Two of America’s top hurricane forecasters at Colorado State Universtiy annouced that they will no longer issue hurricane season forecasts in December, six months before the season starts. 
After reviewing their previous 20 years of forecasts, they realized that they had “no predictive value at all”.
- Duh!
- Most meteorologists can’t tell us what’s going to happen this afternoon, let alone six months from now.
- Meteorologists everywhere immediately lowered their Dopplers to half mast.
On this day in 1791, the Bill of Rights went into effect.
- And the very next day Betsy Ross nearly gave George Washington a heart attack when she became the first woman to publicly bare her arms!
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday with Podcast #23!
-Dick
Some items from Liz Taylor’s vast collection of personal jewelry went on the auction block at Christies Auction House in NY yesterday… with some pretty astounding results. 
A 33.19 carat diamond ring given to Liz by her two-time husband Richard Purtan, uh, Burton… sold for $8,818,500 to a private buyer from Asia. 
It was estimated to go for between $2.5 and $3.5 million. Also, a single pearl purchased by Burton for Taylor for $37,000 in 1969 sold for $11,842,500 - setting a world record.
- I almost had the pearl… but I set my limit at $11,842,480 because I needed the extra &19.99 to buy “The Best of Purtan” CD!
And btw… Today, (Wednesday!) is your last chance to get FREE Super Saver Shipping on the CD, “The Best Of Dick Purtan & Purtan’s People - Vol. 10”. You read me right… order by midnight tonight and you get FREE shipping! At just $19.99, the CD makes a great stocking stuffer for anyone on your list who was a fan of the show. What’s on the CD you ask? 40 of my favorite never-before-released cuts from my last few years on the air. You’ll love it and you’ll laugh your family jewels off!
Time Magazine announced their “Person of The Year” on the Today Show this morning, and the winner is… “The Protester”. They say that Governments have failed America and the world and that real leadership comes from “the bottom of the pyramid”.
- Each of the protesters will receive a copy of the magazine and a bar of Dove soap.
With only New Girgrich and Rick Santorum agreeing to appear in the debate he was set to host, Donald Trump announced Tuesday that he’s pulling out as moderator.
- Newt only agreed to appear because he figured Trump would bring some really hot looking babes to the event.
Meanwhile Trump says Republicans want his assurance that he won’t run for Prez as a third party candidate, but he released a statement saying sometime after the final episode of “The Apprentice” airs on May 20th, he will decide whether to run. Until then, he said, “I must leave all of my options open because, above all else, we must make America great again!”
- If he wants to make America great again, cancelling “The Apprentice” would be a good start!
- Just in case he does run, Trump has already dug up the original copy of his birth certificate… proving he was born on the planet Krypton.
The era of leaping for the remote to turn down blaring commercials is coming to a close. Tuesday, the FCC voted unanimously that starting next December, TV stations have to play commercials at the same volume as the shows they interupt.
- But the commercials are so much more entertaining!
- The FCC also upheld the longstanding rule that men are legally entitled to hold the remote at all times.
On this day in 1911, Norweigian explorer Roald Amudsen became the first man to reach the South Pole, beating out an expedition led by Robert F. Scott.
- Scott would have have made it first if only he hadn’t stopped for a quick bite at the Antarctic Cracker Barrell!
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!
-Dick
Order the “Best of Dick Purtan & Purtan’s People - Vol. 10” CD by Wednesday (That’s tomorrow!) and get FREE Super Saver Shipping! The CD has 40 of my favorite highlights from the last couple of years of my radio show - and at just $19.99, you’ll be saying “Wow… What a bargain!” 
Order now and you’ll have it in plenty of time for Christmas - and will give you something to listen to when you want to “tune out” your annoying “Uncle Harry”! 
The Lowe’s home improvement chain is caught in a battle over religion. They got complaints from evangelicals because they ran ads during a TLC reality show called 
“All-American Muslim” so they pulled the ads. Now they’re facing a backlash from Arab-Americans, some celebrities and even a Democratic CA Senator who say the move is anti-muslim.
- The Jewish Community was also upset… Apparently Jesus used to get his carpentry supplies from the Lowes in Jeruselem.
- Evangelicals who aren’t Do-it-Yourselfers usually hire “Father and Son”.
Right-wing radio host Michael Savage offered Newt Gingrich $1 million to drop out of the presidential race and let Mitt Romney have the nomination. He’s afraid that Newt can’t beat Obama because next to him, he’ll look like a “fat, old white man.”
- Obama offered Newt $2 million to stay in the race.
- I guess Savage thinks Republicans would rather vote for a guy who looks like a “Ken” doll instead of a Muppet.
- But this time of year people love fat old white men… especially the ones who wear a red suit and travel with a pack of reindeer!
Pedro and Buddy are the male penguin pair at the Toronto Zoo who became gay icons. The zoo sparked outrage when it temporarily split them up to put them with females in a breeding program. But apparently the boys are not as gay as believed. Buddy already has a girlfriend and Pedro is wooing one, but she’s shy and playing “hard to get.” Experts say it’s common for male penquins to show a same sex “social bond”… until the girls show up.
