July 1st...

Jackie here... Thanks a million for all your birthday wishes! So much appreciated! And now on with the news....

*****

Today is Canada Day.. the day they celebrate the "forming of the dominion", thanks for asking', eh? 

- And they're also celebrating  the day I left CKLW and crossed back over the river...

*****

NJ Governor Chris Christie launched his Presidential Campaign in his old high school gym.

- He wanted to start with a fresh slate and make the announcement somewhere he's never been before. 

*****

Negotiators for the US and Iran have extended the deadline for a nuclear deal until July 7th. 

- Apparently Iran wants to see how the whole "fireworks thing" works out on the 4th. 

*****

The captured New York inmate David Sweat, is recovering from his gunshot wounds and and is looking forward to returning to prison.,

- He's hoping to get a cell next to,  his former girlfriend, Joyce Mitchell. 

*****

See you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Happy Birthday Jackie!

Happy Birthday to Jackie, my fellow podcaster, blog writer, and Daughter #2! Have a great day and a great year ahead! 

She's given us nothing but joy since the day she was born...all 9 pounds 13 ounces of her!  

*****

Scientists will add one extra second to a minute at 8:00pm tonight. It's known as a "leap second" and is being done to keep to keep up with the earth's rotation. 

- What a sec... Are they sure they know what they're doing? 

*****

A new study found that mediation and yoga can actually lead to more anxiety. 

-I think the anxiety part comes from knowing that the people behind you in Yoga class are staring at your butt. 

*****

The "World's Ugliest Dog" competition has officially wrapped up in California. First place went to  a Shepherd-Pit Bull mix named "Quasi Modo".

- They were going to have a "World's Ugliest Cat" competition, but none of the cats would get off the back of the couch to even enter. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here tomorrow ...the 1st of July! Maybe that's when summer will finally kick in! 

-Dick 

P.S. Sorry for the short blog... having a Birthday lunch instead!

Purtan Podcast #166: "Fifty Shades Of A Three-Year-Old"

Click here to download Podcast

Brayden and his Aunt Jackie 

Welcome to the weekend and Podcast #166! This week Daughter #6, Julie, and her 3 year old son Brayden join me and Jackie at the Purtan Dining Room Table for a grown up conversation (except for the 3 year old part). Topics include:  

- The common words and expressions we're not supposed to use anymore according to the "PC Police".

- The recent trend of parents giving their babies "neutral gender" names.

- Can women really have specific-sex embryos implanted to guarantee they'll get the boy or girl they want, as Kim Kardashian claims she did? 

- The stupidest question...by far...that I ever asked a doctor.

- And the fourth and latest volume in the "Fifty Shade of Grey" series.

So before you run out to the bookstore...take a few minutes and listen to Podcast #166!   (31:17) 

Have a great weekend and I'll see you back her Monday with my regular blog! 

-Dick 

Supreme Court Upholds Obamacare By 6-3 Vote.

Obama happy. But not so happy at White House event Tuesday when he had a heckler removed saying, "You know what? Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. No, no, no, no. You are in my house. If you are eating the hors d'oeuvres, know what I'm sayin'? And drinking the booze?"

-Michelle Obama's mother sheepishly apologized and promised she'd never do it again. 

*****

Target and Sears have joined Wal-Mart in refusing to sell the Confederate Flag, and now a NY film critic is saying that "Gone With The Wind" is so racist, it should only be shown in museums. 

- "The Wizard of Oz" is also under fire because only PART of it was in color. 

*****

Some kids in Indiana were caught selling salt, pepper and sugar to fellow students to try and add flavor to the bland Michelle Obama dictated school lunches. 

- And you know what they say about salt...it's the gateway seasoning to garlic powder. 

*****

Doctors are warning women who wear skinny jeans not to squat for too long because it can cut off circulation to their lower extremities. 

- They added that guys who wear skinny jeans can end up cutting off a lot more than just their circulation. 

*****

A Pennsylvania brewery is honoring former Penn State Football coach Joe Paterno with his own beer. 

