October 6, 2016

In the wake of scores of "Scary Clown" sightings, a group in Oregon is planning a "Clown's Lives Matter" march to show that clowns are good people, not psycho killers. 

- The Clowns say they plan a peaceful event... but if detractors show up, they haven't ruled out using water-squirting flowers and confetti-filled cannons. What a bunch of Bozos. 


The U.S. has suspended bilateral contact with Russia because of their ongoing role in Syria.

- Translation: President Obama unfriended Vladimir Putin on Facebook.


Thousands of flights have already been cancelled in anticipation of the arrival of Hurricane Matthew. 

- This is horrible news for travelers, but great news for pilots who want to throw back a few cocktails. 


Supporters of Hillary Clinton claim Donald Trump was "an idiot" for his pronunciation of "Nevada" during a campaign stop there. Trump insists it's "Ne-VAH-da"... They say it's "Nev-AD-a". 

- Coming soon... The Great "You Say To-MAY-To... I Say To-MAH-to" debate. 

- It mean not seem like a big deal until you remember how Dan Quayle was brought down by a Potato.


The Arkansas man who claims that Bill Clinton is his biological father has started a Facebook page. 

- Does this guy NOT understand that if Hillary can delete 33,000 emails, she's not gonna have much trouble getting rid of THAT?


In an exclusive interview with People Magazine, Kim Kardashian said she knew she had to keep quiet to survive the robbery in France. 

- Which is why she barely made a sound while uploading selfies of herself sitting on her butt in the bathtub looking "scared-but-sexy" to her Instagram account. 


A Nigerian man gave his fiancee a surprise lavish wedding just 6 hours after proposing to her. 

- He paid for it with the $100,000 she wired him when he first emailed her last summer. 


There's a new spicy tortilla chip in stores so hot - it only comes one to a package. "The Carolina Reaper Madness Chip" will set you back $4.99 and after trying it, one tester said, "I have no idea what's happening to my body right now."

- I feel the same way every time I binge out on a bag of Cheetos. 


Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday! 


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