Weather We Like It Or Not!

Near record low temperatures...snow squalls...and wind chills dipping below zero on this Tuesday NOVEMBER 18th!

- As Jackie's son Charlie said on the way to school this morning..."Apparently Mother Nature is in a REALLY bad mood!"

- It's so cold out that Kim Kardashian posted a picture of herself on Instagram...wearing a pair of XXXL shorts that cover her butt. 

*****

80 year old Charles Manson has gotten a marriage license and plans to marry a 26 year old woman next month, who regularly visits him in prison. The prison has assigned a wedding coordinator for the big event...but there will be no conjugal visits and Manson isn't eligible for parole until 2027. 

- No conjugal visits? I guess he won't be able to start that Second "Manson Family" he's always wanted. 

*****

A study by Wayne State University found that giving Energy Drinks to toddlers isn't safe. 

- Apparently it can lead to the "REALLY Terrible Twos". 

*****

A study by the Children's Hospital of Pittsburg found that 33% of teenage girls have been asked to send a racy picture to a guy. 

- And of that 33%, half were asked by Anthony Weiner, and the other half by Bill Clinton. 

*****

The President of Turkey says that Muslim sailors discovered America 300 years before Christopher Columbus did. 

- So the nursery rhyme should actually go: "In Eleven Hundred and Ninety-Two...Mohammed Sailed The Ocean Blue". 

*****

U2 postponed their Tonight Show appearance after Bono broke his arm in a Central Park bike accident. 

- On the bright side, a video of his arm being put in a cast is being automatically downloaded to your iTunes account at this very minute! 

******

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday! 

-Dick 

The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year???

First stick-to-the-ground snowfall of the season...and we're 34 days to the official START of Winter! Time to shine up your Stoshes's Galoshes...

*****

Two Brazilian cannibals were sentenced to 20 years in prison for cooking their roommate. 

- Their lawyer claimed the two didn't know it was illegal to eat Ground Chuck. 

- Or was it Peanut Butter & Jerry? 

- Moo Goo GUY Pan? 

*****

Republican Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell made headlines by accepting the President's invitation to meet for a glass of Kentucky bourbon. 

- You can tell things aren't going well for the President...During his first term he hosted a "Beer Summit"...now he's moved on to the hard stuff.  

*****

George W. Bush poked fun at Bill Clinton for not being on Instagram yet. 

- Turns out Bill WAS on Instagram, but his account was shut down for posting too many "girly" pictures. 

*****

A study from the University of Utah found that men have developed a better sense of direction than women. 

- Duh!

*****

Vladimir Putin says he left the G20 Summit early, with his four warships, because he was tired. 

- That, and he was late for an invasion he had planned that afternoon. 

*****

Kim Jong Un visited a North Korean food factory.

- Apparently "Food Factory" is the Korean term for "Dog Pound". 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dickj

Purtan Podcast #142: "Another 'Round' With Tom, Dick & Jackie"

Click here to download Podcast

Welcome to the weekend and Podcast #142...with special guest, the always interesting Tom Delisle. Today Tom, Jackie and I delve into a cornucopia of topics including: 

- People panicking when hitting certain ages.

- How a magazine subscription gift led me to catch my Prostate Cancer early in 1992.

- The lack of civility in today's world...especially in the Middle East. 

- How I got served a beer in a bar when I was 14 years old... and my current experience with 52 calorie beer. 

- Two more of my showbiz tidbits: Meeting the actor who played Ben Hur's father and Bobby Vinton. 

- How much of the music that I played and built a radio career around that I actually DIDN'T like. 

- And Tom's depression back in the late '60's that he claims was brought on by Bobby Kennedy and yours truly. 

So crank up your thermostat...and the volume...and join us for Podcast #142!   (47:51)

Have a great weekend and I'll see you back here Monday with my regular blog!

-Dick 

"What Great Nuts And Bolts You Have!"

According to a recent U.K. poll, 1 in 5 people say they'd be willing to try sex with a robot. 

- But they said it would have to be a "really hot" robot. 

- The good news is you can't catch an STD from a robot...but you can wind up with a case of WD40. 

*****

Frosty the Snowman arrived on my front porch today...minus his corn cob pipe.