- And if you drink enough of it you won't be able to see anything...just like Joe. 

*****

There are multi reports that ISIS is now printing it's own currency. 

- Why? It's not like it's members need to save for retirement. 

*****

A prison inmate says that the woman who helped two New York convicts escape had sex with them in a closet more than 100 times. 

- Which begs the question: When did they find time to do all that drilling to break out of their cell? 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday! 

-Dick 

Lady Gaga Shows Off Her TaTa's...

Lady Gaga was photographed Topless, going out for pizza in New York City.

- I know it's hot out, but she should at least have the decency to wear a couple of round steaks. 

- The guys at the pizza joint described her as "Hot and Ready". 

*****

Wal-Mart announced that it will no longer sell Confederate Flag merchandise. 

- Luckily, they still have the lowest prices on Jefferson Davis action figures. 

*****

Wikileaks is reporting that the NSA spied on three French Presidents dating back to 1995. 

- So for 20 years, we've known their exact plans for surrender if they're ever attacked. 

*****

A new report says that Hillary Clinton's campaign has been registering voters outside of grocery stores. 

- Not to be outdone, Donald Trump is registering voters outside of Tiffany's. 

*****

Rachel Dolezal says she's receiving offers from reality TV show producers. 

- I'm bettin' her show will be filmed in Black and White. 

*****

Disney's Animal Kingdom is now selling brownies called "Animal Poop", at $4 a pop. 

- Or in this case... $4 a poop. 

- If you're looking for something more refreshing, try one of their frozen "Poopsicles". 

*****

A study by Yahoo News says erectile dysfunction drugs are leading to an increase in skin cancer. 

- So guys...make sure you put on sunscreen before climbing into that bathtub in your backyard. 

- Remember..."When the Moment's Right...Go To Your Dermatologist".

*****

The fourth book "Fifty Shades of Grey" series has sold 1.4 million copies in just 4 days. 

- We tried to reach the author for a comment, but her publicist said she was "tied up at the moment". 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick 

"We Made It Through The Rain!"

I Hope everyone is alright following last night's gigantic storms! We hunkered down and slept in the lower level of our house. Also...I can't thank you enough for all of the Father's Day wishes and kind words about my family in response to yesterdays post! 

- I was wished "Happy Father's Day" more times than Jim Bob Duggar. 

*****

United Airlines announced that they're no longer flying out of JFK airport in New York. 

- The announcement was delayed by two hours due to bad weather in Chicago. 

*****

The University of California has asked faculty and students to stop using "potentially offensive" phrases including “America is a melting pot,” “Why are you so quiet?” and “I believe the most qualified person should get the job."

- Why don't we all just become Mimes and call it a day? 

*****

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West announced that they are expecting a baby boy. 

- Of course the way that family operates, the sex of the baby could change at any time. 

*****

According to a new study in the Journal of the American Medical Association, there are now more obese American adults than overweight American adults. 

- So if you're just plain "overweight", consider yourself part of a more exclusive club. 

- They refer to the obese group as "Whoppers" and overweight people as "Whopper Juniors".  

*****

A new study found that more U.S. adults are taking drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder than children. 

- Wow. I didn't realize so many adults had ADD. Did I ever tell you about the time I went to Paris? It was beautiful. I like ice cream. Wanna go for a bike ride? 

*****

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell will hear Tom Brady's appeal of his Deflate-Gate suspension later today. 

- Tom is nervous, but his his wife Giselle Bunchen told him to just take a deep breath in...then just let it out. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday! 

-Dick 

A Picture Purt-Fect Father's Day!

To all of you Dad's out there... I hope you had as great a Father's Day as I did! The whole family went out for lunch and our six daughters treated!!!! As for the eight grandkids... they were at the other end of the table and were busy running up the tab! 

*****

Hallmark is reporting that 180 million men received a Father's Day gift yesterday. 

- It would have been 180 million and one...but Bruce Jenner got all his gifts on Mother's Day. 

