RIP... Charmian Carr, who played the oldest daughter "Liesl" in the film classic The Sound Of Music, has died at the age of 73. One of Jackie's life-highlights was singing "Sixteen Going On Seventeen" with her live on the air when she visited us in the studio one day. The other six actors who played the Von Trapp Children are still alive. 

*****

Tom Hiddleston says that despite their break-up, he is still friends with Taylor Swift. 

- Taylor's got more ex-boyfriends than Madonna... but still doesn't have as many STD's. 

*****

It's a HUGE day in Pop Music History, as we celebrate the 20 Anniversary of the Spice Girls. 

- They're the second best group to ever come out of England... after Freddie & the Dreamers, of course. 

*****

An Italian tourist was trampled by an elephant just seconds after taking a pic of himself standing in front of it. 

- His girlfriend says she'll never forgot the horrible moment... and neither will the elephant. 

*****

A California Review Board has denied Mark Zuckerberg's request to demolish four homes so he could expand the size of his mansion. 

- He's already "unfriended" everyone on the board. 

*****

Recently leaked emails show that Hillary reads her Blackberry in the shower.

- And you don't even want KNOW what Bill does in there. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick 

R.I.P..... John Kelly, longtime Detroit TV newsman and talk show host, has died at the age of 88 at his residence in Southfield. John was part of the incredibly famous Channel 7 news team, "Bonds, Kelly, Ackerman, Turner" in the 1970's - having been hired away from his previous station, WJBK where here worked successfully with Jac Le Goff, Jerry Kodak and his soon-to-be-wife, Marilyn Turner. 

In addition to the news, John, along with Marilyn, co-hosted "Kelly & Company"... a widely popular morning talk show. Jackie had the privilege of interning on the show for a summer and said that John was "alway funny and beyond nice. He treated us 'little people' like we were just as important as the famous guests who came in to be on the show". The picture of the coffee cup was taken by Jackie at her house this morning. She got it (okay...she stole it) when she left to go back to college and still uses it to this day. 

Our thoughts and prayers go out to Marilyn and the family. 

A 25 year old British woman has entered the Guinness Book of World Records for having the longest female beard in the world. 

- She was going to go out and celebrate with her boyfriend... but then realized she doesn't have one anymore because her beard was longer than his. 

- That sketch looks like Caitlyn Jenner at 5 in the afternoon. 

*****

Donald Trump says he needs to lose 15 or 20 pounds. 

- His next tweet should read "Trump With The Rump".  

- Apparently the Donald has been making his waist "Great Again". 

*****

CBS is underfire for editing Bill Clinton's comments about Hillary's health...taking out the word "frequently" and leaving in "rarely" when he talked about her fainting spells over the years. 

- If I didn't know better... I'd think the media was Biased.

- Apparently CBS stands for the "Clinton Broadcasting System".

*****

The White House has confirmed that two more prisoners released from Gitmo by President Obama have re-joined terrorist groups. So far, over 100 men released from the prison have returned to jihadist groups. 

- This is great.... we'll let anybody IN the country, but we make sure we send Islamic Terroists back to their friends and family.

*****

A New York photography studio has begun offering professional "penis" photoshoots that include dressing "Mr. Happy" in costumes and tiny hats. 

- It's good to see Anthony Weiner putting his photography skills to good use. 

- For Trump fans, they even have an itty bitty  "Make America Great Again" baseball cap.

*****

The Detroit Lions are teaming up with Uber to offer fans rides to and from their games at Ford Field. 

- In keeping with many of the Lions passes, the Uber cars will drive out of bounds. 

- So now you'll make it home safely, but the Lions still won't make it to the Super Bowl.

*****

The Outback Steakhouse released a statement reminding customers that they do not allow firearms in the restaurants. 

- Apparently they want diners to leave their guns Outback.

- So you can ride shotgun in the car on the way to dinner... you just can't take it in. 

*****

A Fertility Doctor in Indianapolis has been accused of using his own sperm to inseminate at least 50 of his patients.

- He's going to have to clear out an entire cupboard to fit all of the "World's Worst Dad" coffee mugs he'll be getting next Father's Day.     

******

A woman in Florida, upset with her order at a Wendy's drive-thru, went into the restaurant, trashed the counter and threw pink lemonade in the manager's face. 

- Wow... I had no idea Wendy's had pink lemonade.

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday!

-Dick 

Donald Trump will sit down with Doctor Oz tomorrow to discuss the status of his health. 

- We don't know what he's going to say... but we do know that Dr. Oz is going to stretch a human colon out across the stage and tell Trump that he can drop a ton of weight by drinking green tea extract. 

*****

Speaking of Colons... Colin Powell is the latest victim of email hacking... and it's not good for Hillary. Powell said that he lost a speaking gig "because she so overcharged them... they couldn’t afford any fees for awhile. I should send her a bill.” 

- Hillary is going to respond in a speech she's giving this afternoon... for 250 grand. 

*****

Meanwhile, a new poll found that 50% of Americans think that Hillary has given false information about her health. 

- The other 50% were unable to respond as they were coughing too hard from "seasonal allergies". 

*****

Two cops in California rescued a kitten who was trapped in a drain pipe by luring it out with a leftover burrito from their car.

- Donald Trump said he believes it's a Mexican kitten that sneaked across the border and is threatening to deport it. 

*****

A 2-year-old South Carolina boy is home safely after he was found driving down the street in the middle of the night in a battery-powered toy car.

- Boy... Uber will hire anybody these days. 

*****

The Oxford English dictionary is adding the word "moobs" which is short for "man boobs". 

- Under synonyms you'll find the words "Caitlyn Jenner". 

*****

The first trailer has been released for "Fifty Shades Darker".... the sequel to "Fifty Shades of Grey". 

- Reviewers say it's just like a porn movie... except it has a plot... sort of. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Ryan Lochte was dancing on DWTS when a man rushed the stage yelling "Lochte's a liar". 

- Ryan immediately called his Mom and said he and his dance partner had been robbed at gunpoint. 

*****

Former Texas Rick Perry also made his debut on DWTS to good reviews. 

- One Judge said he hasn't seen a politician dance that well since Hillary Clinton talked about her health. 

*****

Donald Trump said he wishes Hillary well and hopes she get over her pneumonia soon. 

- But added that he's going to build a wall around her at the debates to keep out any unwanted germs. 

*****

Some leaders of the Democratic Party are reportedly looking at other candidates to replace Hillary in case her health keeps her from continuing her campaign. 

- This could give Bernie Sanders the chance to not get the nomination Twice in one year.

*****

Supermodel Kate Upton blasts the Miami Dolphins on social media for kneeling down during the National Anthem. 

- The Dolphins plan to Flipper off. 

*****

Rapper Lil Wayne says that later today, he'll announce whether he's retiring from making music. 

- You might agree with me that he retired from making music the first time he turned his microphone on. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Click here to download Podcast

Welcome to a new week and a shiny new Podcast... #203. Join Jackie and me as we sit down at the Purtan Family Dining Room Table for an in-depth look at the book "Seinfeldia: How a Show About Nothing Changed Everything". Serving as your own personal "Audio Book", I read passages about the behind-the-scenes workings of my hands-down favorite TV show of all time - and reveal what Jerry Seinfeld says is his favorite episode of the entire series. (Btw... the pic is of me as Kramer, & Jackie as Elaine, from a charity calendar we did for Children's Hospital a while back). Before you say "Yada...yada...yada"... there's more.

We also talk about the state of Hillary's Health (cough, cough), How I tried to secretly annoy our next door neighbor by driving a toy tank into her backyard, Jackie's failed attempt to create a new fruit - "The Banapple", the time I turned down a proposition from the blond bombshell Stella Stevens... and lots of other stuff as well. 

So be the master of your own domain...enjoy Serenity now... and tune in to Podcast #203 - It's real... and it's spectacular! And don't worry about Shrinkage... it's almost 40 minutes long. 