- The way things are goin' today..he probably left it at a Pot Party in Colorado.

*****

AAA says the massive drop in gas prices is driving up demand for large, gas guzzling SUV's. 

- Which will work out great for that first fill up before the gas prices shoot up again. 

*****

This months issue of Paper Magazine features Kim Kardashian's butt on the cover. 

- Well, part of her butt. They had to put her left cheek on the back. 

- Kind of makes that naked and pregnant cover of Demi Moore look like a Norman Rockwell painting. 

*****

In related news...Vanity Fair has confirmed that Hillary Clinton will be on next months cover. 

- But in order to build suspense...they won't say what color pantsuit she'll be wearing.

*****

A new study found that the inability to dance may be genetic. 

- It has something to do with the Y chromosome...along with the "M", "C" and "A". 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday with a brand new Podcast! 

-Dick 

Change For The Better...NOT???

A British study found that people who get sex changes wind up regretting it. 

- Proving that the grass isn't always greener...especially if your surgeon uses a weed-whacker. 

*****

Paul Rand says that Hillary Clinton is "too old" to run for President. 

- Ironically, Bill's dates are too YOUNG to run for President. 

- The Democrats now say the GOP is waging a war against OLD women. 

*****

A Colorado waiter was fired after mistakenly serving alcoholic drinks to a two-year-old girl. 

- They knew she was drunk when she asked the busboy to come back to her playhouse and ordered a round of chicken fingers for everyone in the restaurant. 

*****

According to reports, Miley Cyrus is dating Arnold Schwarzenegger's son. 

- And Arnold is dating Miley Cyrus's housekeeper. 

- Hopefully this guy can get her to "Terminate" her "Twerking". 

*****

Fox News host Megyn Kelly accidentally introduced former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee as Mike "F---abee". 

- It takes me back to some of the great moments from the "Jerry Springer Show". 

*****

George W. Bush went on the Today Show to unveil a painting he made of him and his father. 

- It was actually a paint-by-number....#41 and #43. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday! 

-Dick 

Veteran's Day 2014

I think the above quote is perfect. To all of our Veteran's...Thank You!

*****

The Post Office confirmed that their employee database was breached. 

- Hackers were able to get postal workers names, social security numbers, and the names of the most feared dogs on every block in America. 

- Experts warn this could happen to Fed-Ex employees too...but the hackers will get the information much quicker...like overnight. 

*****

Rush Limbaugh is threatening to sue the Democratic National Committee for defamation. 

- The head of the DNC said, "Oh yeah? Well.......Ditto!" 

*****

An employee at a North Carolina Wal-Mart was caught on surveillance cameras using deodorant sticks and returning them to store shelves. 

- The man started sweating profusely when confronted...but still smelled like a Cool Ocean Breeze. 

*****

A New York Grandmother celebrated her 100th Birthday by going skydiving. 

- Amazingly, her boobs hit the ground before she even pulled the rip cord. 

- And to think most people are just happy to make it onto the Smucker's Jar. 

*****

A court ruled that Oscar Pistorius cannot get home surveillance because he could easily detach the leg that his monitoring bracelet is on. 

- Why don't they just put it on his other leg...no, wait...

- Besides, letting him stay at home could put dozens of potential "intruders" in danger of being shot.  

*****

Prince William and Kate Middleton are visiting New York next month to announce their new wild life charity.

- Meanwhile Prince Harry will visit Las Vegas next month to get drunk with a bunch of hot hookers. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday! 

-Dick 

Dennis Influences The Menace???

Dennis Rodman says that North Korea's decision to release it's last two American hostages came after he sent a heartfelt letter to his BFF Kim Jong Un.

- Look for Dennis in a new series of waffle commercials with the slogan, "Let Go My EGO!"

- It's a rare man who can look good in a wedding dress AND effect international diplomacy.  

*****

Congratulations to the Lions on their 20-16 last minute win over the Miami Dolphins yesterday...putting them in first place in the NFC North Division with a record of 7-2! 

Looks like the Lions have actually "Restored The Roar" this year! 

*****

A study at the University of Washington found that chemicals used in dog food may be able to extend human life. 

