Trump on the Stump? 

An unidentified pollster took a survey in New Hampshire last week on Donald Trump’s chances of being elected President.  Trump says he didn’t pay for it, but “I hear the results are amazing,” and he’s seriously considering running as a Republican in 2012.  Trump told Fox News that what’s happening in America “is a disgrace,” and China will easily overtake us within 10 years if we don’t have a President who understands business.

And has a really great comb-over.

If Trump is elected, his Vice President will be known as “The Apprentice”.

And he’ll have the Constitution changed so our leader won’t be called the President, he’ll be called “The Donald”.

Click It For Your Ticket!

A lot of people keep pushing the idea of voting via the Internet, but security questions are raising concerns.  Last week the D.C. Board of Elections and Ethics tried a weeklong test of a “secure voting website” and challenged hackers to “give it your best shot.”  By mid-day Friday the site was shut down after hackers broke into it and made it play Michigan’s “Hail to the Victors” every time a vote was cast.

They were going to use the Ohio State Fight Song but they realized no one in Ohio is smart enough to vote on-line. 

I think we should vote on Facebook.  You just click on the “like” button for your favorite candidate and “de-friend” his or her opponent.

Ashton Kutcher thinks we should vote via Twitter.  (Apparently he has had problems in the past with his hanging chad). 

Speaking of Demi’s Boy-Toy

The above-mentioned Ashton Kutcher allegedly wants to bring back “Punk’d” – his hidden camera practical TV show – but with a twist.  New York Magazine claims he wants teen-heart throb Justin Beiber to be the host. 

Which is gonna send the all important 7-12 year old girl ratings demo through the roof!

Justin is a big fan of practical jokes… like the one his barber keeps playing on him. 

Elton John Spotted in Illinois?  

Dayanara Fernandez is suing a Hyatt Hotel in Deerfield, Illinois.  She returned to her room one night last July to find a hotel worker wearing her skirt, underwear, and high heels.  The man pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct and was fined $187 bucks.  Fernandez wants unspecified damages for, among other things, invasion of privacy and emotional distress. 

She should have clued in when, instead of a Bible, she found a copy of “Thong & Dance Man Quarterly” in her nightstand.

The emotional distress part came when she realized he looked way better in her push-up bra than she did.

The brochure did say that every room came with a spacious closet and a cross-dresser.

The hotel has changed it’s slogan to “We’ll Leave A Guy Who’s Light-In-His-Loafers On For You”.

The British Are Coming! 

A survey of women in Britain found that married women over 40 have the best sex.  The results showed that 81% of women in the 40+ group are more sexually adventurous than they were in their 20’s, 63% are more confident in bed, and 60% said they’ve had more sex since their kids moved out.

And 100% said they’ve had more sex since they’re husbands moved out.

Apparently, it’s amazing what NOT worrying about getting pregnant can do to your libido. 

I guess I was wrong. I always thought “Menopause” meant a “Pause in Men”.


Have a great Wednesday!  Enjoy the weather and we’ll see you back here tomorrow!

- Dick