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Happy Columbus Day!

There. I said it. :)

Taking the day off… Back tomorrow!

-Dick

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Elizabeth Warren is under fire for claiming that she was fired from a teaching job in 1971 because she was pregnant. A reporter obtained documents that show she was actually given a raise and then she resigned a year later.

- Me thinks she speaks with Forked tongue.

*****

Some on Social Media are lashing out at Ellen DeGeneres for asking people to “Be Kind to One Another” after she was called out for sitting next to George W. Bush at a Dallas Cowboy’s game.

- I didn’t realize that “Be Kind to One Another” had been added to the “Insensitive Things You Can’t Say” List.

*****

73 year old Dolly Parton says she’s launching a new “Lifestyle Empire” that will sell clothing, home goods and wigs based on her own home and wardrobe.

- This is great for women who want a bra that doubles as a couple of laundry hampers.

*****

Miley Cyrus is in the hospital recovering from Tonsillitis capping off a year that saw her get married, cheat on her husband, file for separation, start dating a girl, dump the girlfriend, then begin dating a guy.

- And all she got was Tonsillitis??

*****

An elderly Florida man will serve a month in jail for battery after he squirted a female neighbor in the face with a water pistol filled with urine.

- Why didn’t he just use a Pee Shooter?

*****

A new documentary series about men who have married sex dolls premieres next week on STARZ.

- In the first episode, in addition to going to marriage therapy, each man has to take his wife to Tech Support.

*****

According to a new study, 1 in 4 American adults say they’ve NEVER eaten a vegetable.

- The other 3 say they love vegetables… like ONION Rings and CORN Dogs.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

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Jimmy Carter has two simple pieces of advice for Donald Trump as he faces the threat of impeachment: tell the truth -- and tweet less.

- How long before Trump tweets: “Odds are… I don’t need advice from Jimmy the GEEK!!!”

*****

Alec Baldwin fell for an infamous NYC scam - paying $40 per ticket for his family to go on what it turns out is a FREE boat ride to the Statue of Liberty.

- And then Alec got in a fistfight with Lady Liberty over a parking space for the boat.

*****

Y-day, after Trump egged Hillary on to run again, she said “Don’t tempt me”.

- Which is exactly what Bill said to Monica. Except for the “Don’t” part.

*****

72% of those 65+ say that most wealthy people in America “earned their wealth” without exploiting people… but 52% of those under 30 say that “most” rich people in the United States got rich “by taking advantage of people.”

- Apparently living rent free on the couch in your parents basement doesn’t count as “taking advantage of people”.

*****

The Wells Fargo Center in Philadelphia now features a “Rage Room” where those attending sporting events can use a sledgehammer to destroy TVs, Dishes, etc… to let out their frustrations before heading home from a game.

- They were going to build a Rage Room for Lion’s fans at Ford Field but they couldn’t find enough Sledgehammers.

*****

A North Carolina female Assistant Principal has been arrested for having sex with a male student six times. Her bail was set at $6000.

- Which will be paid by the Other male students who set up a GoFundMe page.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

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President Trump tweeted that “Crooked Hillary should enter the 2020 Presidential Race” so she can unseat the “Uber Liberal” Elizabeth Warren.

- Two words: Chick Fight!!!

*****

According to a new study… Farmers have more sex than members of any other profession, with 33% of them saying they “do the deed” at least once a day.

- Well High Ho the Derry-Oh… Looks like the farmers aren’t spending as much time in the Dell as we thought they were.

*****

An Artificial Intelligence expert claims that Voice Technology will soon allow us to control everything with just our voice - and that phones will disappear in ten years.

- I’m ahead of the game. I use both. As in this morning when I said, “Where the hell did I put my $@#!^*% Flip Phone???”.

*****

Astronauts have successfully grown Meat in a lab on the International Space Station 248 miles above earth.

- How do you GROW Meat??? I guess we finally know where the new “Impossible Burger” comes from.

*****

A Texas man is in jail after he robbed a bank last Friday to pay for his wedding on Saturday.

- The bride-to-be cancelled the wedding… but he still ended up with the Old Ball and Chain.

*****

RIP… Rip Taylor. The confetti throwing comedian has died at the age of 84. One time my late wife Gail and I were at the Tonight Show and Rip Taylor was one of Carson’s guests. Rip held up a large painting - the kind you’d hang on a wall - of a large Screw. And he said, “Ladies and Gentlemen… The Framing of the Screw!” One person laughed in the audience. And that laugh came from my wife Gail. Rip looked up and said “Thank you Lady!”

