Some experts are predicting that between the damage and power outages and early allegations of voter fraud, we may not know the results of the Presidential election for days or even weeks. 

- If I have to look at those people examining anymore hanging chads, I’ll hang Chad myself. 

- I saw a commercial that said, “If you vote in an election that lasts more than 4 days…go directly to the hospital”. 


New Jersey residents, hard hit by Sandy, will be allowed to vote by email. 

- You don’t really vote…you just go to your favorite candidate’s Facebook page and hit the “like” button. 

- Then after you vote, you can send all your personal info to that guy in Nigeria who’s going to give you $17 million dollars! 


After being deluged with complaints, Mayor Bloomberg did an abrupt about face and cancelled Sunday’s scheduled NYC Marathon. 

- To calm disgruntled runners, he handed out 32 ounce bottles of Gatorade. 


Saturday, hundreds of people with puppets converged on Washington DC to support PBS’s “Million Muppet March”. 

- Notably absent were Bert and Ernie who were in San Francisco for the “Million Gay Puppet March”. 

- To be honest, it was hard to tell the puppets from the campaign spokespeople. 

- Kermit announced himself as a last minute Presidential candidate. He’s running for the “It’s Not Easy Being Green Party”. 

- They didn’t reach the million mark because most puppets were too lazy and just laid around in their boxes all day. 


President Obama’s senior advisor David Axelrod said he could tell the president’s speech in Ohio was coming from “his loins”. 

- So apparently it was written by Bill Clinton.

- People in attendance said the President’s speech wasn’t coming from his loins, it was coming from his teleprompter. 


Kwame Kilpatrick says “I’m done with Detroit”, and it turns out he has two friends who pay for all of his flights between Dallas and Detroit, and his hotel rooms.

- So Kwame definitely has “Friends with Benefits”.  


On this date in 1492 Christopher Columbus saw corn for the first time. 

- Then he saw a naked picture of Pocahontas and he saw “porn” for the first time.


Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday! And don’t forget to vote!!!!!