A new poll found that 60% of women say they wouldn't sleep with Donald Trump for a million dollars. 

- And 70% said they wouldn't sleep with Bernie Sanders for all the money in the world.

*****

Friday is National Iced Tea Day and Starbucks is celebrating with a sweet deal: Buy one Iced Tea and get a second one FREE!

- Which means you'll get TWO refreshing drinks for the price of FIVE! 

*****

Political insiders say Chris Christie is going to write a book about his relationship with Donald Trump. 

- It's called "The Art of the Meal". 

*****

A California judge who was censured for having sex with an intern and a lawyer in his chambers won re-election Tuesday over an opponent who promised to “restore integrity” to the bench. 

- So now the Judge can continue wielding his gavel. 

*****

President Obama and Joe Biden are scheduled to meet with Bernie Sanders in Washington today. 

- Meanwhile Hillary sent Bernie an invitation to a "Godfather Party", urging him to dress up as Fredo, and go for a ride in a rowboat. 

*****

Macho man Vladimir Putin didn't realize his microphone was on before an interview and told a fellow dictator that he's not getting enough sleep... "maybe four or five hours" a night. 

- Really Vlad? That's not enough? Try hosting a morning radio show for 45 years! 

- This explains a lot... Maybe he's just too tired in the morning to put on a shirt. 

*****

"Generation Snowflake" is the new term to describe young women who believe it's their right to be protected from anything that might upset them. One University in England even banned clapping because some co-eds said it "traumatized" them. 

- There's an even better term I recommend: "Generation Get-Over-It". 

- Wait 'til the People for the Ethical Treatment of Snowflakes find out part of their name is being used in such a derogatory fashion.

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

RIP... Al Ackerman, longtime Detroit TV Sports Anchor who coined the Tiger rallying cry "Bless You Boys!", has died of natural causes in Florida at the age of 90. Who could forget "Bonds, Kelly, Ackerman, Turner"??

*****

Grab onto your gym shorts... According to the National Enquirer, Richard Simmons has had breast implants and hormone therapy and now lives as "a soft spoken woman named Fiona". 

- Look for his/her new workout video: "Sweatin' With The Falsies!"

- Why did he need breast implants? 

- Between Bruce/Caitlyn & Richard/Fiona...a certain lingerie shop is gonna  have to change their name to "Victor's Secret". 

*****

Despite losses in last night's primaries, and the fact that Hillary Clinton has already secured enough delegates to secure the Democrat nomination, Bernie Sanders is vowing to stay in the race. 

-  He's like a certain bunny that keeps going and going... Good old "Energizer Bernie". 

*****

Google has reportedly taught its self-driving vehicles how to honk. 

- So now drivers will have a second to realize the self-driving car is about to smash into them. 

*****

An unidentified man bought the Playboy Mansion for $100 Million, but under the terms of the deal, Hugh Hefner is allowed to live there until he dies. 

- It's kind of like having your creepy sex-crazed Uncle move in with you...but he's already there. 

- The mansion comes with 30+ bedrooms, 10 jacuzzis, and a lifetime supply of penicillin. 

*****

Kanye West had to cancel a surprise concert in New York after a mob of fans nearly rioted outside. 

- When is the last time Kanye West was involved in Anything when there wasn't a riot? 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Bill Clinton will eulogize Muhammad Ali at a public funeral in Louisville this Friday. 

- They were hoping to get Hillary, but they couldn't afford her speaking fee. 

- Apparently Bill was a big fan of the Pugilist. For our Junior readers...no..."Pugilism" is not a form of government where you get even more free stuff than "Socialism". 

*****

Burger King is testing a Whopper burrito called the Whopperrito. 

- And for those of you watching your waistlines, there's the Whopperrito Jr. 

*****

Speaking of eating... According to a new study, people being served by a "plus-sized" waiter or waitress are four times more likely to order desert than those who have a more slender "server". 

- But overweight or thin, they all expect you to leave a hefty tip. 

- This is why I always go to the Drive-Thru... Since I don't have a waiter or waitress, I'm never tempted to get the microwaved apple pie. 

*****

Netflix is now streaming a Bob Ross "Learn How To Paint" series. 

- The best part is, you can pause it if you have to Van Gogh to the bathroom.

*****

Walmart announced that they will soon be using drones to keep track of their inventory. 