*****

Severe storms with winds up to 70mph, golf ball size hail, and even a possible tornado may put a damper on tonight's Ford Fireworks on the Detroit River. 

- So guys...if it's Fireworks you're after, you might want to go the old fashioned "flowers for no reason" route. 

*****

A Rochester, New York high school announced that their sports teams will no longer be called the Orientals. 

- I guess they just couldn't sweep this issue under the rug any longer. 

- They'll know be known by the more politically correct name: "The Amazin' Asians!"

*****

The FBI has released a cookbook of their favorite recipes. 

- The book is entitled "America's Most Wanted Slow Cooker Creations!" 

- You can see pictures of the dishes at your local post office. 

*****

The Statue of Liberty turns 130 years old this week. 

- And she's still carrying a torch for that guy she dated in high school. 

*****

In a new book,  Playboy Bunny Holly Madison says that she didn't enjoy sex with Hugh Hefner. 

- Hugh issued a statement saying he once slept with DOLLY Madison and she even sent him a thank you note. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday! 

-Dick 

Purtan Podcast #165: "Almonds & Walnuts"

Click here to download Podcast

Welcome to the weekend and Podcast #165. This go-around Jackie and I welcome my wife Gail to the Purtan Dining Room Table for some "Pillow Talk" about the passing of Detroit Radio Icon Alan Almond, among other things. Highlights: 

- The first time I "saw" the mysterious Alan Almond, and how I peeked around the corner to see him. 

- Years later, when I found out that Alan had purchased something that I used to own...and the amazing thing he didn't know about it. 

- Jackie's recollection of listening to Alan's show in college... (Who knew a Twix bar, a Michelob Lite, love songs and Alan's deep baritone voice could evoke such emotion!)

- A "Best of Purtan" cut featuring Doc Andrews spoofing Alan Almond as "Alan Walnuts". 

Plus...

- LeBron James "wardrobe malfunction" on live TV. 

- The Donald wanting Oprah as his VP. 

- And Hillary Clinton: The most famous white woman in the world... if you don't count Rachel Dolezal. 

So no matter how awake you are...take a few minutes to have "Sweet Dreams, Angel" in Podcast #165.  (27:47). 

Have a great Father's Day Weekend and I'll see you back here Monday with my regular blog!

-Dick

NBC To Brian Williams: "No News For You!"

CNN is reporting that Brian Williams will NOT be returning to the anchor desk when his 6 month suspension is up in August, but will remain employed by NBC in a different capacity. 

- No word on what his position will be...but I'm bettin' it won't be in the "Fact Checking" department. 

- They should have him host a show on MSNBC. That way if he lies again, only two people will know about it. 

*****

President Obama refused to confirm whether or not Prince and Stevie Wonder played a private show at the White House last weekend. 

- How are we supposed to believe in "transparency in government" when they won't even admit that two guys played a concert at the White House? 

- Sounds like we're the ones getting' the old song and dance routine. 

*****

Rachel Dolezal says there is no biological proof who her parents are, and that she's definitely NOT white. 

- I've got 3 words for her: DNA. 

- The only thing we know for sure is that on March 17th, she's Irish. Because on St. Patrick's Day...EVERYONE is Irish! 

*****

A 103 year old British man married a 91 year old woman on Tuesday. 

- Are you thinkin' what I'm thinkin'? Yup...somebody got knocked up!  

- Luckily, they've already got plenty of diapers on hand. 

*****

A judge in Japan has ruled that sleeping with a prostitute doesn't count as infidelity. He says that since money is exchanged, it's just a business deal, not "cheating". 

- And just like that Bill Clinton booked a dozen speaking gigs in Tokyo. 

- Married women all over Japan are calling for the Judge's gavel to be taken away. Surgically. 

***** 

Phil Collins bought a mansion in Florida that belonged to Jennifer Lopez. 

- His favorite part of the house is the built-in music Stu-Stu-Studio. 

*****

The Treasury Department announced that the $10 bill will feature a woman's face starting in the year 2020, they just don't know which one yet. 

