New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie revealed that he recently got secret lap band stomach surgery and has already lost 40 pounds.
- The doctors didn’t actually put a “band” around his stomach…they used a Hula-Hoop.
- They tried to use liposuction, but the bag on the Hoover kept exploding.
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A real estate company is selling lots on the Moon for $19.99 an acre.
- Finally! I can afford to live next to Tom Cruise!
- They call it “One small step for man…and one giant leap for Century 21”.
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NASA says the Earth will soon be experiencing “extreme” rain.
- So apparently the rain is about to get a lot wetter than we’re used to.
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Insiders say that Prince William and Kate Middleton are having a boy.
- Turns out they saw the little guy’s Royal Sceptor on the Ultrasound.
- When the OB-GYN says “You’re crowning” during delivery, he’s gonna mean it LITERALLY!
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A British company is selling the Ultimate Beach Bikini, which uses gels and foam to make a woman’s boobs look up to two cup sizes bigger.
- We can only hope that the French never steal this idea and use it in men’s Speedos.
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A coroner testifieding in the Michael Jackson trail said that many of Michael’s facial features were artificial.
- Boy, I didn’t see that one coming!
He added that in additon to his ever-changing nose, Jacko had no real eyebrows…just eyebrow tatoos and had his lips dyed permanently pink.
- That way he didn’t have to ask his monkey Bubbles to carry his lipstick for him.
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The Betty Ford Center in California decided that Lindsay Lohan will not be granted the privilege of coming and going from the celebrity rehab center.
- You realize what this means? She’s going to have to have her drugs and booze delivered!
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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!
-Dick