Despite reports of gunfire that send hundreds of Fireworks watchers scrambling, the Big Night over the Detroit river went off pretty much without a hitch. 

- There hasn’t been that much explosive activity downtown since Monica Conyers was on the City Council. 

- In case you missed it, the night can pretty much be summed up in two words: “Ooooooh!” and “Ahhhhh!”.


NSA Whistleblower Eric Snowden remains MIA as of this writing. Some believe he is still in Russia being questioned about US spying techniques against that country. 

- The US government says they know they can find him…if he’d just apply for tax-exempt status! 

- Apple is furiously working on a new tracking device to help catch him. Their slogan is: “Trying to Find Eric Snowden? There’s an App For That!”


McDonald’s is re-shaping their McNuggets to make them seem more natural. 

- It’s just like what Lorena Bobbitt did except for the “looking more natural” part. 


A 60-year-old Washington State man’s lifelong dream to fly 268 miles to Oregon in a lawn chair with helium balloons tied to it went awry when he had to be rescued after crash landing in the top of a 40 foot tree. 

- It didn’t work for him…but it did give Eric Snowden a great idea! 

- Rescusers had a hard time finding him until they finally heard “Help Me” coming from a Munchkin-sounding man’s voice.


British scientists have discovered that plants are able to do math. 

-Except for certain flowers that are too Impatiens to do long-division. 


Researchers at Caltech found that people who receive a mild electrical shock found potential dates more attractive than they did before the shock. 

- This explains why drunk, lonely guys in bars often yell, “Tase me bro!”.


Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!