Have a great Monday... and I'll see you back here Tuesday with my regular blog!

-Dick

Today marks the 50th Anniversary of the television debut of "Star Trek".

- Trekkies everywhere are celebrating by continuing to "Live Long and Prosper" in their parents basement. 

- To fans, "Going where no man has gone before" means "out on a date".

*****

Hillary Clinton said that there is evidence that ISIS wants Donald Trump to win the Presidency. 

- Apparently she saw a satellite photo of a "Trump/Pence 2016" sign in the sand outside a cave in Syria.

*****

Meanwhile Donald Trump says that within his first 30 day in the White House, he will ask the Military to come up with a plan to wipe out ISIS.

- And Hillary vows to spend her first 30 days wiping out the rest of her emails. 

*****

Starbucks CEO Howard Shultz announced that he's endorsing Hillary Clinton for President...and will be donating do her campaign.

- In other words, your Grande Half-Caf Pumpkin Spice Latte is now gonna cost you about ten bucks. 

*****

Tiger Woods announced that he expects to return to full-time golf in early November. 

- I guess he's tired of just puttering around the house.

*****

Apple unveiled the new iPhone 7 that comes with TWO high resolution cameras. 

- The phone is also known as the iAnthonyWeiner. 

*****

A Rasmussen poll shows that only 28% of Americans believe the U.S. is headed in the right direction. 

- Apparently 28% of Americans don't have TV's or internet access. 

*****

A 43 year old Oklahoma woman is facing prison after legally marrying her 25 year old Daughter. 

- I know a lot of Mom's get swept up in planning their daughter's weddings... but they don't usually make themselves the Groom. 

- It was like a fairytale... "Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed...And Someone Who Gave Birth to You". 

*****

Kanye West unveiled his new "Yeazy Season 4 " clothing line during a live-streaming fashion show. 

- And if you happened to watch the show, I'm gonna have to ask you to "Unlike" me on Facebook. 

*****

Libertarian presidential candidate Gary Johnson appeared on MSNBC this morning was asked what he would do about Aleppo - the Syrian city at the heart of that countries civil war. He asked "What's Aleppo?"

- In his defense, his supporters think "A-leppo" is slang for someone with leprosy. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Chevy Chase has reportedly checked himself into an addiction treatment center in Minnesota. 

- Apparently the thought of Cousin Eddie coming over for Thanksgiving pushed him over the edge. 

- More on this story in the upcoming movie "National Lampoon's Rehab Vacation". 

*****

Bill Coby who was back in court yesterday regarding his upcoming Sexual Assault trial, is claiming that he is the victim of racial bias. 

- Apparently he believes that if dozens of women had been drugged and assaulted by Wilford Brimley they never would've filed charges. 

*****

Cosby looked healthier than he has before, but his lawyers say he is 100% blind. 

- And he better hope the jurors are blind too. And deaf. 

*****

As more coughing fits have raised questions about Hillary Clinton's health, she admitted yesterday she has "upped her antihistamine med load" to combat what she calls "seasonal allergies". 

- Meanwhile Bill said that he tried Afrin once... but he didn't inhale. 

*****

A group of stoned concert goers at the Burning Man Festival, cut power lines, glued trailer doors shut and flooded the ground with 2,000 gallons of water. 

- Police say they have 500 eyewitnesses... but they were so high not one of them remembers seeing anything. 

*****

The International Astronomical Union has named an asteroid after the late Queen singer Freddie Mercury.

- Am I crazy, or doesn't he already have a planet named for him???

- If they want to name an Asteroid after someone... I vote for Anthony Weiner. 

*****

Yet another one of Taylor Swifts' relationships has come to an end. 

- There hasn't been this much attention paid to a break up since The Beatles. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday! 

-Dick

When Air Force One landed in China for the G-20 Summit, Chinese officials said they "couldn't find" a staircase to let President Obama off the plane for a red carpet welcome. He ended up having to come out of the rear door of the plane. 

