Punxatawney Phil emerged from his hole this morning and saw his shadow, signaling 6 more weeks of winter. 

- Why? Because it's February. 


A new dating app called "Haters" is designed to help people find love with people who hate the same things they do from Politicians to paying extra for Guacamole.

- They should have called it eDisHarmony.com. 

- Look for the new romantic ballad "I Can't Help Falling In Hate With You".


Students at UC Berkley turned violent and burned down the Student Book Store last night while protesting a scheduled speech by a Conservative Gay man. 

- But they want everyone to know... they totally accept that he's Gay, it's the Conservative part they can't deal with. 


In an attempt to battle shrinking audiences, Movie Theaters across the country are beginning to  sell alcohol along with popcorn and candy. 

- Which begs the question which type of wine goes best with Milk Duds? 

- I guess offering booze to patrons was easier than trying to get Hollywood to start making good movies again.  


A study published in the Deep Nutrition Journal found that eating vegetable oils can lead to migraines, dementia and fatigue. 

- On the bright side, eat enough McDonald's French Fries and you'll be too tired to finish your Big Mac. 


IKEA stores in the U.S. have recalled certain beach chairs because of "fingertip amputation hazards". 

- And it's really hard to put together a 187 piece beach chair when your fingertips have been amputated. 


A woman in Australia called the police to file a report against her drug dealer for what she considered an unfair price hike for her marijuana. 

- Being Australia, the woman will be tried in a Kangaroo Court. (Bada Boom!)


Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday!

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