"Hey...What's Your Sign?"

The man accused of fraudulently providing gibberish sign language during the entire 3 hour service for Nelson Mandela claims he's schizophrenic, hears angels talking to him, and has no memory of the event. He also added that he did a good job. 

- Experts say they should have caught on when he started trying to pat his head and rub his tummy at the same time. 

- Apparently the people who vetted this guy are the same ones made Edward Snowden the NSA's "2012 Employee of the Year".

The man also said he's been an interpreter for years and has never heard any complaints. 

- It's not that the deaf community didn't complain, he just didn't understand their sign language telling him he was a %$!@&*!

*****

Research shows that the U.S. Campaign in Pakistan asking people to stop hating Americans isn't working. 

- Did they learn nothing when they put the "I Heart the USA" page up on Facebook and didn't get a single Pakistani "Like"???

*****

A study shows that touching men's underwear made women more willing to take financial risks. 

- Especially if the guy wearing the underwear is Brad Pitt and he's asking you to invest in ANYTHING. 

- Apparently watching William DeVane chop wood in a plaid jacket telling people to invest in Gold just isn't cutting' it for the ladies. 

*****

A new survey shows that in the last 6 months alone, 40 patients at hospitals in England underwent surgery on the wrong limb, had medical instruments left in their bodies or were given the wrong implants. 

- Interestingly, there were very few complaints about the women who accidentally got the implants. 

Patients also received the wrong doses of the wrong medications and one man underwent an invasive colonoscopy intended for someone else. 

- After realizing his mistake, the Doctor removed the scope...and then his head...out of the the guy's butt. 

- This is way better than Obamacare! You get covered for conditions that weren't even pre-existing until the doctor started working on you. 

*****

Kathleen Sebelius is calling for a full investigation into what caused the Obamacare website debacle that she is in charge of. 

- She could save a lot of money by just buying a mirror. 

*****

This year's Super Bowl at Metlife Stadium in New Jersey will be the first Super Bowl in history to ban tailgating in the parking lot before the game to tone down rowdiness. 

- Fans say the move is childish and the NFL execs are acting like a bunch of spoiled Johnsonville Brats. 

- So now fans will be forced to cook hot dogs in their car's cigarette lighter and slam beers with the trunk closed. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here tomorrow with a brand new Podcast with a special guest making her first ever appearance! 

-Dick

It's Gonna Be A Blue Christmas For Kwame!

Yesterday, a federal judge ordered Kwame Kilpatrick to pay $4.6 Million in restitution to the city of Detroit as part of his punishment for running a Racketeering Operation out of his Mayoral Office. He was also ordered to pay the IRS almost $200,000. 

- He better pay the IRS bill fast or he could end up in...oh, wait! 

- Kwame heard the news while he was rehearsing for the Prison's annual "All I Want For Christmas Is Parole" Pageant.

*****

The Detroit City Council will be sworn in today. 

- I remember the day Monica Conyers was "sworn in". She dropped 10 F-bombs and a dozen other expletives before she even took the oath. 

*****

Time Magazine has chosen Pope Francis as it's "Person Of The Year" - the person who has had the greatest impact on the world.

- And to think I had 50 bucks riding on the guys from "Duck Dynasty". 

- Apparently the Pope has some friends in high places. 

Time made the announcement this morning on the "Today Show" adding that former NSA Leaker Edward Snowden was the runner up. 

- Actually Snowden and the Pope have a lot in common...for instance, they've both visited Russia. 

*****

The man seen on television around the globe "signing" the speeches at the Memorial Service for Nelson Mandela has been exposed as a fake. Experts say as people like President Obama delivered their remarks, he moved his hands around and made gestures that meant absolutely nothing. 

- They should have caught on when the guy pulled on his ear and Joe Biden said, "Sounds like..."

*****

A new study shows that frequent cellphone use by students leads to lower grades, anxiety and reduced happiness. 

- The anxiety and reduced happiness part also applies to the parents who are on the phone listening to their kids ask for more money. 

- With the education system in the shape it is, it's at least nice to know that there's still room for kid's grades to get even lower. 

*****

Carrie Underwood says that she is praying for those who criticized her portrayal of Maria in last week's live broadcast of "The Sound of Music". 

- Interestingly, the producers were going to go with Taylor Swift but then realized she'd end up breaking-up with Captain Von Trapp and ruining the ending. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday! 

-Dick

Baby It's Cold Outside!!!

If you've been outside today, you know it's what we kids used to call "Snot-Freezing Cold"! So how cold is it? 

- It's so cold the Hookers on Eight Mile are wearing their fur lined fishnets.

- It's so cold the Joe Louis Fist is wearing a boxing glove. 

- It's so cold the City of Detroit Bankruptcy Budget is "Frozen". 

- It's so cold the fries you get at the drive-thru actually seem hot.

- It's so cold a guy relieving himself by the side of the road actually peed ice cubes. 

- It's so cold "shrinkage" can now lead to "snapage".  Now THAT's Cold!!!!!

*****

The latest leak from Edward Snowden reveals that the NSA has undercover agents sneaking around virtual game realms like World of Warcraft to spy on the players. 

- Right...spying. That's what the NSA agents caught playing World of Warcraft on company time told their bosses they were doing. 

- They actually used the info to figure out exactly how many 17 to 35 year old men are unemployed. 

*****

Facebook is considering adding a "Sympathize" button. 

- It's for those people who feel awkward hitting the "Like" button when someone posts that they're Grandfather just died. 

*****

President Obama will speak today at the memorial for Nelson Mandela. 

- Meanwhile Joe Biden will be delivering the eulogy for Brian the Dog from Family Guy. 

*****

Sarah Palin announced plans for a new reality show on the Sportsman Channel that will focus on hunting, fishing and shooting. 

- Execs plan on starting the show off with a real bang by featuring guest star Dick Cheney and Sarah on a quail hunting trip. 

- She lives so close to Russia, her show will run on her cable network "Commie-Cast". 

*****

It's happened again...A woman using the bathroom in a Georgia "Home Depot" store found herself super-glued to one of the stores toilets. 

- If only she'd been in a "Home Depot" store where they carry some kind of super glue solvent...

- Employees said she ended up with "Rosy Cheeks" just like Santa Claus.

*****

North Korea has dismissed Jang Song-Thaek, the powerful uncle of leader Kim Jong Un, for what is described as a string of criminal acts including corruption, womanizing and drug taking. 

- Dennis Rodman is furious...Edward Snowden told him weeks ago that Jang Song had picked his name in the Korean Palace Secret Santa Exchange!

- Looks like there's gonna be one extra stocking in front of the firing squad wall this year.

***** 

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday! And don't forget to check out Podcast #103 where I reveal what I asked asked Santa for this year!  Just click here: Podcast #103

-Dick

Spartans Come Up Big...So Blog Comes Up Short!

No Blog today... Too tired and worn out from burning couches at Cedar Village in East Lansing after the big Michigan State win over Ohio State Saturday night!  

Congratulations to the Spartans on the Huge, Very Sweet Victory! And now it's on to Pasadena... and I'm off to Art Van to get a new couch!

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Purtan Podcast #103: "Books, Obamacare & Manboobs!"

Click here to Download Podcast

Welcome to the weekend and Podcast #103! In my latest "Pod-stallment" I welcome my wife Gail and daughter Jackie to the Purtan dining room table. (I mean it's not like I really have to "invite" them...it's their table too). 

Speaking of Gail...she just had a Birthday and we begin with her unwrapping a gift from Jackie (she did a much better job of acting like she liked it, than Carrie Underwood did acting as Maria Von Trapp in "The Sound of Music" live the other night!" - Although I thought her singing was great!)

While "How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?" is a great question...there are plenty of others! Ever wondered what Al Capone's brother did for a living? Or why Thomas Jefferson's head is pushed back from the other guys on Mount Rushmore? You'll find out as I tell you about a great new book called "One Summer". It's full of info about things that happened in 1927 including the Yankee's best year (when Babe Ruth hitting his famous 60th home run), a "mistake" made by Henry Ford, and how the world began becoming "Americanized" when Hollywood "Talkie" movies hit the big screen.  (Note to my six daughters: I wouldn't mind seeing this book under the tree come Christmas morning!)

Then we move on to something you're not likely to get for Christmas this year...a Health Insurance Plan. (Jackie's policy ends Dec. 31st so she's trying to work in that "breast augmentation" before the end of the year - just kidding!) 

Speaking of that we talk about "Man-Boobs" and the real way to avoid getting them, the 3 hottest Christmas gifts this season and which one I'm hoping for. (No...it's not the PlayStation 4), plus a new Fisher-Price infant seat fitted with an iPad holder. (So now your'e six-month-old can use his iPad to text you "iPooped". 

We'll also tell you how Angelina Jolie's 50th B-Day gift  to Brat Pitt could solve a crisis in Asia, my feeling's on the "untimely death" of Brian the Dog on "Family Guy", and explain how looking at a certain something can make people believe in God. 

So pour yourself a glass of egg nog (all egg whites please!) and unwrap Podcast #103!

-Dick

I Hope I Look This Good When I Turn 50!

Congratulations to Ford on the 50th Anniversary of it's legendary Mustang! They're celebrating with a 6th Edition of the iconic car. 

- You can purchase a special 50th Anniversary Edition of the car, but hurry! They're going faaaassssst!

*****

President Obama said that after he retires from the White House, he'd like to "take over" ESPN's "Sports Center". 

- Meanwhile Joe Biden wants to join the cast of "Duck Dynasty". 

*****

At yesterday's "Youth Conference" at the WH, the Prez tried to fire up young people to help promote Obamacare even saying, "If you're a bartender...throw a Happy Hour" to talk up the health insurance program. 

- Something tells me college kids in bars aren't looking to "pick up" a Health Care Plan. 

- You'll know you're at one of those Happy Hours if the bartender says, "You look HOT! - Maybe you should get Obamacare so you can get some meds for that virus."

*****

Fisher-Price has introduced a new infant seat equipped with an iPad holder for your little one. It's called the "Apptivity Seat". 

- So now your 6 month old can email you when he pooped his pants. 

- Experts warn introducing technology to babies could lead to "The Terrible Tweets". 

*****

A new study reveals that 80% of people believe in technology addiction, and 71% say they know someone who is a tech addict. Researchers say that for many people, being denied access to gadgets like smartphones is as stressful as getting married. 

- It's not quite the same...most married people don't get a "free upgrade" every couple years. 

- Signs of tech addiction include sweaty palms and an compulsion to post what your having for dinner on Facebook. 

*****

Charlie Sheen says he was scammed out of money by a couple of his ex-girlfriends. 

- Charlie must define the word "scamming" as paying hookers and strippers to have sex with him. 

- Apparently he forgot that he scammed himself out of millions when his bizarre behavior forced CBS to fire him from "Two-and-a-Half Men". 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday with a Shiny New Podcast! (It's no Mustang, but it's guaranteed to get you revved up!)

-Dick

Weight'll You Hear This One!

Eighteen percent of people in the U.S. say they're at their ideal weight. 

- These are the same 18% of people who have fun house mirrors in their bathrooms.  

*****

Democratic Senate Majority Leader, Harry Reid, one of the architects of Obamacare and one of it's staunchest supporters, will exempt some of his staffers from having to use it. They'll be allowed to keep their government insurance plans instead. 

- So apparently when Obama said "If you like your insurance plan you can keep your insurance plan" he was talking to four guys in Harry Reid's office. 

*****

Meanwhile the latest problem with the dysfunctional website is that while some people can actually log on, their info isn't being sent to the insurance companies, so people think they have coverage when they don't. 

- Big deal. I mean...what's the worse thing that could happen? 

- The problem was discovered by an 87-year-old woman who found out the hard way that she didn't have maternity coverage. 

*****

According to a new poll, the approval rating for Congress is 6 percent. 

- On the bright side, a whopping 80% of Americans think the guys on "Duck Dynasty" are doing a great job. 

*****

Hollywood execs announced that there will be an R-rated version of the "Fifty Shades of Grey" movie, as well as a NC-17 version for more "delicate" movie-goers. 

- There will also be a super duper extreme version rated G...Spot. 

- The NC-17 version will be released as "Twenty-Five Shades of Grey" and the G-Spot version will be called "250 Shades of Grey".  

*****

A University of Texas survey found that the top three regrets men have about sex involve not having it with enough women. 

- They were going to do the survey at the University of Arkansas but were afraid Bill Clinton's average would throw off the curve. 

*****

Monday night, Seatle Seahawk fans got so rowdy that it registered on a seismometer as a small earthquake. 

- The same thing happened at a Dolly Parton concert when she changed bras during intermission.  

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

The End Of The World...And A Purtan Family Birthday!

Miley Cyrus, and the cast of "Duck Dynasty", Kayne West & Kim Kardashian are among Barbara Walter's choices for the Most Fascinating People of 2013. 

- So it's official. The world is ending this month. 

Also making the list is Oscar winner Jennifer Lawrence, GMA anchor Robin Roberts, former NSA Leaker Edward Snowden and Prince William & Kate Middleton's infant son George. 

- Amazingly, little George can actually say Barbara's name...well at least the "Whaa Whaa" part. 

- Barbara didn't actually pick Snowden...he leaked a list with his name on it so she had to go with it. 

*****

Amazon.com CEO Jeff Bezos claims that in a few years his company will use unmanned drones to deliver packages directly to people's homes within hours of them placing an order. 

- The hardest part would be getting the drone to ring your doorbell so you know the package has arrived. 

- And Air Traffic Controllers thought they were overworked now. 

- I have more comments about this but I don't want to drone on and on.

*****

The most popular holiday gifts this year are the Xbox One and the PlayStation 4. 

- They're a lot like Obamacare...everytime you go to a website to order one, they say they're temporarily unavailable. 

*****

NASA has announced that it is going to try to grow herbs on the moon. 

- This is great news for space aliens who like to use fresh basil in their homemade marinara sauce!

- Flying someone up there everyday to water them is going to cost a fortune.

- A lot of people are hoping they'll grow marijuana because apparently they just can't get high enough here on earth. 

*****

Shoppers spent $57 Billion over the four-day Thanksgiving Weekend, which means Black Friday spending per average American was down for the first time in years. 

- Retailers are calling it "The Black Friday of Black Fridays". 

- Next year sales will start BEFORE Thanksgiving on what is known in the industry as "Mauve Wednesday". 

*****

A Croation group in France is suing Bob Dylan for a hate crime for comparing Nazis and Jews to Serbs and Croats in a recent interview. 

- Thus marking the first time anyone has understood anything Bob Dylan has said since 1969. 

*****

On a personal note... Happy Birthday to my incredible wife Gail! We started dating when she was 15 and I was 16, meaning that we've been together for almost 30 years now! Seriously, in addition to my six wonderful daughters, Gail has given me a lifetime of joy and happiness and has pretended to enjoy more documentaries on World War II than any spouse on Earth. (She knows more about Hitler than Eva Braun). I am blessed to have her as my "Much Better Half"!

Happy Birthday Gail!

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday...

-Dick

Hurray! Hurray! It's Cyber Monday! At Home Shopping Starts Today!

- So now you can sit around nursing all the bruises you suffered on Black Friday, and still get more shopping done! 

- Employers don't expect workers to get much done today: They'll spend the first half Cyber Shopping, and the second half on Facebook bragging about the deals they got! 

*****

Cairo University studied the fatwas issued by the Muslim Brotherhood under Mohammed Morsi, and one said that because the Egyptian word for "sea" is masculine, women who swim in the sea are adulterers and should be punished. 

- Apparently wearing a full length burka while strolling the beach isn't punishment enough. 

*****

According to a new report, the U.S. launch code for nuclear missiles during the Cold War was nothing more than a series of 8 zeros. 

- It's actually because they stored the "Nuclear Football" in a piece of Samsonite luggage and forgot to reset the lock. 

- Today "8 Zeros" refers to the group of guys who designed the Obamacare website. 

*****

Within 5 to 10 years scientists say they'll have a chip that can be implanted under the skin that tells a person when to stop eating. 

- Apparently until then you can continue eating all the "chips" you want! 

- What kind of a dip came up with the chip idea?

- And you thought the government got under your skin now. 

*****

China launched it's first lunar probe to the moon today. 

- And then they launched another one an hour later. 

- They're hoping to send a man to the moon by 2020 as part of their "Moon Goo Guys" program. 

- They call the mission, "One small step for Lo Meinkind". 

*****

ABC's new Thanksgiving special. "Lady Gaga and the Muppet's Holiday Spectacular" bombed in the ratings, drawing only 3.6 million viewers. 

- The only exciting moment in the show came when the two old guys in the balcony had heart attacks when Lady Gaga came out in a green frog leg dress made out of Kermit. 

*****

Have a great day and don't forget to check out my latest Podcast! Just click here to play: 

Purtan Podcast #102

See you back here Tuesday! 

-Dick 

Purtan Podcast #102: "An Audible Post-Thanksgiving Buffet!"

Click here to download Podcast

Welcome to the weekend after Thanksgiving and Podcast #102! If you're anything like me you're still stuffed, to semi-stuffed, from Thursdays big feast.  (I'm pretty sure I've got gravy still running thru my veins!)

Much like your refrigerator which is probably chock full of leftover goodies, today's Podcast, (with another visit from special guest Tom Delisle) is full of tasty tidbits. 

On The Menu?

- I reveal why my longtime engineer at WXYZ Radio Louie Shook refused to shower with the guys after our "Purtan No-Stars" charity hockey games.

- Jackie explains her 12-year-old son Charlie's outrage that George Washington danced with every other woman at his inaugural ball EXCEPT his wife. (How and why he knows this still baffles me).

- I'll tell you how a joke I told at a recent military fund-raiser bombed (so to speak) because no one in the audience had seen the movie "An Officer and A Gentlemen". 

- We discuss how old Dick Smothers looks in a new commercial for a medical condition called Bartlett's Disease (caused by acid reflux).  

- An embarrassing moment Tom (Delisle) shared with William F. Buckley Jr.

-  Whether or not Jackie will ever be invited over to my house for family get-togethers. (Before you start sending e-mails...It's a joke!) 

And save room...because there's lots more. So take a break from your shopping and tune in to Podcast #102! All you have to do is click! (Talk about FREE SHIPPING!)

Have a great day...and a great weekend and I'll see you back here Monday! 

-Dick

Gobble! Gobble!

Well it's the day before the Big Day... And whether you're finishing up at work, headed to Grandma's, or trying to figure out what to do with your giblets, take a moment for a little fun! 

As was a tradition on my radio show for many years, and now on dickpurtan.com, I've put up "The Fat Man's Prayer" by actor Victor Buono for your Day-Before-Thanksgiving pleasure. 

It's quick, quite amusing, and best of all...CALORIE FREE! 

Just click on the link below...you'll be "thankful" that you did!

Have a great day today and a Safe and Happy Thanksgiving tomorrow!

-Dick

The Fat Man’s Prayer by Victor Buono (2:27)

Breaking News...Santa Tops His Own "Naughty List"!

A 60-year-old Mall Santa was arrested for allegedly pinching the butt of an 18-year-old female elf. 

- It's the Most Wonderful Time Of The Year...right until the cops show up. 

- If convicted, I'm sure he'll get some nice Stocking Stuffers from the guys in the Pen. 

*****

HUGE SALVATION ARMY PIE SALE!!!!! 

Everything made from scratch by volunteers of the S.A. Girl Guard Program! 

Three delicious varieties: Apple Crumb ($11). Pecan ($11) & Pumpkin ($9). Available at the Salvation Army HQ - 3015 N. Main in Royal Oak or call (248) 585-5600 to place an order! Open 9am to 9pm today, 9am to 6pm Wednesday. All proceeds go to the Girl Guards Program! These pies are delicious and happen to be where the Purtan Family gets our Thanksgiving pies! 

*****

Rodney Dangerfield's widow says she keeps a bottle of the late comedian's sweat in her refrigerator. 

- She says she does it out of respect.

- NOTE: If invited to Rodney Dangerfield's widow's house for dinner...bring your own salad dressing! 

- You don't know wanna know what she keeps in her freezer. 

*****

A 25-year-old woman claims she and Charles Manson plan to get married. 

- With no date set, at this point the wedding plans are really Helter Skelter.

- She says Charlie can't wait to start a family. I hope it's a different kind of family that his last one. 

- Like any bride-to-be she's says she's a bit nervous. Okay, maybe a little more nervous than most...

*****

Mick Jagger is going to be a great-grandfather early next year. 

- He's got plenty of experience from years of changing Keith Richard's diapers. 

- Mick and the baby will have a lot in common...They both need some warm milk to help them get to sleep. 

*****

A 60-year-old Mall Santa was arrested for allegedly pinching the butt of an 18-year-old female elf. 

- So I guess it is the Most Wonderful Time Of The Year...right until the cops show up. 

- If convicted, I'm sure he'll get some nice Stocking Stuffers from the guys in the Pen. 

*****

The Ford Explorer driven by Sarah Palin when she was mayor of Wasilla, Alaska, is for sale on eBay. 

- It's got really low milage since the grocery store she shops at in Russia is just a few miles away. 

*****

A Charlotte, North Carolina man died and left his 4,270 sq. ft. home and $250,000 to his two cats, with his family getting nothing until the cats die. 

- Visitation for the cats will be this Friday from 11 to 2 followed by a private burial. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here tomorrow with a pre-Thanksgiving treat!

-Dick

Such A Deal???

Secretary of State John Kerry brokered a deal that freezes some parts of Iran's nuclear program - but lifts billions of dollars of sanctions against Iran for 6 months.  

- Kerry said negotiating was tough, but he gave in when Iran's President pinky-sweared that they would stop trying to make bombs. 

*****

In his first post-prison interview, Dr. Conrad Murray the man convicted of killing Michael Jackson insists he didn't kill the King of Pop, but loved him. He said the two were so close, he "held Michael's penis every night and inserted a catheter" to help with his bed-wetting. 

- Okay, that's even creepier than the video for "Thriller". 

- For the doctor that's known as being a BFF WITHOUT Benefits.

*****

President Obama is taking three days off to host fundraisers. 

- He's trying to enough money to buy enough Starbucks coffee to keep his Obamacare website techs awake. 

*****

More pet owners are turning to medical marijuana to treat their pets. 

- Cat owners are using it on healthy cats to mellow them out and stop the bitchy attitude. 

- And you thought your dog begged for snacks now. 

*****

Miley Cyrus did it again... She closed last night's AMA's with a rendition of her hit "Wrecking Ball", and was accompanied by a giant video of a kitten lip-syncing every word Miley sang. 

- Apparently the cat was high on medical marijuana when it agreed to the gig. 

*****

Taylor Swift won four trophies and made history by becoming the first female artist to win "Artist of the Year" for three years in a row. 

- She's got her heart set on winning again next year...so let the dating/breaking-up begin! 

*****

Singer Rhianna won the first ever "Icon" award - the AMA's version of a "Lifetime Achievement Award". She's 25. 

- So apparently in the Entertainment Industry, 25 is the new 90. 

*****

Famous Psychic Sylvia Brown died last week. 

- She never saw it coming!

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you here tomorrow as we count down to Turkey Day! 

-Dick

November 22, 1963: 50 Years Later

Click Here To Download Podcast

Welcome to the weekend and Podcast #101. I decided to leave this installment up for another week - since - as I write this, on November 22nd, the Nation is remembering that tragic and shocking day 50 years ago, when we lost John F. Kennedy to an assassin's bullet.  In order to add to the things you won's see on TV, we welcome Tom Delisle our good friend, and a longtime friend of the Kennedy Family to my dining room table. 

We talk about how even now, after half a Century, it's hard to believe that the man holding the most important job in the world, so young and vital, could be brought down by a misfit loner like Lee Harvey Oswald with a "lucky shot". 

On a personal note, I'll tell you the story (that frankly still amazes me) of how I ended up interviewing JFK during his presidential campaign...and the bizarre connection to that interview, a lunch that followed, and the man who - three years later - stood outside Parkland Memorial Hospital in Dallas and told a shocked world that the President was dead. 

Delisle also reveals the amazing chain of events that led Jack Ruby to be in that Parking Garage just as Oswald was being transferred, and ended the Assassin's life with a single shot. 

Tom then also tells us how a good friend of his came to be one of Lee Harvey Oswalds's pallbearers - and how Ruby's gun ended up in Detroit. 

We also explore JFK's eye for the ladies... ONE OF WHOM JOINS US ON THE PODCAST, and how I stood 4 ft. from Kennedy the same day he delivered the famous Cuban Missile Crisis speech. 

So join us for the next 48 minutes as we look back to those unbelievable happenings and incredible days 50 years ago on Podcast #101.

Have a great weekend!

-Dick 

Tigers Trade Prince; Pay A King's Ransom

The Tigers have traded dismal play-off-performing Prince Fielder to the Texas Rangers for 2nd Baseman Ian Kinsler...ALONG WITH A $30 MILLION CHECK to pay for PART of Fielder's remaining contract. Good trade? Bad Trade? 

-They could have saved a lot of money if they'd put him up on "DealDash.com".

- Fans of Fielder are saying the move was "way off base" ...you know, just like he was during the play-offs with the Red Sox. 

- A lot of people are surprised they'd get rid of such a heavy hitter...and I mean HEAVY hitter. 

*****

On October 4th, Catholic Central High School hockey player Matt Sorisho took a clean hit, lost his balance, and slammed back-first full speed into the boards.

His back was broken and Matt was paralyzed from the waist down.  

Last night a benefit emceed by JoAnne Purtan of Channel 7 Action News at the Compuware Arena in Plymouth, raised close to $600,000 to help the family pay for medical costs and mobility equipment that Matt will need in the future. 

If you'd like to make a donation to help this brave young man, go to 

http://www.hockeyhasheart.com

*****

Yesterday, Barack Obama presented the Presidential Medal of Freedom to a group of people who have made significant contributions to the U.S. including Oprah Winfrey and former President Bill Clinton. 

- Obama gave Oprah the medal and she gave him a new car! 

- The President said Bill Clinton has given a great deal to the country...including some things that required treatment with antibiotics. 

*****

Costco has apologized for selling Bibles at one of it's stores in California that were marked "Fiction". 

- Holy Moses!

- Apparently they thought they were the "King James Patterson" version of the Bible. 

- Not that many people complained, since they only went into the store for the free meatball samples. 

*****

McDonalds in China announced that they will begin selling McNuggets made out of Pork. 

- Finally! Sweet and Sour McNuggets! 

- It's a great addition to the Chinese Big Mac which contains "Two all Beef Patties, Chef's Special Sauce, Lettuce, Cheese, Pickles, Onions on a Wonton Wrapper Bun!"

*****

People magazine is taking heat for naming Maroon 5 singer Adam Levine of NBC's "The Voice" as 2013's "Sexiest Man Alive". Online commentators have raged that he's a "scrawny", "giraffe-necked", "man-orexic", "serial model dater" with a "nasal, whiny voice". 

- But enough from Simon Cowell...  

- Levine wasn't that thrilled about the award saying Nick Nolte was once voted the Sexiest Man Alive and look what happened to him. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here tomorrow! 

-Dick 

ObamaPalooza?

Michelle Obama went on a talk show hosted by rapper "Bow Wow" and said that her husband, the President, "has swag" and "spends a lot of time in the bathroom just singing". 

- It's beginning to look like he'll have to change his tune about Obamacare. 

- Lately he's been crooning songs like "Promises, Promises", "Desperado", and "Take This Job and Shove It". 

*****

India is planning on putting female monkeys on the pill to help cut down on the monkey population. 

- It's expensive, but compared to the cost of caring for a surplus of monkeys, Indian officials say it's "Chimp Change". 

- They would have used condoms, but the male monkeys don't have a pocket to keep their wallets in. 

*****

Pilots will soon have to have their Body Mass Indexes checked, and if it's over 40 (indicating too much weight), they'll have to be assessed for sleep apnea...which causes interrupted sleep and could affect their performance. 

- Pilots argue they've got plenty of time to catch up on their zzzzzz's during the flight. 

- Some pilots are so big, the front of the plane is now known as the "Crock Pot Pit". 

*****

The city council in Toronto has stripped admitted crack-using, heavy drinking, foul-mouthed Mayor Rob Ford of all powers except his title. Ford shot back that the city council is "Saddam Hussein", he is "Kuwait" and this is war. 

- Prepare for "Operation Desert Stoned".

- You gotta give him props for sorta kinda being up to date...at least back to 1991!

*****

Kayne West has released a new video for his song "Bound 2" that depicts a topless Kim Karsashian riding behind him on a Motorcycle as they roar past famous American tourist spots. 

- First stop: The Grand Tetons. 

*****

- HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius boasted Tuesday that 2 - that's right 2! - Floridians successfully signed up using the Obamacare website yesterday. 

- Wow! Two down...only 300 Million+ to go! 

- It's official: You now have a better chance of winning the Mega-Millions Powerball Lotto than you do of getting health care for your family! 

*****

Tech experts testified in front of Congress yesterday that in addition to all the glitches...70% of the healthcare website hasn't even been built yet.

- Apparently Joe Biden's brother-in-law is building it as a favor and he can only work on it every other Saturday. 

It was also revealed that security on the site is so lax, hackers have already gotten the Social Security numbers and other personal info of thousands of Americans. 

- Why go to the problem of hacking when you can just ask the NSA? 

*****

MSNBC will not invite Alec Baldwin back to host his late night show despite apologizing for his homophobic rant to a photographer. 

- Apparently Rachel Maddow has more pull at the network than people were led to believe. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Obamacare: "One Hundred Milllllllliiion Enrolees?"

During a conference call with community organizers yesterday regarding Health Care, President Obama "misspoke" and told them that "100 Million Americans" have successfully signed up for insurance through the Obamacare website. He apparently meant to say the "100 Thousand" figure that the White House announced last week. 

- The President says he got the idea for "100 Million Americans" after watching Dr. Evil in an Austin Powers movie. 

- This is what happens when you put Joe Biden in charge of the calculator. 

- The only thing 100 Million Americans will successfully get their hands on this month is the McRib Sandwich at McDonalds. 

*****

Speaking of Joe Biden...He said Monday that Obamacare will eventually become a success, then added "God willing". 

- God had no comment. 

*****

A mechanic in Argentina has developed a birthing tool that helps mothers deliver their babies more easily. 

- The hard part is getting her to agree to go up on the hoist. 

- This gives a whole new meaning to the term "The Jaws of Life". 

- The mechanic boasts that he'll also also attach cables to her battery and give her a free jump. 

*****

The American Academy of Pediatrics has recommended that kids under 2 should avoid all screen time on tablets because it slows their development. 

- However it does help kids learn to talk. Just ask their iMoms and iDads. 

- So stick to the old-fashioned way of parenting and plop them down in front of the TV set! 

*****

George Zimmerman has been arrested again, after he allegedly pointed a gun at his girlfriend and locked her out of her own house. 

- She should know better than to come home from the store with a bag of Skittles. 

- Zimmerman claims she bought the wrong brand of coffee forcing him to utilize the "Stand Your Grounds" law. 

*****

Today is National Toilet Day. 

- And Urine-vited to celebrate! 

- Most men will honor their toilet with a Standing Ovation. 

*****

Researchers have discovered that cold weather makes men frisky. 

- Which puts them in a tough spot since it also causes shrinkage. 

- So it's not shoveling the driveway that causes heart attacks, it's thinking about what they're gonna do afterwards!

- No wonder Snowmen always have a smile on their face. 

*****

A new smartphone app called "Panic Me" acts as a panic button so you can alert someone to rescue you if you think you're in trouble or danger. 

- In Toronto, it's known as the "Mayor Rob Ford Just Walked In" button. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

On A Windy Day The Lions Blow A Ballgame!

On a botched fake field goal attempt, the Lions blew a chance to beat the Steelers and ended up losing 37-27 yesterday. It was a hard blow to take on a hard blowing day.

*****

Speaking of blow hards, 660,000 people in Michigan are without power. 

- I haven't heard this much destructive wind blowing since Toronto Mayor Rob Ford gave his last press conference. 

*****

Schools aren't the only ones closed today because of the storm...many local businesses were affected as well. Here's a partial list...

- The "Bottoms Up" strip club in Romulus is closed due to all the dancers being blown off the runway. 

- "Boobs & Brewski's" is open...but will not be serving mixed drinks since all the little paper umbrellas were carried away in the storm. 

- Uncle Joe's "We're Always Open Snack Shack" is closed until further notice. 

- The "Just A Little Off The Top" Vasectomy Clinic in Warren is closed...but the drive-thru window is still operational. 

*****

A man in West Bloomfield brought a home next to his ex-wife and erected a 12-foot statue with a middle finger facing her house. 

- She "erected" a 4 inch statue of something else that faces his house...but nobody noticed. 

- Good to see they're keeping it amicable for the kids. 

*****

Butterball announced that if will not have enough fresh turkeys to meet the demand for Thanksgiving because some of the poultry has had trouble gaining weight. 

- Apparently all the girl Turkeys got together and joined Jenny Craig. 

- Or maybe the stress of knowing they weren't going to live to see Thanksgiving made them too nervous to eat. 

*****

Pope Francis has been named the most talked about person on the Internet. 

- Experts say it's all those pictures he posts of cats dressed up in little Bishop costumes. 

*****

Chris Brown left his "Anger Management" rehab.

- So he could enroll in the "Alec Baldwin Anger Management" program. 

- He like's Alec's clinic because it requires you to "punch the clock". 

*****

The guys from "Duck Dynasty" have released a Christmas CD. 

- Songs include: "Have Yourself a Ducky Little Christmas", "O Holy Duck", "Hark the Herald Mallards Sing", "I'll Beak Home For Christmas", and ""We Three Ducks Of Orient Are". 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday. And as we approach the 50th Anniversary of the Assassination of John F. Kennedy this Friday, Nov 22nd, don't forget to check out my new Podcast #101, featuring personal stories about my experiences with JFK, as well inside stories about the assassination and it's aftermath by a friend of the Kennedys, Tom Delisle!

-Dick

Purtan Podcast #101: Recalling 4 Days That Shocked The World...

Click here to download Podcast

Welcome to the weekend and Podcast #101. As we approach the 50th anniversary of the Assassination of John F. Kennedy on November 22, we welcome Tom Delisle, a longtime friend of the Kennedy Family to my dining room table. 

We talk about how even now, after half a Century, it's hard to believe that the most important person in the world - so young and vital - could be brought down by a misfit loner like Lee Harvey Oswald with a "lucky shot". And I, who have never bought into any conspiracy theories, reveal how recent events have led me to question things I used to accept as truth. 

While the JFK assassination seems just like yesterday to many of us, we are puzzled by the lack of knowledge and interest young people have about what was undoubtably the "Crime of the Century".

On a personal note, I'll tell you the story (that frankly still amazes me) of how I ended up interviewing JFK during his presidential campaign...and the incredible connection to that interview, a lunch that followed, and the man who - three years later - stood outside Parkland Memorial Hospital in Dallas and told a shocked world that the President was dead. 

Delisle also reveals the amazing chain of events that led Jack Ruby to be in that Parking Garage just as Oswald was being transferred and ended the Assassin's life with a single shot. 

Tom then also tells us how a good friend of his ended up being one of Lee Harvey Oswalds's pallbearers - and how Ruby's gun ended up in Detroit. 

We also explore JFK's eye for the ladies... ONE OF WHOM JOINS US ON THE PODCAST, How I stood 4 ft. from Kennedy the day he delivered the famohous Cuban Missile Crisis speech. (Not to sound like Forrest Gump, but I also spent the evening with then NYC Mayor Rudy Gulianni, the same night "Shock and Awe" was launched in Iraq). 

And to end on a "high"note...Tom and I tell recall the night we both met the amazing Tiny Tim!!! (That was a different kind of "Shock & Awe")... and on a "low" note (at least from a Father's perspective!) Jackie tells us what she would have done if she was in the ill fated plane with John F. Kennedy Juuuunnnnnior!

So join us for the next 48 minutes as we look back to those incredible days and happenings 50 years ago on Podcast #101.

Have a great weekend!

-Dick 

Scherzer Takes It To The Max!!!

Congratulations to the Tigers' Max Scherzer for Winning the American League 2013 Cy Young Award!

Well Played Max! Well Played!

*****

A survey by Cupid.com found that the Southern drawl is the sexiest accent in America. 

- Which explains why the girls who watch Duck Dynasty think the guys are so HOT!!!

Meanwhile a church group cancelled an appearance by one of the shows stars because he has signed on with a vineyard to produce a series of "Duck Dynasty" Wines. 

- So look for "Mallard Merlot" and "Pinot Grigio a la Orange" coming to a store near you. 

- The guys on the show say the wines go great with cheese and quackers. 

*****

A Dutch University study found that depression speeds up the aging process and makes us older faster. 

- So now people aren't just popping prozac, they're rubbing it all over themselves. 

*****

The governor of Hawaii signed a bill making gay marriage legal. 

- If only this happened during the original "Hawaii Five-0" we would have heard "Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome Mr. & Mrs. Steve McGarrett! Kiss him, Danno!"

- Question: Whether your gay or straight, when you live and get married in Hawaii, where do you go on your honeymoon? 

*****

Blooper out-takes from the 1991 serial killer movie "Silence of the Lambs" has gone viral. 

- So fire up the computer and have a friend over for dinner! 

*****

Mariah Carey said that despite her $18 million one-season paycheck, being a judge on "American Idol" was like "going to work everyday in Hell with Satan."

- Most viewers had the same feelings about the open audition episodes and they didn't get 18 mil.  

- If she thinks that's bad, she ought to go to work with a few radio program directors I know! 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday with an all-new Podcast (#101). As we mark the 50th anniversary of the JFK Assassination, we welcome Tom Delisle back to my dining room table with some more fascinating and personal stories about his times with the Kennedy's. 

-Dick