"It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like... Jim Harbaugh!"

According to inside sources, Jim Harbaugh will be announced as the Michigan Wolverine's Head Football Coach tomorrow. He parted ways with the '49er's yesterday following their 20 to 17 win over Arizona. So it looks like the Wolverines will be getting a belated Christmas present...albeit an expensive one. The former Michigan Quarterback's salary is estimated to be $48 million over 6 years, making him College Football's highest paid coach, but he's got a big job to do: Restoring the Glory of Michigan Football.  

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Ferris Bueller A Classic...And Howe!

The 1986 teen comedy "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" has been selected by the National Film Registry of the Library of Congress as "culturally, historically or aesthetically" significant, meaning it will be "preserved for future generations". The movie was written and directed by the late John Hughes. Hughes, among other movies,  wrote and directed "National Lampoon's Vacation", "Home Alone", and my personal favorite, "Planes, Trains & Automobiles". Hughes was born in Lansing and spent the first 12 years of his life in Grosse Pointe, thus explaining why one of the three characters wore a Gordie Howe jersey throughout the film. 

- Thoughts on this? Anyone..... Anyone.... Bueller?

*****

North Korea's Kim Jong Un is threatening to strike the U.S. mainland over the Holidays because we accused them of hacking into the computers at Sony Pictures. 

- Pretty big talk from a guy who looks like he should be an elf making toys in Santa's workshop. 

*****

Meanwhile, the North Korean government is still trying to figure out what caused a "massive" 10-hour Internet outage in their country yesterday.

- The U.S. denies any involvement...(Wink Wink).

*****

A New York Rabbi says that "A Christmas Story" is the most appropriate film for Jewish people to watch during the holidays. 

- As for music, he recommends "I'll Be Home For Hannukah", "Frosty The Highly Successful Doctor/Lawyer" and "Bubby Got Runover By A Reindeer". 

*****

The Federal government has granted American Indian Tribes the right to grow marijuana on their land. 

- Most of Congress was in favor of the move, but some had Reservations. (da dum dum!)

*****

The New Jersey strip club that was used in the Sopranos was robbed of $30,000 on Sunday. 

- The thieves had to use two getaway cars to fit in all those singles. 

*****

TLC is debuting a new show in January called "My Husband Is Not Gay" in which 3 wives try to make their husbands straight again. 

- AGAIN???

*****

A Detroit man dressed as Santa Claus shot two men who tried to hit on Mrs. Claus. 

- Pay attention kids! Santa takes this whole "naughty" thing a little more seriously than you might have thought. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here tomorrow...Christmas Eve!

-Dick 

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Lions Win 10, Are On Cloud 9.

Lions fans got an early Christmas present with the team landing a spot in the Play-Offs after the Eagles lost to the Redskins Sunday. It's only the 2nd time the Lions have made it to the Post-Season in 14 years. They finished the regular season with a 10-4 record and face Chicago on Sunday. GO LIONS!!!!!

*****

A new study found that the medical advice given by Doctor Oz is only accurate 30% of the time. 

- But you gotta admit that whole stretching a real human intestine across the stage thing never gets old. 

*****

A British mom moved to Syria to marry an ISIS terrorist. 

- Instead of getting a paying job, she's opted to be a Jihad-At-Home mom. 

- She says her terrorist husband is a romantic at heart, but does have a short fuse. 

*****

Madonna released 6 new songs on Saturday calling it an early Christmas present for fans. 

- And unlike most "gifts" she gives people, this time no antibiotics are needed. 

*****

Elton John married his longtime partner David Furnish at their home in England Saturday. 

- It's about time Elton made an honest man out of him! 

*****

Al Sharpton's daughter Dominique says she's standing by Bill Cosby despite all the allegations. 

- Bill Cosby was so pleased he invited her over for a drink. 

*****

According to AAA, gas prices are the lowest they've been in five years...with the average price in Michigan at just $2.19 a gallon. That's a dollar lower than the same time last year. 

- So going over the river and through the woods to Grandmother's house isn't gonna cost you nearly as much this year. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick 

Purtan Podcast #146: "Christmas Stock-ings & Bonds"

Click here to download Podcast

Welcome to the weekend and Podcast #146...our Pre-Christmas Podcasting present to you. Today Jackie and I welcome former "Purtan's Person" Tom Delisle to the dining room table. Subjects include: 

-Bill Bonds... Star TV News Anchorman. 

- The early competition between the Detroit newspaper journalists and the TV Guys...and how Bill played a pivotal role in that. 

- The "problems" that arose between Billy and his teleprompter guy. 

- Bill's "moveable" toupee.

- Mort Crim - the inspiration for the movie "Anchorman". 

- Some fascinating stories about legendary actor Cary Grant. 

- Speaking of "famous actors", we touch on Harry Reems and Johnny "Wad" Holmes. 

- And what Jackie's son Charlie had to say about the Bob Bashara verdict. 

So stop stuffing those stockings for a few minutes and unwrap Podcast #146! 

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Monday with my regular blog!

-Dick

Kim Jong Un-Believable!

American officials have concluded that North Korea was "centrally involved" in the hacking of Sony Pictures computers. The studio has pulled the offending movie "The Interview" (about a fictional plot to kill Kim Jong Un) from theatrical release. 

- To appease Kim Jong Un...they're re-releasing his favorite movie..."Dumb & Dumber". 

*****

A new photo of Bill Clinton with a very wealthy supporter of his and her, um, rather buxom daughter has gone viral, leading some to say that Bill is up to his old tricks. 

- And by "old tricks" they mean something he hasn't done since last week. 

*****

Elton John and his partner David Furnish, who had a civil union in 2005, will be officially married in England this weekend.

- Elton will wear something old, something new, something borrowed and a giant duck suit. 

*****

The US is restoring full diplomatic relations with Cuba after a secret year long conference in Canada that was negotiated by Pope Francis. 

- Just before the agreement was signed, Obama asked the Pope, "How are the negotiations goin'?". The Pope replied, "They're goin' good, eh? Thanks for ahskin!"

- To celebrate, everyone involved smoked a Cuban Cigar and took in a Hockey game. 

*****

64 year old Stevie Wonder and his girlfriend welcomed a new baby daughter, Nia, this week. It's Stevie's ninth child. 

- He's had eight other kids but says he didn't see this one coming. 

*****

President Obama told People Magazine that before he became President, he was often mistaken for a waiter at black-tie events. 

- And Joe Biden said that since BECOMING Vice President, he's often mistaken as the Valet Parking Guy. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here tomorrow with a special Podcast tribute to Bill Bonds. 

-Dick 

Pope You Have The Best Birthday Ever!

Pope Francis turns 78 today. 

- If smoke comes out of the Vatican Chimney, you'll know he just blew out the candles on his cake. 

- It'll be Angel Food Cake by the way. 

- He went out to a restaurant Tuesday night for his Last Supper as a 77 year old. 

*****

Merriam-Webster dictionaries said "Culture" was the most used word of the year in 2014. 

- And for Miley Cyrus, that word was most used in the sentence "Your culture came back positive". 

*****

South Korea announced that they will let citizens clone their dogs for $100,000. 

- So now in Korea, you can have your dog, and eat him too! 

*****

According to a new survey, the most likely occupation for an "unfaithful" wife to have is "Teacher". 

- Apparently they don't want anyone cheating on tests, but they have no problem cheating on their husbands. 

- The guys they cheat with are known as "The Teacher's Heavy Pet". 

*****

Kathy Lee Gifford came forward to say that Bill Cosby once tried to kiss her. 

- And Rosie O'Donnell came forward to say that Bill Cosby once tried to shake her hand. 

*****

Jeb Bush announced that he is "actively exploring the possibility of running for President in 2016"...on Facebook. 

- He also posted a picture of his cat wearing a Santa hat and revealed that he's reached level 179 in Candy Crush Saga! 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday! 

-Dick

 

 

 

Thank You...

First of all, thank you for your incredible outpouring of support for yesterday's piece on Bill Bonds. Your "likes", comments and emails truly spoke to the amazing and lasting impact Bill had on the people of this town. Even in death, he's larger than life. I know he would have liked that.  