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

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On this day in 1806 Ralph Wedgwood patented Carbon paper.

- Boy I didn’t CC that one coming.

*****

FACT: On this day in 1986 now GM Steve Yzerman was named Captain of the Red Wings, a title he would hold for over 1,300 games.

*****

79-year-old Sir Patrick Stewart announced that he’ll be starring in a new “Star Trek” Spinoff.

- In the new series, the “Enterprise” is a rental car he picks up at an airport in Miami.

*****

Bernie Sanders vows he’s headed back to the campaign trail after suffering a heart attack last week.

- Beto O’Rourke immediately blamed Sander’s heart attack on “White Privilege” and demanded that all Illegal Immigrants be given the same chance to have Heart Attacks that US Citizens enjoy.

*****

Lori Loughlan hasn’t gone to trial yet, but friends say she’s already shopping a prison tell-all book in the hopes of making millions from her possible jail sentence.

- Let’s hope she WRITES better than her daughter ROWED.

*****

Insiders say Democrats are again urging Michelle Obama to jump in the race for the White House but she says she’s not interested.

- “Over my dead body!” - - - said Hillary.

*****

43 percent of Americans surveyed say it’s okay to start decorating for the Holidays on November 1st.

- The other 57% never take the lights down.

*****

On this day in 1492… Christopher Columbus missed “discovering” Florida when he changed course.

- Making him the first person in history to curse Google Maps.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

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Police are still trying to identify the two men who hacked the electronic billboard on I-75 at M-59 last weekend and showed a 20 minute porn film to motorists.

- There will be an 8:40 & 10:50pm showing of the film tonight on the billboard. It’s BYOP… Bring Your Own Popcorn. As always, police ask that motorists keep both hands on the wheel.

*****

White Castle is now selling its own beer.

- Instead of being brewed, the beer cans are poked with holes, covered with onions, and then steamed.

*****

The State Department is ramping up its probe into Hillary Clinton’s 33,000 deleted emails.

- But Hillary said, “There’s nothing there”. Well, yeah… because she DELETED ‘em.

*****

Archaeologists have unearthed a giant penis statue in Sweden that was used by a cult.

- A huge crowd turned out to see it… but I think we all know the size of the crowd doesn’t matter.

*****

It’s National Virus Appreciation Day!

- So if you see Madonna… Give her a Hug.

*****

Mickey Mouse plays a big part on this day in history.

The “Mickey Mouse Club” debuted on TV on this day in 1955… And on this day in 1995, O.J. Simpson was found “Not Guilty” - after an eleven-month long Mickey Mouse Trial.

*****

Saw the Steve Martin/Martin Short show at the Windsor Casino last weekend. Brilliantly funny! If they come back to town and you get a chance to see them… DO!!!

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

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Yesterday, during China’s 70th Anniversary as a Communist country, they unveiled a nuclear missile that they claim can strike the United States in thirty minutes.

- It’s an improvement on their old “Amazon Prime” missile which arrived in two days.

*****

Two former producers of the Jerry Springer Show claim that it was “all fake” and that their real job “was to get pretty girls, strippers and porn stars for Jerry to sleep with”.

- Upon hearing the news Jerry threw a fit. And a couple of chairs.

*****

88 year old Regis Philbin is trying to convince 72 year old soap star Susan Lucci to join him for a new nationwide singing tour.

- The two were seen talking on the set of her new show, “All My Grandchildren”.

*****

A Florida Church bought a local strip club because they needed more space for their growing congregation.

- In keeping with the buildings tradition they’ll have sermons every hour and 50 cent wine after 10pm.

*****

Prince Harry closed his African tour by calling on the world to end “greed, apathy, and selfishness” so we can fight climate change.

- Hey Harry… How about you go first?

*****

A pic has surfaced of Joe Biden, his son Hunter and one of Hunter’s co-workers from the Ukrainian company golfing together in 2014 - although Joe says he and his son NEVER discussed his Billion Dollar deals with Ukraine and China.

- And we all know men NEVER LIE about what happens on the Golf Course.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

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Nancy Pelosi told reporters that she was “Prayerful” and “Heartbroken” to move forward with the impeachment inquiry into President Trump.

- I hope Nancy’s wearing flame retardant underwear… cuz I think her pants are on fire.

