“Mr. C” Goes to That Great Soda Shop in the Sky and “Mrs. B” Gets the Boot…

Just two days after the death of Barbara Billingsley, aka “June Cleaver”, Tom Bosley, best know as Ritchie Cunningham’s father on “Happy Days” has died at the age of 83.  Many consider him “America’s Favorite TV Dad”, but in a 1984 TV Guide Poll of the 50 Greatest TV Fathers of all time, “Mr. C” only came in at #9.  The top spot went to Bill Cosby’s “Cliff Huxtable”.

Ralph Malph and Potsie were so mad they sent TV Guide a note telling them to “Sit on It!”

Joanie and Chachi (who have since divorced) had no comment. 

Henry Winkler, aka “The Fonz” had planned on attending the funeral, but he fell off his motorcycle and broke his hip. 

On The Other Side Of The Showbiz Sod…

Florence Henderson, known to millions as “Mrs. Brady” from the “Brady Bunch” was voted off Dancing With The Stars last night.  She got her highest score of the season on Monday night’s episode, but it just wasn’t enough. 

You’d have thought all those years working with Robert Reed would have made her a better dancer! 

NOTE:  You may remember that Reed, aka “Mr. Brady” came out of the casket… I mean Closet… after his death. 

And You Thought Being Bi-Sexual Was Confusing… 

Tuesday, the California judge who ordered the military to stop enforcing the “Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell” ban on openly gay soldiers refused to stay her order pending an appeal.  So the Pentagon began telling recruiters to accept openly gay applicants.  However, they’re supposed to warn gay enlistees that “don’t ask/don’t tell” might be reinstated at any time.  It’s not clear what that would mean for people who were openly gay when they enlisted.  It’s so confusing that even gay rights activists are advising enlistees not to tell recruiters they’re gay because it might come back to haunt them.  

Or bite ‘em on the butt.  

This has been going on for so long I don’t even remember what it is you’re not supposed to ask, let alone what you shouldn’t tell. 

Why not just have all the gays join the Marines?  They’re always advertising that they’re “Looking for a few good men”.

I think Gay men would end up being some of the most “Decorated” soldiers in their unit!

“You May Now Kiss The Brides!”

Axhar Haidri of Pakistan was in a quandry because his family had long ago promised him in marriage to one girl, but he grew up and fell in love with another.  But he hit on the perfect solution:  he proposed to both and married them 24 hours apart.  One of the brides said they’re happy they love the same man and plan to live as sisters and friends.  Pakistani law allows men to have up to four wives, but they usually marry them over a period of years.

So the two brides love the same man and plan to live as friends… This guy is the Hugh Hefner of Pakistan.

The girls are said to be so close they’re even going to share burkas! 

If Larry King had known about this Four Wives at a time rule, he’d have moved to Karachi years ago. 

I heard he fell in love with Bride #2 after he saw her on an episode of “Pimp my Camel”. 

Good Times, Good Times!

If you’re a woman who wants a favor from a man, wait until dinnertime to ask for it.  According to a new poll, most people are aware of the regular peaks and valleys in their moods and six at night turned out to be the time when a man was most likely to go along with a woman’s wishes.  3pm is the time when a woman is most likely to win an argument with a man.  And the best time to ask your boss for a raise is at 1pm – right after lunch. 

Especially if you spent your lunch hour having sex with him. 

Of course the “best time to ask for a promotion” only applies to people who HAVE JOBS. 

So if you’re a guy, you can get a promotion at one, lose an argument with your wife at three and agree to buy new living room furniture at 6.  Which is, of course, why you need the promotion in the first place!

Apparently, as of today, there is NO good time to “ask” in the Military.

Another Reason Not To Text “On The Go” 

A man in Jiangsu, China, got his arm hopelessly stuck in a public toilet after he dropped his cell phone in the bowl and tried to retrieve it.  Rescue workers arrived at the bathroom stall to find him with his entire arm submerged up to the shoulder.  They had to break the bowl with crowbars, and hammer the pipes loose until the man could slowly extract his cut and bruised arm.  He was still gripping the phone. 

I can see the ad now… “Arm stuck in a public toilet?  There’s an App for that!”

Apple is considering coming out with a waterproof product just for this type of situation.  It’s called the “iPeed iPhone”.

Today’s Almanac

On this day in 1964, the Rolling Stones played their first show in Paris.  Afterwards, hundreds of fans rioted in the streets and broke windows in the theater. 

Ironically, those very same people are doing it again today… over the government’s proposed plans to raise the retirement age from 60 to 62. 


Have a great day and I’ll see you back here tomorrow!

- Dick