- Caitlyn Jenner seems like the obvious choice since you could use her to make change for a twenty. (Before you go looking in your purse or wallet, Alexander Hamilton is currently on the $10 bill). 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here with a brand new Podcast Friday! 

-Dick 

RIP...Alan Almond

The velvet-voiced host of "Pillow Talk" on WNIC from the '70' thru the middle 90's, has died at the age of 68 from an apparent heart attack. 

You most likely were a listener of his show - especially if you're a woman - and perhaps heard the impression of Alan that Doc Andrews did on my radio show. We called him, "Alan Walnuts". I'll share some personal stories of my relationship with Alan - and play some of Doc's satirical take-off's - on my new Podcast that will be up this Friday. 

*****

Newly minted Republican Presidential candidate Donald Trump told ABC that if his friend Oprah would join the ticket, the two could win easily. 

- The Donald would focus on creating new jobs, and Oprah would give everyone who voted for them a NEW CAR! 

*****

British Police are looking for a family of 12 who left the country to join ISIS. 

- It's not that they believe in the cause, it's just that ISIS has more Dentists. 

*****

Hillary Clinton released her official campaign playlist on the music service Spotify. It's filled with upbeat songs including the recent hits "Happy" and "What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger". 

- Meanwhile Bill released his own playlist which includes "To All The Girls I've Loved Before", "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?" and "Afternoon Delight". 

*****

The married woman who helped two inmates escape from a New York prison confessed to having sex with both of them. 

- They're considering coming out of hiding to dispute her claim. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

The Donald Will No Longer Duck Question Of Presidential Run.

Donald Trump is expected to announce that he's he's worth $9 Billion and will make a run for the White House today. The Donald claims that he'll be different than any candidate in history. 

- For instance, he'll pick his running mate on a TV show called "Vice Presidential Apprentice". 

*****

On the heels of Rachel Dolezal's resignation as the head of the Spokane NAACP for pretending to be black, it was revealed that she sued the college she attended for "anti-white discrimination". 

- This woman flip-flops so much she should run for Congress.

*****

A study by the CDC found that the average woman now weighs as much as a 1960's man. 

- Which one? Gilligan or the Skipper? 

*****

An Italian newspaper leaked a copy of the Pope's document on Climate Change. 

- It's really long... Boy can that guy Pontificate! 

*****

Jeb Bush formally announced his candidacy for President yesterday and noted that his brother George will not play a role in his campaign. 

- Apparently Jeb is now the "Decider-er". 

- He's afraid George would hang up a "Mission Accomplished" banner before the polls even open. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday! 

-Dick 

Not Everything Is Black & White...

Rachel Dolezal, the head of the NAACP in Spokane, Washington has been outed by her parents that she was born white and she's just pretending to be black.

- If she ends up going to prison over this, she can star in the new season of "Orange Is The New Black". 

*****

John Stamos was charged with DUI over the weekend, but will continue plans for the Netflix sequel to "Full House" called "Fuller House". 

- Seems to me they should call the show "Drinks On The House". 

*****

Hillary Clinton gave her first official campaign speech in New York on Saturday, telling the crowd that her Presidency will be like nothing they've seen before. 

- This can only mean one thing... Hillary's gonna start wearing skirts! 

*****

A new report says that when Ronald Reagan was President, he protected himself by always carrying a gun in his briefcase. 

- As opposed to President Clinton who always carried a gun in his briefs. 

*****

A cow named "Lady Gaga" won the "Prettiest Bovine Award" at a festival in Germany. 

- To honor the cow, Lady Gaga will have it made into a dress and will wear it at her next concert. 

- This way, when fashion critics ask Lady Gaga who she's wearing, she can honestly answer, "Lady Gaga!" 

*****

Former Playboy Bunny, Holly Madison, claims that Hugh Hefner gave models drugs so they would have sex with him. 

- Bill Cosby immediately filed a suit against Hefner for "stealing his idea". 

