Purtan Podcast #113: "How Dick Became 'A Dude' In One Day"

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Welcome to the weekend and Podcast #113...our first "Pothole Podcast". My wife Gail, daughter Jackie and I talk about the dangers of swerving drivers due to the virtual invasion of these road wreckers. And speaking of invasions...We discuss Hillary Clinton's recent comparison of Vladimir Putin to none other than Hitler. (Apparently Ukraine is the new Poland). Also speaking of invasions...we'll tell you about Bill Clinton's recent "accidental" photo op with two prostitutes. 

From there I'll tell you the Five Words I've been mispronouncing my entire life...and you probably have been too! 

Then suddenly, WH-ooo (that's a hint) walks in...but my special guest, former "Purtan's Person" Joe Noune. (He wasn't late - we just started without him). He immediately notices that I am now sporting not only my traditional mustache, but a goatee and a new hairstyle. 

It all started as a way to raise money for the recent Salvation Army Bed & Bread Club Radiothon and ended up changing my entire "Look". Yes, with the help of my barber, an olympic size swimming pool and two blow driers, I managed to create the "Just Rolled Out Of Bed" look so many Hollywood types are sporting. Hard to believe...but after all these years I'm finally "A Dude". I'm "Hip"! 

As I bask in my "Coolness", I'll reveal the REAL REASON I retired... and if that isn't shocking enough, Jackie tells us about a new remote control device accidentally discovered by scientists that will allow women to experience the big "O" (and I'm not talking Oprah) with the touch of a button. 

Get ready guys...the girls are about to get their very own Clicker! 

From Potholes to "Personal Pleasure" it's all in Podcast #113!  (36:12)

Have a great weekend, and my goatee and I will see you back here Monday with our regular blog! 

-Dick

Talk About A "High 5"!

Congratulations to Red Wing Great Nick Lidstrom, whose #5 jersey will be hung from the rafters  tonight before the Wings game against Colorado at the Joe. His Jersey will join fellow Red Wing Legends: Steve Yzerman - #19, Terry Sawchuk - #1 (Goalie), Alex Delvecchio - #10, Ted Lindsay - #7, Sid Abel - #12 & Gordie Howe - #9.

*****

Twitter is still buzzing about John Travolta's botched pronunciation of Best Supporting Actress Idina Menzel at the Oscars. Travolta has apologized and said he "won't get caught with his pants down again."

- Which is gonna make things a lot more difficult during his weekly "Scientology Probe".

*****

Crimea's Parliament has voted to join Russia. 

- Opposition party leaders Bullwinkle T. Moose and Boris Badenov voted against it. 

*****

A Russian group has nominated Vladimir Putin for a Nobel Peace Prize. 

- It'll look great on the mantel next to his "Joseph Stalin Goodfellow Award". 

*****

On this date in 1836 a small group of Texans were overrun and killed by 3000 Mexicans in a battle for The Alamo. 

- The guys down the block at Hertz and Avis fared much better. 

*****

In a trailer for her new reality show, Lindsay Lohan says she often feels like a prisoner. 

- That's probably because she often is. 

- But the feeling passes as soon as her lawyer bails her out of jail.

*****

Meanwhile a Miami judge ruled that the jailhouse video of Justin Bieber relieving himself must be censored before for it can be released to the public.

- They have to blur out the Cheerio in the toilet bowl that Justin was using as a target.

*****

The NY Times has apologized for spelling someone's name wrong 161 years ago. 

- 60 Minute's reporter Morley Safer graciously accepted the apology. 

*****

A Pew Poll found that the word American's most associate with Hillary Clinton is "tough". 

- And the word American's most associate with Bill Clinton is "Sexytime!"

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here tomorrow with a brand new Podcast! (#113).

-Dick 

Short People Get Short End Of Stick!

A study by the University of Edinburgh claims that tall people are smarter than short people. 

- They noted there was an exception: Results showed Kim Jong Un and Dennis Rodman were both idiots. 

*****

Speaking of idiots...Toronto Mayor Rob Ford was reportedly upset after Jimmy Kimmel showed 5 videos of him clearly drunk and on drugs during his guest appearance Monday night.

- Luckily, by Tuesday morning Ford had forgotten he'd even been on the show. 

*****

A French court granted a woman the right to marry her dead fiancee. 

- It'll be a short ceremony since they can skip the whole "'Til Death Do Us Part" section. 

- The bride says her finance is "a great guy and a regular working stiff". 

- The couple is registered at "Pottery Urn", "Lord & Taylor" and "Bed, Bath & The Great Beyond". 

*****

A Florida nudist colony is evicting a blind woman whose seeing eye dog is taller than the maximum allowed for pets. 

- Apparently the men are afraid a game of "Go fetch the stick" could go horribly wrong.

- Question: Doesn't being blind take half the fun out of living in a nudist colony? 

*****

Sarah Palin says that President Obama is mishandling the Russian conflict. 

