Larry David played Bernie Sanders again on "Saturday Night Live" over the weekend. 

- They wanted Bernie to play himself, but he's not allowed to drive at night. 

*****

Two new polls show Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton in a statistical dead. The same polls show them as the most disliked Presidential Candidates in U.S. history. 

- You know it's bad when you hear people talking about what a great guy "Tricky-Dickie" Nixon was. 

*****

An American man who joined ISIS for five months and then escaped back to the U.S. says joining up was "the worst decision" he's ever made. 

- He's obviously got a good head on his shoulders...and wanted to make sure it stayed that way. 

*****

A new report claims the producers of the "The Biggest Loser" encouraged contestants to starve themselves and take diet pills. 

- They were going to make them take laxatives too, but they would have had to change the show's name to "Game of Thrones". 

- This kind of thing never happens on The Food Network. 

*****

Madonna performed a tribute to Prince on last night's Billboard Music Awards. 

- She and Prince had a lot in common... he died because of drugs, and she's alive because of antibiotics. 

*****

Cher turned 70 over the weekend. 

- In honor of her birthday, she's releasing a new CD including the songs: "I Got Who Babe?" and "Gypsies, Muscle Cramps, & Thieves". 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

 A new study found that the average person spends 117 days of their life having sex. 

- It's actually two days, but Madonna and Charlie Sheen threw off the curve. 

*****

According to a new report, the Iranian Government thinks Kim Kardashian is a Secret Agent who works for the U.S. Government. 

- For the first time, I'm kind of hoping Iran has Nukes and uses one to take her out. 

- Kanye West says "It's not true! And besides, Beyonce is the greatest Secret Agent of all time!"

*****

Donald Trump said he'd be willing to sit down and talk with North Korean President Kim Jong Un. 

- I give him 5 minutes before he starts calling him "Lil Kim". 

- Dennis Rodman said he'd love to tag along... but he has to don his wedding gown for a guest shot on TLC's "Say Yes To The Dress!"

*****

A British study found a chemical in hallucinogenic mushrooms may offer a new treatment for depression. 

- They should have figured this out when they saw how happy all the "hippies" were sleeping in the mud with no bathrooms during Woodstock in 1969.

*****

Scientists say that busy people may have better functioning brains in old age than less busy people. 

- Speaking of less busy people... I wonder what my sister's ex-husband Joe is up to these days. 

*****

Tiger Woods' former swing coach says he may not return until 2017. 

- He'll still be around clubs - but they'll be the Strip kind. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

After a nine month stand-off, Donald Trump sat down for an interview with Fox News Anchor Megyn Kelly last night and said that his calling her "a bimbo" last summer probably wasn't the worst thing she's ever been called. 

- Especially by him. 

*****

Bernie Sanders won BIG in the Oregon primary yesterday and is favored to win 8 of the remaining 10 primaries. 

- Meaning that according to the Democrat Party rules, he's THAT much closer to NOT winning the nomination. 

*****

Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg is sitting down with some Conservative journalists today to answer claims that the site blocks conservative content. 

- You can read all about the meeting later today. Just not on Facebook. 

*****

Under a new New York law, companies will now be required to fire employees who don't refer to customers by their preferred gender neutral pronouns such as "Ze" or "Hir" instead of "He" or "Her". 

- Why don't they just stick with "Hey you" like most New Yorkers do.  

- I'd rank this, and the new Federal bathroom mandates, right up there with the $19 Trillion National Debt as the most important issues facing the country. 

*****

Ozzie Osbourne will tour historic sites for a new show on the History Channel. During a stop at The Alamo, Ozzie will apologize for peeing on a statue there back in the 80's. 

- He was going to pee on it again, but he's got prostate problems and the show is only a half-hour long. 

*****

ISIS is reportedly using dating websites to lure women into marrying terrorist fighters. 

- Their profiles are easy to spot... Under "Likes" they list, "A girl who looks great in a burka, spending a quiet night at home building bombs, and having a blast with that special someone". 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

RIP... Dick McAuliffe, Second Baseman on the Tigers 1968 World Series Championship team, as well as a 3-time All Star, has died at the age of 76.

*****

A new report on a number of reputable news websites claims that President Obama is following seven porn stars on Twitter. 