- That means the nice retiree in a vest won't just be a "Greeter"... he'll be an air-traffic controller. 

*****

On this date in 1983, Jerry Lee Lewis got married for the 5th time. 

- The people next to the Honeymoon Suite said there was "a whole lotta shakin' goin' on". 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick 

It’s D-Day.  On this day in 1944, tens of thousands of American, British and Canadian troops stormed the beaches of Normandy, France and began an eleventh month march to Berlin.  This seaborne invasion, one of the great battles in history, cost thousands of lives, but ultimately led to the end of World War II in Europe. We salute those who lost their lives that day... as well as those who lived to tell the stories.

*****

ISIS has executed dozens of it's own members over fears that they are Spies for the U.S.

- To make matter worse, before killing them, they also reduced the retirement package to 2 Virgins and a pack of smokes. 

*****

Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos say he plans to lead the effort to settle Mars. BTW...it currently takes 150 days to get there. 

- But if you have Amazon Prime, you'll arrive in two days GUARANTEED.

- And if you don't like living on Mars, you can ship yourself back for free.

*****

Richard Simmons was hospitalized on Friday after exhibiting "bizarre behavior". 

- Turns out he had a fever and was just "Sweatin' To The Cold-Ease". 

- If every old guy in overly tight and short gym shorts was hospitalized for acting a bit off, the exercise room at every Senior Center in the country would be empty. 

*****

A former Secret Service Agent who guarded Bill & Hillary Clinton inside the White House is releasing a new book. 

- The book is tentatively called: "Say Yes To The Blue Dress!"

*****

Hostess is recalling 700,000 cases of donuts and snack cakes because of possible contact with peanuts - including thousands of Ding Dongs. 

- Unfortunately, not one of the Ding Dongs being recalled is running for President. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick 

Purtan Podcast #197

Click here to download Podcast 

Welcome to the weekend and Podcast #197. Today we narrow it down to three topics: The death of Muhammad Ali and my personal experience with him, as well as with his "verbal sparring partner", Howard Cosell... The alleged Radio "scam calls" that run on morning shows in Detroit and around the country that are, in truth, only scamming the audience because they use scripts and actors - not real people. (Mine were real - and I'll explain how!)... Plus "How To Succeed In Business" - using the Rolling Stones as a business model.

So join us for Podcast #197. It may not be the "Thrilla in Manilla"... but it may just punch up your day. 

Have a great weekend and I'll see you back here Monday with my regular blog! 

-Dick

A California woman who was training for a Triathlon was attacked by a Great White Shark. 

- Oops... That's not very Politically Correct of me... I meant, the woman was attacked by a Plus-Sized Caucasian Shark. 

*****

Billy Joel dedicated a rendition of "The Entertainer" to Donald Trump during his concert in New York.

- He also dedicated "Honesty" to Hillary Clinton. 

*****

Kim Jong Un says that he and Donald Trump see eye-to-eye. 

- That's as long as Kim's wearing his heels.

*****

The family of the boy who fell into the Gorilla pen at the Cincinnati Zoo is asking people to send donations to the Zoo rather than to them. 

- They don't need money...what they really need is a "child-leash".

*****

Donald Trump said Hillary Clinton not only "lies" but has "no natural talent" to be President of the United States. 

- It should be noted that neither one one of them has the "natural hair color" to be President. 

*****

American Airlines is being criticized for pulling several overweight passengers off a plane because the plane was too heavy to take off. 

- It's expensive, but this is why I always check my emotional baggage at the gate. 

*****

A JetBlue passenger in Seattle was asked to change after the crew decided that her shorts were too short. 

- This is the kind of story I'd expect to hear from Virgin Airlines. 

*****

The U.S. Border Patrol has formally endorsed Donald Trump for President. 

- Trump called it "A giant wall of support". 

*****

69 year old Rolling Stones guitarist Ronnie Wood and his 38 year old wife, Sally, welcomed twin baby girls this week. 

- Sally said she's thrilled, but admits it's tough keeping three people in diapers. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

The trailer for "Finding Dory" - the long awaited sequel to "Finding Nemo" - hints at Pixar's first animated lesbian couple. 

- You can explain it to your kid while sharing the theater restroom with a man who at that moment identifies as a woman. 

*****

The Libertarian Party has officially nominated former New Mexico Governor Gary Johnson for President. 