*****

Pregnant women in Minnesota are flocking to a local restaurant for a taste of “The Labor Burger” which features an angus beef patty, bacon, peach caramelized onions, and spicy mustard - which they say sends women into labor.

- And the new Taco Bell Toasted Cheddar Black Bean Chalupa will send you into the Bathroom.

*****

According to a study published in “Current Biology”, too much exercise leads people to make bad decisions.

- In a related story, a new book claims John Lennon ran a marathon right before proposing to Yoko.

*****

Oprah told her viewers that she wants Disney CEO Bob Iger to run for president.

- Why not? We’ve already got two of the Seven Dwarves running: “Sleepy” Joe Biden and “Tweety” Donald Trump.

*****

A survey by the Wall Street Journal found that a growing number of Americans are getting stoned before they go to the gym.

- They’re easy to spot… They’re the ones eating a bag of Doritos on the Treadmill.

*****

A 20 year old woman - who became a vegan two years ago - claimed a Bakery served her a sandwich containing sausage which she says “poisoned her body” and left her “traumatized for life”.

- You want to be traumatized for life??? Try taking a bite of my Uncle Mark’s famous “Pickled Pigs Feet Meatballs”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

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It’s going to get to around 80 degrees today… and 87 tomorrow.

- I don’t know about you but I always love it when we have a little Indian… uhhhhh… I mean “Indigenous People Summer”!

- And speaking of Native Americans… Elizabeth Warren made a campaign stop in Madison Heights Sunday.

*****

PageSix is reporting that Dolly Parton has signed a major book deal.

- It’s a pop up book. Well, two of them actually.

*****

Drivers on I-75 in Auburn Hills got an eyeful Saturday night when an “Adult Film” started playing on one of the electronic billboards.

- For some reason driver’s speeds dropped from 90 to 15.

*****

The Russian Space Program has discovered a drill hole in the International Space Station that was “made by a human”.

- Since there are both Russians and Americans on board… I think we’ve finally uncovered the long-missing COLLUSION!!!

*****

Eddie Murphy told the New York Times that he cringes at his old stand-up material because of how insensitive it was.

- Remember the good old days when comedians didn’t have to be sensitive… They just had to be FUNNY??

*****

The World Health Organization says that this years flu shot may be PROTECTING AGAINST THE WRONG KIND OF FLU.

- Well that’s certainly the feel good story of the day.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

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With the latest investigative goings on in Washington, D.C., “Whistleblower” seems to be the word of the day… I offer this. (That’s me last weekend at Jackie’s son Charlie’s 18th Birthday Party!)

*****

The man who created the “Labradoodle” 30 years ago this week says the dog is his “biggest regret” and that he created a “Monster”.

- Still, it was better than the dog he Almost created: The Bull Shih Tzu.

*****

Elizabeth Warren has passed Joe Biden for the first time ever in a National Poll.

- She was so happy she broke into a dance and amazingly it started to rain.

*****

The University of Texas conducted a study of MUMMIES and found that high cholesterol was not only a problem for us, but was also a problem for Ancient Egyptians.

- Bottom line: Cleopatra wasn’t killed by an Asp. It was a Cheeseburger.

*****

A Walrus who was defending her Cubs actually sank a Russian military ship in the Arctic Ocean.

- As the ship went down, the Mom yelled, “I am the egg man, They are the egg men, I am the Walrus, Goo goo g'joob!”

*****

Baby Archie made his first public appearance with Prince Harry and Meghan Markle on their visit to South Africa yesterday.

- Archie flew Coach.

*****

Florida police arrested a 6 year old girl who threw a violent tantrum and beat up her fellow playmates at a Daycare.

- She faces 5 to 10… minutes in a Timeout.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

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The printing press first appeared in America for the first time on this day in 1639.

- The first headline read: “Pelosia - Queen of the Dems Seeketh to Banish Donald of Trumpelvania to Stockade For Treasonous Use of Carrier Pigeons for Secret Correspondence with Ukrainian Monarch”.

*****

Alexandria Ocasio Cortez says Trump must be impeached in order to “Save our Democracy”.

- From who?? Her??

*****

Adidas has launched a new fragrance collection called “Culture of Sport” designed to “increase your desire and ability to exercise”.

-My Dad had a “Culture of LACK of Sport” fragrance… It was called “Old Spice”. He wore it every day, didn’t work out once, and lived to be 96.

*****

This past weekend Willie Nelson’s 34th Annual Farm Aid concert raised over $2 Million.