- Maybe they were just honoring Obama's policy of "Leading from Behind". 

- They did give him an extra egg roll at lunch, so all in all it was a wash. 

*****

Apple is set to unveil the new iPhone 7 in a star studded event tomorrow. 

- We know one thing for sure... it's going to be iExpensive. 

- In related news, I'm using a new piece of duct tape to keep the battery in my Flip-Phone. 

*****

19 years after her death, Mother Teresa has been officially named a Saint.

- Unfortunately, National-Anthem-dissing Colin Kaepernick, continues to be a 49er. 

*****

A Yahoo study found that 50% of Americans don't want to visit Florida because of the Zika Virus. 

- And the other 50% don't want to visit because their mother-in-law lives there.  

- Disney is trying to calm fears by featuring a fun new ride called: "It's a SMALL Mosquito After All". 

*****

Pamela Anderson wrote an Op-Ed piece in the Wall Street Journal over the weekend urging people to give up porn. 

- It took a really long time to read since she wrote it in Slo-Motion. 

*****

7 days after starting a hunger strike to protest not getting tenure, a Pennsylvania college professor had his first meal - tacos. 

- He said he gave in because he'd made his point... and...  he was really, really hungry.

*****

"The Burning Man" music festival out West reportedly has a giant tent where people are invited to go in and have sex with strangers. 

- Concert goers can now leave the festival with a $20 T-Shirt... and a Free STD!

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Purtan Podcast #202

Click here to download Podcast

Welcome to Labor Day weekend and Podcast #202. Yes... we FINALLY got our technical problems worked out and are back at the Purtan Dining Room Table aka "Podcast Central"! Topics include:

- Why some men in Europe are wearing size 36E bras.

- ISIS... and how their latest actions have lowered the barbaric bar even further. 

- Even more unbelievable "PC" mandates at colleges - and even at one elementary school.

- And with the loss of comedic legend Gene Wilder, we share some of our favorites moments from his masterpiece "Young Frankenstein"... (That's FRONK-on-schteen!).

So "Put the candle back", "Walk this way", and click on Podcast #202!

Have a great long Labor Day weekend and I'll see you back here Tuesday with my regular blog!

-Dick

Patriots' QB Tom Brady is being mocked online for sporting what some people are calling a "Megyn Kelly" haircut. 

- Personally I like it... unlike his footballs, his hair has a lot of volume.

*****

Donald Trump doubled down on his plan to build "A Wall" during his Immigration speech last night... just hours after traveling to Mexico to meet with President Nieto. 

- The Mexican President hasn't agreed to pay for the wall, but might as long as it will keep Trump from ever entering Mexico again. 

*****

New emails show that Hillary Clinton continued to email classified information on her private email server AFTER she stepped down as Secretary of State. 

- Democrats say that demonstrates the kind of Consistency we need in our next President. 

*****

Ryan Lochte is now endorsing a hand-held alarm called Robocopp. In the ads he says "I've been traveling a lot lately. We all like to have fun, but it's a good idea to stay safe. Robocopp can get you out of a bad situation."

- And lying about a bad situation can land you an endorsement deal with Robocopp. 

*****

A small digital video camera was found in the women's bathroom of a Jeep Dealership in White Lake Township.   

- Usually you expect to find the rear-view camera in the CAR... Not in the DEALERSHIP.

- A woman discovered the camera when she sat too far back and the camera started beeping. 

- His boss said whoever put it there just flushed his future at the dealership goodbye. 

*****

CBS is developing a scripted TV series call "Her Honor" based on the life of Judge Judy. 

- Meanwhile NBC is working on a series called "Law & Order: DNA" based on the life of Maury Povich. 

*****

The body of the alleged clairvoyant who gained fame when he accurately predicted the death of Michael Jackson was found murdered in his office. 

- Police are asking anyone who can talk to the dead to contact the clairvoyant and ask him who they should arrest. 

*****

A multi-million dollar Unmanned rocket exploded on the launch pad at Cape Canaveral in Florida this morning... sending black smoke billowing into the air.