- Two other Johnson's have been in the White House - Andrew and Lyndon B. Actually there have been 3 Johnson's in the White House... if you count Bill Clinton. 

*****

Party goers in Berlin are using a new "drug"... Chocolate. Users say snorting a line of cocoa releases feel-good chemicals in the brain, giving you a natural high. 

- Experts are already warning that Chocolate could be a "Gateway Drug"... to Caramel. 

*****

A new poll shows that 71% of registered Democrats believe Hillary Clinton should continue running for President even if she's indicted over the email scandal. 

- Her slogan would be "Crimes You Can Believe In". 

*****

Animal rights activists are outraged at a Cincinnati Zoo for shooting and killing a Silverback Gorilla who dragged a young boy around after the child broke through barriers and fell into "Harambe's" enclosure. 

- There were so many protestors, it looked like a Donald Trump rally. 

*****

Kanye West's California recording studio was robbed over the weekend by someone who stole $20,000 worth of equipment. 

- We can only hope this will delay Kanye from recording another album. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

- Dick 

Memorial Day 2016

Over my last few years on the air, I recited the following poem every Memorial Day Weekend in honor and in memory of the brave men and women who made the Ultimate Sacrifice defending the freedom and liberty we are so lucky to enjoy in this country.

The poem, “The Inscription”, was sent to us by a listener, Paul Reside.  

Paul’s Grandmother, Annabelle Gunnett Jones wrote it around 1932.  The poem had been printed in the Perry County, Ohio newspaper for a number of years on “Decoration Day”, or as we know it today - “Memorial Day”. Annabelle was inspired to write the poem by her husband, a WWI Veteran, as a tribute to the Unknown Soldier.

As you enjoy your Memorial Day, I encourage you to take a moment to share “The Inscription” with your family and friends... especially your children. Let it serve as a reminder to us all of the gratitude owed the brave men and women of our Armed Forces who have laid down their lives so that we may live ours.  

Just click on the link below to hear me reading the words written nearly 80 years ago - that still resonate today.   

“The Inscription” by Annabelle Gunnett Jones

I hope you are enjoying a safe and happy Memorial Day Weekend. God Bless America!

-Dick 

P.S. Below are some of my favorite Patriotic musical performances.

Purtan Podcast #196

Click here to download Podcast

Welcome to Memorial Day Weekend and Podcast #196...For this special long-weekend edition, former "Purtan's Person" Tom Delisle rejoins Jackie and me at the Purtan Dining room table. We offer up a full picnic table full of topics including: 

- Hitler's Mein Kampf - Tom actually read it, and why he decided Hitler wasn't just evil, he was an idiot.

- Sparky Anderson (neither evil nor an idiot!!!) 

- Planes, Trains & Automobiles. (You're probably spending time in at least one of them over the Holiday). 

- The one type of alleged "jokes" where I agree with the PC world. 

- Dating advice that two nurses gave to Jackie... (Think: more "The Bachelorette" and Less "Jeopardy!")  

- The new traffic lights built into the cement on sidewalks - - so people can keep looking down at their cell phones while waiting for the light to change. 

Plus...  

- Banter than goes from Bunkers to Big Butts to Bundt Cakes (as in My Big Fat Greek Wedding).

So let the burgers do their thing on the grill and take a few minutes to tune into Podcast #196. It may be "rare"... but this one's "well-done"! 

Have a great rest of the weekend and I'll see you back here Monday with a special Memorial Day Post. 

-Dick

This Just In from the Associated Press: "Trump Reaches Delegate Number To Clinch GOP Nomination".  Meanwhile, last night Trump made an offer to debate Bernie Sanders in California and Sanders tweeted "Game On".

- The big news here is that Bernie Sanders knows how to use Twitter! 

*****

The View's Joy Behar ripped Kelly Ripa's angry reaction to Michael Strahan's departure from "Live! With Kelly & Michael", saying "It's called Show Business, not Show Therapy". 

- Then she stormed off the set after someone said something "mean" about President Obama. 

*****

A North Carolina high school wants to ban skinny jeans and leggings. 

- But protestors say students should be able to wear whatever type of pants they identify themselves with on any given day. 

*****

The TSA has fired it's head of security over the massive lines that have been forming at airports. 

