An adult humpback whale is free after marine biologists removed 285 feet of braided rope from it's mouth. 

- The whale said, "So much for dental flossing". 


Medical researchers are warning that stifling a sneeze can rupture your throat, burst an eardrum, or pop a blood vessel in your brain. 

- To those who figured this out, I say God Bless You! 

- The only thing more dangerous is sneezing on someone who doesn't buy your story:  "I'm not sick... It's just allergies". 


20 years ago this week, America learned about the affair between Bill & Monica.

- The traditional 20th Anniversary gift for this sort of thing is a box of cigars. 

- 75% people didn't believe Bill when he said, "I did not have sex with that woman... Miss Lewinsky",  but 100% believed him when he said "I did not have sex with that woman... Hillary Clinton",  last week. 


CNN broadcast the word "S---hole" 195 times in a 24 hour period vs. zero on ABC & Fox. NBC said the "S" word once.  

- Trump immediately tweeted "CNN SAD! What a bunch of A--holes!"


Twitter insiders claim the company employs 400 workers to look at and save all users sex pics and tweets, then sells info about their "interests" to the highest bidder. 

- 400 sounds like a lot until you realize that 399 of them are responsible for collecting pics from Anthony Weiner. 


An app called "Natural Cycles" that claims to be 'as effective as the pill' has been reported to Swedish authorities after 37 women claim they ended up pregnant. 

- This is what happens when you rely on birth control you bought with your iTunes account. 


Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday! 



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