*****

And now on with the news...

A 200 pound wooden statue of Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer has been stolen from a Los Angeles neighborhood where it's been on display for 50 years. 

- Cupid and Vixen also disappeared...but it turns out they just got picked up by Charlie Sheen. 

- Santa's gonna have a heckuva time getting around LA without Rudolph's nose to cut through all the smog. 

*****

A Vatican spokesperson says the Pope was misquoted when he said that all dogs go to Heaven. 

- He meant to say all dogs EXCEPT the one who recorded the Barking Version of "Jingle Bells". 

*****

A Gynecologist in Maine was suspended for issuing marijuana prescriptions to men. 

- The men said they needed the pot to help calm them down when their wives had PMS. 

*****

A bunch of "Magic Mushrooms" were found growing in the Queen's garden at Buckingham Palace. 

- So I guess we can add "Green Thumb" to Prince Harry's list of talents. 

*****

Barbara Walters named George Clooney's wife as the "Most Fascinating Person of 2014". 

- George Clooney's wife??? I think it's time Barbara took her "retirement" a little more seriously. 

*****

The film classic Gone With the Wind premiered 75 years ago yesterday.

Years ago I purchased Clark Gable's personal copy of the GWTW script at a Hollywood auction, which I still own. One of these days I'll probably sell it...but I'll think about that tomorrow. After all... tomorrow IS another day!

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday! 

-Dick 

 

Bill Bonds

Bill was bigger than life...but infinitely human. He was a rock star...but the glint in his eye always let you know that he KNEW it was a role he was playing. He was smart, funny, combative, kind, bombastic, pompous, self-deprecating and immensely talented...all at the same time. 

He was a hometown boy who loved Detroit...and it showed.

He always added a "Y" to guys names... He was "Billy", I was "Dicky". 

I loved him as a person, but also, of course, because he provided my radio show with a LOT of material through the years. Especially his challenging of Coleman Young to a fist fight...and his toupee which occasionally was "askew". 

He always wore his overcoat over his shoulder like a cape, so when he walked into a room or an event, he stood out...which is exactly what Billy wanted to do. 

He wanted to be the center of attention, both on the air and off, and he was. 

What seemed to many at the time to be braggadocios behavior (and it was to those who didn't know him), the truth is, it was simply part of his Charm. 

The camera loved Bill and Bill loved the camera. It wasn't just that he was a terrific newsman, he was an actor too. He had a bit (or maybe a lot) of Ted Baxter in him. That's why he was so unique and the combination of dedicated newsman/actor made him so watchable for so long. 

While it's true that the movie "Anchorman" was based on Mort Crim during his time in Philadelphia...it always seemed to me it should have been based on Bill. He had it all... He was totally unique, one of a kind, never to be repeated.  

Rest in Peace Billy. Our thoughts and prayers are with Karen and the family. 

I highly doubt you're in the same place as Coleman...but it's nice to think of the two of you going at it again. 

-Dick 

Purtan Podcast #145: "Try It...Yule Like It!"

Click here to download Podcast

Welcome to the weekend and Podcast #145... Today Jackie and I stuff our "Podcast Stocking" with all kinds of goodies including: 

- Doug and Bob McKenzie from SCTV.

- The 28th annual Salvation Army Radiothon coming up on Friday, Feb 27... which will, for the first time, be broadcast live from the Emagine theater in Royal Oak from 6am to 10pm on 760 WJR. 

- Last year's Radiothon donor gift that featured a Hitler-esque looking me in a Snowglobe. 

- More of our favorite Christmas movies

- Why we don't see "It's a Wonderful Life" broadcast on TV as much as we used to. 

- The movie star named by the American Film Institute as the Greatest Actor of all time. (And some of the runners up)

- How the actresses from the 30's and 40's were so overly dramatic on screen.

- The cancelled horse carriage rides in NYC. 

- A newly discovered pic of me with the Beatles that turned up on the Internet.  

- And finally the Moose in my house. 