- He not only got a pink slip, they made him take his shoes off and gave him an invasive pat-down. 

*****

A Columbia University study found that a chemical in plastic water bottles has been linked to childhood obesity. 

- Luckily, most U.S. kids skip the bottled water and stick to full sugar pop out of a can. 

*****

A University of South Carolina study found that 1.4% of college students have either spiked another person's drink or know someone who has. 

- The drinks are known as "Bill Cosby Jell-O Pudding Shots". 

*****

Oregon has raked in $40 Million more than expected from the sale of marijuana. 

- Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

- The amount was supposed to be released in January, but the guy doing the counting kept getting distracted and had to start over. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday!

- Dick

A former McDonald's CEO says that minimum wage workers may soon be replaced by cheaper robot workers. 

- The robots are almost ready... they just have to reprogram them to get your drive-thru order wrong. 

*****

Temps will reach a near record high of 84 this afternoon, just 10 days after Metro-Deroit saw snow and sleet. 

- This is why I always sprinkle a little Rock Salt on top of my sun screen. 

*****

Governor Snyder has declared an Energy Emergency in Michigan claiming gas supplies are too low as we head into the long Memorial Day Weekend. 

- His administration suggested filling up your tank with water from Flint, but than realized most cars take unleaded. 

*****

Yesterday a judge ordered that Bill Cosby will stand trial for sexually assaulting a woman at his mansion back in 2004. 

- His alleged victim said, "I'll drink to that!" 

*****

A State Department Audit just released this morning says that Hillary Clinton violated Government Policy - and her own rules - when it came to using a private server when she was Secretary of State. 

- They sent her the news in an email...but she claims she can't find it. 

*****

A protest turned violent outside a Trump Rally in New Mexico last night. Meanwhile inside Trump shouted down protestors saying one kid "was still wearing diapers". 

- That's the same thing he said last week about Bernie Sanders. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Facebook has apologized for refusing to run an ad featuring a plus sized model in a bikini which they said was "undesirable" and made FB users feel bad about themselves. 

- If it had been a plus-size cat in a bikini they would have put it at the top of everyone's Newsfeed. 

*****

Golf legend Jack Nicklaus has endorsed Donald Trump.

- And Tiger Woods has endorsed Clinton...Bill Clinton. 

*****

Tom Brady filed an appeal of his four-game suspension with the U.S. 2nd District Court of Appeals.

- There hasn't been this much focus on deflation since Viagra was going through FDA trials. 

*****

Bernie Sanders told CNN he's staying in the race because voters shouldn't have to choose between the lesser of two evils. 

- That's right! We should have the right to choose between the lesser of THREE evils. 

*****

In a deposition he gave more than 10 years ago, Bill Cosby admitted to having sex with many teenage girls...but added that he gave them a "very, very good meal". 

- He claims the wine was good too, but none of the girls remembered it being special. Actually they didn't remember it at all. 

*****

Prince William revealed that when he has a hard time getting two year old Prince George to go to sleep, he runs the faucet in the bathroom to calm him down. 

- That's the same technique Camilla uses to calm down Prince Charles when he cries because it looks like the Queen is gonna live forever. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick 

Larry David played Bernie Sanders again on "Saturday Night Live" over the weekend. 

- They wanted Bernie to play himself, but he's not allowed to drive at night. 

*****

Two new polls show Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton in a statistical dead. The same polls show them as the most disliked Presidential Candidates in U.S. history. 

- You know it's bad when you hear people talking about what a great guy "Tricky-Dickie" Nixon was. 

*****

An American man who joined ISIS for five months and then escaped back to the U.S. says joining up was "the worst decision" he's ever made. 

- He's obviously got a good head on his shoulders...and wanted to make sure it stayed that way. 

*****

A new report claims the producers of the "The Biggest Loser" encouraged contestants to starve themselves and take diet pills. 

- They were going to make them take laxatives too, but they would have had to change the show's name to "Game of Thrones". 

- This kind of thing never happens on The Food Network. 

*****

Madonna performed a tribute to Prince on last night's Billboard Music Awards. 

- She and Prince had a lot in common... he died because of drugs, and she's alive because of antibiotics. 

*****

Cher turned 70 over the weekend. 

- In honor of her birthday, she's releasing a new CD including the songs: "I Got Who Babe?" and "Gypsies, Muscle Cramps, & Thieves". 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

 A new study found that the average person spends 117 days of their life having sex. 

