Hawaiian residents and tourists spen 38 minutes in terror after an emergency Tweet was accidentally sent out saying that the Islands were about to be hit by a nuclear missile. 

- Most people found out about it on their phones, but Gilligan and the Skipper didn't know until they heard the news bulletin on the radio the Professor made out of a coconut. 


The Hawaiian government employee who accidentally sent the impending doom tweet has been "reassigned". 

- So now, if you want to get shocked by an alert on your phone you'll have to follow President Trump on Twitter. 


Kim Jong Un's BFF Dennis Rodman was arrested for drunk driving in California Saturday night. 

- The two of them were thousands of miles apart, but both spent their weekends talking about getting bombed. 


A prankster projected the word "S---hole" onto Prez. Trumps Washington, D.C. hotel Saturday night to protest Trump's using the word to describe Haiti. 

- What was Trump thinking? This would have been the perfect time to use "Covfefe". 


Hooters is now offering home delivery of their Chicken Wings. 

- For no extra charge, each order comes with two breasts. 


According to new research, most women want to look like they're 37. 

- And if you don't believe 'em, just take a look at the "current" profile pictures of 50-year-old women on 


Today, of course, is Martin Luther King Jr. Day!  I'll see you back here Tuesday!