So take a break from gift wrapping...and unwrap Podcast #145. (You can always return it!)  (26:55)

Have a great weekend and I'll see you back here Monday with my regular blog!

-Dick

Bye, Bye Bankruptcy!

Congratulations to Detroit! As of today, the city starts with a clean balance sheet. Let's hope the city keeps it that way. 

*****

Time Magazine has named Ebola Care Givers the 2014 "Person Of The Year". The Ferguson protestors and Vladimir Putin were the runners-up. 

- Kim Jong Un was so mad he didn't make the list he killed six of his cousins. Then again, he was planning on doing that anyway. 

- In related news, "Put A Drug In Your Drink Quarterly" gave top honors to Bill Cosby. 

*****

Northern Ireland became the first country in the U.K. to make it illegal to pay for sex. 

- And just like that, Charlie Sheen cancelled his Christmas Vacation trip to Belfast. 

- Of course married guys can still pay for it the old fashioned way, by taking out the garbage. 

*****

Cuba Gooding Jr. has signed-on to play O.J. Simpson in an FX Miniseries. 

- Kato Kaelin has signed-on to play himself because, frankly, he's got nothing else to do. 

*****

Leaked Sony emails show that producer Scott Rudin called Angelina Jolie a "minimally talented, spoiled brat". 

- Angelina plans to retaliate by adopting him and putting him in a Time Out. 

*****

Maria Shriver says she doesn't approve of her son Patrick Schwarzenegger dating Miley Cyrus. 

- She's tough! She didn't approve of her husband Arnold's girlfriend during their marriage either. 

*****

A new survey found that Christmas Eve is the most popular night of the year to get engaged. 

- But be careful how the two of you celebrate...because Santa knows if you've been naughty or nice. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday with a brand spanking new Podcast! 

-Dick 

"Insta-Gramp"...Even After He's Gone?

A tech site called Eterni-me says it can create a digital alter ego that will continue to post on Social Media for people after they die. 

- So look for posts from your deceased Grandpa on Facebook reading "Long line at Pearly Gates, but dinner with Joan of Arc was worth it! She's HOT!"

- And on Twitter: "Bet you wish you treated me better now, huh? #Leftallmymoneytocats"

*****

A survey found that "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer" is the most violent Christmas song of all time. 

- It just edged out "Merry Christmas Darling" by Ray Rice and the classic "Bill Cosby Is Coming To Town". 

*****

President Obama and Prince William sat down for a chat in the Oval Office yesterday. 

- William explained what's it's like to be a Prince...and Obama explained what it used to be like to be King. 

*****

Ralph Baer, the man who invented the first video game console, passed away at the age of 92. 

- His family says that he was a "simple man" and will be buried in a plain, pine X-box. 

*****

Sources say that Arnold Schwarzenegger disapproves of his son's relationship with Miley Cyrus. 

- Apparently he wants his son to date a more "traditional" girl...you know...like one who vacuums and does windows. 

*****

New Jersey police say a deer broke into a home and ransacked the master bedroom before suddenly fleeing. 

- Police believe he was after the homeowner's sleigh bed. 

- A witness said he assumed the deer had been drinking because "he had a REALLY red nose". 

*****

A biopic about Pope Francis will begin shooting in January. The film chronicles the various ways he's spread warmth to people of all ages. 

- In a related story, a new biopic about Madonna is in the works. It chronicles the various ways she's spread STD's to people of all ages. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday! 

-Dick 

"They Call The Off-Key And Wind-ed...Mariah"

Find out what all the fuss is about with Mariah Carey at the bottom... But first, check out other news of the day...

*****

During an interview on CNN, George W. Bush said that he really wants his brother Jeb to run for President in 2016, and that he believes Jeb would beat Hillary Clinton if the two were the candidates.  

- George thinks Jeb would beat the pants off her...along with her matching jacket. 

- And he should know since he's the "Decider-er".

*****

President Obama was taken to the Walter Reed Hospital on Saturday after complaining of a sore throat. 

- It's lucky that the President had already signed up for Obamacare. 