- On the plus side you'll be able to catch a Frisbee in your teeth...on the downside, you'll spend those extra years dragging your butt across the carpet. 

- We could live to be 105...which is like 735 in dog years! 

*****

Pepsico is experimenting with a soda that tastes like Doritos. 

- Its for people too lazy to actually eat and drink at the same time. 

- They'll also be a Diet version of the Pop...with 50% less powdered cheese. 

- We've already got "Mountain Dew"...I think they should call this one "Mountain DON'T". 

*****

A survey found that 60% of Americans trust online dating sites. 

- They don't trust anyone they MEET on them, but they do trust the sites. 

*****

Forbes magazine named Vladimir Putin the World's Most Powerful Person of 2014.  

- Putin is said to be powerful and generous. In fact they say he'll give people the shirt off his back...if he ever wears one. 

*****

Sesame Street debuted on television 45 years ago this week. 

- 45 years is a long time to have someone's hand up your butt...no wonder Oscar's so grouchy. 

- The shows creator says that not much has changed, but admitted that due to osteoporosis, Big Bird isn't quite as Big as he used to be. 

- To celebrate, all of this week's episodes will be brought to you by the letters L, I, P, I, T, O & R. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday! 

-Dick 

Get Well Gordie!

Great Red Wing Legend Gordie Howe is said to be resting comfortably after suffering a serious stroke at his daughter's house in Texas Sunday morning. His son Murray Howe, a Doctor in Toledo, says Gordie, who is 86, is able to speak, but has limited movement on the right side of his body and needs help walking. Gordie also suffers from dementia and underwent successful spinal surgery for back pain this summer. 

So please join me and the entire Purtan Family in sending Prayers for a speedy recovery to a great athlete... and a great man. 

*****

The 18,000 sq. ft. Grosse Pointe Shores mansion of Art Van Furniture founder Art VanElslander, originally listed at $15.9 million was sold at auction yesterday for an undisclosed price. 

- They don't know how much it went for, but we do know the deal included no money down, no interest for four years AND Art Van paid the sales tax!

- The home was closed the day before the auction so employees could slash the price to the absolute lowest of the season. 

*****

Macy's announced plans to open it's first-ever store in the Middle Eastern country of Dubai. 

- It'll be located in the downtown area right next to "Bed, Burka & Beyond". 

*****

Taco Bell announced that they'll start accepting orders by phone to cut down on wait times. 

- Great news guys! Imagine how impressed your date will be when you tell her you don't have to wait in the drive-thru line! 

*****

Duck Dynasty star Jep Robertson, who is recovering from a seizure he suffered during a hunting trip, says it was like something he's never seen before. 

- Like a dentist. 

*****

Dolly Parton told Billboard Magazine that Christians should start accepting people as they naturally are. 

- Funny... Dolly never felt that way BEFORE she had the implants. 

- Which is great advice for everybody but Bruce Jenner who has NO IDEA who he "naturally" is. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

"Not Tonight Honey...I Had Ebola"

The CDC is warning Ebola survivors to abstain from sex for at least 6 weeks. 

- Who would have sex with someone who just got over Ebola...except for Charlie Sheen? 

*****

A new line of men's boxers promises to protect a man's "family jewels" from harmful cell phone rays. 

- The ray-blocking underpants are especially effective with the iPhone Sex...uh, I mean, 6. 

- This will work great for everyone but Anthony Weiner since he normally doesn't wear pants when he's using his phone. 

*****

The U.S. Postal Service announced plans to start delivering groceries. 

- They just have to figure out how to get a stamp to stick to a head of broccoli.

- If I don't get Christmas Cards delivered to my house until Easter...what are the chances they're gonna deliver my Chunky Soup before it's expiration date? 

*****

The mother of Oscar Pistorius's murdered girlfriend says that her daughter never had sex with Oscar during their 3 month relationship. 

- Right...

- I don't believe her story any more than I believe Oscar thought he was shooting at an intruder in his bathroom. 

*****

A study by the University of Missouri found that plants can tell when you're eating them. 

- So when that bowl of Chili starts "talking back to you"...it's not the spices, it's the ticked off tomatoes. 

