It’s so cold that…

…Frosty the Snowman hopped a plane to Bermuda. 

…The hookers on Eight Mile are wearing fishnet snowpants. 

…If you write LMAO on facebook, it might actually happen. 


It is believed that President Obama’s inaugural speech was the first in Presidential history to include a reference to a gay bar. 

- Unless you include Abraham Lincoln’s little known “Getty’s Burger & Beefcake Address” back in the 1800’s. 

- Actually, Obama was just giving a shout out to Bernie Frank’s favorite hang out. 


During coverage of the Inauguration, ABC’s George Stephanopoulos mistakenly identified legendary NBA star Bill Russell as actor Morgan Freeman. 

- He immediately called Morgan Freeman and asked for a Shawshank Redemption. 

- George is usually the one who gets mistaken for someone else…one of the Seven Dwarfs. 

- Hey…at least he knew who the President was, unlike Joe Biden. 


The Transportation Security Administration announced that they’re pulling the plug on nude airport scanners that produce a full-body image of travelers. 

- Apparently Chris Christie has taken one too many flights. 

- TSA agents say they’d way rather do invasive body pat downs than look at some naked photos! 


A Harvard geneticist says he’s close to developing technology that could clone a Neanderthal. 

- Joey Buttafucco has been asked to make a donation at the local sperm bank. 


A private funeral service was held for advice columnist “Dear Abby” who died last week at the age of 94. 

- Ironically her last piece of advice was, “You can skip the meds Doctor…I’m feeling fine.”


On this day in 1901 Queen Victoria died at the age of 82. She ruled England for 64 years. 

- And launched a highly successful line of lingerie stores. 


Have a great day…stay warm…and I’ll see you back here Wednesday! 


P.S. Don’t forget to check out my latest Podcast (#70) with former “Purtan’s Person” Joe Noune! He shares some dating stories that make Manti Te’o’s lovelife seem normal! (You can find it on the homepage.)