Plastic Surgeons say there’s “no doubt” that Joe Biden has had recent cosmetic procedures including Botox, hair transplants and dental veneers.

- So he’s now Officially a member of the “Two-Faced-Politician-Running-For-President” Club.

*****

A study by the AP found that Cow “Rear End Emissions” are contributing to Global Warming, BUT aren’t nearly as damaging as Cow Burps.

- This is Cow Shaming! The cows can’t do anything right no matter if they’re comin’ or goin’.

*****

Over the weekend, Hillary Clinton gave a “dramatic reading” of the Mueller report including the alleged Trump quote “Oh my God. This is terrible. This is the end of my Presidency. I'm f---ed.”

- Isn’t that the same thing she said when she woke up November 9, 2016?

*****

Arnold Schwarzenegger tweeted a pic of his son Joseph graduating from Pepperdine University over the weekend - the son he had with the maid while he was married to Maria Shriver.

- Joseph’s mother didn’t attend the ceremony… She had the weekend off.

*****

Chicago prosecutor Kim Foxx - who dismissed all 16 charges against Jussie Smolett has been subpoenaed to explain her handling of the case.

- Foxx said if charges are filed she’ll “Beat the Rap”. Jussie offered to hire a couple of guys he knows to do it for her.

*****

The new Superhero movie “The Avengers: Endgame” pulled in an unbelievable 1.2 BILLION dollars in it’s opening weekend.

- There hasn’t been an opening that big since Alec Baldwin went in for a root canal.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

It’s National Nose-Picking Day (Seriously!)

And to celebrate, I’ve “picked” this week to take a few days off! Thanks.

See you back here Monday!

-Dick

From the Purtan Family to you and yours… Happy Easter!

Have a safe and happy holiday!

-Dick

In a fractured world – where differences in opinion are cause for name-calling instead of respectful “agree to disagree” acceptance – there came a moment this Holy Week that caused us to stop – or at least pause – and brought us humans back to… well, humanity.

When news broke Monday afternoon that Notre Dame was burning – Notre Dame! The Cathedral - whose foundation stone was laid in the heart of Paris in the year 1163 by believers whose intent it was to build a Monument to God – it seemed like the world ceased turning and held it’s collective breath.

And it wasn’t just Catholics who were stunned and saddened as parts of the Iconic Church were collapsing to the ground… People of all faiths seemed crushed and heartbroken as the wooden roof and the majestic spire fell, broken in the blaze.

As the flames – from what now appears to have been a renovation related accident – tore through the centuries-old House of Worship – people in Paris and across the World cried.

And we did something else… We prayed.

Was it just the centuries of history we feared losing? Afterall, the grand structure had stood witness to over 850 years of it. War and Peace and Revolutions. Invading armies and liberations. Love and loss. The reverential wonder of millions who over the many years traveled from every corner of the globe to bear witness to it’s architectural majesty, spiritual significance and precious religious artifacts. The Gold Cross. The Rose Windows. The Wooden Crown.

But I think it was more than that that brought the lump in our throats and tears to our eyes.

I think the reaction to the devastating fire at Notre Dame tapped into something deeper. Much deeper. Something we feel in our hearts rather than just know in our minds.

No matter what our religious views – no matter how secular our 21st Century life has become, we all – deep down - share one thing in common.

An unwavering belief that there is something - someone - out there – infinitely Greater than ourselves.

And Notre Dame is a symbol of our innate human desire to reach up. To pay homage. To show our respect, our Gratitude and our awe. To show our Faith.

And in that gut-wrenching moment, something remarkable happened. We came to remember the solemn importance of having more Faith in each other as well.

-Dick

Climate Change Activist AOC has predicted how the hit show “Game of Thrones” will end.

- It involves a Medieval ex-bartender who takes over the Kingdom by magically making Cows stop passing gas.

*****

In what is being called the Greatest Comeback in Sports History… Tiger Woods surprised everyone when he came from behind to win the Masters.

- Meanwhile, caught up in the excitement of the day, Joe Biden surprised Tiger Woods when HE ALSO came from behind.

*****

A Michigan man is suing his parents because they destroyed his porn collection - which he says was worth $30,000.

- At least the Dad TOLD the Mom that he’d destroyed it.