- Joe Biden had a sore throat last week and all they did was send a Secret Service guy out to pick up a package of Smith Brothers Lozenges. 

*****

Tiger Woods threw up in the bushes after getting sick at the Hero World Challenge. 

- He meant to throw up on the green, but he angled it a little to the left...plus their was a really strong wind. 

*****

Miley Cyrus reported had a steamy make out session with Paris Hilton at a club in Miami. 

- Either that or Paris mistook Miley's "Twerking" for a seizure and tried to give her mouth-to-mouth recitation. 

- Paris is actually just like the inflatable props Miley usually makes out with...plastic and full of lots and lots of air.

*****

A British man who weighed 980 pounds has died at the age of 44. 

- The only people happy about the news are the owners of his neighborhood "All You Can Eat Buffet". 

*****

Leaked video of Mariah Carey singing wildly off-key at the the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree Lighting has gone viral. Here is her track...without the music...for your listening displeasure. This is what happens when you show up three hours late and miss the rehearsal...

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday! 

-Dick 

Purtan Podcast #144: "Twas The Month Before Christmas, And All Through Our House..."

Click here to download Podcast

Welcome to the weekend and Podcast #144... Today Jackie and I gather around the Purtan dining room table for a festive foray into a variety of topics including: 

-The Purtan house FILLED with Santa Clauses.

-The Pilgrims and the little-talked-about Indian massacre of them. 

-Why I don't normally spend a lot on "things"... UNTIL I go on vacation.

-Which actor's daughter plays the female lead in the upcoming movie "Fifty Shades of Grey".(And he's not one bit happy about it). 

-The "Hacking" of movies and how the head of Sony says it's "just what happens in this dog eat dog world". 

-Speaking of dogs...what's happening with Kim Jong Un and his dead aunt in North Korea. 

- And our favorite Funny movies...and Christmas movies. 

So pour yourself a glass of egg nog (I make mine with Egg Beaters of course) and tune in to Podcast #144!  (22:54)

Have a great weekend and I'll see you back here Monday with my regular blog! 

-Dick 

 


Many Thanks!

I can't thank you enough for your amazing response and wonderful comments about my wife Gail on her Birthday yesterday! She had a great day...and was overwhelmed by your kindness! 

*****

A Congressional Report found that Medicare has spent over $444 million on erectile dysfunction products in the last year. 

- And they expect that number to rise. 

- It would be even more, but Larry King has a really high co-pay. 

- So apparently, When The Moment Is Right...Medicare Is Ready. 

*****

According to a survey by BabyCenter.com, the most popular baby name in the UK this year is Muhammed. 

- It's just so...BRITISH!

- Look for the next 007 movie where we'll hear "The names Bond. Muhammed Bond."

*****

Bobby Keys, the saxophone player for the Rolling Stones, passed away Tuesday. 

- He wanted to live forever...but hey...You Can't Always Get What You Want. 

- Keith Richard was said to be deeply saddened by the news...after someone reminded him who Bobby Keys was. 

*****

MLB umpire Dale Scott announced that he's gay after 28 years in the league. 

- This gives a whole new meaning to a Pop Up Fly. 

*****

Six female officers have been suspended from the NYPD for posting sexy pictures on Instagram. 

- Some have protested the decision saying the pictures prove these women are among "New York's Finest". 

*****

Heidi Klum is being pressured on Social Media to stop wearing a bikini in public after she was seen in Jamaica with "a very saggy body". 

- And at this very moment, thousands of overweight Frenchmen are strutting around in their Speedos. Where is the outrage??? 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Happy Birthday Gail!

Happy, Happy Birthday to my beautiful wife, Gail. We met when she was 15 and I was 16. (Hard to believe we're already in our 40's!) Time flies when you marry your High School Sweetheart... a woman who just keeps getting more and more Incredible every year. Here's to the center of my Universe! 

*****

100 human brains, preserved in jars of formaldehyde, have disappeared from a lab at the University of Texas. 

- Police say this type of occurrence is extremely A. B. Normal. (Courtesy of one of my all time favorite movies, Young Frankenstein).

*****

Physicist Stephen Hawking is warning that Artificial Intelligence could end mankind. 

