Super Max Gone From Tigers For Sure-Zer!

Scherzer has signed a 7 year contract with the Washington National's for $180 million. Cha Ching!

*****

It's MLK Day... the day we honor a great man and orator who led and promoted PEACEFUL protests to effect much needed change. 

*****

A passing car fired shots at Joe Biden's Delaware home while he was out to dinner with his wife. 

- Luckily the shooter didn't realize that the Vice President doesn't lock his front door either. 

*****

A female broker at a top Wall Street firm is giving up banking to join the porn industry. 

- Instead of a lateral move...it's more of a "horizontal move". 

*****

Jane Fonda admitted that her visit to Vietnam during the war was a "huge mistake". 

- It only took her 43 years...I'm sure Vietnam Vets will be rushing to send her "Tank You" notes. 

*****

A gym teacher in Queens, NY pleaded guilty to having sex with two of her male students and received 10 years probation. 

- The boys were all smiles until they found out she gave one a "B" and the other one a "C-". 

*****

A Costa Rican woman has been stealing flat screen TVs by putting them under her dress and walking out of stores. 

- Police describer her as about 60" tall with an incredibly flat chest. 

*****

A British man was arrested for having sex with a mailbox. 

- I guess he took that whole "putting the flag up" thing pretty seriously. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick 

It's Seems Like We Just Did This Last Week...

Happy Friday... We had such a positive reaction to last week's Podcast that I thought I'd post it again this week for those of you who missed it. (And also to give myself a day off!) So here it is... An Encore Presentation of Podcast #147 entitled "A Podcast So Interesting Even I Liked Listening To It" Enjoy! 

*****

Click here to download Podcast

Welcome to the weekend and Podcast #147...featuring our special guest, former "Purtan's Person", Tom Delisle. We recorded it between Christmas and New Year's and cover topics including: 

- Doug & Bob McKenzie's connection with Gene Taylor.

- Survey results for the "Worst TV Actor of All Time".

- The friend of Tom's who Murdered actor Bob Crane. 

- Denny McClain's somewhat convoluted history in baseball and "other things"... like crime.  

- What Hugh Hefner HAS to HAVE 24/7. 

- The "Four Hour Medical Problem" that Tom lives in constant fear of getting.  

- Bill Bonds & Bob Hope.

- The Biggest Hollywood Star of the first half of the 20th Century??? 

- Three of the Worst Pop Songs of all time. 

- Tom's mishap on the Toronto-to-Detroit Train and why he should have paid someone's dry cleaning bill...but didn't. 

- A "Purtan's No-Stars" hockey story about my former radio engineer Louie Shook. 

- And what Louie wore the day the Detroit News showed up to take his picture for the cover of the Sunday Magazine. 

So forget about the cold weather... and warm up to Podcast #147!  (51:24)

Click here to download Podcast

Have a great weekend and I'll see you back here Monday with my regular blog! 

-Dick 

"Bye Bye Bobby!"

Bob Bashara will be sentenced today for the murder of his wife, Jane,  in 2012. Bashara hired a hit man to kill her so he could pursue an "alternative sex lifestyle" with his mistress. 

- I'm betting he's going to spend the rest of his life pursuing an "alternative sex lifestyle"...but this time his "Mistress" will be a 280 pound guy named Bubba. 

- Bashara will be the only guy in the yard trying to trade cigarettes for a blindfold and a studded dog collar. 

*****

The U.S. section of the International Space Station was evacuated over fears of a gas leak. 

- The astronauts called Consumers Energy who said they'll be there to check it out on February 10th, 2016...between the hours of 1 and 5...and someone must be home when they arrive. 

*****

A Pew Research Poll found that 56% of Americans over the age of 65 use Facebook. 

- And 70% post pictures on Insta-granny. 

*****

A Wisconsin Bull who sired over 500,000 offspring has died. 

- With a gigantic smile on his face.  

- If he'd fathered just a few more he could have played in the NBA. 

*****

A Saudi Cleric has banned Snowmen, claiming that they are "anti-Islamic and inspire lust". 

- Apparently he doesn't realize that when you make a Snowman, you use the Carrot for his NOSE. 

- Reaction to the ban was Frosty. 

- Wouldn't it be more appropriate to ban "Sandmen" in the Middle East???

*****

Chinese authorities busted a man at the airport who had 94 iPhones taped to his body. 

- They were going to tase him, but he had all the phones on "Vibrate" so they just called him instead. 

******

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday!

-Dick 

A Golden Opportunity For Beautiful People!

A Korean Restaurant in Central China is charging diners based on how good looking they are. A panel of plastic surgeons assess the customers looks when they come in and determine how much their meals will cost. People deemed "Beautiful" will eat for free. 

-  This being a Korean restaurant, if they think you're a dog, you're gonna end up paying a lot more for your Golden Retriever Kebobs. 

*****

A mentally ill bartender who was recently fired from John Boehner's Country Club in Ohio has been arrested after claiming that he was planning on poisoning Boehner's drinks because the Speaker was "mean to him and responsible for Ebola".  

- He says he got the whole "spike the drink" idea from his hero, Bill Cosby. 

- Boehner was so upset he was red faced. Well actually...he was more orange faced. 

*****

Woody Allen is writing and directing his first TV series for Amazon. 

- I really thought he'd do something for Nickelodeon instead.  

*****

An Oxford University study found that humans evolved from fish. 

- They only studied one guy... Salmon Rushdie. 

*****

Vanity Fair claims Taylor Swift had a breakdown after the Golden Globes when she saw her ex-boyfriend Jake Gyllenhaal dancing with a bunch of women. 

- A bunch of women? We're not just gonna get a song out of this...we're gonna get a whole ALBUM. 

*****

President Obama unveiled tough new cyber security legislation that will make it much harder on hackers. 

- He's hiring the same guys who designed the Obamacare website so I think we can all sleep a little easier tonight. 

*****

Matthew McConaughey's audition tape to play a stoner in "Dazed and Confused" has been leaked online. 

- I think in this case "audition tape" is code for "home movie". 

*****

Mike Huckabee officially released his new book entitled, "God, Guns, Grits and Gravy". 

- They were going to make it into a movie but realized it would be cheaper to just show re-runs of "Duck Dynasty". 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick 

Oh-My-O State!

Over 40 Million people tuned in as The Ohio State Buckeyes decimated the heavily favored Oregon Ducks 42 to 20 to win the National College Football Championship last night. 

- Ironically 42 to 20 is also the IQ range for most of the OSU players... although that's just a rough guess since most of them don't go to class.  

*****

Kwame Kilpatrick's attorney will appear at the 6th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in Cincinnati today in an attempt to get the Kwaminator a new trial. Kwame claims his lawyer in the trial that landed him in the slammer had a "conflict of interest" and didn't adequately represent him. 

- That sounds familiar... Didn't Kwame have a "conflict of interest" with the citizens of Detroit while he was the Mayor? Like NOT REPRESENTING the people adequately??? 

*****

Political Pundits here and abroad are saying that President Obama let the entire world down by not attending the "Charlie Hebdo" Unity Rally in France.

- Well not the WHOLE world. Dennis Rodman says Kim Jong Un was totally cool with it. 

***** 

A Facebook survey found that 60% of Americans have already broken their New Year's Resolutions. 

- Even more shocking... the survey was taken at noon on January 2nd. 

- The #1 broken Resolution was "I will not participate in surveys on Facebook". 

*****

An ISIS hacker group infiltrated the Twitter account of the U.S. Central Command and also took over their YouTube page. 

- So I guess all those tweets about George Clooney looking great at the Golden Globes weren't from our Military Commanders...they were from the terrorists. 

*****

A study by Reuters found that a high-fiber diet lowers your risk of death. 

- And dramatically increases your risk of spending all day in the bathroom.

- Remember the late Comic Dennis Wolfberg's line: "You can't eat Fiber One and hold a job". 

*****

Researchers at the University of Missouri found that people who are separated from their iPhones suffer serious mental and physical side effects. 

