Sports Illustrated announced that they will not publish the annual February Swimsuit edition until May. 

- This is why I belong to the “Fur-Lined Bathing Suit of the Month Club” to go along with my Fur-Lined Underpants.


Turns out that an Ancient Stone Circle authenticated as being 3500 to 4500 years old by the Scottish Archeological Society was actually built by a local farmer in the 1990’s. But that didn’t stop a spokesperson from saying, ‘It’s obviously disappointing to learn of this development, but it also adds an interesting element to its story.”

- This guy can spin the news better than Trump and Pelosi.


Meanwhile… The city of Montreal has cancelled it’s annual “Winter Festival” because it’s “too cold and snowy”.

- Will “Global Warming” never end?? 


California Senator Kamala Harris announced that she’s making a run for the White House in 2020.

- 2,020 also happens to be the number of Democrats who have announced they’re running against Trump.


A study by Mattress Firm found that Americans have 99 terrible nights of sleep each year.

- Only 99 bad nights of sleep a year?? In my Dreams! I get 99 bad nights of sleep every 99 nights!


Pope Francis has launched a Free app called “Click to Pray” that allows the world’s 1.3 billion Roman Catholics to join him in prayer.

- So now you can use your Smartphone to post racy naked selfies on Instagram first… and then pray for forgiveness with the Pope later.


29 year old Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez says it’s “Immoral that Billionaires are allowed to exist” and that “the world will, like, end in 12 years” because of Climate Change.

- Just what this country needs! A socialist who talks like a Valley Girl.


Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!


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