- She should know...she's watching the whole thing from her home. (Actually she never said that. Tina Fey did.)

*****

The delivery man who brought pizza to the Oscars was given a $1000 tip. 

- If only they'd used that money to get John Travolta a pronunciation coach! 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday! 

-Dick

"Fat Tuesday" Today! "Obese Wednesday" Tomorrow!

Mardi Gras is here...or as we in Detroit call it "Paczki Day". The heavy, sweet donut-like Polish treats are everywhere today.

- But at 700-plus calories each, tomorrow you'll only be able to find them on your thighs or around your mid-section.  

*****

Mardi Gras, which means "Fat Tuesday" in English, is also the day when a whole lot of people drink a whole lot of liquor, wear crazy costumes and women flash their breasts in exchange for plastic bead necklaces. 

- It's similar to another American tradition: "Spring Break". 

*****

Pope Francis accidentally dropped the "F" bomb during a speech in St. Peter's Square. He was giving the speech in Italian which is not his native language and meant to use a similar sounding word meaning "example".

- He set an "example" all right.  

- One of the Cardinals was overhead whispering, "Holy S---! Did you hear what he just said?"

- I think if anyone stands a chance of being forgiven, the Pope is at the top of the list. 

*****

A pastor in Nairobi Kenya has instructed all female parishioners to attend church without wearing bras or underwear to make them more open to receiving the message of the Lord. He said there would be consequences for those who didn't comply - and most of the women did. 

- No wonder the Pope dropped the "F" bomb. 

*****

The White House announced that Michele Obama will visit China to speak to schoolchildren about the importance of education. 

- If we could only get her to do that here in America. 

- The event is considered so important, Sweatshop owners have agreed to extend the kids lunch breaks to 5 minutes, so they can attend the speech. 

*****

A 66 year old New York man suffered a heart attack during a 5K event for Heart Attack Awareness. 

- He didn't just "talk the talk", he "walked the walk"...and then collapsed. 

- Event planners say next time they'll use a silencer on the starter pistol.

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday! 

-Dick 

Ellen Manages To Win "Best Picture"...

Oscar host Ellen DeGeneres organized a big time selfie last night when she got Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Meryl Streep, Julia Roberts and a whole bunch of other stars to pose for a cell phone shot. 

-Of all the guys in the shot, Ellen had the coolest tux. 

*****

Last night's Oscars went pretty much as expected with "12 Years a Slave" taking home Best Picture and Matthew McConaughey winning Best Actor. 

- The biggest surprise of the night was that McConaughey wore a shirt while giving his acceptance speech. 

*****

President Obama urged Vladimir Putin to withdraw from Ukraine during a 90 minute call. 

- The two spent one minute talking about the Ukraine and the other 89 minutes discussing their March Madness Brackets. 

*****

A memorabilia dealer is selling a sex tape that allegedly shows a menage a trois between Marilyn Monroe, JFK, and RFK. 

- The dealer says he's already received a million dollar offer from a Mr. B. Clinton of no fixed address. 

*****

Bill Clinton raised eyebrows when he posed for a picture with two prostitutes at a humanitarian gala. The girls said the former Prez had no idea they were Hookers. 

- He thought they were interns. 

*****

American Airlines is canceling it's bereavement policy so from now on people will have to pay full price to fly in following a death. 

- Leave it to the airline industry to take the "fun" out of "funeral"! 

- They'll also charge you extra for all the emotional baggage you'll be carrying since you didn't bother to fly in while they were still alive to say your goodbyes. 

*****

The World's Oldest Person, 116-year-old Misao Okawa of Japan, says the key to living so long is getting 8 hours of sleep and eating sushi. 

- Most Americans want to know how far they can get on 12 hours of sleep and eating lots of BBQ pork. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here tomorrow!

-Dick

Purtan Podcast #112: "Dah...Dah...Dah...Dah...Dah..."

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Welcome to the weekend and Now...Here's...Podcast #112!

Today we welcome back my most requested (and not just by his wife) special guest, former "Purtan's Person" Tom Delisle, for a Podcast featuring all things "Tonight Show". 

With Jimmy Fallon now behind the iconic desk, we discuss the history of the storied late night show, from how Jack Parr ended up replacing Steve Allen (the original host) to who Jay Leno NEVER MENTIONED on his first "Tonight Show" broadcast and why.

Jackie, Tom & I also debate who was the best Tonight Show host of all time and I'll tell you the inside story of who really aced Conan O'Brien out of the TS job (and it WASN'T Jay Leno!) 

And I could do a monologue on some of the other things we cover...including whether or not our former "Commander-in-Briefs"...yes Bill Clinton...really "had sex with that woman...Elizabeth Hurley" and whether or not Woody Allen is seriously BANANAS! 

There's lots more...but I'm having trouble typing so I'm running out to Metro Airport to have my fingers De-Iced! 

Have a great weekend, kiss February goodbye and March into Podcast #112! 

-Dick 

Dogs Put Nose In Owners Business!