- Thousands of Floridians cheered, thinking that their Condo Association had elected a new President. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Northbound I-275 has reopened...ahead of schedule!

- Which means starting this afternoon, commuters will most likely be stuck in rush hour traffic on brand-spanking new lanes!

*****

Donald Trump will deliver a major speech on Immigration tonight, but first he'll fly south of the border to meet with Mexican President Enrique Nieto. 

- Trump is going to try to steal President Nieto's wallet to get a cash down payment for "The Wall". 

*****

Singer Chris Brown has been arrested...again...after a woman accused him of pointing a gun at her during a jewelry party at his home. 

- The gun pointing doesn't surprise me... but Brown never really struck me a a "Jewelry Party" kind of guy.

*****

Professors teaching an Environmental class at the University of Colorado emailed students telling them that if they question the validity of "climate change", they should drop out of the class... and that no dissenting opinions will be allowed. 

- That's what college should be... a free exchange of ideas. As long as they're the Professors' ideas. 

- When I was a student at Syracuse, the only "Climate Change" we noticed was a gust of wind when  a Frisbee flew over our heads. 

*****

Mike Tyson is being accused of stealing an Ice Cream Bar at the U.S. Open tennis tournament. 

- They must have been out of Elephant Ears.

*****

The hot new trend in the perfume and cologne industry is Unisex Scents... Fragrances that work on both a man or a woman. 

- They got the idea when Bruce Jenner got fake boobs, but kept using his same old aftershave. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick 

RIP Willy Wonka..

Some celebrity deaths hit you harder than others... and this is one of them. Gene Wilder, who passed away yesterday at the age of 83 from complications from Alzheimers, was one of my idols. A brilliant writer, director and actor - his movie performances are among my all time favorites. From the complex quirky, yet lovable "Willy Wonka" of the chocolate factory fame all the way to the therapist who falls for a sheep named Daisy in "Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Sex - But Were Afraid To Ask", he was amazing to watch. And don't get me started on "Young Frankenstein". Seriously, don't... We'll be here all day. I've watched that movie more times than I've watched D-Day specials on The Military Channel (and that's saying a lot - just ask my wife, Gail.) To me, "Young Frankenstein" is the funniest movie ever made. The story about the grandson of the famous Dr. Frankenstein from the Mary Shelley novel and the 1930's movies, inheriting his Grandfather's castle and La-bor-a-tory was Wilder's idea. He took it to his friend Mel Brooks, and together they came up with the screenplay. "Put the candle back"...  "SED-A-GIVE???" "Walk this way..."  "FRONK-en-schteen"... The monster (a tuxedo clad Peter Boyle) singing and dancing to Irving Berlin's "Puttin' On The Ritz" along side Wilder. So damn funny. They just don't make 'em like that anymore.

*****

The new season of "Dancing With The Stars" will feature some familiar faces... among them, 60-year-old Maureen "Marcia Brady" McCormick. 

- Maureen has already suffered a few injuries in rehearsal... including a broken nose she got when Greg accidentally threw a football at her. 

Former Texas Governor Rick Perry will also hit the ballroom floor. 

- He says he decided to join the show for 3 reasons...but he can only remember 2 of them. 

*****

New research shows that Dogs not only recognize our tone of voice, but actually understand what people say to them. 

- For instance, Anthony Weiner knew exactly what his wife Huma Abedin meant when she said, "I'm leaving you". 

*****

A teenager wanted by Police in Australia was caught after complaining about the unflattering photo of her they were using on TV, and sending them a better one. They tracked her phone, and nabbed her. 

- She is so stupid, it's criminal. 

*****

North Korea has reportedly executed two more top government officials... one for allegedly nodding off during a meeting. 

- I think Kim Jong Un was just looking for a fun way to wrap up his back-to-school essay, "What I Did On My Summer Vacation". 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Former NY Congressman and husband of Hillary Clinton's top aide Huma Abedin, Anthony Weiner, (aka "Carlos Danger") has been caught tweeting racy photos of himself to another woman AGAIN. This is time his 5 year old son is in the background of the pics. 