- Meanwhile Bill Clinton is following seven porn stars in his limo. 

*****

The CIA announced that they accidentally destroyed the sole copy of a report of their torture practices. 

- They say they emailed a copy to Hillary Clinton...but she can't find it either. 

*****

NBC reports that 15 U.S. college students have joined ISIS since 2014. 

- Remember the good old days when college kids just rushed Fraternities & Sororities? (Come to think of it, their "Initiation Ceremonies" aren't that different than what ISIS does.) 

- Hey... at least that's 15 fewer college students that moved back home to live in their parent's basement. 

*****

A Gizmodo study found that one in ten people use their phones during sex. 

- Apparently their phones are not only "Smart"... they're "Sexy". 

- This gives a whole new meaning to the old slogan "Reach Out And Touch Someone". 

*****

A video has gone viral of a TV weather anchor being told to put on a sweater - live on the air - because viewers were calling to say her dress was too skimpy. 

- Maybe they just thought she was experiencing a Cold Front. 

*****

The TSA is looking to hire more agents as airline passengers across the country wait in security lines for up to four hours. 

- If they're looking for someone who's out of work and likes to grope women, they should give Bill Cosby a call. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

CHECK THIS ONE OUT... The correction pictured above was published by the NY Times about a story they ran last Monday. 

- Understandable mistake... Could it be that "Pimpin4Paradise786" is actually the imam's TWITTER name??? 

*****

Actress Madelaine LeBeau, largely credited with being the last surviving credited cast member from "Casablanca" has died at the age of 92. LeBeau played the jilted lover of Humphrey Bogart's character "Rick" in the classic 1942 movie. 

- You may not regret hearing about her death today...maybe not tomorrow...but soon and for the rest of your life. 

*****

A former girlfriend of Donald Trump claims she was misquoted in a NY Times article that said he mistreated her. She said he never did. 

- The Donald immediately thanked her for coming forward, saying "She's pretty smart for a dumb broad."

*****

A study by the CDC fount that 50% of Americans are in favor of legalizing prostitution. 

- Between this and the Transgender bathroom thing, I can't remember when Americans were spending so much time concerned with Johns. 

*****

A group of Bernie Sanders supporters are performing wiccan "witch" ceremonies to help him win the Oregon primary. 

- If they want him to win the nomination, they're going to have to start sticking pins in Voo-Doo-Delegate Dolls.

*****

Veterinarians in Statin Island plan to perform vasectomy's on male deer to cut down on breeding. 

- I guess the usual technique of "Not tonight Deer, I have a headache" just wasn't getting the job done. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Purtan Podcast #195

Click here to download Podcast

Welcome to the weekend and Podcast #195. Ever think that Political Correctness has gotten out of control? Well today Jackie and I welcome former "Purtan's Person" Tom Delisle to Podcast Central for a rather spirited discussion on just how far the pendulum has swung... From the new "bathroom law" insanity to George Clooney's press conference about Donald Trump. 

We also touch on some less controversial - but equally engaging topics - including: My brief military hostage experience... The history of Mad Magazine & a phrase hidden in every issue that only I seem to remember... The band Chicago's "it's about time" installation into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame... And some food comparisons of what you should and should not eat that may surprise you. 

So before you head out to the store and try to figure out which restroom to use, tune in to Podcast #195...um, "streaming", right here at dickpurtan.com!

Have a great weekend and I'll see you back here Monday with my regular blog!

-Dick

Yesterday, Gail and I had the pleasure of hanging a new photo-on-canvas in our family room. It's a picture of the two of us parasailing back in 2010. The pic was taken by our photographer-daughter Jill, and given to my wonderful bride (and me!) for Mother's Day last Sunday by Jill, Jackie & JoAnne. Since I was the one on the Radio, people have always assumed that I'm the "free spirit" in the relationship. Well, as they say... A Picture Says A Thousand Words! 

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday!

-Dick 

Often shirtless, macho man Vladimir Putin, was photographed laying flat on his butt after falling on the ice during a gala Hockey game in Russia. 

- Putin immediately blamed the fall on America, had the photographer shot, and banished the ice rink to Siberia. 

*****

Budweiser has temporarily renamed their beer "America" and will sell the patriotic brew through the election in November. 

- Their slogan: "Making Beer Bellys Great Again". 

******

Bernie Sanders beat Hillary Clinton big time in the West Virginia primary bringing his state wins to 19 to her 23. 

- It seems like Bernie can win everything...except the nomination. 

*****

Donald Trump says that if he wins the Presidency, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie will lead his transition team. 

- Christie says working for Trump has always been on his Bucket List... Of course it's a Bucket that he bought for lunch yesterday at KFC. 

*****

The University of Washington is conducting the largest study ever on how dogs age. 

- Results are expected to be released next year, or in 2022 in dog years. 

- Another study found that the dogs most likely to get botox or a facelift are Shar pei's.  

***** 

According to an interview, Madonna ran into Anthony Weiner at an event several years ago and after talking to him for a few minutes turned to her assistant and said, "Who the BLANK is this?". 

- Anthony is the first  Weiner in history that Madonna didn't recognize. 

*****

Nudists in Canada are trying to figure out how to get Millennials to join the nudist lifestyle, claiming that everyone who joins is "old". 

- It's not that Millennials don't get naked...it's just that they do it at a place called "College". 

*****

A new dating app called MapleMatch.com is designed to find partners for Americans who want to move to Canada if Trump wins the election. 

- "MapleMatch" is a lot more catchy than it's rival app eSaskatchewan.com. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick 

A State of Education study found that the average 4 year old can swipe a phone, but can't carry on a conversation because their parents spend so much time on their smartphones. 

- Hey...it's better than China where the average 4 year old doesn't just know how to swipe a phone, they know how to make 'em. 

"*****

Hillary Clinton says that she will not resort to name calling in the General Election. 

- Those names are:  Paula, Gennifer, Kathleen, Monica...

*****

Facebook is under fire for allegations that it intentionally kept positive posts about conservative candidates and issues from users Newsfeeds. 

- Unless, of course, it was a video about a cute conservative cat. 

*****

North Carolina is suing the Department of Justice over the transgender bathroom law that requires people to be allowed to use the bathroom of the gender their "feeling" not the gender on their birth certificate. 

- To put the law in simpler terms: If a guy named "John" suddenly feels like he is really a "Jane" he can go to "the John" in what will now be known as "The Jane". Got it? Me either. 

*****

A North Korean Military General who was reported to have been executed by Kim Jong Un is alive and well. 

- Or he was when I typed this story. 

*****

A 72 year old woman in India gave birth to her first child yesterday. 

- Her husband says the baby has his nose and his wife's diapers. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday! 

-Dick

Purtan Podcast #194

Click here to download Podcast

Welcome to Mother's Day Weekend and Podcast #194! Today Jackie and I sit down around the Purtan Family Dining Room Table to weed through more topics than my next door neighbor has dandelions in his front yard. Included: What my late father had to say about Gail's Aunt Ethel at her funeral... A new government rule that says you can't call an "ex-con" an "ex-con" anymore because it might hurt their self esteem... The only two things I actually remember learning in College... and we play a cut off "The Best of Purtan" that may have you reconsidering how you feed your fish. 

So put down that weed-whacker for a few minutes, plant yourself down, and join us for Podcast #194. Who knows... it might just grow on you!

Have a great weekend, Happy Mother's Day and I'll see you back here Monday with my regular blog!

-Dick

Today is Cinco de Mayo... The Mexican version of St. Patrick's Day!

*****

A CNN poll found that Hillary Clinton leads Donald Trump by 13 points going into the general election. Speaking of Hillary... a new film called "Clinton Cash" will tell the story of how foreign governments gained favors by donating to the Clinton Foundation. 

- If they wanted a favor from Hillary they sent a check for $100,000. And if they wanted a favor from Bill, they sent $100,000 in singles. 

*****

The North Carolina legislature continues to fight over the controversial law that bans transgender people from using whatever restroom they want. 

- You can find out more about this story...just watch the hit TV show "Game of Thrones". 

*****

President Obama spoke in Flint yesterday and to prove it was safe, drank a glass of filtered local tap water. 

- Before taking a sip, he called in his official water taster...a guy named Joe Biden.  

*****

A new report says ISIS is using rap songs to recruit fighters. 

- You can download their playlist on iTerrorist. 

- Wouldn't it be more effective to use rap songs to actually terrorize people? 

*****

"Desert Trip" aka "Coachella" the classic rock concert set for next October has confirmed appearances by Paul McCartney, the Rolling Stones, Bob Dylan, Neil Young and The Who. 

- The performers are so old that when Roger Daltry sings "Who are you?" he'll actually mean it. 

- The classic hits will include: "Limpin' Jack Flash", "I'm Seriously Knockin' On Heaven's Door" and in an ode to Prostate problems, the whole group will finish the concert with "Let It Pee". 

- The guys haven't changed a bit...except now they smoke Medical Marijuana. 

*****

Kanye West reportedly fired one of his security guards for talking to Kim Kardashian before the Met Gala in NYC. 

- He's really got Kim's back... Which is no small task. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday!

-Dick 

Ted Cruz dropped out of the Presidential race last night leaving Trump as the apparent GOP nominee. Meanwhile earlier in the day, Trump accused Cruz's father of playing some kind of role in the Kennedy Assassination...a story that came out of the National Enquirer. 

- What's next? Hillary accusing Bernie Sanders of playing a role in the Lincoln Assassination? 

*****

Meanwhile Sanders beat Clinton in Indiana and vowed to stay in the race even though mathematically it's virtually impossible for him to win the nomination. 

- Hillary said "I'm going to get rid of him once and for all"... So she went to her personal computer and deleted him. 

*****

A new startup called "Getaround" plans to cut down on auto emissions by encouraging people to share ownership of their cars with strangers. 

- A lot of parents already have a similar car-sharing program with their unemployed 25 year old kids. 

*****

ABC executives are allegedly in talks with 84-year-old Regis Philbin about returning to "Live! With Regis and Kelly".

- They say the show would have a whole new feel...especially for
Regis because he doesn't remember the old one.

*****

Les Waas, the man who wrote the Mister Softee ice cream truck jingle, has died at the age of 94. 

- Wass will be cremated, then his ashes will be sprinkled over a chocolate sundae. 

- The "Mister Softee" composer is survived by a wife...but no kids!!! 

*****

Sesame Street execs got a cease and desist order against an at home testing company that implied that Bert and Ernie have STD's. 

- They did admit, however, that Miss Piggy has hot flashes and an over active bladder. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick 

Congrats to Tiger pitcher Justin Verlander and super model Kate Upton who announced their engagement.

- And if he needs relief help on his wedding night, there are about a million guys who would be willing to be called in. 

*****

Some in the entertainment industry claim that Hollywood is failing to represent enough transgender characters in the movies. 

- Coming soon to a theater near you: "Fifty Shades of Gay" and "When Harry Became Sally".

*****

Kelly Ripa and Michael Strahan found out on Monday that they won a Daytime Emmy for their work together. 

- And after having to pretend they like each other for the next two weeks, they're a shoe in for next year's Best Actor Awards.  

*****

The first American cruise ship pulled into Havana yesterday. 

- It was confusing for Cubans because they're not used to people coming into Cuba, they're used to people trying to get out. 

- It took two tries to dock the boat. The first attempt was close, but no cigar. 

*****

Disney World is now selling Weddings inside the Magic Kingdom for $75,000.

- They say they can only accommodate 20 guests...because it's a small world, after all. 

- For an extra 10 grand all of the Disney Characters will take part in the ceremony except for Donald Duck because he doesn't wear pants. 

- The ceremony will be 45 minutes long. Or 10 minutes if you have a Fast Pass. 

*****

A Texas high school fired a French teacher who couldn't speak French. 

- But they're gonna stick with their policy of hiring English teachers who don't speak English.

*****

TMZ is reporting that someone is shopping around a sex tape starring Blac Chyna and Tyga. 

- This is HUGE NEWS... If you happen to know who either of those people are. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Elephants performed for the last time at the Ringling Brothers Circus on Sunday. 

- The elephants said they'll never forget the experience.

- After the show, they packed their trunks and took off for a retirement home in Florida. 

*****

Comedian Larry Wilmore's headlining act at the annual White House Correspondents' Dinner was met with resoundingly bad reviews. 

- He was such a bomb, Kim Jong Un announced plans to strap him to a missile and shoot him over South Korea. 