- The condition is known as: iWantMyPhoneBackNowOrSomebody'sGonnaGetHurt

- Luckily, if it happens to you...There's an app for that! 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick 

Duck! Duck! Goose! (Uh...Buckeyes...)

THE Ohio State Buckeyes and the Oregon Ducks will square off tonight in the College Football National Championship Game. Most experts are predicting Oregon will win. 

I'm still torn... I want the Big Ten to win the game...but not Ohio State. 

*****

The Oval Office is taking heat for not even sending a high level representative to the massive "Charlie Hebdo" unity march in Paris over the weekend, while 40 plus World Leaders themselves actually attended.

- Obama would have gone, but there's no golf course near the Eiffel Tower. 

- And Joe Biden was already booked to appear as the Clown at a kid's birthday party.  

*****

The Paris rally was a gigantic success, with over a million people, but there was one tense moment when German Chancellor Angela Merkel arrived. 

- Apparently the French still get a little nervous when the Germans cross the border. 

*****

Pope Francis held a baptism ceremony yesterday and made the announcement that from now on, mothers can breast feed their babies in the Sistine Chapel. 

- Within minutes of hearing the news, Bill Clinton announced that he's converting to Catholicism. 

*****

The website Breatheheavy.com has retracted a story claiming that Justin Bieber's Calvin Klein underwear model pictures were photoshopped to make his muscles look bigger...along with other "key areas". 

- He does look more "buff" than most of the pictures I've seen of him...but you can't tell that much from mug shots. 

- As for allegedly enhancing other "key areas"... Justin reportedly told his critics to "stuff a sock in it". Just like he did. 

*****

Another study shows that using indoor tanning beds puts people at a high risk of developing cancer. 

- It also dramatically increases your chances of becoming Speaker of the House of Representatives. 

*****

For the first time ever, the Tiffany Jewelry Company is featuring a male gay couple in it's jewelry campaign. 

- The two front-runners for theme lines are "He went to Tiffany's for Jared!" and "Every Kiss Begins With Ray". 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back hear Tuesday! 

-Dick 

Purtan Podcast #147: "A Podcast So Interesting Even I Liked Listening To It!"

Click here to download Podcast

Welcome to the weekend and Podcast #147...featuring our special guest, former "Purtan's Person", Tom Delisle. We recorded it between Christmas and New Year's and cover topics including: 

- Doug & Bob McKenzie's connection with Gene Taylor.

- Survey results for the "Worst TV Actor of All Time".

- The friend of Tom's who Murdered actor Bob Crane. 

- Denny McClain's somewhat convoluted history in baseball and "other things"... like crime.  

- What Hugh Hefner HAS to HAVE 24/7. 

- The "Four Hour Medical Problem" that Tom lives in constant fear of getting.  

- Bill Bonds & Bob Hope.

- The Biggest Hollywood Star of the first half of the 20th Century??? 

- Three of the Worst Pop Songs of all time. 

- Tom's mishap on the Toronto-to-Detroit Train and why he should have paid someone's dry cleaning bill...but didn't. 

- A "Purtan's No-Stars" hockey story about my former radio engineer Louie Shook. 

- And what Louie wore the day the Detroit News showed up to take his picture for the cover of the Sunday Magazine. 

So forget about the cold weather... and warm up to Podcast #147!  (51:24)

Have a great weekend and I'll see you back here Monday with my regular blog! 

-Dick 

The Only Thing Hot Around Here Is The Pistons...

More than 400 schools closed because of the Cold... but the Pistons are on Fire with a 7-Game Winning Streak! 

***** 

The city of Boston opened a time capsule that was placed in their State House by Paul Revere and Samuel Adams. 

- It contained coins, newspapers and Barbara Walters' list of "The Ten Most Fascinating People of 1776". 

*****

George H.W. Bush wished his wife Barbara a Happy 70th Wedding Anniversary on Twitter. 

- At 90 years old, he figured the only thing he could do to get her "all a twitter" was to actually USE Twitter. 

*****

Kim Kardashian tweeted that her New Year's Resolution is to make all negative comments on social media go away. 

- Then she posted a picture of her butt. 

