An adult humpback whale is free after marine biologists removed 285 feet of braided rope from it's mouth. 

- The whale said, "So much for dental flossing". 

*****

Medical researchers are warning that stifling a sneeze can rupture your throat, burst an eardrum, or pop a blood vessel in your brain. 

- To those who figured this out, I say God Bless You! 

- The only thing more dangerous is sneezing on someone who doesn't buy your story:  "I'm not sick... It's just allergies". 

*****

20 years ago this week, America learned about the affair between Bill & Monica.

- The traditional 20th Anniversary gift for this sort of thing is a box of cigars. 

- 75% people didn't believe Bill when he said, "I did not have sex with that woman... Miss Lewinsky",  but 100% believed him when he said "I did not have sex with that woman... Hillary Clinton",  last week. 

*****

CNN broadcast the word "S---hole" 195 times in a 24 hour period vs. zero on ABC & Fox. NBC said the "S" word once.  

- Trump immediately tweeted "CNN SAD! What a bunch of A--holes!"

*****

Twitter insiders claim the company employs 400 workers to look at and save all users sex pics and tweets, then sells info about their "interests" to the highest bidder. 

- 400 sounds like a lot until you realize that 399 of them are responsible for collecting pics from Anthony Weiner. 

*****

An app called "Natural Cycles" that claims to be 'as effective as the pill' has been reported to Swedish authorities after 37 women claim they ended up pregnant. 

- This is what happens when you rely on birth control you bought with your iTunes account. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday! 

-Dick