- But "Artificial Boobs" will likely outlast us all.  

- By "Artificial Intelligence" he's referring to your "Fake Facebook Friends" who actually believe you want to see pictures of their cat dressed up as Flo from the Progressive Insurance commercials. 

*****

Retailers say that 127 million Americans made credit card purchases on "Cyber Monday". 

- And 127 million hackers used those same credit cards to buy big screen TV's on "Totally Terrific Tuesday". 

*****

A restaurant has opened in Abu Dhabi that uses roller coasters to bring customers their food. 

- Critics gave the food a big thumbs up.....and....then...an even bigger thumbs....DOOOWWWNNNN!

*****

Burt Reynolds is auctioning off 600 personal items because of financial trouble. 

- One is the Golden Globe he won for "Boogie Nights" and the other 599 are Toupees. 

*****

A female Indian game show host was slapped by a studio audience member for wearing a short skirt. 

- Apparently they play "Jeopardy" a little differently over there. 

- In a related story...a female contestant on India's "Wheel of Fortune" was arrested for buying a vowel without a male family member's permission. 

*****

Madonna appears topless in this month's edition of Interview Magazine. 

- Ho Hum. 

- You know the Christmas Season has officially begun when Madonna dusts off the old snow globes. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday! 

-Dick 

 

He Was Arrested...But Not The Cardiac Kind!

A 51 year old Pontiac man was arrested after stealing an ambulance outside McClaren Hospital Sunday night so he could drive to a strip club in Sterling Heights. 

- He's out on bail...which he paid in Singles. 

- And if things "went well" at the Strip Club...he'd have plenty of antibiotics on hand. 

*****

Airline officials are considering a ban on carry-on luggage amid reports that terrorists are plotting a Christmas attack. 

- So no fruitcakes in the cabin this year...except for that one super happy male flight attendant. 

*****

Computer hackers have stolen five new movies from Sony Pictures and released them on the internet, including "Annie" which doesn't hit theaters for another 3 weeks. 

- Sometimes it really is "A Hard Knock Life". 

*****

A study published in Clinical Pediatrics found that scooters lead to the most toy-related injuries among kids.  

- And for the moms, most toy related injuries occur at Toys R Us during hair pulling fights over who get's the last "Elsa the Ice Queen" doll from the movie "Frozen". 

*****

North Korean leader Kim Jong Un's aunt suffered a fatal stroke while arguing with him on the phone. 

- They were arguing about his plan to execute her, so the stroke really just saved time. 

- If Kim knocks off anymore of his relatives, there's gonna be a lot of leftover "Roasted Schnauzer" after the family Christmas dinner. 

*****

The Girl Scouts of America announced that they will now be selling cookies online. 

- There website crashed just moments after Rosie O'Donnell and Chris Christie heard the news. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday! 

-Dick 

Ladies & Gentlemen...Start Your Computers!

It's Cyber Monday...the "Black Friday" of online shopping...with deep discounts available on just about everything on the Internet. 

- In the Hacking community, "Cyber Monday" is known as "The Most Wonderful Day of the Year". 

*****

President Obama spent part of the Holiday weekend shopping for books at a Washington bookstore. 

- He got Michelle a copy of "The Joy of Cooking... With Kale". 

- He got himself a copy of "Obamacare For Dummies". 

*****

The new Hunger Games sequel was tops at the Box Office for the second straight week, taking in $56.9 million. 

- Meanwhile the film "The Chinese Hunger Games" took in double that amount...because everyone who saw it, wanted to see it again an hour later. 

*****

NASA scientists are developing a way to make rocket fuel out of human waste. 

- Insiders know the program as "The Kardashian Project". 

*****

James Cameron told Empire Magazine that the upcoming sequels to his film "Avatar" will literally make fans "poop their pants".  

- So I'm thinking this would not make a great "First Date" movie. 

*****

An Italian scientist is studying the learning benefits of posting scientific facts onto pictures of female breasts. 

- Sounds like somebody's wife found his stash of Playboy magazines...

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here on Tuesday! 

-Dick