*****

After a slew of bad press, Will Ferrell claims he was never going to star in a movie about Ronald Reagan with Alzheimer's. 

- But he's going ahead with his plans to star in the comedy "Abe Lincoln Goes To The Theater".

*****

Former House Speaker John Boehner told an interviewer that Ted Cruz is "Lucifer in the flesh". 

- Kinda makes "Lyin' Ted" sound like a compliment. 

*****

An Oregon University study found that drinking beer promotes weight loss in mice. 

- So apparently drinking a six pack is a great way to get "Six-Pack Abs". 

*****

Lego announced plans for a 2000 piece Porsche. 

- It's designed for 10 year old boys who are going through a "Pre-Teen Crisis". 

- And just like a real Porsche, it will come with a tiny little man. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick 

Purtan Podcast #193

Click here to download Podcast

Welcome to the weekend and Podcast #193. In today's audio offering we serve up more topics than you can fit in Little Caesars Arena. Speaking of that... the Joe Louis Arena was nicknamed "The Joe". What do we call the soon to be home of the Red Wings??? "The Little"???

So now that we've got you thinking about "Pizza! Pizza!", take some time to feast on our latest "Podcast! Podcast!".

Have a great weekend and I'll see you back here Monday with my regular blog.

-Dick

Kelly Ripa revealed on the air that her wedding dress still fits 20 years later...

- ...and so does the Pink Slip Michael Strahan gave her. 

*****

Following her huge wins in the Tuesday Primaries, Hillary is on the verge of making history as the first female Presidential Nominee of a major political party. 

- That would give a major break to the Secret Service, who won't have to follow her because she'll have that ankle bracelet on. 

*****

Ted Cruz announced yesterday that Carly Fiorina would be his pick for V.P. 

- Donald Trump responded in his usual sensitive way, "Would anybody vote for that face?"

*****

A San Diego woman and her cat are sailing around the world in a 40 foot boat. 

- Her dog refused to go along because he doesn't know how to Doggy Paddle. 

*****

ISIS has reportedly opened a "Relationship Counseling" Center in an effort to stop brides from leaving their soldier husbands. 

- Their slogan is: Things Will Get Better...Don't Lose Your Head Over Him. 

- They say it's a great way to keep couples from blowing up at each other.

*****

Tiger outfielder Tyler Collins gave the fans the finger after they booed him for misplaying a ball. 

- If I was at the game, I wouldn't have booed him, I would have booed the guy responsible for the beer prices. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back her Friday!

-Dick 

Justin Bieber performed what fans called a "lazy" concert here in Detroit last night. 

- So what you thought was weather-related thunder, was actually The Beebs bombing on stage at the Palace. 

*****

A Federal Appeals Court announced that Tom Brady must serve his four game suspension for deflating footballs. 

- Let this send a strong message to kids everywhere: If you cheat, you'll have to spend four weeks in a luxurious mansion with a super model. 

*****

A Harvard poll found that 61% of Millennials prefer a Democrat in the White House. 

- The rest don't care who's in charge as long as they pay for their college education and cell phone bill. 

*****

A British Astronaut set a new record for the fastest marathon run while orbiting the Earth. 

- And the record is expected to stand until Kenya gets a Space program. 

*****

A Swedish study found that men who used marijuana heavily as teenagers have a much higher chance of dying by the age of 60. 

- It's not the pot that kills them...it's all the Doritos they scarfed down when they got the munchies. 

*****

A new scientific paper claims that due to overstimulation from things like texting and the internet, most people now have a shorter attention span than goldfish...less than eight seconds.  

- I was going to write a line for that story, but what's the point? Most of you have already picked up your phone and are playing Candy Crush Saga. 

***** 

The Federal Government is warning that the nutrition labels on food can be off by as much as 20%. 

- Which would be a big deal if there were any Americans who actually read the labels. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Seems Heaven has decided it needs more royalty. Last month it was a Duke (Patty) and last week it was a Prince. 

- Since these things usually happen in threes, Prince Charles
is thinking a Queen might be the best way to round out the trio.

- Someone should tell Larry King he might want to get his affairs in order.

*****

A U.S. firm is looking for ways to bring brain-dead people back to life.

- No matter how much science is involved, it still doesn't work until
you bring in a magician to wave a magic wand and say the magic
words: Abra Cadaver.

*****

Pope Francis gave a special Mass on Sunday just for teenagers. 

- To get their interest he said he'd be reading from Genesis, Leviticus, & Text-adus.  

- And when the Pontiff said "OMG!" he really meant it. 

*****

A Chinese Tech Billionaire is mocking Apple for being out-of-date. 

- He came to that conclusion after interviewing hundreds of Chinese Kindergarteners who build the iPhone. 

*****

A new report says Hillary Clinton hasn't ruled out Elizabeth Warren as her running mate. 

- This isn't so much a News Flash as it is a Hot Flash. 

*****

Insiders at "Live! With Kelly & Michael" say that the hosts on-air friendship was an act and that Kelly and Michael couldn't stand each other. 

- If they want someone who gets along with everyone, they should hire Rosie O'Donnell.

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Tuesday afternoon, Jackie had the incredible honor of speaking at the dedication of the new "Larry E. Fleischmann Dialysis Center" at Children's Hospital of Michigan. Dr. Fleischmann saved Jackie's life when she contracted Hemolytic Uremic Syndrome - a rare blood and kidney disease, suffered kidney failure, and spent 63 days at Childrens Hospital when she was just 15. Jackie was asked to represent all of the thousands of children Dr. Fleischmann has treated throughout his remarkable career. Larry has remained not only a hero to Jackie and our family, but a good friend as well. Congratulations to Larry... one of the most skilled, kind, funny and giving Doctors to ever grace a child's bedside. 

*****

The private jet Donald Trump uses to get to his rallies has been flying with an expired registration. 

- And it turns out somebody stole the "Woodstock '69" bumper sticker off of Bernie Sanders' VW Campaign Bus.

*****

The Treasury Department announced plans to feature Harriet Tubman on the front of the $20 bill...replacing Andrew Jackson. 

- Since they say that through use, the majority of American currency has cocaine on it, I thought they would have gone with Lindsay Lohan.

*****

Great Britain will celebrate Queen Elizabeth's 90th Birthday today with cakes, balloons and fireworks.  

- The Palace ixnayed Prince Charles' suggestion of a surprise party fearing it might give the Queen a heart attack... which was the whole reason Charles wanted to throw the party in the first place. 

***** 

Things are getting ugly at "Live! with Kelly & Michael"... ABC says Kelly won't show up to work until at least next Wednesday and Michael skipped out as host of a charity event last night. 

- Remember the good old days when all viewers had to deal with were Kathy Lee's annoying stories about Cody and Cassidy??? 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday!

-Dick 

He came in third place in the NY primary, but Ted Cruz was the talk of social media when a woman who bore a striking resemblance to him appeared on the  Maury Povich show to find out which of 5 men fathered her baby. 

- When Donald Trump sees this picture, he'll probably call her "Lyin' Unwed". 

*****

Speaking of Trump, he won big in the NY GOP Primary with 60% of the vote. Meanwhile Hillary Clinton, who beat Bernie Sanders by 20 points, told a radio station that she always carries hot sauce in her purse. 

- And female aides for Bill Clinton told the station their purses are full of pepper spray. 

*****

Goldman Sachs profits have tumbled by 60%. 

- 50% of the loss was due to paying for Hillary's speeches.

*****

A British study suggests that how long a person remains a virgin is actually written in their genes. 

- For example, if you wear tight jeans with "Booty Call" embroidered on the back, chances are you'll lose your virginity in high school. 

- And if you wear "Mom Jeans", chances are you'll never have sex again. 

*****

More than 500 people mailed in their tax returns late from the Coachella Music festival in California. 

- They were so high, even the single people filed a Joint return. 

*****

Officials in Great Britain asked Twitter users to name a new polar research boat. The winner: "Boaty McBoatface". 

- This is what happens when you give Spongebob a smartphone. 

*****

Michael Strahan is leaving "Live! with Kelly and Michael" to join "Good Morning America". FYI... Kelly Ripa wasn't told Michael was leaving until after the official announcement was made public. 

- The way things are going... Look for "Live! with Kelly and Bernie" coming to a television near you. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick