New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie revealed that he recently got secret lap band stomach surgery and has already lost 40 pounds. 

- The doctors didn’t actually put a “band” around his stomach…they used a Hula-Hoop. 

- They tried to use liposuction, but the bag on the Hoover kept exploding. 


A real estate company is selling lots on the Moon for $19.99 an acre. 

- Finally! I can afford to live next to Tom Cruise! 

- They call it “One small step for man…and one giant leap for Century 21”. 


NASA says the Earth will soon be experiencing “extreme” rain. 

- So apparently the rain is about to get a lot wetter than we’re used to. 


Insiders say that Prince William and Kate Middleton are having a boy. 

- Turns out they saw the little guy’s Royal Sceptor on the Ultrasound. 

- When the OB-GYN says “You’re crowning” during delivery, he’s gonna mean it LITERALLY!


A British company is selling the Ultimate Beach Bikini, which uses gels and foam to make a woman’s boobs look up to two cup sizes bigger. 

- We can only hope that the French never steal this idea and use it in men’s Speedos. 


A coroner testifieding in the Michael Jackson trail said that many of Michael’s facial features were artificial. 

- Boy, I didn’t see that one coming! 

He added that in additon to his ever-changing nose, Jacko had no real eyebrows…just eyebrow tatoos and had his lips dyed permanently pink. 

- That way he didn’t have to ask his monkey Bubbles to carry his lipstick for him. 


The Betty Ford Center in California decided that Lindsay Lohan will not be granted the privilege of coming and going from the celebrity rehab center. 

- You realize what this means? She’s going to have to have her drugs and booze delivered!


Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!