- His mom said it was probably too late to destroy it… since by this point her son is probably TOTALLY Blind anyway.

*****

Cher tweeted that “Sanctuary City” LA can’t possibly take in any more illegal immigrants since “We can’t even take care of our own”.

- Trump says he can’t believe she said that with a straight face. Then again, with all the plastic surgery she’s had, Cher says EVERYTHING with a straight face.

*****

The latest Hollywood beauty trend is wearing “Comando” brand underwear that can cost over $100 a pair that makes you look like you’re not wearing underwear.

- Ladies… why don’t you just do what some guys do… Don’t WEAR Commando, GO Commando! You’ll look like your not wearing underwear FOR FREE!!!

*****

The Country is on pins and needles in anticipation of the Mueller Report which is set to be released Thursday.

- Wow. The Easter Bunny and the Mueller Report in the same week.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

It’s TAX DAY!

- The day when we’re all forced to buy into the saying “It’s Better to Give than to Receive”.

*****

Tiger Woods won his 5th Masters at Augusta Sunday taking home the legendary Green Jacket.

- There hasn’t been this much buzz about a “Green New Deal” since AOC declared that if we don’t fix Climate Change, the world will end in 12 years.

*****

Looking for that perfect Spring frock? A London retailer is offering a short dress made of what looks to be bubble wrap for the bargain price of $80.

- Or you could just order something cheap on Amazon and wear the packing material.

*****

A tired but happy dog has been safely returned to shore after it was found swimming in the water 135 miles off the coast of Thailand.

- Gee. I wonder what stroke the dog used to stay afloat???

- The dog is said to be “fine” and the man who threw the stick in the water and told him to “go fetch” has been signed as a QB in the NFL.

*****

A team of Israeli researchers has “printed” the world’s first 3-D human heart.

- And to think I can’t even figure out how to print my emails.

*****

More than one Billion people tuned in to last night’s first episode of the final season of “Game of Thrones”.

- Which was great for the show’s sponsors “Charmin” and “Ty-D-Bowl”.

*****

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt finally finalized their divorce over the weekend.

- They’ll share custody of their 300 kids.

*****

Have a great Tax Day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Scientists say they’ve found evidence of a previously UNKNOWN HUMAN SPECIES that lived about 50,000 years ago.

- They’re 4 feet tall, have small chins but otherwise look a lot like Michael Moore.

*****

Pam Anderson is upset because her “boyfriend” - Wikileaks founder Julian Assange - was arrested in London this morning for government computer hacking.

- Pam said she’s “running to his side”… but the way Pam runs, she won’t get there until a week from Monday.

*****

Over ONE BILLION viewers are expected to tune into the final season of “Game of Thrones” when it starts next week.

- This breaks the “Game of Thrones” record set the last time there was a food poisoning outbreak at Chipotle.

*****

Burger King New Zealand has removed a controversial campaign after it was criticized for being "racist" for an ad that shows customers trying - and failing - to eat the new Asian Chicken sandwich with chopsticks.

- If using chopsticks to eat an ASIAN sandwich is considered racist… stick a fork in all of us, we’re done!

*****

A D.C. journalist was locked out of his iPad for more than 25 million minutes – or nearly half a century – after his 3-year-old son tried to use it without the correct password.

- This is unbelievable! What kind of 3 year old DOESN’T KNOW HIS FATHER’S PASSWORD???

*****

A study by the American Society for Biochemistry found that dogs can sniff out cancer with 97% accuracy.

- They say so can cats - with less accuracy … but good luck gettin’ ‘em to tell you about it.

*****

Stormy Daniel’s ex-lawyer Michael Avenatti is facing 36 NEW CHARGES - that’s on top of the counts against him for allegedly trying to extort $20 Mil from Nike.

- Stormy announced that due to her “extensive legal experience” from her times in the courtroom, she’ll represent Avenatti as his attorney… but he has to pay her in singles.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Despite not being an official candidate, according to a new poll Joe Biden is still the top Democatic contender with 32% support.

- Meanwhile Joe says his plans to enter the race are still “Touch and Go”.

- Joe was so excited to hear the news he said, “I just wanna go out and hug someone!”

*****

The hot new fashion trend… Self-adhesive Bikinis made out of duct tape… has people wondering how bad it hurts to take it off.