- And to think my New Years Resolution was to make all references to Kim Kardashian on ANY media go away. 

*****

Muhammad Ali has been released fro the hospital following a urinary tract infection. 

- His rep said the pain meds made him "float like a butterfly" but going to the bathroom "stung like a bee". 

*****

McDonald's has run out of French Fries in Venezuela. 

- Let this be a lesson to everyone: Hold onto your McNuggets. You never know when something you love can be taken away. 

*****

In an effort to keep them on the job when nature calls, Traffic cops in the Philippines will wear adult diapers during the Pope's visit.

- Just like the Pope...But he wears a special brand called "Papal Pampers".  

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday! 

-Dick 

Don't Get Too Pumped Up About Prices At The Pump!

President Obama will be in town today after warning yesterday that Gas Prices aren't going to stay low for long. 

- In other words, "If you like the price you're currently paying at the pump, you CAN'T keep the price you're currently paying at the pump". 

*****

Twitter went down for 90 minutes yesterday. 

- And a panicked nation had to wait a nail-biting hour and a half for for Miley Cyrus to post her latest topless selfie. 

*****

CNBC says they will no longer use the Neilsen Rating System to measure it's daily audience. 

- Instead they'll just call each of their 8 viewers every day and ask if they're watching. 

*****

Nicholas Sparks, the author of "The Notebook" and his wife of 25 years are getting divorced. 

- Apparently she found his "Little Black Notebook". 

*****

The 114th Congress was officially sworn in yesterday, with a record setting 104 female members. 

- There haven't been that many skirts in Washington since J. Edgar Hoover was in charge of the FBI. 

*****

The chief executioner for ISIS was found beheaded in Syria. He was allegedly caught with a cigarette in his mouth which ISIS considers an offense, punishable by death. 

- More evidence that smoking cigarettes can kill you. 

*****

South Korea's defense minister says that North Korea has the ability to miniaturize a nuclear bomb. 

- This must be the same technology they used to miniaturize Kim Jong Un. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick 

Baby It's COLD Outside!

Snow that stuck...and single digit temps with wind chills below zero made for a dicey and cold commute this morning. Several businesses have been affected and in the interest of public service here is a partial list: 

- The "Sip & Strip Gentlemen's Club" is open...but there will be no pole dancing until the margarita salt can be used to de-ice the runways. 

- The "Citizens Against Global Warming" breakfast in Ann Arbor has been postponed... until sometime this Spring. 

- Flights at Metro Airport may be slightly delayed...but luggage will be lost as scheduled. 

*****

Authorities say that the man accused of arranging sex for Prince Andrew had 21 phone numbers in his black book belonging to Bill Clinton. 

- To put that in perspective, Bill had the same number of private phone numbers that Hillary had pantsuits. 

- Apparently Bill signed up for the "Family, Friends & Philandering" package. 

*****

A new study found that people who stay up to the wee hours of the night have higher IQ's then people who go to bed early. 

- So I'm not an Insomniac...I'm a GENIUS!

*****

A survey by Vetstreet.com found that the Chihuahua is the dumbest dog breed. 

- How dumb can they be? One of 'em scored millions doing that Taco Bell TV Commercial gig.  

- Meanwhile the survey found that the "Tenderest" dogs are on Kim Jong Un's dinner plate in North Korea. 

*****

An Iowa woman was arrested after using a website called "poopsenders.com" to mail a package of cow poop to her neighbors house.

- Remember the good old days when people would actually deliver the package themselves and then set it on fire? 

*****

Sylvester Stallone confirmed that he's returning for another "Rambo" movie. He's also doing another "Rocky" film set to be released in 2016. 

- In this one he yells, "Adrian! Adrian! Get Offa My Lawn!" 

- And instead of climbing into a boxing ring, he'll step into one of those nifty walk-in bathtubs. 

*****

Jennifer Aniston told CBS Sunday Morning that she's not bitter about her break up with Brad Pitt. He left her for Angelina Jolie 10 years ago. 

- Okay if you're still talking about how "not bitter" you are 10 years later...something tells me you might be just a "little bit bitter". 

- Aniston showed up for the interview with a six-person entourage. Hey, somebody had to carry all that emotional baggage. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday! 

-Dick 

Lions Freeze... Metro Detroit Frozen.

Due to a pass interference call against Dallas that the refs wrongly reversed, and some late-game mistakes by the Lions, they ended up losing a play-off game they should have won. Final score: 24 -20. As we say every year...Oh well, there's always NEXT year. 

Meanwhile a major dip in the jet stream has our whole area in a deep freeze. Wind chills this morning were in the minus teens.

- As a matter of fact I'm wearing my thermal sandals today. 

- You know it's cold when Bob Bashara wears his fur-lined leather chaps in the Prison Yard.

*****

A new online dating site called "FarmersOnly.com" promises to match up lonely male farmers with "country like" women in their area. 

- Finally! A dating site for all those women looking for a man who can muck a stall and still look great in bib overalls.

- Apparently there are a lot of farmers out there who are tired of spending sleepless nights alone counting sheep. Literally. 

- Hopefully this site will be more successful that eCompostHeap.com. 

*****

Buckingham Palace has denied a story that Prince Andrew, Prince Charles' younger brother, had an ongoing affair with a 17-year-old underage girl. 

- At least Prince Charles had HIS on-going affair with an over age woman. (You remember Camilla don't ya?) 

*****

The creators of Love Magazine say that Kim Kardashian will be unrecognizable on the cover of this month's magazine. 

- That's because they're going to show her face instead of her butt. 

*****

A survey found that gym memberships are expected to spike by 65% in the first month of the new year, as usual. 

- And as usual, during that same time, the number of drinks Bill Cosby spikes will go up 75%. 

*****

Have a great day, stay warm and I'll see you back here tomorrow! 

-Dick 

"Happy New Year"...Almost!

Have a great night, drive safely, and I'll see you next year...or tomorrow...whichever comes sooner!

-Dick 

P.S. I'll be home watching the "Countdowns" on TV tonight...that is, anybody but Anderson Cooper and that bizarre alleged-comedian Kathy Griffin on CNN!

History Repeats Itself...Kinda.

New Michigan Head Football Coach Jim Harbaugh will be formally introduced today at the sold out Michigan-Illinois Basketball game in Ann Arbor, having signed his new $48 million multi-year contract yesterday. 

It reminds me of the signing of MY multi-year contract with CKLW in 1978. My signing situation then was quite similar to Harbaugh's signing situation now, except for the measly extra $47 million part. 

And I signed mine in invisible ink (honest!) to mess with my new bosses. Let's hope Harbaugh didn't do the same thing. 

Have a great day and I'll see you back here tomorrow...New Year's Eve!

-Dick 

"It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like... Jim Harbaugh!"

According to inside sources, Jim Harbaugh will be announced as the Michigan Wolverine's Head Football Coach tomorrow. He parted ways with the '49er's yesterday following their 20 to 17 win over Arizona. So it looks like the Wolverines will be getting a belated Christmas present...albeit an expensive one. The former Michigan Quarterback's salary is estimated to be $48 million over 6 years, making him College Football's highest paid coach, but he's got a big job to do: Restoring the Glory of Michigan Football.  

"It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like...The Lions Could Take The NFC North Title!"

Well the Weather Outside’s NOT Frightful…

But Christmas Day was so Delightful!

Big Game Sunday in Green Bay you know…

Lions Go! Lions Go! Ho...Ho...Ho!

Merry Christmas From Our Family To Yours!

...And All Through The House

From the entire Purtan Family to you and yours... Merry Christmas Eve! 

-Dick 

Ferris Bueller A Classic...And Howe!

The 1986 teen comedy "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" has been selected by the National Film Registry of the Library of Congress as "culturally, historically or aesthetically" significant, meaning it will be "preserved for future generations". The movie was written and directed by the late John Hughes. Hughes, among other movies,  wrote and directed "National Lampoon's Vacation", "Home Alone", and my personal favorite, "Planes, Trains & Automobiles". Hughes was born in Lansing and spent the first 12 years of his life in Grosse Pointe, thus explaining why one of the three characters wore a Gordie Howe jersey throughout the film. 

- Thoughts on this? Anyone..... Anyone.... Bueller?

*****

North Korea's Kim Jong Un is threatening to strike the U.S. mainland over the Holidays because we accused them of hacking into the computers at Sony Pictures. 

- Pretty big talk from a guy who looks like he should be an elf making toys in Santa's workshop. 

*****

Meanwhile, the North Korean government is still trying to figure out what caused a "massive" 10-hour Internet outage in their country yesterday.

- The U.S. denies any involvement...(Wink Wink).

*****

A New York Rabbi says that "A Christmas Story" is the most appropriate film for Jewish people to watch during the holidays. 

- As for music, he recommends "I'll Be Home For Hannukah", "Frosty The Highly Successful Doctor/Lawyer" and "Bubby Got Runover By A Reindeer". 

*****

The Federal government has granted American Indian Tribes the right to grow marijuana on their land. 

- Most of Congress was in favor of the move, but some had Reservations. (da dum dum!)

*****

The New Jersey strip club that was used in the Sopranos was robbed of $30,000 on Sunday. 

- The thieves had to use two getaway cars to fit in all those singles. 

*****

TLC is debuting a new show in January called "My Husband Is Not Gay" in which 3 wives try to make their husbands straight again. 

- AGAIN???

*****

A Detroit man dressed as Santa Claus shot two men who tried to hit on Mrs. Claus. 

- Pay attention kids! Santa takes this whole "naughty" thing a little more seriously than you might have thought. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here tomorrow...Christmas Eve!

-Dick 

Lions Win 10, Are On Cloud 9.

Lions fans got an early Christmas present with the team landing a spot in the Play-Offs after the Eagles lost to the Redskins Sunday. It's only the 2nd time the Lions have made it to the Post-Season in 14 years. They finished the regular season with a 10-4 record and face Chicago on Sunday. GO LIONS!!!!!

*****

A new study found that the medical advice given by Doctor Oz is only accurate 30% of the time. 

- But you gotta admit that whole stretching a real human intestine across the stage thing never gets old. 

*****

A British mom moved to Syria to marry an ISIS terrorist. 

- Instead of getting a paying job, she's opted to be a Jihad-At-Home mom. 

- She says her terrorist husband is a romantic at heart, but does have a short fuse. 

*****

Madonna released 6 new songs on Saturday calling it an early Christmas present for fans. 

- And unlike most "gifts" she gives people, this time no antibiotics are needed. 

*****

Elton John married his longtime partner David Furnish at their home in England Saturday. 

- It's about time Elton made an honest man out of him! 

*****

Al Sharpton's daughter Dominique says she's standing by Bill Cosby despite all the allegations. 

- Bill Cosby was so pleased he invited her over for a drink. 

*****

According to AAA, gas prices are the lowest they've been in five years...with the average price in Michigan at just $2.19 a gallon. That's a dollar lower than the same time last year. 

- So going over the river and through the woods to Grandmother's house isn't gonna cost you nearly as much this year. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick 

Purtan Podcast #146: "Christmas Stock-ings & Bonds"

Click here to download Podcast

Welcome to the weekend and Podcast #146...our Pre-Christmas Podcasting present to you. Today Jackie and I welcome former "Purtan's Person" Tom Delisle to the dining room table. Subjects include: 

-Bill Bonds... Star TV News Anchorman. 

- The early competition between the Detroit newspaper journalists and the TV Guys...and how Bill played a pivotal role in that. 

- The "problems" that arose between Billy and his teleprompter guy. 

- Bill's "moveable" toupee.

- Mort Crim - the inspiration for the movie "Anchorman". 

- Some fascinating stories about legendary actor Cary Grant. 

- Speaking of "famous actors", we touch on Harry Reems and Johnny "Wad" Holmes. 

- And what Jackie's son Charlie had to say about the Bob Bashara verdict. 

So stop stuffing those stockings for a few minutes and unwrap Podcast #146! 

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Monday with my regular blog!

-Dick