An Animal Hospital in Denver reports that since pot has been legalized, there has been a significant spike in dogs needing treatment from eating marijuana. 

- None of the dogs were seriously ill, but all of them got a newspaper-to-the-nose from their owners for "stealing their stash". 

- Cat's were not affected at all. But admittedly it's hard to tell since they don't seem to be affected by anything anyway. 

*****

Medical researchers are warning of a new condition causing unwanted lines and wrinkles. It's called "Techneck" and it's caused by people spending so much time looking down at their cell phones, computers and other gadgets. 

- The only way to fix the problem is by having iSurgery. 

- Remember the good old days when the only problem your phone caused was a torn Rotary-tator Cuff? 

*****

A female Army soldier is catching heat for taking and posting a "selfie" as she hid in her car to avoid attending a flag saluting ceremony at her home base.  

- The Army is considering a new "No Shoot" policy...not for guns, for cell phone cameras. 

*****

The Governor of Arizona vetoed a controversial bill that would have allowed businesses to deny service to gay people based on their "religious beliefs". 

- So they'll just go back to business as usual and deny them service based on bigotry. 

*****

A man in Queens, NY was arrested for stealing a grandmother's ashes during a burglary. 

- Just another reason why you shouldn't keep your deceased Grandma in a fancy ashtray on your coffee table. 

*****

Scientists have developed a new "Death Test" that uses 4 specific biomarkers that can accurately predict whether even healthy people will die of an unknown medical condition in the next five years. 

- It's a simple blood test and makes a great gift for that special someone you really want to send into a deep depression! 

- The White House was quick to point out that the "Death Test" WILL BE COVERED under Obamacare!

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday with a brand new Podcast (#112) featuring my most requested "special guest"...former "Purtan's Person" Tom Delisle! 

Stay warm...

-Dick

The "Today Show" Puts On A Brave Face...

The Today Show anchors revealed what their faces look like without makeup. 

- Viewers said the pics make Bob Costas' Pink-Eye look downright sexy.  

- Forget Carnival Cruises...Kathy Lee looks like she just got back from a vacation on Royal Carribean. 

*****

A new technology aimed at eliminating genetic disease would combine the DNA of three people to make a baby, instead of two. 

- So now when mother's say, "Wait 'til your father gets home!" the kids will respond: "Which one?"

- Like Father's Day wasn't confusing enough in the NBA. 

*****

50 years ago Cassius Clay (aka Mohammad Ali) defeated Sonny Liston to claim the Heavyweight Championship of the World, but new reports claim the FBI believed the fight was fixed by the mafia. 

- They also believed Sonny Liston slept with Marilyn Monroe on a grassy knoll in Dallas.

*****

A study by the Mayo Clinic found that the average American is idle for 8 hours a day. 

- The technical name for it is "A good night's sleep". 

- That doesn't count Kelly Clarkson who's turned being an Idol American into an entire career. 

*****

According to the gossip site TMZ, Stevie Wonder's girlfriend wants to "see other people". 

- Stevie said, "Get in line". 

- She threw salt on the wound by saying she plans on going on a few blind dates. 

*****

76 year-old Jane Fonda says that she cries when she thinks about how little time she has left on this earth. 

- You know what they say..."So many enemy tanks to sit on...So little time!"

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

"Skate Softly... And Carry A Big Stick!"

Tonya Harding told NBC that she does a lot of yard work since giving up figure skating. 

- Sure...that's easy for her since she's got two good knees! 

*****

In an effort to boost cancer awareness, CBS is giving away a trip to New York City for a free colonoscopy. 

- And you thought having your pocket picked was the most invasive thing that could happen to you on a trip to the Big Apple. 

- CBS claims there's already been quite a run on entries. 

*****

Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel says he'll shrink the U.S. Army to its smallest size since just before World War II. 

- Is it just me or would this be like FDR sending a "Save the Date" card to Hitler so he could plan ahead for the D-Day invasion? 

- He also plans to send our enemies GPS locators so they can pinpoint exactly where our reduced amount of soldiers are stationed. 

*****

Google's director of engineering predicts that computers will be smarter than humans by 2029. 

- Why not? They're already smarter than Chuck Hagel. 

*****

CNN is canceling the Piers Morgan Show, citing low ratings. 

- At CNN, "Low Ratings" means even the guys in the control room aren't watching the show. 

*****

Pope Francis told a group of Cardinals that they should all behave like the Saints. 

- So first thing this morning, they got in a huddle and patted each other on the butts. 

*****

RIP...Harold Ramis. The comedic writer, director and actor who starred in films including "Ghostbusters" and "Stripes" died at age 69. 

- Sometimes the answer to "Who Ya Gonna Call?" should be "911" not "Ghostbusters". 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday! 

-Dick

Putin Out The Flame At The Sochi Olympics...

Congratulations to Stevie Yzerman as GM and the Red Wings' Mike Babcock as Coach, who led Team Canada to their second consecutive Olympic Hockey Gold Medal! 