- I think a more important question is: How do you pull your pants down when you’re running to the bathroom???

*****

Scientists have released the first-ever image of a black hole.

- It’s 6 trillion miles away and filled with every sock I ever lost.

*****

Bernie Sanders says that sales of a book he wrote that pushes for Socialism has made him a Millionaire… adding “If you write a best selling book YOU can be a Millionaire too”.

- And like all good Socialists, Bernie will be sharing the money with all of us. Yeah, right.

*****

Prosecutors are now saying that Lori Laughlin and her husband - who refuse to plead guilty - could face two years in prison for their crimes in the college bribery scandal.

- Wait until Lori sees how much cash she has to fork over to get someone to go to the Hooscow for her.

- She may have paid to get her kid into college, but it looks like she’s got the qualifications to get into Prison all on her own.

*****

Pollen levels in North Carolina are so high this week the skies over Durham actually turned yellow triggering allergy attacks.

- Oh sure some people think it’s funny when you sound all stuffed up, but it’s snot.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Alec Baldwin is toying with the idea of running for President and says that if he does throw his hat in the ring, "Beating Trump would be so easy. So easy. So easy."

- And if anyone knows about “beating” people, it’s Alec Baldwin.

*****

About 20 Million people watched as Virginia won the NCAA Championship last night topping Texas Tech - the team that beat MSU. Virginia was in the finals because of a blown call in their Final Four Game against Auburn

- It seems like the only people NOT watching the March Madness Games were the Refs.

*****

Anti-Trump CNN Anchor Don Lemon announced his engagement to his boyfriend Tim Malone.

- I wanna send him a gift… But what do get a guy who has everything except proof of Russian Collusion??

*****

A new study by the University of Louisville found that eating raw garlic could keep Alzheimer’s away.

- Unfortunately it will keep all of your friends away too.

*****

The Chinese Government has introduced a new smartphone app designed to teach young children about the benefits of Socialism.

- Here in the US kids don’t need an app… They can just follow Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez on Instagram.

*****

Researchers in Florida captured a 17 foot long, 140 pound female python making it the biggest female snake ever seen.

- It’s already been signed as a co-host on “The View”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Mick Jagger is said to be resting comfortably after surgery last Friday to replace a heart valve and has to “take it easy” for a month.

- They don’t want him to “Get no Satisfaction” for a month either.

- Mick’s doctors say his heart will be fine, but “No more burgers from Ruby Tuesdays”.

*****

El Chapo’s wife is starting a fashion line inspired by her husband who is serving 20 years in prison.

- The clothes will be available at Target… And the Prison Gift Shop.

*****

Meghan Markle has upset the Royal Family again by announcing she’ll use her own doctors when she gives birth instead of the Queen’s “Royal Gynocologist”.

- To be honest, when I think of Queen Elizabeth in stirrups… it’s when I see a picture of her on a horse.

*****

A survey by H&R Block found that the average person has just four hours of free time PER WEEK.

- I apologize for the two minutes of that you spent reading this post.

*****

A video has gone viral of a goat trying to board a school bus in Utah.

- Question: What’s so unusual about a Kid getting on a school bus??

*****

A North Carolina couple is celebrating their 82nd Wedding Anniversary this week… one of the longest on record.

- The husband is 103 and the wife is 100. Obviously he likes younger women.

- They have a bumper sticker that reads: “If this Van is a-rockin… CALL 911… Somebody’s Having a Seizure!!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

AOC posted a one-hour video on Instagram saying she works so many hours in Congress, she hasn’t had time to buy furniture for her apartment.

- But she had time to make a ONE HOUR VIDEO??? Hey Alexandria… PUT DOWN THE CAMERA AND GO BUY A COUCH.

*****

Charmin has introduced the “Forever Roll” a giant roll of TP that lasts a month and is as tall as the Washington Monument when unraveled.

- That’s something to sit down and take note of.

- Talk about a “Game of Thrones” Changer!!!.

*****

Clothing store “Forever 21” has launched an “officially licensed U.S. Postal Service apparel line” featuring clothes that look like Postal Uniforms.

- The clothes take six weeks to be delivered and usually end up in your neighbor’s mailbox.

*****

Facebook is in trouble again for requiring users to hand over their email PASSWORD in order to use the site.

- But the jokes on them… I don’t even KNOW my email password!

*****

Two more women have come forward to accuse Joe Biden of inappropriate touching.

- To avoid future problems, Joe says they’ll be no more hugging or touching… he’ll just send women a bottle of “Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific” instead.

*****

It’s National “Hug a Newsperson Day”!

- Joe Biden was like, “I’m not falling for THAT ONE!”

*****

A video has gone viral of the monkey-dog races at a Fair in Texas featuring monkeys riding on top of dogs.

- It’s just like a regular horse race, only with taller jockeys.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Former New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg says he could still run for President if Joe Biden drops out of the race.

- As of this writing Biden is still holding on… to an unidentified woman’s shoulders.

*****

McDonald’s in Australia has apologized for an April Fool’s prank where the company promoted a new burger made from dill chips called “The McPickle.”

- I thought “ McPickle” was Trump’s nickname for Anthony Weiner.

*****

Magician David Blaine is being investigated by the NYPD for making unwanted sexual advances against two women.

- Lucky for David, he can just saw the women in half and make ‘em disappear.

*****

The 70-something members of the group ABBA say they’ll release their new song in the FALL… their first since breaking up 37 years ago.

- I’m betting the song will be called “Gramma-Mia”.

- And Fernando can’t hear the drums because he refuses to wear his hearing aid.

*****

Toyota has unveiled a 6’ 10” basketball playing Artificial Intelligence robot that can shoot three pointers with startling accuracy.

- It’s so famous a robot Kardashian is already dating it.

*****

Poland is building the World’s largest swimming pool. It will be 147 feet deep and longer than 27 football fields.

- That’s not a POOL… It’s a COUNTRY!

- I don’t care how deep or long it is, kids are still going to drive their Polish parents crazy playing “Stash-O Polo”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Maxine Waters says she agrees with the decision to drop charges against Jussie Smollett because Jussie is “an extremely talented man WHO PEOPLE HAVE COME TO LOVE BECAUSE HE’S ON TV”.

- Yes ladies and gentlemen. That rationale from the woman in charge of the House FINANCE Committee.

*****

Protesters stripped down naked during a session at Britain’s House of Commons to bring awareness to Climate Change.

- They also brought awareness to the fact that the air conditioning system was on high.

*****

“The View,” co-hosts Whoopi Goldberg and Joy Behar defended Joe Biden against sexual complaints saying “he’s just an affectionate guy”.

- You know… the exact same thing they said about Justice Kavanaugh during his confirmation hearings!

*****

Meanwhile, Elizabeth Warren says SHE BELIEVES the politician who claims Joe Biden inappropriately touched her, and Warren is calling on Biden to resign.

- Talk about a Hatchet Job.

*****

A new study found that just THINKING about coffee can raise your awareness and attention.

- It’s true. All I did was THINK about having a cup of coffee after dinner last night and I couldn’t SLEEP worth a darn.

*****

NASA has announced the three finalists in their competition to design houses on Mars.

- Houses on Mars are great for people who have outgrown their current house and need more Space.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

In March Madness News… (No, not Jussie Smollett) MSU is headed to the Final Four after a 1-point win over Duke 68-67! They take on Texas Tech Saturday. Go Green!!!

*****

76-year-old Joe Biden apologized to a Nevada politician who claims he grabbed her shoulders from behind, sniffed her hair and kissed her on the head years ago.

- Joe says he’s an old-fashioned politician who believes in “shaking hands and kissing Babes”.

- He’s now the “hands on” favorite.

*****

The Rolling Stones have postpone their tour after Mick Jagger was diagnosed with an undisclosed illness - disappointing thousands of fans.

- But hey, You Can’t Always Get What You Want.

*****

Jeff Bezos - who originally claimed that President Trump was behind the story that outed his affair - now claims that Saudi Arabia hacked his phone.

- If he wants to know who really did it, why doesn’t he ask Alexa??

*****

Chris Rock made fun of Jussie Smollett at the NAACP Image Awards on Saturday night - which Smollett DIDN’T win.

- Talk about kicking a guy when he paid someone to push him down!

*****

Queen Elizabeth announced that she’s no longer going to drive in public following a crash by Prince Phillip last month.

- Prior to this, when people complained, she said “Hey… if you don’t like my driving, stay off the sidewalk”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Tim Burton’s remake of “Dumbo” hits theaters tonight - but early reviews aren’t good.

- And the problem with seeing a bad movie about an elephant is, you never forget it.

*****

Speaking of Dumbo… Jussie Smollett’s attorneys are now claiming that the men who attacked him (whom he paid) may have been wearing white paint on their faces… leading him to believe they were caucasian.

- Sounds to me like Jussie’s trying to get an endorsement deal with a paint company.

- C’mon Jussie. Even OJ thinks you’re guilty!

*****

MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow contines to insist that the President colluded with Russia despite the findings of the Mueller Report.

- Rachaels big hobby is fishing. (True) So it’s obvious she’s fishin’ around for evidence of collusion and won’t let this one go.

*****

McDonald’s is now selling “Vegan Chicken McNuggets” that contain Zero percent chicken.

- And this makes the Vegan type different from the Regular McDonald’s Chicken McNuggets HOW???

*****

Former Bond Girl Denise Richards says she’s invited ex-husband Charlie Sheen to her wedding and even if he brings a prostitute as his date, he’s “still welcome”.

- Charlie says he’s really moved by the kind offer and will be there “by Hooker by crook”.

*****

The first international trailer has been released for “Toy Story 4” in Asia.

- That’s the Buzz anyway.

- Now if the Chinese Government will just let the Kindergartner's punch out of the factory early they’ll be able to see the movie.

*****

Twitter almost melted down after an Irish couple put up a post saying that they “switch sides of the bed” on a regular basis.

- The man is calling for “calm”… no matter which side You’re on.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

All 16 charges against Jussie Smollett have been dropped in exchange for TEN GRAND and 18 HOURS OF COMMUNITY SERVICE… even though the Mayor, Police and Prosecutors say “He lied”.

- In Chicago this is known as “Juss-tice”… otherwise known as “Bizarro World”.

*****

The Pentagon has authorized $1 Billion for President Trump’s Border Wall.

- Add that to what Mexico has agreed to pay and it totals… 1 Billion dollars!

*****

A bad day for AOC yesterday as the Senate UNANIMOUSLY voted down her “Green New Deal” 57-0 including some Democrats.

- Her opponents let out a collective sigh of relief… and Cows across America collectively passed gas.

*****

Reynolds Wrap has unveiled a “Hunger Harness” to be worn during March Madness. It turns the wearer into a “Human Table” by strapping it to your chest to hold beer, pizza and wings.

- Sounds great… but won't it smear my “Go Blue! Go Green!” Chest Paint???

*****

Want to make a fast 20 grand? NASA is hiring people to lie in bed for two months and watch TV to help them understand how space travel will affect astronauts.

- They originally offered the job to Millennials but they said they were too tired to get off their parents couches to go to work and lay down.

*****

Madonna says she’s launching a full fledged comeback tour at the age of 60.

- And her song “Like a Virgin” is just as true now as it was when she first released it in 1984!!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

NASA had to cancel the first-ever “All Female Spacewalk” after discovering they didn’t have enough correctly-sized spacesuits.

- This isn’t the first time a woman has changed her plans because she can’t find anything to wear.

*****

Michael Avenatti, who represented Stormy Daniels against Prez Trump, has been charged with trying to “shake down” Nike for $20 Mil… punishable by 50 years in jail.

- Just months ago he was talking about running for President. Now he can be President of Cell Block C.

*****

Celebs including Alec Baldwin and Cher are in full meltdown mode after Mueller’s “No Collusion Conclusion” - with Baldwin saying “Trump is the Devil”.

- It’s clear those court-ordered Anger Management classes are paying off for Alec.

- Cher was going to “turn the other cheek” but she can’t move her face.

*****

The Department of Homeland Security announced that a Caravan of 1,200 migrants has left Central America for the U.S. Border.

- But it turns out it was just another group of people running for the Democrat Presidential Nomination.

*****

A group of scientists has developed a GOOGLE BRAIN IMPLANT that can dramatically increase anyone’s IQ.

- Lorrie Laughlin was like, “Now you tell me”.