*****

A new book claims that John F. Kennedy Jr. engaged in a torrid affair with Madonna. 

- Madonna left the relationship with some really great memories...and JFK Jr. left it with an unexplained rash.

*****

A Nebraska high school is allowing guns to be used in senior portraits as long as they're legal. 

- So apparently you can't bring a gun to school in Nebraska...except on Picture Day! 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Lions Pull Off British Invasion Of Falcons...

Lions Win over Falcons 22-21 at London's Wembley Stadium. Bloody well played! 

*****

President Obama hosted Ebola survivor Nina Pham at the White House over the weekend. 

- She may have beaten Ebola, but she got even more nauseous after eating the Kale-Kebobs and Brussel Sprout Layer Cake Michelle served her for dinner. 

*****

A new survey suggests that online dating is becoming more popular than meeting someone at a bar. 

- But some of the old rules still apply...for instance most women say they wait until the 3rd email to have virtual sex with the guy. 

*****

UPS says it expects holiday shipments to jump by 11% this year. 

- So if you're wondering "What "Brown can do for you"...just know they'll be doing 11% more of it. 

*****

Former Congressman Anthony Weiner says he's opening a restaurant. 

- Hot Dog! 

- Let's just hope Anthony isn't in charge of picking out the pictures for the menu. 

- Interested waitresses are being asked to send a brief resume on Twitter. You'll know your hired if Weiner Tweets you back.  

*****

Russian Facebook has narrowed down it's "Miss Hitler" pageant to 10 finalists. 

- It's just like any other pageant, except "Miss Congeniality" isn't all that "congenial".

*****

John Denver posthumously received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. 

- Unfortunately his family from Colorado missed the unveiling, as the plane they were flying, ran out of gas. (Sorry...)

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick 

Purtan Podcast #141: "The Longest Laaaaaauuuuuugggghhhhhh In TV History!"

Click here to download Podcast

Welcome to the weekend and Podcast #141. This go-around we dip our podcasting toes in a whole pool of topics including:  

- The longest laugh in television history... and several other classic competing claims for that title. 

- The two teenage girls who joined ISIS, ended up pregnant, and now want to go home to Mommy and Daddy. 

- Speaking of doofuses...we talk of the Kardashian and Hilton sisters partying together in Dubai. 

- Also...frightening Ferris Wheels and the Carney's who operate them. 

- Comedy Clubs charging people "by the laugh". 

- My bad experience with On-Star. 

- And do "Up Skirt" photos violate a woman's privacy??? 

It may be a week until Halloween, but you can "treat" yourself to some "goodies" right now by tuning into Podcast #141!   (28:07)

Have a great weekend and I'll see you back here Monday with my regular blog!

-Dick  

Green Has Blue Seeing Red...

Students at the University of Michigan were not happy this morning after discovering that the famous block "M" in the Diag of the UofM campus had been spray painted green...and the letters "S" and "U" had been added to it. 

- The Spartans got the "M.S.U." right, unlike the Ohio State students who always put the letters "O", "S" & "U" in the wrong order.  

*****

A study published in the BMC Medicine Journal found that taking Viagra on a daily basis can protect a patient's heart. 

- Except while actually having sex which is when the guy might have a heart attack...which kinda defeats the purpose.  

- As if men need another reason to take Viagra. 

*****

During a speech in Vatican Square yesterday, the Pope took off his regular Papal hat and put on a white baseball cap handed to him by one of the visitors in the crowd. 

- Maybe if he'd worn that hat last week, the Angels would have ended up in the World Series. 

*****

Toys R Us pulled the "Breaking Bad" action figures from it's shelves after parents complained that the dolls were drug dealers - and even came with mini bags of pretend drugs. 

- Looks like Barbie is going to have to find a new supplier for the Halloween party she's throwing at the Malibu Dream House. 

- In a related story, Toys R Us was going to feature new "Secret Service Agent" action figures, but they were no where to be found. 

*****

Scientists say that despite medical advances, humans will only be able to live to 120 - instead of 400 like some other scientists have predicted. 

- "Party City" has no idea what they're going to do with all those "Happy 175th Birthday" balloons they ordered. 