Also... in College B-Ball... Michigan upset MSU 79-70!  

*****

The Sochi Games are over and Russia led all nations in Medals...

- ...And stray dogs. 

The USA came in second in the total medal count. 

- But we came in #1 in the "Ugly Sweater Competition".

 *****

Maria Von Trapp - one of the seven Von Trapp Children - depicted in the movie "The Sound Of Music" (she was portrayed as the blond daughter "Louisa" in the movie) died at the age of 99. 

- The announcement came when a doctor ran out the front door of the hospital dressed in a Nazi uniform and yelled, "She's Gone!!!"

- The nurses are said to be thrilled that they no longer have to try to figure out "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?"! 

*****

Justin Bieber has scouted six houses for sale in Buckhead, Georgia. 

- It's unclear if he wants to buy them or egg them. 

*****

The Gregorgian Calendar was established on this date in the year 1582. It's the most widely used calendar in the world. 

- If you don't count the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Calendar. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday! 

-Dick 

IT'S RADIOTHON DAY 2014!!!!!

It’s finally here… As I write this the 27th Annual Salvation Army 16 Hour Radiothon benefiting the Bed and Bread Club is underway live at the Oakland Mall and being broadcast live on 760 AM WJR. 

This is THE major fundraiser for this amazing program that feeds 5000 men, women, and children every day - 365 days a year - and shelters nearly 600 people a night.  

A donation of $10 a month ($120 a year) FEEDS ONE  PERSON FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR; $20 a month ($240 a year) FEEDS TWO PEOPLE FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR.  If you are able to donate $240 - you’ll receive a commemorative "Bed & Bread Truck Snow Globe" with a miniature Bed & Bread Club Truck in the snow, and Yours Truly hanging out the window. (How appropriate for this record breaking winter! ) as a reminder of your kindness and generosity. But whatever you can afford to give is welcome and appreciated!

                    Big Al 

Jackie doing her debut Stand-Up Act at Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle during "Comedy for a Cause"...an event leading up to the Radiothon that raised $25,000!

Through the years, this Radiothon has become the single biggest one-day Radiothon in the country raising more money in just 16 hours than any other event of it’s kind.  

And I am thrilled that Big Al, Jackie & I will be back behind the mics to host the 4pm to 8pm segment of today's Radiothon.  It's a "Purtan's People" Reunion and it couldn't be for a more worthy cause. 

There are thousands of people in our community who count on The Bed & Bread Program - funded exclusively by your donations - to survive.  For many it is the difference between eating or going hungry;  Sleeping in a freezing cold abandoned building or in a warm Salvation Army Shelter.  In reality, for so many men, women and children, it’s the difference between life and death. And with the snow and sub-zero temperatures we've endured this year, I can honestly say that need has never been greater. 

I thank you so much for your support and contributions over the years and hope that - like me - today you’ll be donating by calling 248-528-0760 or going to www.wjr.com!

Have a wonderful weekend and I’ll see you back here Monday!

-Dick 

Don't forget to tune in 760 AM WJR to listen to the broadcast...or you can watch live streaming of the entire event @ wjr.com. But most importantly...DONATE!  Again...Thank you!

It's Radiothon Eve...And Other Sweet Stuff!

Time Magazine has named the "Kit-Kat" the most influential candy bar of all time. 

- The Kit-Kat? Gimme a break! 

- That got a lot of Snickers from the Three Musketeers. 

*****

Federal Health officials warn that an edible cactus may contain a dangerous pesticide that could induce headaches, vomiting and abdominal cramps. 

- The very same symptoms brought on by trying to get a policy thru Obamacare. 

- Eating the cactus can also cause Prickly Heat Rash. 

*****

A Washington Times study found that congress hasn't worked one full, Monday-Friday workweek in 2014. 

- Or 2013. 

- Or 2012...

*****

Muslims leaders warmed followers not to visit Mars because it poses a real risk to life. They added that those who do visit Mars will be tortured in the afterlife. 

- It'll be similar to the kind of torture Muslim women who have too big an eye-hole in their Burkas suffer in the "current life". 

*****

Abba revealed that the reason they wore such ugly clothes in the 70's was because Swedish tax laws made it impossible to afford fine fashion. 

- So that's they're excuse, what about the rest of us? 

*****

Russia's Hockey Team was eliminated from the Olympic tournament after losing to Finland 4-1. 

- After the game, Vladimir Putin treated the audience to something he called "Sudden Death Overtime". 

*****

A 101 year old man is running for Congress in Sarasota, Florida. 

- Well he's not really running, but he is making good progress with the help of a walker. 

- He says his opponent, Ponce de Leon, doesn't stand a chance. 

*****

TOMORROW IS THE BIG DAY...

