Public Policy Polling surveyed Americans on bizarre conspiracies and found that 4% believe shape-shifting reptilian aliens in human form have taken over our government. 

- What? Only 4%?

- The other 96% believe shape-shifting reptillian aliens in SEMI-human form have taken over our govennment.  


Today is National Hug-A-Newsman Day!  

- Hug-A-Weatherman day has been indefinitely postponed until we get some decent Spring temperatures. 


Another disaster for the Carnival Cruise Ship “Triumph”. The same boat that left thousands of angry passengers bobbing off the coast of Mexico in a ship full of sewage in February, has suffered another setback. Yesterday, the Triumph, docked in Alabama for repairs, broke free of it’s moorings, drifted downriver and smashed into another ship. 

- The only way things can get worse for Carnival is if they hire a certain Italian Captain to run the ship. 

- James Cameron says his new film “Carnival” will make “Titanic” look like a “feel good movie”. 


In related news…Carnival Cruise Lines is blaming long lines to board their ships on the government sequestration. 

- Who are they kidding? There are no long lines of people waiting to get on Carnival Ships! 


North Korea warned that its military now has the go-ahead for a “merciless” nuclear attack on the US. 

- Look for details in the upcoming biography: “Kim Jong Un-Hinged”. 

- Since they don’t have any missiles capable of reaching the US, I’m assuming they’re planning on giving Dennis Rodman a “Nuclear Wedgie” next time he’s in town. 


After NBC finally confirmed that Jay Leno will be exiting the Tonight Show in 2014 and will be replaced by Jimmy Fallon, Leno has given Fallon his blessing. He told Jimmy he hopes he “gets to keep the show long enough to become the old guy”.  

- Fallon is 38. By most Hollywood standards, he already is the old guy! 


A study finds that exercise and mental stimulation may help seniors stay sharp.

- Which explains the “in-house” gym at the offices of “60 Minutes”.


Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday…aka TIGER’S OPENING DAY AT COMERICA PARK!