”, “Loves” and comments about the “Last Radio Reunion”! And for all of you who asked which jocks were in the pic, I’ve added the info!

*****

After decades of denials, the U.S. Navy confirmed that 3 leaked videos DO show "unidentified aerial phenomena” - or what used to be called “UFOs”… calling them “Real” but “Unexplainable”.

- “Duh” said the Loch Ness Monster and his friend Big Foot.

*****

On this day in 1851, The New York Times went on sale for two cents a copy.

- The headline that day “Millard Fillmore Elected to White House after Collusion with Russian Emperor Nicholas”.

*****

A progressive political group that backed Bernie Sanders in 2016 is backing Elizabeth Warren this time around.

- Bernie said, “How could this happen??” and Elizabeth just said “How”.

*****

The final installment in the “Rambo” series hits theaters on tomorrow.

- At 73, Sylvester Stallone has gone from “First Blood” to “Needs Blood”.

*****

Support groups are popping up across the country to help people deal with the “anxiety” brought on by Climate Change… and how to work through it with breathing exercises, yoga, meditation, and stretching.

- Back in Buffalo, when the Climate Changed, we put on a coat & hat, went outside and built a snowman.

*****

Prayers for Jeopardy host Alec Trebek who announced yesterday he is back in Chemotherapy for his Pancreatic Cancer - which he thought was in remission - took a turn for the worse.

R.I.P… Cokie Roberts who died yesterday at the age of 75 from complications of the breast cancer she fought for many years.

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

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More than 600 people attended the “Last Radio Reunion” over this past weekend. Radio guys from across the country flew in, along with special honored guest, Robin Seymour. (Former KEENER jock and host of the teen TV dance show “Swingin’ Time”)

93 year old Robin and his daughter, Debbie flew all the way from San Antonio to take part in the festivities! Sirius XM’s “Sixties on Six” jocks Phlash Phelps, Pat St. John and Shotgun Tom Kelly were on hand as well, along with local jocks who worked on KEENER 13, CKLW, WXYZ and other stations during their heydays. Bob Green, Jerry Goodwin, Paul Cannon, Doug Podell, Johnny Williams, Erik Smith, Denny McLain, Super Max Kinkel, Kevin O’Neil, Charlie O’Brien, producers Lee Alan, Art Vuolo & Mike Seltzer, emcee Joey Reynolds, Yours Truly… the list goes on and on! Even“Bozo the Clown” Art Cervi… was there!

We told stories and had a great time… and best of all, there were no Program Directors there to tell us to talk less and play more music!!!!!

Thanks to all the “fans” who came out to say hi!

-Dick

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A survey by the University of Pennsylvania found that 1 in 5 Americans can’t name a single branch of the Government.

- That’s easy! There’s the Executive… Legislative… and Twitter.

*****

Just days after a 74 year old Indian woman gave birth to twins, she and her 78 year old husband, are both in intensive care - her for exhaustion and him for having a heart attack.

- He had the heart attack when he found out the kids were his.

- The same thing happened the night the twins were conceived.

*****

A new video from the BBC’s “Children’s Teach” series tells kids that there are over one hundred genders they can choose from.

- Remember the good old days when the biggest things little kids had to pick between was a Bologna or PB&J sandwich?

*****

Joe Biden is still being mocked for telling parents that they should help their kids learn more words “by leaving their RECORD PLAYERS” on.

- Proving once again that Joe’s close to 78 - not 45 or 33 1/3.

- He also advised kids not to spend too much time on their Rotary and Princess phones.

*****

Dennis Rodman says that his days as an International Peace Ambassador between Trump and Kim Jong Un are “behind him”.

- Who’s Lil Kim gonna get his Nuclear Advice from now???

*****

The stripper-drama “Hustlers” was tops at the Box Office this weekend, taking in $33 Million in its debut.

- All in singles.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

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President Trump has proposed a measure that would allow the government to track mentally ill people through their cell phones.

- He got the idea by scrolling through some of his old Tweets.

*****

Google is developing a baby monitor that would alert parents when their infant is about to wake up.

- This is great for people who want to get five minutes LESS SLEEP than they would have, if they’d just waited for the baby to start crying.

*****

Kim Kardashian’s new “SKIMS” line of shape wear, bras and panties made over $2 MILLION in sales in the FIRST MINUTE they went on sale this week.

- Now Kim’s fans own something she doesn’t: Underwear.

*****

A Colorado school teacher gave birth outside the school with the principal and the dean helping out.

- She got an “A” for effort. And for showing her work.

*****

Models at New York’s Fashion Week walked the runway with some new accessories this year… Fake Beards made out out crystals and breast-feeding pumps.

- And to think my Mother thought Open Toes High Heels were downright “scandalous”.

*****

Michigan has given the green light to a new credit union that will specifically cater to the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender community.

- In my day, we had one bank and it gave a toaster to everyone regardless of who they slept with.

*****

Happy Days actor Anson “Potsie” Williams has filed for divorce from wife Jackie Williams after more than 30 years of marriage.

- But to make this a Happy Day… the good news is, Joanie still loves Chachi.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

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There are words that have come to mean a lot to me this past year: “The days go by slowly… the years, fast”.

It’s hard to believe that 18 years have passed since the morning of September 11, 2001. They have gone by so quickly. But the minutes and hours that came after the moment we learned of the horrific attacks - and the desperate days that followed - crept by. Eyes locked on our TVs, ears glued to our radios - everything seemed to be moving in a surreal kind of slo-motion.

The images were incomprehensible - the emotions, ever-changing. Shock… Confusion… Horror… Fear… Sadness… Anger… as we collectively held our breath. But little by little other feelings came through, too, as we witnessed Heroic Bravery… Hope… Compassion… A sense of Pride in being part of something bigger then ourselves. Pride in being American.

We came together on that day. We put aside our differences and put our country - and our countrymen -first. We cried as we hoisted our flags. Said prayers as we hugged our loved ones. And we vowed we would never forget.

Eighteen years later, as we once again hear the reading of the names of the innocent lives lost that day - and recognize the brave men and women - from doomed passengers on a plane in Pennsylvania to first and second and third responders - who literally ran into the Towers - risking their lives - We pause. We think. We give Give Thanks. We remember.

It’s astounding, really.

One of the Worst events ever to occur on US soil - brought out the Absolute Best in us all.

We were kind to each other. We were determined. We were certain - like the Towers - we would rise again!

And in a turbulent time, when the years seem to go by ever faster, it’s important to slow down and rekindle those feelings in ourselves - and each other. God knows we need that today.

We owe at least that much as we Remember the more than 3000 plus innocent people who lost their lives on that endless morning - as well as in the aftermath of the tragedy.

As the days go by slowly, and the years fast…

God Bless Us All & God Bless America.

-Dick

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Prez Trump told a rally crowd that his hair “May not be great, but… it's better than most of my friends' who are the same age”.

- Elizabeth Warren said she doesn’t care what his hair looks like… she just wants to scalp him.

*****

Apple will unveil three new iPhone models this afternoon.

- In other big tech news, this morning I put a new piece of tape on the back of my FLIP PHONE to hold the battery in.

*****

According to the latest polls, Joe Biden is hanging on to a small lead over his Democrat competitors.

- It’s nice to see Joe hanging onto something other than women.

*****

A woman in Oregon has opened a new catering service called “Meals for Heels” that delivers late-night meals to strippers and dominatrixes.

- It’s perfect for S&M ladies who don’t have time to whip something up of their own.

******

A study at the University of Sussex in England found that people feel “thinner and lighter” when they smell lemons - and feel “thicker and heavier” when they smell vanilla.

- Thus the expression, “When life hands you lemons… Squeeze ‘em on your Vanilla Wafers and you’ll feel like a Supermodel”.

*****

Sarah Palin’s husband of 31 years has filed for divorce citing “Incompatibility of Temperament”.

- Sarah said she’s saddened but added, “On the bright side… I can see the courthouse from my front porch!”

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

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“WHAT IS… GREAT NEWS!” The new season of Jeopardy! starts tonight… and ALEX TREBEK will be back behind the podium! He says he’s finished his chemotherapy treatment for Pancreatic Cancer and is feeling good! Wow!!

*****

A new report claims that China used something called “weather control” to change the direction of a storm.

- Big deal! Our President can do the same thing with a Magic Marker!

*****

Elizabeth Warren and Hillary Clinton have reportedly been talking behind the scenes about her 2020 presidential run.

- Question: Are they talking about Elizabeth’s run… or Hillary’s??

*****

The FAA is reporting that a door blew off a Boeing 777X during a stress test on Saturday.

- The hard part was getting the plane up on the treadmill.

*****

Mick Jagger told protesters at the Venice Film Festival that he’s right behind them in their efforts to fight climate change.

- Hear more about it in his song, “Hey, Hey, You, You… Stop Pollutin’ My Cloud”.

*****

“IT: Chapter Two” - the Evil Clown movie - won at the box office bringing in $90 million over the weekend, but two hundred clowns protested outside a theater in NY.

- What a bunch of Yahoos. (You thought I was going to say Bozos didn’t you??)

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

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When a baby started crying during a campaign stop yesterday, Bernie Sanders looked over, pointed at the baby and said, “If we could keep that down a little bit?”

- Maybe he just needed a diaper change. And the baby did, too.

*****

A Swedish Scientist told a TV interviewer that in order to combat Climate Change, humans will have to turn to Cannibalism… like the move “Soylent Green”.

- I can see it now… “Peanut Butter & Jerry” sandwiches with a side of “Frank & Beans”.

*****

“College Gate” defendant Lori Loughlan’s marriage is reportedly on the rocks as she and her husband face up to 40 years in prison each.

- But they say they’re “committed to working things out” and have already paid thousands for another couple to attend marriage counseling for them.

*****

This coming Monday, Jerry Springier returns to daytime TV… not as a talk show host but as a “People’s Court” style Judge.

- On the new show Jerry will throw the book at them instead of chairs.

*****

A group of researchers from Seattle have created an artificial intelligence robot that was able to pass an 8th grade science test.

- They say eventually robots will be smarter than humans. For me, that day is today.

*****

A video of a woman bringing a therapy horse onto an American Airlines flight has gone viral.

- Most people think the world has gone insane allowing things like therapy horses on planes - at least according to the latest Gallup poll.

*****

A new exhibit at London’s Royal Academy Art Gallery forces visitors to squeeze between a naked man and a naked woman in order to enter. (True)

- They got the idea after going to last year’s Thanksgiving Dinner at Charlie Sheen’s house.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

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Scientists have discovered a gene mutation that allows some people to require only 4 hours of sleep a night - with no consequences of sleep deprivation.

- How do I get one of those mutations??

*****

A panel of health experts believe that Dolly Parton’s breast implants are leaking and could cause her death.

- I wonder who tipped ‘em off?

*****

A judge has ruled that a 62-year-old man named Peter Sloan - who claims he is William Shatner’s Love Child - CAN legally change his last name to Shatner.

- The judge said the man clearly “Had Shatner’s eyes… and Leonard Nimoy’s ears”.

*****

Hoda Kotb has returned to the Today Show following her maternity leave.

- Hoda was home bottle feeding for three months. And she had to feed the baby, too.

*****

Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez reportedly asked Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg for relationship advice.

- Someone needs to explain to them that she’s not the Doctor Ruth they were looking for.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

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Pope Francis got stuck in a Vatican elevator on Sunday and had to be rescued by Firefighters.

- Not surprisingly, the elevator was “Going Up” went it broke down.

*****

A Florida man told police he was vaping THC because he was preparing to meet up with Jesus.

- He should have just jumped on the Pope’s elevator.

*****

According to new research, “Impatience” is on the rise… with the average person getting frustrated after waiting just 16 seconds for a web page to load and 25 seconds for a traffic light to change.

- On the bright side, I’m so impatient I can’t even Procrastinate anymore.

*****

In an effort to alleviate the stress many people feel about how popular their posts are, Facebook is considering doing away with the “Like” button.

- Well I, for one, would give that a BIG THUMBS UP!!

*****

A Royal Insider says that Queen Elizabeth has a soft spot for fast food and often gets take-out from a Fish and Chips restaurant when she’s in Scotland.

- And for dessert, she grabs a Peanut Buster Parfait from Dairy Queen.

*****

Julie Andrews - star of “The Sound of Music” - received a Lifetime Achievement Award at the Venice Film Festival over the weekend.

- She thanked the crowd, and said “This makes 16 awards I’ve gotten for this movie… going on 17”.

- Then she waved and added, “So long, Farewell… Auf Wiedersehen, Adieu”

- The ceremony was held High on a Hill with a Lonely Goatherd. (Did we jump the shark with this one??)

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

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With Thoughts and Prayers for all those in the path of Hurricane Dorian… Wishing you and yours a Safe, Happy & Healthy Labor Day!

See you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

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A Florida man was arrested for selling ecstasy pills shaped like Donald Trump.

- You’ve heard of the Little Blue Pill? This is known as the Little ORANGE Pill.

*****

A video of Bernie Sanders taking a right-handed swing at a punching bag on Tuesday went viral… because the “speed bag” flew back and hit him in the face.

- Bernie was taken to the hospital where he demanded Free Health Care.

*****

After hitting their peak in the late ‘60’s and early 70’s… the Wall Street Journal is reporting that Mustaches are coming back in style.

- I’ve been holding out for years and it’s FINALLY paying off!!

*****

Scientists have drawn up plans for a “Space Elevator” that would include a cable looped around the moon down to the earth’s atmosphere to speed up space travel… but admit it would still take days to get there.

- Days and days of standing in one place, facing forward, not talking, staring up at the numbers.

- With my luck I’d get stuck riding up with a kid who pressed all 240,000 buttons.

*****

Researchers at Michigan State found that people who are Divorced are twice as likely to develop dementia as their married counterparts - with Divorced Men at the highest risk.

- If this is true, Larry King is a goner.

*****

Taylor Swift says she has security cameras focused on her butt at all times after she was groped at a meet and greet in Colorado.

- She got the idea from Kim Kardashian - but Kim’s camera footage can only be watched on an IMAX screen.

*****

KFC is jumping into the plant-based meat business by testing “Beyond Fried Chicken” at some of it’s restaurants this week.

- Which brings up an important question: Why did the plant-based Chicken cross the road?

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

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Pluto officially lost its status as a Planet more than 13 years ago, but Jim Bridenstine, the official Government Administrator of NASA says he still believes Pluto IS a Planet because that’s how he “learned it”.

- Which is the exact same reason to me DTE will ALWAYS BE PINE KNOB!!!

*****

Eddie Murphy is going to host “Saturday Night Live” for the first time in thirty-five years this December.

- I know this because Eddie was my co-star in “Beverly Hills Cop III”… and because I read it in the paper.

*****

“Squad” member Ilhan Omar - who is rumored to have been married to her brother - is denying a new claim that she is having an affair with a married man and said, “I have no interest in really allowing the conversation about my personal life to continue and so I have no desire to discuss it.”

- And then she demanded that Trump release his personal tax returns.

*****

Kim Kardashian and her husband Kanye West took their kids to the Cheesecake Factory in Dayton, Ohio TWO NIGHTS IN A ROW this week.

- Kanye said their meals were good, but that “Beyonce had one of the best pieces of Cheesecake of all time”.

*****

PageSix is reporting that Bill Clinton was spotted having lunch at a restaurant in the Hamptons Tuesday wearing a “red Hawaiian shirt with pink flamingos on it and neon pink sneakers.”

- Proving that even if you were the leader of the free world, when you get old, you start making embarrassing fashion choices.

*****

On this day in 1609 Henry Hudson discovered the Delaware Bay.

- What he discovered is that it had been there all along.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

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It’s National Rock, Paper, Scissors Day! Remember… Scissors Cut Paper, Rock smashes Scissors, Paper Covers Rock and Cobo Hall is now TCF Center. (I just couldn’t figure out how to work the name change into the blog).

*****

Yesterday, the internet went crazy over a pic of Melania Trump at the G7 Summit in Paris gazing up “romantically” at Canada’s Justin Trudeau.

- First Lady of Canada?? I hope she like’s Hockey!

*****

The Obama’s have reportedly put an almost $15 Million bid on a 7 bedroom house on Martha’s Vineyard.

- Now that’s “Hope and 14 Mil & Change You Can Believe In”.

*****

One new poll shows Joe Biden’s once sizable lead dwindling - and that he’s now in a three way statistical tie with Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren.

- Bernie said, “Now we each have an equal piece of the pie! Socialism at work!” And Elizabeth added, “Hey Joe… Put THAT in your Peace Pipe and smoke it!”

*****

Scientists at Edinburgh University are creating mutant sheep that can help humans fight against disease.

- Ironic! I was just counting mutant sheep last night to get to sleep.

*****

Researchers in Tel Aviv are developing an app that will let people bid on parking spots in crowded cities.

- So now you can easily land any parking spot you want in New York City… except, of course, for the one Alec Baldwin wants.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

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The author of a new study claims that mosquitos are the most dangerous threat to human life on the planet.

- So I guess this means White Men are off the hook.

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Former Spice Girl Mel “Scary Spice” B posted a video of herself naked, taking a shower with her Dog, leaving fans baffled.

- People didn’t know if it was a Boy or a Girl Dog until they saw that it was a Pointer.

*****

The widow of famed Hollywood Dancer Gene Kelly said it was “shocking and incomprehensible” that GMA’s Lara Spencer would make fun of William and Kate’s 7 year old son, Prince George of England, for taking Ballet Classes.

- Lara apologized and said she hopes the future King will grow up and star in a remake of “Singing in the Reign”.

*****

A Southwest Airlines gate agent in Orlando is being praised by passengers after she kept people happy during a long delay by playing games including “Worst Drivers License Photo”.

- But it wasn’t as much fun as the “Drinking Game” played by the Pilots.

*****

Prez Trump is calling “Fake News” on a report that he asked officials if a nuclear bomb could be dropped inside a hurricane to neutralize the storm.

- Admit it. You’ve wondered the same thing. I know I have.

*****

O.J. Simpson - who had added Colts QB Andrew Luck to his Fantasy Football team just 90 minutes before Luck’s retirement announcement - lamented his bad luck, tweeting, “What did I ever do??”

- Hmmm. That’s a tough one.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

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Jill Biden - Joe’s wife - says Americans may not like her husband, but since he’s their best bet to beat Prez Trump, they should “swallow hard and vote for him”.

- Well that slogan’s gonna look great on a hat.

*****

In a trailer for the new season of “Keeping Up With The Kardashians,” Kim Kardashian admitted that Paris Hilton inspired her career.

- Paris also inspired the “Burning Man” rock festival - which is actually a support group for all the guys who’ve Dated her.

*****

A new study claims that mothers who consume fluoride during pregnancy will have children with lower IQ’s.

- It’s especially bad if you use fluorinated toothpaste on your Wisdom Teeth.

*****

Six people ranging in age from 62 to 85 are facing sex charges. Police say the five men and an 85-year-old woman were involved in lewd and sexual activity in a public park.

- Witnesses thought they were making out… but it turns out they were just doing CPR on each other.

*****

Officials at AREA 51 are worried too many people will show up to the Government’s secret air force base on Sept. 20 where it’s believed UFO’s are kept.

- So all attendees will have to show proof of citizenship because the last thing they want is a bunch of Aliens showing up.

*****

A raccoon-like animal called a Kinkajou fought its way into a Florida home and attacked it’s unsuspecting owner.

- Zookeepers say Kinkajou’s are usually peaceful creatures… but it turns out he and the homeowner got into an argument about President Trump.

*****

Insiders say 85 year old Larry King’s marriage to his 59 year old wife Shawn ended in a “huge fight” over who does what.

- When they married 22 years ago, they agreed that he’d continue his TV career and she’d have kids and change diapers. She didn’t realize they’d be LARRY’S Diapers.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

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President Trump has vowed NOT to open a Vegas style hotel in Greenland if the U.S. purchases the island nation… but the Prime Minister of Denmark - which owns Greenland - says it’s not for sale.

- This is what’s known politically as the “NOT Green New Deal”.

*****

The Environmental Protection Agency is encouraging us to set our thermostats at 82 degrees before we go to bed at night to conserve energy.

- Here’s an idea… How about they go first??

*****

The hot rumor in showbiz is that Taylor Swift is on the verge of moving in with her British boyfriend.

- No word yet on whether they’ll break up before or after the moving truck shows up.

*****

Larry King has filed for divorce from his 7th wife Shawn after more than 20 years of marriage.

- Well, you know what they say… “8th Time’s the Charm”.

Insiders say Shawn was “blindsided” by the divorce.

- She’s 59 and he’s 85. She may have been blindsided, but Larry’s got the Cataracts. And HE’S the one who can’t drive at night.

*****

Tommy The Tortoise, the world’s oldest living pet, turned 121 at his home in Great Britain Tuesday.

- Tommy is actually a “She” but the owner didn’t know until she started laying eggs and went in for a Turtle Wax at the beginning of the bikini season.

*****

A Florida man was arrested for performing a “Botched Castration” surgery on a man he met on the Internet.

- He also performed a Vasectomy on the guy. Apparently it was a Package deal.

- Remember the good old days when the only thing you could lose on the Internet was your life savings to that guy who emailed you from Nigeria??

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see back here Thursday!

-Dick

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President Trump returned to the White House yesterday after a two-week Golfing vacation at his Club in New Jersey.

- After spending two weeks tweeting and golfing, it’ll be nice for the President to get back to Washington where he can do some tweeting and golfing.

*****

Elizabeth Warren began a speech to voters at a Native American Conference by apologizing for claiming she was Indian.

- Some said the apology was Corny. Others call it Maize.

*****

Bill Cosby’s wife Camille has called off Divorce proceedings against the Coz and the two are reportedly planning to renew their vows in the Prison Chapel.

- Lucky for Camille, if she get nervous for the Wedding night I’m betting Bill will have something to help her relax.

*****

Miley Cyrus was spotted “basically having sex” on the dance floor of an LA Club with her new girlfriend just a week after splitting from her husband.

- Nothing like an old fashioned fairy tale romance to light up my Tuesday.

*****

More than 150 CEO’s including Jeff Bezos announced that their businesses would shift away from making money for shareholders and focus on making the world a better place.

- If you want a full copy of their statement, you can get it on Amazon for just $29.99.

*****

Kim Kardashian was photographed going out to dinner with her husband Kanye West… wearing NO MAKE UP.

- Fans said they didn’t recognize her! And neither did Kanye.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

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