*****

"Jerry Maguire" actress Renee Zellweger appeared at an event looking almost unrecognizable due to what appears to be a lot of "work" done on her face. 

- She still looks like the "Girl Next Door"...but it's the Girl who lives on the OTHER side of your house. 

- She allegedly told her surgeon "You Had Me At Botox". 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick 

Lions: "Gone With The Brees"!

Congrats to the Lions on their come-from-behind 24-23 win over Drew Brees and the New Orleans Saints yesterday! Next game Sunday... 9:30am (our time) against the Atlanta Falcons in LONDON. 

*****

President Obama's credit card  was recently declined at an expensive New York restaurant.  

- Luckily he just called his bank in China and they upped his limit.

- Bill Clinton never ran into this problem because he always paid in singles. 

*****

With Halloween less than two weeks away, HazMat Suits are the top selling costume in the nation. 

- Now if we could just get the CDC to make sure health care workers wear them.

*****

Starbucks is now allowing employees to display their tattoos as long as they aren't located on their faces. 

- Thus dashing Charles Manson's hopes of becoming a Starbucks Barista if he ever gets sprung. 

*****

Russia's version of Facebook is holding a Miss Hitler Beauty Pageant...and 7000 women have already entered. 

- Apparently Russian Salon's are unfamiliar with the concept of "Upper Lip Waxing". 

- One contestant said for the "Talent" portion of the pageant, she's going to invade Poland. 

*****

49 people were arrested after a fight broke out at a New Hampshire Pumpkin Festival. 

- A fight at a pumpkin patch? What a bunch of Jack-Ass-'O-Lanterns. 

*****

A new study claims that drinking regular soda pop leads to disease, premature aging and early death. 

- Take a Big Gulp and think about that for a while. 

- Some women are avoiding the problem by adding a little Anti-Wrinkle Cream to their Coke. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday! 

-Dick 

Purtan Podcast #140: "A Quarantined Dog, A Stuffed Horse & A Little Old Man"

Click here to download Podcast

Welcome to the weekend and Podcast #140. In our latest installment Jackie and I cover The Good... The Bad... And the "Noisy". Topics include:  

- The Ebola situation and the controversy over one of the patient's Dog being quarantined.  

- I re-enact the famous Grocho Marx law firm routine. 

- Mr. Purtan's Neighborhood Nuisance: Why it's taken over a Month for my next door neighbor to put a roof on his house...and how much fun it is living with the noise. 

- The possibility of hiring one of my family members to paint my deck to save a little do-re-me. (I even offer the job to Jackie).  

- Why I feel bad that I can't help my daughters with their home repairs. 

- The guy who was mad at his Boss... so he stole a train. (a REAL train!)

- Bill Cosby's "Little Old Man" train story. 

- A man who "romanced" a toy stuffed horse in the Bedding section of Wal-Mart. 

- The true-life story of a woman who gave birth... with her FATHER-IN-LAW in the delivery room. 

- And the only month of the year without a big holiday in America. (You're going through the months in your head, aren't you?)

So take off your Hazmat suit, slip into something more comfortable and tune in to Podcast #140)!  (24:24) 

Have a great weekend and I'll see you back here Monday with my regular blog!

-Dick 

Zuckerberg Proves He's More Than A "Fake Friend"...

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg donated $25 million to fight Ebola. 

- This guy will do anything to be "Liked".

*****

Hillary Clinton will make an appearance at Oakland University in Rochester today to throw her support behind Democratic candidates. 

- While Hillary's speaking, Bill will be having lunch at "The Booby Trap" on Michigan Avenue. 

***** 

Macy's announced that they'll open at 6p.m. on Thanksgiving Day. 

- Prompting thousands of people to give Thanks for having to spend less time with their families. 

- It's great news for people who want to get stuffed and trampled on the same day. 

*****

Martha Stewart Living announced major staff cuts. 

- The hardest part was convincing employees that being fired was " A Good Thing".  

- Each employee will receive a golden parachute...well actually it's a gingerbread cookie in the shape of a parachute with gold frosting. 

*****

A survey by theKnot.com found that 80% of married women take their husband's last name. 

- And about five years in, they start "taking his name" in vain. 