- It’s not easy for the boy penquins to figure out which are the girl penquins, since they’re all wearing the same outfit.
- Maybe they just go both ways… making them “Bi-Polar”!
A Chicago strip club called the Admiral Theater is really trying to get into the holiday spirit. Now through Saturday, they’re offering a free lap dance to anyone who donates a toy for needy children. BTW… the toy must be new and unwrapped.
- Unlike the strippers who are “unwrapped” but not so “new”.
- So far, most of the guys have shown up with a “French Tickler-Me-Elmo” Doll.
- Just another reason why this is called THE MOST WONDERUL TIME OF THE YEAR!
- Several of the dancers were so naughty last year, they ended up with coal in their fishnet stockings.
30 wild hogs escaped from a meat processing plant in Fort Worth, Texas on Sunday in an apparent attempt to escape the butchers block. The pigs scattered into the surrounding neighborhood. So far 27 have been caught - including one who was trapped outside a BBQ restaurant.
- Maybe that one was just cutting out the middle man!
- It was the first case ever of “Ham on the Lamb”.
- Instead of an “APB” the cops put out a “BLT”.
On this day in 1974, George Harrison had lunch with President Gerald Ford, becoming the first rock star invited to the White House. Elvis Presley met Nixon in 1970, but Elvis had requested the visit.
- Rumor has it that during lunch Harrison was “tripping” and Ford just tripped.
Have a great day… order a CD… and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!
-Dick
Men’s Health magazine has sparked controversey by releasing a list of the “100 Hottest Women Of All Time”… and naming Jennifer Aniston as #1, She was followed, in order, by Raquel Welch, Marilyn Monroe, Britney Spears, Madonna, Ursula Andress, Bettie Page, Pamela Anderson, Jane Fonda and Angelina Jolie. The editors say that Aniston is not only attractive but funny, down-to-earth, and “unmistakably real”, making her seem attainable and thus #1. Critics disagree.
- So Brad Pitt actually traded down… Who knew?
- I know tons of guys who still have, and of course love, that sexy pin-up of Jane Fonda posing with the Viet Cong.
Some millionaires talk about wanting to give more to the government, but James Davidson of Florida actually did it. He died a year ago and left $1 million, all his furnishings, and his historic 1920’s home to the US govenment to help pay down the $15 trillion debt. The house sold for over a million on Sunday, meaning he left a total of over $2 million to the government.
- And don’t forget that his funeral created a “shovel ready” job!
- His grandson called him, “A very generous man… and the suckiest Grandfather ever!”
A Pennsylvania man placed an obiturary in his local newspaper for his mother. Only problem was, his mother turned up at the newspaper office in Pennsylvania after the obit was published to explain that she was very much alive. Turns out her 45 year old son, Scott Bennett, was so desperate to get some paid time-off from his job, he faked the death notice. He was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct.
- His mom immediately bailed him out, then put him in a Time Out!
- I’d love to be a fly on a wall at the Bennett’s come Christmas morning.
- He should have published his own obituary… He never would have turned himself in!
A study out of England found that cursing can help relieve pain, but only if you don’t do it too often. Students who repeated a swear word were able to keep their hand in a bucket of ice water 40 seconds longer than those who repeaded an innocuous, random word. But the emotional release that kills the pain only worked for those who don’t swear very often.
- This explains why Rappers take so many drugs!
- The study was originally done on chickens: Those who said “Cluck” a lot required more pain meds.
Some U.S. colleges have started asking unusual personal questions on their application forms. 
For instance, Colombia University is asking applicants to describe “the best movie of all time”. Emory U asks, “What is your favorite ride at the amusement park and how does that reflect your approach to life?”. And the University of Maryland asks applicants to share their “favorite thing about last Tuesday”. School officials say it lets them get to know more about students than is reflected in their academic records.
- Why don’t they just look at the kids facebook pages? They’ll find out answers to all those questions and see how the students look naked, too!
- NOTE: If you list Rollar Coaster as your favorite ride, you’re immediately accepted in the “Stock Broker” program.
- Most applicants who listed “Animal House” as the greatest movie of all time ended up going to Ohio State.
On this day in 1925, the world’s first motel opened San Luis Obispo, California.
- An hour later, officials had to assure local residents the shaking they were experiencing was not an earthquake, it was just the motel’s “Magic Fingers”.
Speaking of fingers… you can use your’s right now to click on one of the blue CD ads on this website to get your copy (or copies) of my newest (and final!) CD - “The Best of Dick Purtan & Purtan’s People - Vol. 10”. At just $19.99 it makes the perfect cheap inexpensive gift for anyone on your shopping list who was a fan of the show! The CD contains 40 never-before-released cuts from my last few years on the air and proceeds benefit two terrific Michigan Military charities! Let’s face it… Christmas is just around the corner… so DON’T WAIT!
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!
-Dick