The 27th Annual 16 Hour Radiothon benefiting the Salvation Army's Bed & Bread Club is almost here! 24 hours from right now, the Radiothon will be in full swing...raising funds for this incredible program that  feeds 5000 men, women and children in Metro Detroit everyday, 365 days a year, and shelters almost 600 people a night. A donation of $10 a month ($120 a year) feeds ONE PERSON FOR ONE ENTIRE YEAR. And if you can double it...$20 a month ($240 for the year) feeds TWO PEOPLE FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR. There is no other program like it! And the Radiothon is THE major fundraiser! It all takes place tomorrow (Friday, Feb 21) at Oakland Mall from 6am to 10pm and will be broadcast live on 760 AM WJR! And I'm thrilled that I will be hosting the 4pm to 8pm slot along with Big Al and Jackie! It's a "Purtan's People" Reunion...for an incredible cause! 

I can't tell you how vital the Bed & Bread Club is to the very survival of so many people in our own area. I was out on one of the trucks last week and saw first hand (as I have so many times) not only immense gratitude for the warm meals it provided, but for the Hope it offered to those who are lost and down on their luck.

I promise you that your donation...whatever you can afford...will truly change lives for the better. You can even make your donation NOW by calling 248-528-0760 or going to wjr.com.

Thank you so much for your support! 

-Dick

Just Two Days To The Radiothon...And Other Important Stuff!

The audience for Jimmy Fallon's first Tonight Show was 23% smaller than Jay Leno's final broadcast just days earlier, but Fallon got the exact same rating as Conan O'Brien got for his first Tonight Show in 2009. 

- No predictions yet on what the ratings will be when NBC brings Leno back to host the Tonight Show starting in March. Right...The odds of that happening are about as good as them signing Carrot Top to replace Fallon

*****

Dozens of celebrities made cameos on Fallon's debut, including Joan Rivers who hasn't been on the Tonight Show in 30 years. 

- A lot of people were surprised that she showed her face after all these years. Well...it's not technically her real face. 

- Joan has had so many face lifts, she has crows feet on the back of her neck. 

*****

VH-1 has given the go-ahead to a show called "Naked Dating" which will feature people going on dates in the Nude. 

- Participants are encouraged to "Let go of their inhibitions, keep an open mind, and never order Hot Soup". 

- If only the government would be this transparent! 

- We can only hope they never do a Celebrity Edition with the guys from Duck Dynasty. 

*****

Nestle has issued a voluntary recall of it's Philly Cheesesteak "Hot Pockets" because they may have been made using meat that is "unfit for human consumption". 

- Like guys with a microwave really care whether their food is fit for human consumption. 

- Meanwhile in North Korea, Hot Pockets made with Kim Jong Un's Uncle are flying off the shelves.

*****

Barbara Walters admitted on "The View" that she has a sex-toy that she refers to as her "Selfie". 

- I'm putting that on my list of "The 10 Most Fascinating Things I Didn't Need to Know" of 2014. 

*****

Simon Cowell's baby-mama girlfriend was seen shopping for baby clothes in NYC just days after giving birth. 

- Simon, who was on hand for the birth, called it "one of the worst deliveries he had ever seen and criticized his girlfriends screams during labor for being "too pitchy". 

*****

Don't forget to remember! The 27th Annual Salvation Army 16 Hour Radiothon benefiting the Bed & Bread Club is THIS FRIDAY - FEB. 21 on 760 AM WJR! That's less than two days away! The Bed & Bread Club is a truly astounding and vital program that feeds more than 5000 people a day and shelters almost 600 people a night. A donation of just $10 a month ($120/yr) FEEDS ONE PERSON FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR...and if you can double that to $20 a month ($240 for the year) you'll FEED TWO PEOPLE FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR. 

As always, the event will be held at the Oakland Mall from 6am to10pm - with Yours Truly, Big Al and Jackie hosting the 4pm to 8pm segment! You can donate then or now, by calling 248-528-0760 or go to wjr.com. 

I hope you'll consider donating to this remarkable program! 

-Dick

Hello Radiothon! But Bye, Bye Bozos???

America's biggest circus clown organization says the nation is facing a massive clown shortage. 

- Unless you count the Bozos elected to Congress.

- They new something was up when they threw the annual Clown Convention and only three clowns got out of each of the tiny cars. 

- Maybe aspiring horn-honkers are afraid retiring Clowns are leaving shoes just too big to fill. 

*****

With Americans Meryl Davis and Charlie White taking the Gold in Olympic Ice Dancing, the sport is really catching on. 

- With the success of all the "Ice Twizzling" that was required for each skater, they're already considering adding "Ice Twerking" to the 2020 Winter Games. 

*****

President Obama says that signing up for Obamacare is a part of "growing up". 

- By that he means you're a teenager when you try to get on the website, and by the time you actually get a policy, you're all grown up. 

*****

Scientists say that extreme loneliness increases your chances of an early death by 14 percent. 

- On the bright side, you'll have a lot less time to sit around being miserable. 

*****

Australian scientis have invented a "hangover free" beer that keeps drinkers from getting dehydrated. 

- I believe this was already invented... It's called "Root Beer". 

*****

Actor Bradley Cooper said he showed up to a White House dinner without underwear. For some unexplained reason he felt he had to share this information. 

- It was like having Bill Clinton in office all over again.  

*****

Have a great day and don't forget! 

The 27th Annual 16-Hour Salvation Army Radiothon for the Bed & Bread Club is coming up THIS FRIDAY, Feb. 21st. This is THE FUNDRAISER for this amazing program that feeds 5000 men, women and children in Metro-Detroit 365 days a year and shelters almost 600 people a night! A donation of just $10 a month ($120/yr) FEEDS ONE PERSON FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR and $20 a month ($240 for the year) FEEDS TWO PEOPLE FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR. Nobody gives you more bang for your charity buck than that! And this year is very special for me... while I'll be popping in and out of the broadcast throughout the day live from the Oakland Mall and broadcast on 760 AM WJR, I will actually be HOSTING the 4pm to 8pm slot with Big Al and Jackie. It's a reunion for us - and we'd love to have you donate while we're on the air - just like in the old days! You can even donate now by calling 248-528-0760. As they say..."Operators are standing by!" and of course, we'll be more than grateful for any donation you can make! 

Thanks so much for your support...

-Dick

Hurray! Hurray! It's President's Day...3 to 5 inches Expected Today!

Today is Presidents Day.

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- The day set aside to honor Mr. Belvedere because as we all know, "He Does Good Work!"

- I just called him at "Tyler 8 - Seven One, Oh, Oh... for a Home Improvement date!" 

- All Federal employees have the day off in celebration...so it will be pretty much just like every other Monday. 

*****

The Navy admitted to destroying photographic evidence of Osama Bin Laden's corpse. 

- But he was "tagged" in several Navy Seal photos on Facebook. 

- Luckily we still have that great shot of Osama and his camel. 

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- Hollywood is going ahead with plans for a movie about two guys who dress up Obamas corpse and take him partying. It's tentatively called "Weekend at Osama's". 

*****

Joe Biden says that Americans should feel optimistic no matter who the President is. 

- I think Joe is trying to buck himself up for the devastation he's gonna feel when he doesn't even win the primary. 

*****

A survey from the University of Michigan found that 1 in 4 Americans doesn't know that the earth revolves around the sun. 

- 15% think it revolves around President Obama and 10% think it revolves around Kim Kardashian.  

*****

Russia's hockey team is blaming a referee for Saturday's overtime loss to the U.S. after he took away one of the Russian's goals. 

- The ref had no comment. Well, actually, he may have had a comment but he seems to have disappeared. 

*****

Justin Bieber's lawyers are fighting to prevent police from releasing video that shows him urinating in jail. 

- If I was his lawyer, I'd be a lot more concerned with police releasing the toxicology report of what they found IN the Urine. 

*****

Charlie Sheen is engaged to former porn star Brett Rossi.

- It will be his 4th marriage and his 2,957th time with a hooker...this year. 

*****

DON'T FORGET! This Friday, Feb. 21st is the 27th Annual 16 Hour Radiothon benefiting the Salvation Army's Bed & Bread Club. This amazing program feeds 5000 men, women and children in Metro Detroit everyday, 365 days a year, and shelters almost 600 people a night. A donation of $10 a month ($120 a year) feeds ONE PERSON FOR ONE ENTIRE YEAR. And if you can double it...$20 a month ($240 for the year) feeds TWO PEOPLE FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR. There is no other program like it! And the Radiothon is THE major fundraiser! It all takes place at the Oakland Mall this Friday from 6am to 10pm and will be broadcast live on 760 AM WJR! And I'm thrilled that I will be hosting the 4pm to 8pm slot along with Big Al and Jackie! If you're not going to be around Friday, you can even make your donation NOW by calling 248-528-0760. Volunteers are standing by!  

Have a great day and I'll see you back here tomorrow! 

-Dick 

Purtan Podcast #111: "Countdown To The Radiothon!"

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Welcome to the weekend and a fresh-as-the-fallen snow Podcast! (#111) Today's special guest (our most requested) is the very talented former "Purtan's Person" Tom Delisle. Tom lives about 45 minutes away from Podcast Central (i.e.: my dining room table) and he said his steering wheel still hadn't completely thawed out when he pulled in. 

That led to our discussion of the long, cold winter. (Whoever knew people could spend so much time talking about the weather - and not because they don't know what else to say?!) And of course the LATEST QUESTION: Is global warming really the cause of the mini Ice Age we're experiencing? Or is it just the fact that it's Damn cold? Period! 

From there, it's a natural transition to a story about my late mother-in-law, her older sister Ethel, and a holiday phone call that have made the initials "N.A.B.G" a part of our family's regular vocabulary. 