*****

A Florida man was arrested for having sex with a stuffed horse after taking if off the shelf at Wal-Mart. 

- Police said he kept insisting, "It's MY Little Pony! It's MY Little Pony!"

- He would have used a Bert or Ernie doll...but he didn't want people thinking he was gay. 

*****

Madonna's daughter Lourdes says she's enjoying her first semester at the University of Michigan. 

- She says her classes are "easy"...which is most likely the same word the male students use to describe her. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday with a brand new Podcast (#140)! 

-Dick

Waldorf Astoria Now Serving Moo Goo SPY Pan???

The State Department is reviewing a Chinese firm's purchase of the legendary Waldorf Astoria Hotel in NYC because of fears that China may use it to spy on prominent Americans. 

- On the plus side, guests say the new Room Service Menu's new "Almond Boneless Chicken" is the best in the city. 

- China doesn't need to spy on hotel guests! They can just read their Facebook posts about their trip to the Big Apple.

- So now instead of a mint on your pillow, you get a hidden camera above the mini-bar. 

*****

A study by the Bureau of Labor Statistics ranked Washington D.C. as the most expensive city in the country to live in. 

- It's so expensive...some homeowners can't even afford locks for their front doors. 

*****

The nation's gay community is cheering Pope Francis for saying that gays should have a bigger role in the church. 

- They also applauded his long robe paired with a giant hat as a "bold fashion statement". 

*****

An Italian nurse is accused of killing 38 patients because she found them "annoying" - then posted selfies of herself with the corpses on the internet. 

- She's smiling in the pix...but her victims look kind of stiff. 

- NOTE TO HER FUTURE CELL MATE: Don't ask for a sponge bath. 

*****

Taylor Swift says she hasn't had a boyfriend in two years. 

- You can hear more about it in her upcoming single "I Haven't Had a Boyfriend in Two Years".

*****

A Pew poll found that more men are worried about catching Ebola than women. 

- Which may explain why men like their girlfriends to dress up in Nurse's outfits...and a Hazmat suit. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

People Pumped Up At The Pump!

Gas prices are dropping...and if they haven't already...will probably fall to less than three dollars a gallon in coming days. 

- Gosh! It must be election time... ya think???

- Think of it as Happy Hour at your gas station...when it's a lot cheaper to get tanked. 

*****

A new study found that Atheists Tweet more that Muslims, Jews and Christians. 

-OMG! 

*****

A study by the FBI found that the average American has a better chance of getting robbed on the Internet than on the street. 

- It's known as iMugging. 

- But a guy named Mgumbo that's been emailing me from Nigeria told me it's not true.  

*****

Jennifer Lawrence says she has a crush on Woody Allen, but is in love with Seinfeld creator Larry David. But David says she's too young for him. 

- He basically told her to "Curb her Enthusiasm". 

- Ironically, Larry David says Lawrence is too young for him to date...and Woody Allen says she's too OLD for HIM to date. 

*****

This week's Saturday Night Live tied a record for the lowest viewed episode in the show's history. 

- So look for a totally non-funny sketch about it this coming Saturday. 

*****

Duck Dynasty star John Luke Robertson got engaged to his girlfriend. 

- Sounds like somebody done did get knocked up. 

- Even if she isn't pregnant, I have a feeling this is gonna be a Shotgun Wedding. 

*****

Tom Cruise's ex-wife Katie Holmes has signed on to reprise her role as Jackie Kennedy in a new mini-series. 

- Meanwhile Tom has signed on to play a Munchkin in a remake of "The Wizard of Oz".

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Women Tell Judge: "UP Yours!"

A Federal Judge ruled that taking "Up-Skirt" photos is NOT a violation of a woman's privacy. 

- Apparently the judge was appointed back when Bill Clinton was President. 

- So guys...forget about putting mirrors on your shoes! Install a camera instead. 

*****

A new report claims that NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden is living in Russia with his American girlfriend, who happens to be a stripper. 

- He was looking for someone who wouldn't keep secrets from him and let's face it, it's hard to keep secrets from a guy when you're naked all the time. 

*****

Speaking of Snowden...he told an interviewer that if Americans want to protect their privacy, they should stay away from Google and Facebook. 

- If you don't believe me, Google it. 

- It's terrifying to think that governments around the world may know exactly what level you're on in Candy Crush Saga. 

*****

A study by Rockefeller University found that scientists can enhance the sex drive in mice by placing a hormone in their brains. 

- Minnie Mouse was one of the test subjects which explains why Mickey is so darn happy all the time!  

- They were going to try to implant the hormone in a dog, but it turns out Charlie Sheen is afraid of needles. 

*****

A new Gallup Poll found that 20% of Americans are worried about getting Ebola. 

- The other 80% don't watch TV. 

*****

North Korean leader Kim Jong Un missed another event this past Friday, making it 5 weeks since he's been seen in public. 

- He's like the "Air Malaysia" of ruthless dictators. 

*****

The Kardashians were seen partying with the Hilton sisters in Dubai over the weekend. 

- Admit it...you kinda wish there'd been an armed drone in the area. 

- There haven't been that many half-wits gathered in one place since the last "Three Stooges Convention". 

- It was the first-ever official meeting of an "Anti-Think Tank". 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday! 

-Dick

Purtan Podcast #139: "Wine, Women & Shoes"

Click here to download Podcast

Welcome to the weekend and Podcast #139. Today we talk about a great charity event benefiting the Children's Hospital of Michigan Foundation that the entire Purtan family had the honor and privilege of co-chairing. The evening was called "Wine, Women & Shoes" which amazingly featured Wine, Women and Shoes! Daughter JoAnne was the MC, while Jackie and I spoke and acted as "auctioneers" for the many fine packages up for bids.

There was a strolling wine-tasting, High Heels served on silver platters by some "hot" (according to the women) "Shoe Guys", and a fashion show featuring some of the falls hottest looks. (Again...I was told that by my daughters...I wouldn't know a "hot fall look" if it showed up on my front doorstep labeled "Hot Fall Look".)

It was a great evening and all proceeds went to support the incredible work being done every day by the Children's Hospital of Michigan Foundation. 

My good friend, the incredibly gifted Dr. Larry Fleischman was there... He's the one who literally saved Jackie's life when she was 15, and suffering from a potentially fatal Blood-Kidney disease. After 15 dialysis treatments and 63 days in the hospital, she came home disease free! 

It was a great evening (I was even asked to model during the Neiman-Marcus fashion show but declined when they weren't including anything from the Michael Moore Collection.) and you can hear all the details now in Podcast #139! 

NOTE: Daughters JoAnne & Julie called in on the phone...and those parts are a tad low. Sorry...I've got to fire myself as the I.T. guy! 

Have a great weekend and I'll see you back here Monday with my regular blog...

-Dick

Chinese "Take-Out" US...

According the International Monetary Fund, China has overtaken the US as the World's Largest Economy. 

- To celebrate, China gave all of it's child workers an extra 5 minute break. 

*****

A study by the CDC found that over 110 million Americans have a sexually transmitted disease. 

- Hey China...Put that in your pipe and smoke it! 

- Now I understand that new online dating site: eUnexplanedRash.com. 

*****

An Australian couple who've been married for 55 years lectured the Pope and his bishops on the joys of sex. 

- After 55 years of marriage you'd think the only person having LESS sex than this couple would be the Pope. 

*****

North Korea's Kim Jong Un hasn't been seen in months, leading to speculation that he's been overthrown. 

- Or thrown to the dogs...literally. 

- Of course he could just be on an extended booze cruise with his BFF Dennis Rodman. 

*****

A group of international scientists claim that the female "G-Spot" doesn't exist. 

- Scientists are nerds...maybe it's just that THEY can't find it. 

- We could ask their wives or girlfriends but scientists don't have wives or girlfriends. 

*****

Fox has ordered a 10-part mini series called "The People vs. O.J. Simpson". 

- I can't wait for the final episode to find out how it ends! 

- The part of Kato Kaelin will be played by Kato Kaelin...since he's got absolutely NOTHING else to do. 

*****

The World Health Organization is warning survivors of Ebola to wear condoms for 90 days. 

- Apparently there are more people who want to do the horizontal Mambo with someone who just got over a deadly disease than I thought. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday with a brand new Podcast! 

-Dick