- Hugh took drugs too... his were just colored blue. 

*****

"Jurassic World" became the the highest grossing opening film worldwide ever over the weekend by pulling in more that $500 Million dollars at the box office. 

- Abe Vigoda and Betty White saw the movie and said the dinosaurs were just like the ones that were around when they were kids.  

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday! 

-Dick

Purtan Podcast #164: "We're Totally Out Of Whack!"

Click here to download Podcast

Welcome to the weekend and Podcast #164! In this "Podisode", Jackie and I welcome back former "Purtan's Person" Joe Noune to the table for a spirited discussion including: 

- Dandelions, Weeds and Joe's claim that he's a Champion Weed Whacker...and has been since he was a teenager. 

- Two of Johnny Carson's all time greatest jokes. 

- What comic & TV Host did a lot of David Letterman's stunts come from? 

- The amazing "Border Collie Olympics". 

- Viagra for women.

- Putin, the Russians and how we could defeat them if we could just get rid of their uniforms. 

- My favorite personal Gordie Howe story. 

- "The Schmenge Brothers" - from the brilliant John Candy & Eugene Levy. 

- A surprise guest appearance by my three year old Grandson Brayden. 

- And why Joe has embraced singledom after the worst blind date of his life. 

So take a break from your own weed whacking and plant yourself down for a listen to Podcast #164!  It'll really grow on you!  (46:08)

Have a great weekend and I'll see you back here Monday with my regular blog! 

-Dick 

Say It Ain't D'oh!

In an upcoming episode of "The Simpsons", Homer and Marge will get a legal separation. 

- They were going to wait until the kids grew up but it looks like that's never gonna happen. 

*****

McDonald's has hired former Obama White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs as their Global Communications Chief. 

- It seems to me, if they want a guy who knows how to keep people informed about McNuggets, they would have hired someone who used to work for the Clinton Administration.  

*****

Melissa Rivers is replacing her mom, Joan Rivers, as the the new face of the "Fashion Police". 

- Ironically, Joan replace HERSELF as the new face of the show 372 times... every time she got a facelift. 

*****

Republican Presidential candidate Lindsay Graham says that since he's not married, he'll have "rotating First Ladies in the White House". 

- I believe "Rotating First Ladies" is one of the things on Bill Clinton's "Bucket List". 

*****

A recent survey found that Facebook is the number one source of breakups for young couples. 

- Are you like...totally...OMG...really...like...SERIOUS???

- If you've just broken up, instead of changing your relationship status to "Single "...there's a new button where you just click "Just Like Taylor Swift". 

*****

Two Pakistani suicide bombers blew themselves up after getting into a shoving match that accidentally set off their vests. 

- Friends say the two men had a simple misunderstanding that got blown way out of proportion. 

*****

The Pope told reporters that computers are bad because "they contain filth that contaminates the soul". 

- And he knows this how???

*****

A Japanese online dating website was shut down after it was revealed that of it's 2.7 million users, one of them was a woman.

- The men who belonged to the site are furious and the woman is...well...exhausted. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday with a new Podcast! 

-Dick 

Happy Birthday James!!!

Happy Birthday to James "The Walking Man" Robertson who turns 57 today. James is doing great, and in honor of his birthday, Jackie is helping him celebrate by doing one of his favorite things...taking him to the Tiger Game! Go Tigs and Go James! 

- James is only person I know who thinks the most exciting play in baseball is "the walk". 

*****

A study by the Population Institute found that 25% of Japanese men above the age of 30 are virgins. 

- It's hard to get a date when you've been working 80 hours a week since kindergarten. 

- They could really reduce that number if they could just get Madonna to play some concert dates in Tokyo. 

*****

Dunkin' Donuts announced that they're testing out home delivery service. 

- So if you're looking for a cop, just stop by his house. 

*****

Hollywood sources say that Mr. T is coming out with a home improvement show. 

- It's tentatively titled: "I Pity The Tool". 