And with the 27th Annual 16-Hour Salvation Army Radiothon for the Bed & Bread Club less than a week away - next Friday, Feb. 21st - I'll explain the importance of this incredible program. Simply put, it feeds 5000 men, women and children in Metro-Detroit 365 days a year and shelters more than 600 people a night. A donation of just $10 a month ($120/yr) FEEDS ONE PERSON FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR and $20 a month ($240 for the year) FEEDS TWO PEOPLE FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR. Nobody gives you more bang for your charity buck than that! And this year is kind of special for me... while I'll be popping in and out of the broadcast all day live from the Oakland Mall and broadcast on 760 AM WJR, I will actually be HOSTING the 4pm to 8pm slot with Big Al and Jackie. It's a reunion for us - and we'd love to have you donate while we're on the air! Heck, you can even donate now by calling 248-528-0760. As they say..."Operators are standing by!"

And speaking of the Radiothon...we'll tell you about another event that I emceed the other night that raised $25,000 for the Bed & Bread Program. It was called "Comedy for a Cause" and featured not only a great Headliner, Taylor Mason, but the Stand Up Debut of someone on this very Podcast. (Hint: It wasn't Tom or me). 

While were on the subject of laughs, we lament the passing of the incredible Sid Caeser and I'll tell you how two of my daughters and I came to have a rather interesting meeting with him at the Plaza Hotel in NYC. 

And I'll finish up with a story about my daughter JoAnne that I'm pretty sure I'm going to get in trouble for putting on the Podcast. But hey, as they say, "It's Good To Be The Dad!" 

So join me as we gear up for the Radiothon and have some laughs along the way in Podcast #111!  (44:33)

Have a great weekend and I'll see you back here with my regular blog on Monday.

-Dick 

All Hail Caesar!

RIP Sid Caesar... The incredibly talented comedic actor, who hosted "Your Show of Shows" - a 90 Minute LIVE weekly Comedy TV show in the 1950's has died at the age of 91. He was - and still is - widely regarded as one of the most gifted comic talents this country has ever seen. I'm proud to say that the Purtan family has a personal history with Mr. Caesar! It's gets rather complicated - so I'll save it for tomorrow's Podcast! Here is one of his classic "Double-Speak" routines from "Caesar's Hour" - another one of his television shows - back in 1954. 

Using one of his controversial "Executive Orders", President Obama raised the minimum wage for federal contract workers to $10.10 an hour.

- Which basically means that up until now, the people who built the Obamacare website were making the same amount as the guy who asks if you want fries at McDonalds. 

- A lot of legal scholars say the "Executive Orders" are unconstitutional...so the President signed an "Executive Order" making it legal to deport legal scholars. 

*****

The FDA approved a pill-sized camera that doctors can use for colonoscopies. All the patients have to do is "swallow" the camera. 

- This is going to make for some interesting new profile pics on Facebook. 

*****

A nun in Italy who gave birth to a baby boy says she didn't even know she was pregnant. 

- Apparently she also didn't know that she's not allowed to have sex. 

- Nuns really frown on women having babies out of wedlock! 

*****

Michael Jordan's wife gave birth to identical twin girls in Charlotte, NC. 

- So now they've got a pair of "Heir Jordan's". 

*****

According to a new study, 67% of people in committed relationships know their spouses online passwords. 

- That's nothing compared to the 100% of NSA workers who know everyone's online passwords. 

*****

Iran sent war ships passing by the U.S. Atlantic coast to try and intimidate us. 

- The US Navy immediately ordered Royal Caribbean to send their ship "Norovirus of the Seas" to the Persian Gulf. 

- That outta give the Iranians a run for their money. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday with a shiny new Podcast! (#111).

And don't forget the 27th Annual Salvation Army 16-Hour Bed & Bread Club Radiothon is coming up in a little over a week, Friday, Feb. 21st live from the Oakland Mall and broadcast on 760 AM WJR. Jackie, Big Al and I will be hosting the Radiothon during the 4pm to 8pm segment. The Bed & Bread Program feeds 5000 men, women and children in our area every day and shelters over 600 people a night! I hope you'll join us...and of course DONATE! You can even make your donation now by calling 248-528-0760! Operators are waiting for your call! 

Thanks,

Dick

Jackie's Stand-Up Debut Boffo!

Proud Dad here... Jackie was a smash hit at "Comedy For a Cause" at Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle last night! The event, which featured the very funny comedian Taylor Mason as Headliner raised $25,000 for the Salvation Army's Bed & Bread Club which feeds 5000 Metro-Detroiters a day!  

Next up: The 27th Annual Radiothon coming up live from the Oakland Mall on Friday, Feb. 21st! Big Al, Jackie and Yours Truly will be hosting the 4pm to 8pm slot broadcast on 760 AM WJR! 

*****

Bob Costas' eye infection has gotten so bad, he handed over coverage of the Sochi Olympics to Today Show host Matt Lauer.

- So we finally have an answer to the age old question "Where In The World Is Matt Lauer?"... He's in Sochi, Russia!

*****

Costas, who has anchored every Olympic broadcast since 1998, says his eyes are so red and swollen he can barely see and has no idea where he is.

- So he's basically become Justin Bieber without the drugs and booze. 