- Anthony sends out tweets more often that Hillary deletes emails. 

- At this point he's giving up politics forever, and will stick with being a Stay-At-Home Cad. 

*****

U.S. Rep. John Conyers & former Detroit City Councilwoman Monica Conyers - who were due in court for Divorce proceedings today...renewed their vows on Saturday. 

- Although they've been together for years... the Maid of Honor said Monica was "a nervous Shrek".

*****

A new study found that an addiction to coffee is genetic. 

- Especially if you happen to be the love child of Juan Valdez and Mrs. Folger. 

*****

Pope Francis met with Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg at the Vatican over the weekend. 

- Zuckerberg wanted to keep the meeting secret, but the Pontiff tagged him in a photo. 

- The Pope will also meet with the head of Amazon... who is set to arrive in Rome in two days, with free shipping!

*****

The Federal Government is spending almost $1 Million to study the drinking habits of Lesbians. 

- Finally! An answer to one of the most burning questions on Americans' minds. 

- I'm betting they have no interest in Jim Beam, Jack Daniels or Johnny Walker. 

*****

Embattled Olympian Ryan Lochte has a new endorsement deal...as the spokesperson for Pine Bros. Throat Lozenges.

- After being sponsored by Speedo... that's got to be hard to swallow. 

*****

President Obama's former campaign manager went on TV Sunday and called Donald Trump "a psychopath". 

- He went on to criticize Trump for calling Hillary Clinton names. 

*****

Chaos erupted at LAX airport in L.A. last night following fears of an attack... but it turns out the crisis was triggered by an actor on his way home from an audition dressed in a Zorro costume carrying a plastic sword. 

- If he was THAT convincing... He should get the part. 

*****

A new study found that nearly one-third of New Yorkers haven't had sex in the last year. 

- So it may be the City That Never Sleeps... but it's not sex that's keeping them up.

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick 

82 year old Larry King is reportedly filing for divorce from his 56 year old wife Shawn after finding out that she has been having an affair. 

- If those two crazy kids can't make it... what chance to the rest of us have? 

- Larry, that's seven down... One more to go. And then "Eight is Enough".

*****

Fresh off his scandal in Rio, Ryan Lochte has signed on to appear in the upcoming season of Dancing With The Stars. 

- You know if he loses he's going to claim he was robbed. 

*****

66 year old Bruce Springsteen and his E. Street Band played a concert in New Jersey Tuesday night staying on the stage for 3 hours and 52 minutes. 

- Whew! If the concert had lasted longer than 4 hours, he would have had call his doctor and go immediately to the hospital. 

*****

Domino's has announced that they will begin delivering Pizza to customers in New Zealand using Drones. 

- Soon people will be pointing at the sky saying "It's a Bird! It's a Plane! It's a Pizza!"

- Little Ceasar's will counter the service by offering a new "Hot & Airborne" combo for just 5 bucks. 

*****

Wikileaks founder Julian Assange says that the next batch of Hillary Clinton emails he's set to release will be "an election game-changer" if they catch fire with the media. 

- In other words, the only place you'll hear about them is on Fox News. 

*****

A man in upstate New York walked into a convenience store dressed as Batman and stole two 18-packs of Budweiser. 

- Party at the Bat Cave! 

- Police say they believe he was working alone and are looking for a single "na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na SUS-PECT!". 

***** 

A northern California bakery has seen a big dip in sales after posting a pic of a transgender Ken doll in a flowing pink buttercream dress on it's website. 

- On the bright side... Caitlyn Jenner ordered 2 dozen transgender cupcakes for her upcoming Tupperware Party! 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here this weekend with a brand new Podcast - if we can get our technical problems fixed!

-Dick

Mark Zuckerberg has admitted that Facebook knows more about you than you think... including your income and net worth, the square footage of your home, and what TV shows you watch. 

- So the cat's out of the bag... I'll admit it... I watch re-runs of "ALF".