*****

NBC sources say that Brian Williams is "despondent" because the advance word is, the network is not going to give him his anchor job back. 

- Insiders say he hasn't been this traumatized since he narrowly escaped death when the Hindenburg went down. 

*****

Donald Trump says that his upcoming announcement about whether he's running for President will make a lot of people happy. 

- So I guess we can safely assume he's NOT running. 

*****

Miley Cyrus posed naked with a pig in her latest Instagram pic. 

- It's was a PR stunt for her new line of processed meat snacks "Pork Twerky". 

Miley also says she doesn't identify herself as a boy or a girl, and "is open to any consensual sexual behavior as long as it doesn't involve animals". 

- Cats and Dogs everywhere are breathing a sigh of relief. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

TMI?

As part of a it's new "Reproductive Health" feature, iPhones users will soon be able to keep track of how often, when and how they have sex.

- This replaces the old technology known as "bragging to your friends about it". 

*****

Former First Lady Barbara Bush celebrated her 90th Birthday yesterday with the whole family gathered at Kennebunkport. 

- Things went great until one of the great-grandkids asked, "Who invited George Washington to the party?"

*****

Tomorrow is James "The Walkin' Man" Robertson's Birthday. 

- In honor of James, I'm listening to Fat's Domino's "I'm Walkin'" right now!

*****

An FDA Advisory panel has officially backed a new "Viagra for Women" pill, clearing the way for full approval in August.  

- Caitlyn Jenner immediately tweeted "It's About Time!" #girlsjustwannahavefun.

*****

Jerry Seinfeld says he doesn't play college campuses because kids are too "Politically Correct" and "don't know what the F#%& they're talking about". 

- Jerry was angry that day, my friends. 

- Apparently he thinks college kids suffer from "brain shrinkage".  

- When colleges offer him gigs, he responds "No Jokes for You!"

*****

A Florida principal is under fire for plagiarizing a graduation speech. 

- People became suspicious when he told the grads, "Ask not what your college can do for you...but what you can do for your college"...and then vowed that we would make it to the Moon by 2020. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick 

I Dough! I Dough! I Dough!

A study by Knot.com found that the average American wedding now costs $31,000. 

- That's cheap compared to the Divorce!

*****

The President spoke at the Biden funeral Saturday. 

- They wanted Hillary...but they couldn't afford her speaking fee. 

*****

American Pharaoh made history on Saturday when he became the first horse to win the Triple Crown in 37 years. His trainer says his reward will be "getting to have sex with 200 mare's a year". 

- It's very similar to the signing bonuses offered to NBA players. 

*****

Two convicted murderers escaped a maximum-security prison in New York on Friday by using power tools to carve a tunnel. 

- It's being called "The Electric Saw-Shank Redemption". 

*****

In the middle of California's ever worsening drought, the state's Governor, Jerry Brown, announced that he's showering less often. 

- And in a show of solidarity, Woody Harrelson announced that he will continue his policy of not showering at all. 

*****

Indiana's first official Church of Cannabis held it's first masses this weekend. 

- Afterwards, everyone gathered in the Social Hall for a Pot Luck dinner.  

*****

The residents of a street in Austin, Texas are thinking of changing the street name from "Bruce Jenner Lane" to something else. 

- They're also considering putting in a U-Turn lane. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Purtan Podcast #163: "Change You Can Believe In???"

Clearly Photoshopped Photo Courtesy of Dave Jankowski

Click here to download Podcast 

Welcome to the weekend and Podcast #163! Join former "Purtan's Person" Joe Noune, Jackie and me (???) as we "transition" from topic to topic including: 

- What Mrs. Bruce Jenner (Kris) had to say about her ex-husband marrying her in the first place. 

- Bruce Jenner vs. Caitlyn Jenner's gigantic "speaking fee" increase. 

- Should the International Olympic Committee strip Bruce/Caitlyn of His/Her Olympic Gold?  

- Does OSU have an advantage in Football recruiting over UofM and MSU? 