***** 

Barack and Michelle Obama hosted a State Dinner for French President Francois Hollande last night. Hollande attended the dinner alone, having left both of his girlfriends back in France. 

- He was going to bring both girlfriends with him until he found out Bill Clinton was on the guest list. 

- Reports are the French leader threw back a lot of wine leaving "Hollande Dazed and Sauced". 

*****

A new report by the Centers for Disease Control says that 3 out of 4 kids drink caffeine every day. Between energy drinks and soda pop, many children are already hooked. 

-So look for the new "Starbuck-A-Roos Kids Koffee Kafe" coming to a strip mall near you.

*****

A New York administrative judge ordered Larry Flynt's Hustler Club to charge sales tax on lap dances. 

- Hundreds of male IRS employees have volunteered to sit in the Strip Club and make sure the taxes are collected properly. 

- What's next? A Pole tax?

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick 

She's On That "Great Ship Lollipop" In The Sky...

RIP...Shirley Temple.

The curly haired cutie, and one of the biggest Movie Stars of the 1930's, who danced, sang and smiled her way into America's hearts during the Depression, passed away last night at the age of 85. Her family says she died of natural causes. 

*****

NBC Olympic Anchor Bob Costas' eye infection is getting worse... It's moved into both eyes and many say it's disconcerting to watch him, and adds to the "weirdness" of the Sochi games. 

- Doctors say it's simply a case of "Pink Eye" or as anti-Russians call it, "Communist Pinko-Eye". 

*****

Meanwhile, Russian security forces continue searching for female suicide bombers that may have made their way into Sochi. 

- The women didn't plan on killing themselves until they got a look at their hotel rooms. 

- Experts warn they may have "gone underground"...which is pretty easy to do in Sochi with all the missing manhole covers. 

- Vladimir Putin has taken a hard stance on the suicide bombers saying "If anyone's going to kill people during the Olympics it's gonna be me!"

*****

Canadian McDonalds released a video showing how Chicken McNuggets are made. 

- Not surprising to anyone who's ever eaten a McNugget, the film opens with the disclaimer: "No Chickens were harmed, hurt or even on the set during the making of this movie". 

*****

University of Missouri football star Michael Sam says he's gay and he's proud. And NFL insiders say if he's drafted by a pro team, he could made an extra seven figures a year in endorsements from Gay friendly products and companies. 

- So look for Sam to be the new spokesman for "Manwich", "Gay's Potato Chips", and "Bud Extra Lite". 

*****

Congress asked the Washington Redskins to change their name to something more respectful of Indian traditions. 

- Most fans say it's a bunch of Sitting Bull S---.  

*****

Have a great day...and I hope to see you tonight at Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle in Royal Oak for "Comedy For a Cause" - a special show with proceeds benefiting the Salvation Army Bed & Bread Club. Tickets are $25 - dinner included! Tonight's headliner is Taylor Mason - and my daughter Jackie will try her hand at stand up for the first time! Doors open at 6:30pm. Showtime: 7:30pm. For reservations, call 248-542-9900! 

-Dick

Russia Running Rings Around The Olympics...

Russian officials inserted footage from the Opening Ceremonies rehearsal into the live Russian telecast so Vladimir Putin and his comrades wouldn't see the fact that only 4 of the 5 Olympic Rings actually lit up. 

- They did it for Russian Pride...and to prevent Putin from killing the people in charge of the light show. 

*****

Twitter users were up in arms after the male half of an American figure skating duo wore a gun holster as part of his outfit saying it portrayed Americans as gun-toting thugs. Btw...The team was skating to the theme from "Skyfall"...a James Bond movie. 

- He was going to skate with a Martini but was afraid he'd spill it during his triple lutz.

*****

The USDA has recalled 8.7 million pounds of meat saying it came from "unhealthy or unsound animals", but they won't say what stores or restaurants ended up with the meat. 

- You'll know pretty quickly if you have lunch at a fast food restaurant today and afterward enjoy the Taco Bell "Experience".   

- An "Unsound" cow is described as one who is "Udderly depressed". 

*****

According to a new survey, one in four 26-year-olds live with their parents. 

- Or as the 26-year-olds like to tell their friends, they've allowed their parents to move in with them. 

*****

A streaker ran across the runway during New York's fashion week. 

- Fashionistas said they loved his "Bold, Nude Look" and proceeded to order thousands of dollars of nothing to put in stores this Spring. 

- Some of the models were so shocked they fainted and had to be revived with imitation smelling salts so they wouldn't retain any water. 

*****

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have moved up their wedding date. 

- Sounds to me like somebody got knocked up and doesn't want to have a baby out of wedlock...no, wait, they already did that.  

*****

Yankees third basemen Alex Rodriguez dropped his law suit against Major League Baseball and accepted his 162 game suspension. 

- He said that after giving it some thought, he's "pumped up" about having a little time off. No more "pumped up" than usual, but still pretty "pumped up". 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday! 

-Dick