- Or as Willie put it… “Enough to buy 600 Pounds of Weed”.

*****

Kanye West has been attracting over five thousand people to his Sunday Church Service in Wyoming.

- People say the service is great and they just love their free “What Would Kanye Do?” bracelets.

*****

As he completes his first year in Prison, a judge ruled that Bill Cosby IS on the hook for $2.75 Million in unpaid attorney fees.

- Cosby said he lays awake at night worrying about it. If only he had a pill or something to help him sleep.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here tomorrow!

-Dick

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There’s a new video to the tune of the the Village People’s “YMCA” featuring Trump (Cop), Biden (Construction Worker), Booker (Cowboy), Sanders (Biker), and Warren (Indian Chief).

- Between those five there’s not a “Young Man” among them.

*****

Hillary Clinton is reportedly hitting the road with a tour to promote her new book that celebrates “Gutsy Women”.

- You know… like Paula Jones and Gennifer Flowers.

*****

The Thomas Cook travel company has gone out of business leaving tens of thousands of vacationers stranded.

- Luckily, the people on vacation in Mexico can just walk to America - and they don’t even need a passport.

*****

An American man drowned while attempting to propose to his girlfriend Underwater.

- He should have gotten something old, something new, something borrowed and something full of oxygen.

*****

Health officials in Britain say overweight people shouldn’t be called “Obese” but described as “Living with Obesity” instead.

- Next they’ll want “French Fries” to be called “Potatoes of Parisian Descent”.

*****

Facebook reportedly paid $1 BILLION dollars for a company that’s developing a wrist-strap that controls your smartphone by reading your MIND - and eliminates the need for people to push buttons on their phone.

- Give me a BILLION dollars and I’ll push the buttons on your phone for you.

*****

Today is National Spelling Punctuation Day!

Hav’e a… graa;t!. de-y & Il’l, c, “you” bac_ h’ere W:e,d-n’es;dae??.

-Dck

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Fall officially arrived this morning at 3:50.

- On the bright side… there are only 178 more days until SPRING!!!

*****

Elizabeth Warren is now leading all Democrats in the state of Iowa.

- Which reminds me… What’s up with this Indian Summer??

*****

Some are criticizing VP Pence for using an 8 car motorcade during a conference on vehicle-free Mackinac Island over the weekend.

- One resident said, “This stinks!” But it turns out he wasn’t talking about the cars… he was talking about the horse poop.

*****

An NPR study found that overweight cats are having a harder time slimming down than ever before.

- Are they not aware of the Catkins Diet?

*****

A new survey found that the average woman enjoys just twenty-five minutes Outside per day.

- She’s actually Outside for three hours… but she doesn’t enjoy the 2 hours 35 minutes she spends watching her 7 year old’s soccer game.

*****

Kim Kardashian and her sister Kylie Jenner were laughed at by the Emmy audience last night after claiming their show, "Keeping Up With The Kardashians," was "real" and "unscripted."

- Kylie was upset, but Kim… not so much. She’s used to being the butt of jokes.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

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A British gambling site reports that it’s gotten more bets for HILLARY to win the 2020 Prez Election than any of the Democrats running.

- Must be payback for us winning the Revolutionary War.

*****

A study found that Orlando is the most dangerous place to walk… with more than 5000 pedestrians being hit by cars last year.

- Most of them were hit by the 8th Dwarf. Let’s see… there’s Doc, Grumpy, Happy, Sleepy, Bashful, Sneezy, Dopey - and, oh yeah…“TEXTY”.

*****

New research out of Canada found that people who snore sleep just as soundly as people who don’t.

- Notice they failed to mention the person sleeping NEXT TO the person who snores.

*****

The country of Turkey’s Supreme Court of Appeals has ruled that employees who gossip at work can be fired without severance pay.

- It’s a good thing for Joy Behar that “The View” is just Hosted BY Turkeys, not BROADCAST from there.

*****

A Royal insider says that Queen Elizabeth - who is worth $530 million - is so frugal she wears 40 year old gloves, reuses wrapping paper & bows, and has guests at Buckingham Palace sleep on old sheets.

- Apparently the only thing the Queen would happily throw out is Meghan Markle.

*****

Kanye West beat out Jay-Z to become hip-hop’s richest star with a net worth of $150 Mil compared to Jay-Z’s paltry $81 Mil.

- Kanye’s married to Kim Kardashian and Jay-Z is married to Beyonce… so Kanye also took home the “Wife With the Most Junk in Her Trunk” award.

*****

Speaking of Trunks… A doctor from Pittsburgh is claiming that recently hired New England Patriot Antonio Brown not only owes him for past due bills, but repeatedly “broke wind” on purpose while the doc was giving him an exam.

- This explains why Brown is a Wide Receiver and not a Tight End.

*****

Scientists say that because the ancient human pelvis was wider 2 Million years ago, giving birth back then was “Relatively Easy”.

- NOTE: The Scientists who mentioned the “Relatively Easy” part were all Men.

*****

I was told by several people that Howard Stern mentioned me again (in a good way!) on his network show a couple of days ago. Thanks as always Howard for the kind words!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

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Many thanks for the “Likes”, “Loves” and comments about the “Last Radio Reunion”! And for all of you who asked which jocks were in the pic, I’ve added the info!

*****

After decades of denials, the U.S. Navy confirmed that 3 leaked videos DO show "unidentified aerial phenomena” - or what used to be called “UFOs”… calling them “Real” but “Unexplainable”.

- “Duh” said the Loch Ness Monster and his friend Big Foot.

*****

On this day in 1851, The New York Times went on sale for two cents a copy.

- The headline that day “Millard Fillmore Elected to White House after Collusion with Russian Emperor Nicholas”.

*****

A progressive political group that backed Bernie Sanders in 2016 is backing Elizabeth Warren this time around.

- Bernie said, “How could this happen??” and Elizabeth just said “How”.

*****

The final installment in the “Rambo” series hits theaters on tomorrow.

- At 73, Sylvester Stallone has gone from “First Blood” to “Needs Blood”.

*****

Support groups are popping up across the country to help people deal with the “anxiety” brought on by Climate Change… and how to work through it with breathing exercises, yoga, meditation, and stretching.

- Back in Buffalo, when the Climate Changed, we put on a coat & hat, went outside and built a snowman.

*****

Prayers for Jeopardy host Alec Trebek who announced yesterday he is back in Chemotherapy for his Pancreatic Cancer - which he thought was in remission - took a turn for the worse.

R.I.P… Cokie Roberts who died yesterday at the age of 75 from complications of the breast cancer she fought for many years.

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

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More than 600 people attended the “Last Radio Reunion” over this past weekend. Radio guys from across the country flew in, along with special honored guest, Robin Seymour. (Former KEENER jock and host of the teen TV dance show “Swingin’ Time”)

93 year old Robin and his daughter, Debbie flew all the way from San Antonio to take part in the festivities! Sirius XM’s “Sixties on Six” jocks Phlash Phelps, Pat St. John and Shotgun Tom Kelly were on hand as well, along with local jocks who worked on KEENER 13, CKLW, WXYZ and other stations during their heydays. Bob Green, Jerry Goodwin, Paul Cannon, Doug Podell, Johnny Williams, Erik Smith, Denny McLain, Super Max Kinkel, Kevin O’Neil, Charlie O’Brien, producers Lee Alan, Art Vuolo & Mike Seltzer, emcee Joey Reynolds, Yours Truly… the list goes on and on! Even“Bozo the Clown” Art Cervi… was there!

We told stories and had a great time… and best of all, there were no Program Directors there to tell us to talk less and play more music!!!!!

Thanks to all the “fans” who came out to say hi!

-Dick

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A survey by the University of Pennsylvania found that 1 in 5 Americans can’t name a single branch of the Government.

- That’s easy! There’s the Executive… Legislative… and Twitter.

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Just days after a 74 year old Indian woman gave birth to twins, she and her 78 year old husband, are both in intensive care - her for exhaustion and him for having a heart attack.

- He had the heart attack when he found out the kids were his.

- The same thing happened the night the twins were conceived.

*****

A new video from the BBC’s “Children’s Teach” series tells kids that there are over one hundred genders they can choose from.

- Remember the good old days when the biggest things little kids had to pick between was a Bologna or PB&J sandwich?

*****

Joe Biden is still being mocked for telling parents that they should help their kids learn more words “by leaving their RECORD PLAYERS” on.

- Proving once again that Joe’s close to 78 - not 45 or 33 1/3.

- He also advised kids not to spend too much time on their Rotary and Princess phones.

*****

Dennis Rodman says that his days as an International Peace Ambassador between Trump and Kim Jong Un are “behind him”.

- Who’s Lil Kim gonna get his Nuclear Advice from now???

*****

The stripper-drama “Hustlers” was tops at the Box Office this weekend, taking in $33 Million in its debut.

- All in singles.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

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President Trump has proposed a measure that would allow the government to track mentally ill people through their cell phones.

- He got the idea by scrolling through some of his old Tweets.

*****

Google is developing a baby monitor that would alert parents when their infant is about to wake up.

- This is great for people who want to get five minutes LESS SLEEP than they would have, if they’d just waited for the baby to start crying.

*****

Kim Kardashian’s new “SKIMS” line of shape wear, bras and panties made over $2 MILLION in sales in the FIRST MINUTE they went on sale this week.

- Now Kim’s fans own something she doesn’t: Underwear.

*****

A Colorado school teacher gave birth outside the school with the principal and the dean helping out.

- She got an “A” for effort. And for showing her work.

*****

Models at New York’s Fashion Week walked the runway with some new accessories this year… Fake Beards made out out crystals and breast-feeding pumps.

- And to think my Mother thought Open Toes High Heels were downright “scandalous”.

*****

Michigan has given the green light to a new credit union that will specifically cater to the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender community.

- In my day, we had one bank and it gave a toaster to everyone regardless of who they slept with.

*****

Happy Days actor Anson “Potsie” Williams has filed for divorce from wife Jackie Williams after more than 30 years of marriage.

- But to make this a Happy Day… the good news is, Joanie still loves Chachi.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

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There are words that have come to mean a lot to me this past year: “The days go by slowly… the years, fast”.

It’s hard to believe that 18 years have passed since the morning of September 11, 2001. They have gone by so quickly. But the minutes and hours that came after the moment we learned of the horrific attacks - and the desperate days that followed - crept by. Eyes locked on our TVs, ears glued to our radios - everything seemed to be moving in a surreal kind of slo-motion.

The images were incomprehensible - the emotions, ever-changing. Shock… Confusion… Horror… Fear… Sadness… Anger… as we collectively held our breath. But little by little other feelings came through, too, as we witnessed Heroic Bravery… Hope… Compassion… A sense of Pride in being part of something bigger then ourselves. Pride in being American.

We came together on that day. We put aside our differences and put our country - and our countrymen -first. We cried as we hoisted our flags. Said prayers as we hugged our loved ones. And we vowed we would never forget.

Eighteen years later, as we once again hear the reading of the names of the innocent lives lost that day - and recognize the brave men and women - from doomed passengers on a plane in Pennsylvania to first and second and third responders - who literally ran into the Towers - risking their lives - We pause. We think. We give Give Thanks. We remember.

It’s astounding, really.

One of the Worst events ever to occur on US soil - brought out the Absolute Best in us all.

We were kind to each other. We were determined. We were certain - like the Towers - we would rise again!

And in a turbulent time, when the years seem to go by ever faster, it’s important to slow down and rekindle those feelings in ourselves - and each other. God knows we need that today.

We owe at least that much as we Remember the more than 3000 plus innocent people who lost their lives on that endless morning - as well as in the aftermath of the tragedy.

As the days go by slowly, and the years fast…

God Bless Us All & God Bless America.

-Dick

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Prez Trump told a rally crowd that his hair “May not be great, but… it's better than most of my friends' who are the same age”.

- Elizabeth Warren said she doesn’t care what his hair looks like… she just wants to scalp him.

*****

Apple will unveil three new iPhone models this afternoon.

- In other big tech news, this morning I put a new piece of tape on the back of my FLIP PHONE to hold the battery in.

*****

According to the latest polls, Joe Biden is hanging on to a small lead over his Democrat competitors.

- It’s nice to see Joe hanging onto something other than women.

*****

A woman in Oregon has opened a new catering service called “Meals for Heels” that delivers late-night meals to strippers and dominatrixes.

- It’s perfect for S&M ladies who don’t have time to whip something up of their own.

******

A study at the University of Sussex in England found that people feel “thinner and lighter” when they smell lemons - and feel “thicker and heavier” when they smell vanilla.

- Thus the expression, “When life hands you lemons… Squeeze ‘em on your Vanilla Wafers and you’ll feel like a Supermodel”.

*****

Sarah Palin’s husband of 31 years has filed for divorce citing “Incompatibility of Temperament”.

- Sarah said she’s saddened but added, “On the bright side… I can see the courthouse from my front porch!”

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

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