*****

The FBI revealed that more than half of the people who were allowed to meet with then Secretary of State Hillary Clinton had given at least a million dollars to the Clinton Foundation. 

- Bill has rushed to her defense saying... "I did not have sex... with any of those donors".

*****

It's National Waffle Day...

- The day we celebrate undecided voters across the country. 

*****

At a fundraiser for Hillary Clinton on Sunday, Cher called Donald Trump "an idiot".

- Trump immediately tweeted that Cher is "Two-faced"... which to be honest, after all that plastic surgery, is actually true. 

*****

Dunkin' Donuts will begin offering Pumpkin Spice Latte's at stores nationwide on Monday.

- There's no better way to beat the end of summer heat than with a piping hot drink that reminds you of Halloween. 

*****

A theater group is will perform an All-Nude version of a Shakespearian play in a NYC park this weekend. 

- In this version Juliet says, "Romeo, Romeo, where art thou Romeo? Oh... THERE thou art!!!"

- The gay community is hoping it's a production of "The Two Gentlemen From Verona". 

- This is the first time people with actually be able to see the actors Iambic Pentameters. 

*****

A new study out of Yale University shows that not having a lot of friends is as bad for your health as smoking. 

- A related study found that if you still smoke, chances are you don't have many friends. 

*****

Friends of Kanye West and Kim Kardashian say the two fight about Kim's busy schedule. 

- But Kanye says that Beyonce still has the busiest schedule of all time. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

In Albuquerque, New Mexico... teachers at an elementary school have been ordered to stop using the term "boys & girls" and to make their classrooms "gender neutral". 

- The kids are really going to enjoy reading "Curious George Goes To The Breast Implant Surgeon". 

*****

There's a new dating App called NudistFriends...where "Naturalists" looking for love post naked pictures of themselves and wait for a response. 

- And you thought the profile pics were fake on Match.com.

*****

The FBI has uncovered almost 15 thousand new emails showing that Foreign donors to the Clinton Foundation got special access to Hillary Clinton in what is being called the "Pay for Play" scandal. 

- And I remember Disc Jockey's who lost their jobs for taking 5 bucks to play songs like "Dance Monkey" by Herb & The High Notes. 

- Look for the FBI to take immediate action...and by "immediate" they mean mid-November. 

*****

President Obama is set to head to flood ravaged Louisiana today after wrapping up his Golfing vacation on Martha's Vineyard... but critics say his visit comes a little too late. 

- The White House says he would have cut his vacation short to address the disaster... but he's not running for re-election. 

*****

Four major sponsors... including Speedo and Ralph Lauren...have cancelled their endorsement deals with Ryan Lochte after the "Robbery in Rio" debacle. 

- I'll bet his head is swimming. 

*****

The Girls Scouts of America are adding a new cookie - "S'Mores" to their line-up. 

- A lot of people worry about gaining weight during Girl Scout season... which is why I only eat the Thin Mints. 

*****

A teacher in Texas announced that there will be no homework for students this year... saying there is no evidence that homework improves performance at school. 

- Which is exactly why I never did  mine. 

- The first bell hasn't even rung yet and the kids have already voted her "Teacher of the Year". 

******

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

The 2016 Rio Olympic Games officially came to an end last night. The Top Medal totals were:  USA - 121. China - 70, Great Britain - 67...

- ... and Ryan Lochte - 0... As in chances of him getting anymore endorsement deals.)

*****

Speaking of the Olympics... a wrestling coach for Team Mongolia stripped down to his underwear in protest Sunday after losing the Bronze Medal to Uzbekistan. 

- He's one Mongolian who really had a Beef. 

*****

Speaking of beef... Kim Kardashian has admitted to getting butt injections. 

- Now her assets over a butt load of cash.  

*****

Lindsay Lohan has agreed to an interview on Russian State Television IF they meet her demands...including a private jet, lots of money, and a meeting and photos with Vladimir Putin.

- Lindsay's a lot like Putin... although she needs to throw back a few shots before she takes her shirt off. 

*****

North Korean leader Kim Jong Un said today that he'll use a nuke to turn Washington, D.C. into "a heap of ashes" if the US tries to stop his nuclear program.

- Well somebody's feeling pretty important in his new Middle School uniform!

*****

An FDA study suggests that pregnant women who take acetaminophen are more likely to have a hyperactive child. 

- So ladies, don't take Tylenol...Take Tylenol PM. 

*****

 A new mega-luxury apartment complex in Los Angeles is offering residents free on-site botox injections.

- This explains the Change of Address card I got in the Mail from Cher over the weekend. 

- It's actually a ploy to keep residents from looking shocked when they jack up their rent. 

*****

NOTE: Due to ongoing technical issues... we continue to be unable to put up a Podcast. We are attempting to fix the situation ASAP. I'd like to shoot my computer - or whatever it is that's causing the problem. Sorry!

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday! 

-Dick 

Uber is set to begin using driverless cars. 

- Hmmm... a drunk guy in the backseat and no one behind the wheel. What could go wrong?

*****

Hillary Clinton says that when it comes to tax reform, "It's time for the wealthiest to pay". 

- Looks like somebody is going to have to up her speaking fees to help cover what she's gonna owe the IRS. 

*****

Meanwhile Hillary said she'd create 10 million new jobs if she wins the Presidency. 

- And 9 million of those jobs will be "Email Deleters". 

*****

New questions today about whether or not Olympic Swimmer Ryan Lochte and several others were actually robbed at gunpoint in Rio. 

- If it's not true... they're the ONLY people who haven't been robbed at gunpoint in Rio. 

*****

Meanwhile... new reports out this morning say that a drunken Lochte and his friends destroyed a gas station bathroom and were actually confronted by an employee with a gun who demanded they pay for the damages. 

- If video backs up the story...it looks like the gas station guy is going to take the Gold in this one. 

*****

A new study revealed that the number one excuse Men use to cover up an affair is to say they're playing golf. 

- Hey... it worked for Tiger Woods. 

- The news has left a lot of ladies Teed off. 

*****

A man in Ohio was arrested for allegedly trying to have a romantic interlude with the grill of his Van. 

- I guess he missed the part where you're supposed to have a romantic interlude in the BACK of your Van. 

- This gives new meaning to "Love...It's What Makes a Subaru a Subaru". 

*****

The newest trend in celebrity spas is to get wrapped in a giant burrito shell that is supposed to help you sweat out toxins. 

- It's Nacho typical spa treatment. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Lion's fans will have something new to have with their beer during games this season: An apple filled donut with Lion's Blue frosting and sprinkles. It'll set you back 15 bucks and weighs 4 pounds. 

- The donut looks like something the Lions have been eating for the last 50 years which explains their record. 

*****

Donald Trump has shaken up his campaign...again...Adding two new people to top positions. 

- At this point, the only person in the campaign Donald hasn't replaced is himself. 

*****

New concerns about Hillary Clinton's health are swirling after a bunch of photos surfaced showing her being supported by pillows. 

- Usually when you hear "Pillows" and "Clinton" in the same sentence, it involves Bill.

*****

A video of Dick Van Dyke singing "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" in a Santa Monica Denny's is getting lots of views on the internet. 

- If you look closely, I think you can see Mary Tyler Moore in the background saying,"Ohhhhh Rob!!!"

*****

The Obama Administration announced that another 15 Guantanamo Bay inmates have been released from Gitmo and are on their way to the United Arab Emirates.

- From there, they'll catch a flight back to the U.S. 

*****

A study by BGR News found that a Pokemon named Abra is the hardest to catch in Pokemon Go. 

- A similar study found that STD's are the easiest thing to catch if you sleep with Madonna. 

*****

The Riviera Casino in Las Vegas was imploded Tuesday to make way for the new convention center. 

- By the end, there was nothing left but rubble... and an old lady with her hand on four different slot machines. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back Thursday!

-Dick