- Coming soon...a sequel of "National Lampoon's Vacation" with Chevy Chase and Beverly D'Angelo as the Grandparents. No word as to who's going to play "Cousin Ed". 

- The one Golden Rule the character voices on my radio show HAD to follow. 

- And of all the "Purtan's Person's"... ironically... who was the most difficult for me to motivate? 

So while you're trying to erase that picture of me from your mind... why not slip into something comfortable and tune in to Podcast #163?   (37:05) 

Have a great weekend and I'll see you back here Monday! 

-Dick 

P.S. A special thanks... (I think)... to my good friend and graphic artist Dave Jankowski for making me a "Cover Girl"! 

Clint Back In The Swim Of Things!

Clint Eastwood is not only directing a movie about "Sully" Sullenberger, the hero pilot who safely landed that U.S. Airways flight in the middle of the Hudson River, but also wrote some of the dialogue. 

- So look for the part where Sully goes on the plane's PA system and asks the passengers, "Are you feeling lucky, Punks?". 

*****

Taco Bell announced that they will begin serving beer and wine at some of their locations. 

- I guess they figure the people who eat Taco Bell just aren't drunk enough. 

*****

U of M's Women's Softball Team lost to Florida last night, 4 to 1, losing the Women's College World Series Championship. 

- The team would have called the Tigers for pre-game advice...but then they remembered that the Tigs had lost 5 in a row. (Now 6!)

*****

For the first time in her 56-year history, Barbie can now wear both heels and flats - opening up her footwear possibilities.

- The same thing happened to Bruce Jenner earlier this week. 

*****

A BBC reporter is in trouble for Tweeting that Queen Elizabeth had died. 

- But he's in way less trouble than Prince Charles who immediately tweeted "FINALLY!" #WhoDaKing?I'mDaKing!

*****

Comedian Jeffrey Ross says that Martha Stewart smoked weed after filming the "Justin Bieber Roast". 

- Martha admitted it's true...but says she grew the pot in her kitchen window herb garden, mixed it with a touch of basil and fresh parsley, then rolled it in handmade parchment paper. 

*****

Last night on "Jeopardy" Alex Trebek read the clue:  “Here she is at her confirmation hearing to be our nation’s top cop", while showing a pic of the new US Attorney General. Not one of the 3 contestants clicked in to even attempt a guess.

- Proving that even some of the smartest people in the country have no idea what's going on with the U.S. Government. 

FYI: When time ran out, Trebek was forced to disclose, “And that is Loretta Lynch.”

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday with a brand spanking new Podcast! 

-Dick

"The Girls of Summer!"

Good luck to the UofM Women's Softball Team in tonight's Winner-Take-All Title Game against Florida for the Women's College World Series Championship! 

*****

NSA Whistle Blower Edward Snowden says it was worth it to become an International fugitive, never able to see his family again, and forced to live in Russia. 

- He claims it was important for Americans to realize the US government was spying on them...plus he now gets to go on shirtless horseback rides with Vladimir Putin. 

*****

FDA Scientists are considering a new pill that claims to be "Viagra for Women". 

- Talk about a bunch of Stand Up guys! 

- Now if they can just figure out a comfortable way for women to swallow expensive jewelry. 

*****

A Pew poll found that 61% of Millennials get their political news from Facebook. 

- Facebook is also the place they turn for important developments in where their fake friends are having dinner.   

*****

An internal study by the Department of Homeland Security found that the TSA failed to spot weapons being sneaked onto planes 95% of the time. 

- On a happy note, TSA workers reported "immensely enjoying" invasive pat downs 100% of the time. 

*****

A new brand of liquor is hitting shelves this week that's said to be inspired by the lives of porn stars. 

- Offerings include: "Absolut Tramp" and "No Wonder Jim's Beaming". 

*****

According to scientists...Chimpanzees can understand the concept of cooking and are willing to postpone eating raw food, even carrying it a distance to cook it rather than eat it immediately.

- So yes it's official ladies, Chimpanzees are more civilized than your boyfriend. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday! 

-Dick