- It's actually two days, but Madonna and Charlie Sheen threw off the curve. 

*****

According to a new report, the Iranian Government thinks Kim Kardashian is a Secret Agent who works for the U.S. Government. 

- For the first time, I'm kind of hoping Iran has Nukes and uses one to take her out. 

- Kanye West says "It's not true! And besides, Beyonce is the greatest Secret Agent of all time!"

*****

Donald Trump said he'd be willing to sit down and talk with North Korean President Kim Jong Un. 

- I give him 5 minutes before he starts calling him "Lil Kim". 

- Dennis Rodman said he'd love to tag along... but he has to don his wedding gown for a guest shot on TLC's "Say Yes To The Dress!"

*****

A British study found a chemical in hallucinogenic mushrooms may offer a new treatment for depression. 

- They should have figured this out when they saw how happy all the "hippies" were sleeping in the mud with no bathrooms during Woodstock in 1969.

*****

Scientists say that busy people may have better functioning brains in old age than less busy people. 

- Speaking of less busy people... I wonder what my sister's ex-husband Joe is up to these days. 

*****

Tiger Woods' former swing coach says he may not return until 2017. 

- He'll still be around clubs - but they'll be the Strip kind. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

After a nine month stand-off, Donald Trump sat down for an interview with Fox News Anchor Megyn Kelly last night and said that his calling her "a bimbo" last summer probably wasn't the worst thing she's ever been called. 

- Especially by him. 

*****

Bernie Sanders won BIG in the Oregon primary yesterday and is favored to win 8 of the remaining 10 primaries. 

- Meaning that according to the Democrat Party rules, he's THAT much closer to NOT winning the nomination. 

*****

Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg is sitting down with some Conservative journalists today to answer claims that the site blocks conservative content. 

- You can read all about the meeting later today. Just not on Facebook. 

*****

Under a new New York law, companies will now be required to fire employees who don't refer to customers by their preferred gender neutral pronouns such as "Ze" or "Hir" instead of "He" or "Her". 

- Why don't they just stick with "Hey you" like most New Yorkers do.  

- I'd rank this, and the new Federal bathroom mandates, right up there with the $19 Trillion National Debt as the most important issues facing the country. 

*****

Ozzie Osbourne will tour historic sites for a new show on the History Channel. During a stop at The Alamo, Ozzie will apologize for peeing on a statue there back in the 80's. 

- He was going to pee on it again, but he's got prostate problems and the show is only a half-hour long. 

*****

ISIS is reportedly using dating websites to lure women into marrying terrorist fighters. 

- Their profiles are easy to spot... Under "Likes" they list, "A girl who looks great in a burka, spending a quiet night at home building bombs, and having a blast with that special someone". 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

RIP... Dick McAuliffe, Second Baseman on the Tigers 1968 World Series Championship team, as well as a 3-time All Star, has died at the age of 76.

*****

A new report on a number of reputable news websites claims that President Obama is following seven porn stars on Twitter. 

- Meanwhile Bill Clinton is following seven porn stars in his limo. 

*****

The CIA announced that they accidentally destroyed the sole copy of a report of their torture practices. 

- They say they emailed a copy to Hillary Clinton...but she can't find it either. 

*****

NBC reports that 15 U.S. college students have joined ISIS since 2014. 

- Remember the good old days when college kids just rushed Fraternities & Sororities? (Come to think of it, their "Initiation Ceremonies" aren't that different than what ISIS does.) 

- Hey... at least that's 15 fewer college students that moved back home to live in their parent's basement. 

*****

A Gizmodo study found that one in ten people use their phones during sex. 

- Apparently their phones are not only "Smart"... they're "Sexy". 

- This gives a whole new meaning to the old slogan "Reach Out And Touch Someone". 

*****

A video has gone viral of a TV weather anchor being told to put on a sweater - live on the air - because viewers were calling to say her dress was too skimpy. 

- Maybe they just thought she was experiencing a Cold Front. 

*****

The TSA is looking to hire more agents as airline passengers across the country wait in security lines for up to four hours. 

- If they're looking for someone who's out of work and likes to grope women, they should give Bill Cosby a call. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

CHECK THIS ONE OUT... The correction pictured above was published by the NY Times about a story they ran last Monday. 