*****

Twenty seven states have now made it Legal for drivers to eat roadkill that they hit with their car.

- Well that gives me some new options for lunch today.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

The Mueller Report found that there was NO COLLUSION between President Trump and the Russians.

- Democrats say they're satisfied and will accept the findings of the report. NOT.

*****

Former FBI director James Comey reacted by posting a pic of himself in the forest staring up at the trees with the caption “So many questions”.

- Huh? Call me crazy but aren’t THEY the ones who started the whole investigation with NO PROOF??? Welcome to The $25 Million Tax-Payer-Paid-For Boondoggle.

*****

The Director of the Elton John biopic, Rocketman, says the movie WILL feature a nude scene.

- And just like that I can’t listen to “Tiny Dancer” or “Little Jeannie” with a straight face.

*****

Hip-Hopper Dr. Dre took a shot at celebrities who paid to get their kids into college by Tweeting. "My daughter got accepted into USC all on her own!" He failed to mention that six years ago he gave USC $70 Million.

- Hey… at least he got his kid in the old-fashioned way… By funding a building with his name on it.

*****

Farewell, Peter Cottontail — Cadbury Eggs is replacing their bunny with an English Bulldog as the new face of Easter.

- Seriously? The Easter Puppy??

- It’s about time somebody did something about “White Rabbit Privilege”!

*****

Students at Michigan and Michigan State partied big time after both schools made it to the “Sweet Sixteen” over the weekend.

- In a related story… R. Kelly attended a “Sweet Sixteen Party”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

At 94 years, 172 days Jimmy Carter has just surpassed George H.W. Bush as the oldest living former U.S. President.

- Uh oh. Every time somebody earns the title “The Oldest” ANYTHING… things tend to go downhill pretty fast.

*****

Former “The View” co-host Jenny McCarthy says that her former boss Barbara Walters was “horrible” to her and that working with Whoopie Goldberg was almost as bad.

- I’m shocked. It seems like such a fun, easy-going place to work.

*****

Democratic presidential contender Andrew Yang came out with an important policy statement: He’s against Circumcision.

- He says he’s got plenty of other things on his agenda and that circumcision is “Just the tip of the iceberg”.

*****

An American figure skater has been accused of intentionally skating into a 16-year-old Korean rival during a warm-up session before the World Figure Skating Championship.

- Here we go again. Why Us??? Why Now???

*****

A man in Colombia is in mourning for his girlfriend who fainted and died after having sex with him for 5 hours.

- To add insult to injury, the man says he’s too exhausted to attend her funeral.

*****

Actress Rosario Dawson and presidential hopeful Cory Booker are officially a couple.

- If he wins, Booker will be the first guy in the White House with a girlfriend… If you don’t count JFK and Bill Clinton.

*****

According to medical experts, March is the most popular month of the year for vasectomies because men plan it so they can stay home and watch the games during “March Madness”.

- Basketball or politics, take your pick.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

Go Green! Go Blue!

-Dick

First Day of Spring! The day I pull out my trademark Black Socks & Sandals! Not everyone can pull this off. It’s a gift.

*****

It maybe Spring… but Kwame’s not getting Sprung! The judge has refused to vacate his sentence.

- On a bright note, Kwame’s dance card for the Prison’s “Spring Formal” is almost full.

*****

Bill Gates has joined Jeff Bezos with membership in the $100 Billion Dollar Club.

- Congratulations boys… the drinks are on me!

*****

Jeff Bezo’s girlfriend’s brother now admits that he was the one who made a deal with the National Enquirer about his sister’s affair with Bezos… and got paid $200,000.

- Let me get this straight. His sister is about to be worth BILLIONS and he sold her out for 200 Grand??? Apparently he’s not the brains in the family!

*****

Miley Cyrus posted a naked pic of herself on Instagram to celebrate the fact that she’ll be performing at the 50 Anniversary Woodstock.

- Tomorrow she’ll post another naked picture of herself to celebrate the fact that it’s Thursday.

*****

Beto O’Rourke told the Washington Post that after he lost the Texas Senate seat to Ted Cruz he chowed down on “Dirt from New Mexico that’s said to have regenerative powers”.

- If he doesn’t win the Presidency, Beto’s a shoe-in to win “Survivor”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick