It’s Election Day…

No matter which candidate you’re rooting for, your probably a bit anxious. What follows are a list of suggested activites to keep your mind off the election (after you vote, of course) and get you through to the end without have an emotional meltdown. 

1. Turn off the news and watch some mindless re-runs of “The Three Stooges”. Scratch that. Larry, Moe and Curly may remind you of politicians. 

2. Head on over to Art Van &/or Gardner White. My gut tells me they just might be having one of the greatest sales in their history! 

3. Put up your Christmas tree! 

4. For the ladies… Get a bikini wax. I’ve heard nothing will make you relax like having a Russian woman put hot wax on you with a popsicle stick and say “One, two, three…RIP!”

5. For the men… Get your chest or back waxed. (Same result as above). 

6. Rearrange your cupboards putting all soups and canned veggies in alphabetical order. 

7. Heat up a can of Alphabet Soup and see if you can find the letters to spell out “Serenity Now”. 

8. Post a another picture of a “cute” kitten on Facebook. 

9. Try to find Dixville Notch on a map.  

10. If you’re at work, treat yourself to an extra hour on “adult web sites”.  

11. Send a “Thinking About You” card to Monica Conyers. 

12. Have lunch at a sushi restaurant and tell the waiter that your meal is undercooked. 

13. Clean the lint trap on your dryer, then use the lint to make a homemade sheep to put in the family nativity scene. 

14. Watch a DVD of the Tigers winning the World Series…in 1984. 

15. Head over to Costco and pick up a pallet of Maalox. Depending on how the election goes, you might need it. 

Have a great day - and don’t forget to Vote! I’m Dick Purtan and I approved this message.