- Understandable mistake... Could it be that "Pimpin4Paradise786" is actually the imam's TWITTER name??? 

*****

Actress Madelaine LeBeau, largely credited with being the last surviving credited cast member from "Casablanca" has died at the age of 92. LeBeau played the jilted lover of Humphrey Bogart's character "Rick" in the classic 1942 movie. 

- You may not regret hearing about her death today...maybe not tomorrow...but soon and for the rest of your life. 

*****

A former girlfriend of Donald Trump claims she was misquoted in a NY Times article that said he mistreated her. She said he never did. 

- The Donald immediately thanked her for coming forward, saying "She's pretty smart for a dumb broad."

*****

A study by the CDC fount that 50% of Americans are in favor of legalizing prostitution. 

- Between this and the Transgender bathroom thing, I can't remember when Americans were spending so much time concerned with Johns. 

*****

A group of Bernie Sanders supporters are performing wiccan "witch" ceremonies to help him win the Oregon primary. 

- If they want him to win the nomination, they're going to have to start sticking pins in Voo-Doo-Delegate Dolls.

*****

Veterinarians in Statin Island plan to perform vasectomy's on male deer to cut down on breeding. 

- I guess the usual technique of "Not tonight Deer, I have a headache" just wasn't getting the job done. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Purtan Podcast #195

Click here to download Podcast

Welcome to the weekend and Podcast #195. Ever think that Political Correctness has gotten out of control? Well today Jackie and I welcome former "Purtan's Person" Tom Delisle to Podcast Central for a rather spirited discussion on just how far the pendulum has swung... From the new "bathroom law" insanity to George Clooney's press conference about Donald Trump. 

We also touch on some less controversial - but equally engaging topics - including: My brief military hostage experience... The history of Mad Magazine & a phrase hidden in every issue that only I seem to remember... The band Chicago's "it's about time" installation into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame... And some food comparisons of what you should and should not eat that may surprise you. 

So before you head out to the store and try to figure out which restroom to use, tune in to Podcast #195...um, "streaming", right here at dickpurtan.com!

Have a great weekend and I'll see you back here Monday with my regular blog!

-Dick

Yesterday, Gail and I had the pleasure of hanging a new photo-on-canvas in our family room. It's a picture of the two of us parasailing back in 2010. The pic was taken by our photographer-daughter Jill, and given to my wonderful bride (and me!) for Mother's Day last Sunday by Jill, Jackie & JoAnne. Since I was the one on the Radio, people have always assumed that I'm the "free spirit" in the relationship. Well, as they say... A Picture Says A Thousand Words! 

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday!

-Dick 

Often shirtless, macho man Vladimir Putin, was photographed laying flat on his butt after falling on the ice during a gala Hockey game in Russia. 

- Putin immediately blamed the fall on America, had the photographer shot, and banished the ice rink to Siberia. 

*****

Budweiser has temporarily renamed their beer "America" and will sell the patriotic brew through the election in November. 

- Their slogan: "Making Beer Bellys Great Again". 

******

Bernie Sanders beat Hillary Clinton big time in the West Virginia primary bringing his state wins to 19 to her 23. 

- It seems like Bernie can win everything...except the nomination. 

*****

Donald Trump says that if he wins the Presidency, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie will lead his transition team. 

- Christie says working for Trump has always been on his Bucket List... Of course it's a Bucket that he bought for lunch yesterday at KFC. 

*****

The University of Washington is conducting the largest study ever on how dogs age. 

- Results are expected to be released next year, or in 2022 in dog years. 

- Another study found that the dogs most likely to get botox or a facelift are Shar pei's.  

***** 

According to an interview, Madonna ran into Anthony Weiner at an event several years ago and after talking to him for a few minutes turned to her assistant and said, "Who the BLANK is this?". 

- Anthony is the first  Weiner in history that Madonna didn't recognize. 

*****

Nudists in Canada are trying to figure out how to get Millennials to join the nudist lifestyle, claiming that everyone who joins is "old". 

- It's not that Millennials don't get naked...it's just that they do it at a place called "College". 

*****

A new dating app called MapleMatch.com is designed to find partners for Americans who want to move to Canada if Trump wins the election. 

- "MapleMatch" is a lot more catchy than it's rival app eSaskatchewan.com. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick