Elephants performed for the last time at the Ringling Brothers Circus on Sunday. 

- The elephants said they'll never forget the experience.

- After the show, they packed their trunks and took off for a retirement home in Florida. 

*****

Comedian Larry Wilmore's headlining act at the annual White House Correspondents' Dinner was met with resoundingly bad reviews. 

- He was such a bomb, Kim Jong Un announced plans to strap him to a missile and shoot him over South Korea. 

*****

After a slew of bad press, Will Ferrell claims he was never going to star in a movie about Ronald Reagan with Alzheimer's. 

- But he's going ahead with his plans to star in the comedy "Abe Lincoln Goes To The Theater".

*****

Former House Speaker John Boehner told an interviewer that Ted Cruz is "Lucifer in the flesh". 

- Kinda makes "Lyin' Ted" sound like a compliment. 

*****

An Oregon University study found that drinking beer promotes weight loss in mice. 

- So apparently drinking a six pack is a great way to get "Six-Pack Abs". 

*****

Lego announced plans for a 2000 piece Porsche. 

- It's designed for 10 year old boys who are going through a "Pre-Teen Crisis". 

- And just like a real Porsche, it will come with a tiny little man. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick