Coffee: It Keeps You Awake...And Alive!!!

A new study by the Harvard School of Public Health shows that drinking regular coffee reduces the risk of suicide by about 50%. 

- I would have thought the caffeine would keep you up all night thinking about how miserable your life is. 

- This would explain why Juan Valdez and Mrs. Folger always look so darn happy! 

*****

NYC Mayoral Candidate Anthony Weiner’s campaign manager has quit.

- Apparently the guy got tired of being referred to as Weiner’s “right hand man”. 

- Weiner is asking those interested in filling the job to send a resume. With pictures. 

*****

Edward Snowden may soon be able to leave the Moscow airport where he’s been holed up since the end of June. 

- We know it’s true because Snowden is the one who leaked the story. 

- Reporters anxious to follow him have gathered around the guy by the luggage carosel holding up a sign reading “Snowden”. 

*****

A second woman has come forward accsuing San Diego mayor Bob Filner of sexual harrassment. He allegedly told her not to wear underwear to work. 

- Filner says that’s because she had anger issues and was “always getting her panties in a bunch”. 

- Even Victoria’s Secret makes their models wear underwear to work! Of course that’s all they wear.

*****

O.J. Simpson pleaded with the Nevada parole board to cut his prison term saying he’s been a good inmate. 

- Which is true when you consider that he hasn’t killed any other inmates. Yet. 

*****

Alex Rodriguez could be facing a lifetime ban from baseball for using Performing Enhancing Drugs. 

- Rodriguez claims the only Performing Enhancing Drug he’s used is Viagra.  

*****

Courtney Love has a new album planned for a Christmas release. 

- The first single will be “I’ll Be A Ho For The Holidays”. 

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday. And don’t forget to check out Podcast #87 featuring a special visit from Coleman Young! (Well, sort of!)

-Dick

Purtan Podcast #87: "C" (as in Coleman) is Back In The "D"!!!

Welcome to the weekend and my latest Podcast…#87!

With Detroit declaring Bankruptcy (who knew things weren’t going well???) I thought we’d invite a very special guest to the show: the former Mayor of the City of Detroit, Coleman Young. But since he’s busy hiding Kuggerands in the ceiling of that great Manoogian Mansion in the Sky, I went to Plan B: Joe Noune. 

As a “Purtan’s Person” character guy for more than 20 years, Joe’s imitation of Coleman Young was second to none. 

He tells the story about the rather nerve wracking and humerous meeting he attended with the real Coleman - along with Isiah Thomas, Dave Bing and a whole bunch of other heavy hitters to plan a “No Crime Day” (which I ended up Emceeing) - and how the actual Mayor turned Joe from being a guy paralyzed by “Fear-O” into a “Hero” with a single sentence.  

There’s also the great story about the time Joe and Coleman teamed up together to make me the subject of one of my own Put-On Calls. (And remember…these were the days when they were legal and REAL!!!)

We also talk about everyone from Mel Brooks to Monica Lewinsky. (Don’t ask me how it happened…it just did). Plus I’ll tell you how I neglected to follow the customary - and some (wives) would say mandatory “kiss & mention your spouse” tradition after winning a National Radio Award in Dallas. 

So kiss and thank someone near you, then click on the link below and tune-in to Podcast #87. It’s free so at least YOU won’t go bankrupt!

Have a great weekend and I’ll see you back here Monday with my regular blog! 

-Dick

Purtan Podcast #87

Conrad Murray Has A Chimp On His Shoulder...

Dr. Conrad Murray, the doctor convicted of manslaughter in the death of Michael Jackson says if he’s called to testify in Kathryn Jackson’s $40 billion lawsuit against concert promoter AEG Live, he will reveal bombshell info that would hurt both sides. He said it should be considered an “imminent nuclear threat”.

- Sounds like somebody needs to take a little propofol and chill out.

- I just wish Michael’s pet monkey Bubbles was still alive so we could get the real story.

*****

After admitting that his “sexting” continued long after he resigned from Congress in disgrace for the same offense, Anthony Weiner is now blaming his continued behavior on a “rough patch in his marriage”.

- A “rough patch” that began the first time his wife Huma found out he was sending naked pictures of his Johnson to other women.

Meanwhile, a Veteran Detroit Police Officer, Don Johnson, has been fired for sending an explicit photo of himself to another officer. 

- So “Johnson” pulled a “Weiner”!

*****

In other semi-perverts in the news…Geraldo Rivera explained away his tweeting a suggestive picture of himself in nothing but a low-slung towel, to alcohol and lonliness. He said he got home from work, had a few cocktails and decided that he looked so good for a 70-year-old, he wanted to share. 

- He then took the picture off the internet and locked it in Al Capone’s Vault. 

- So apparently 70 is the new stupid. 

*****

A new report shows that Google accounts for 25% of all internet traffic. 

- If you don’t believe me, just Google it. 

*****

McDonalds is predicting a tough sales year. 

- It all started when Mayor McCheese started tweeting women pictures of his Big Mac. 

- In a related story, it’s been revealed that the “Burger King” has a Whopper Junior. 

*****

The Detroit City Council has called for a federal investigation into George Zimmerman. 

- Next on the agenda: Figuring out a way to get the traffic lights to work.  

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday with a brand-spanking new Podcast (#87) with special guest, the always funny Joe Noune!

-Dick

Hot Dog! Weiner Does It Again And Gets His Buns In Hot Water!

Anthony Weiner admitted that newly released graphic tweets from a sex chat with a 22-year-old woman were sent by him months after he quit Congress in disgrace. He tried to get away with it by using the name “Carlos Danger”. 

- I thought “Carlos Danger” was the name of the Hispanic “Superman”. 

- So after he resigned, he basically sat around all day twittering his thumbs…and some other stuff. 

*****

To be fair, when Weiner announced he was running for NYC Mayor he did admit that “something new might come out”. 

- And it did. Out of his pants. 

- He used a different e-mail provider so this time he showed the girl pics of his Hoo-Hah on Yahoo. 

- Does anyone else find it ironic that he made the announcement on the heels of “National Hot Dog Day”???

- This guy’s penis has posed for more pictures than Cindy Crawford. 

*****

“Freedom”, a magazine run by the Church of Scientology is advertising for investigative reporters.  

- The first assignment will be an in depth photo essay on Tom Cruise’s vacation home on Mars.  

*****

Pop Francis had a close call when his driver took a wrong turn in Rio and got stuck in a traffic jam where admireres mobbed the Pope’s car. 

- I guess the driver misunderstood when the Pope said he wanted to take the Catholic Church in a new direction. 

- The Pope wasn’t injured, although somebody did steal his big white hat that was sticking out of the sunroof. 

*****

In her new memoir, “Partridge Family” mom Shirley Jones goes into suprisingly graphic detail about her sex life, including agreeing to a 3-Way with her late husband Jack Cassidy and another woman. She says her reaction was “Yuk”. 

- Which was exactly what she said when Producers of the show suggested a romantic relationship between her and band manager Reuben Kinkaid. 

*****

Jones also says that even though she’s 79, her husband Marty Ingels thinks she’s still beautiful, so she occassional takes off all her closes and shakes her breasts at him. 

- It’s a great way to turn him on and sweep the floor at the same time. 

*****

NSA Leaker Edward Snowden has reportedly been given permission to leave the Moscow airport and roam freely around the country. 

- Right…just like all of the Russian citizens who roam “freely around the country”. 

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday! 

-Dick 

He May Wear Huggies...But He'll Always Be Pampered!

As of this writing, Kate Middleton and Prince William have not released the name of their new little Prince, but in keeping with Royal tradition the baby will probably have three or four names that honor famous Brits.

- Right now, the leading contender is the name George, in honor of all the famous Georges in British history. First and foremost of course: Boy George. (Who could forget that classic hit “Karma Chameleon”?)

- The couple will have plenty of time to decide while the baby is with the “Royal Burper”. 

*****

There is also a lot of speculation on just who the baby will look like. 

- All of Britain is giving thanks that Camilla is not a blood-relative. 

*****

Today is National Hot Dog Day! 

- So grab your buns and go for it.

- To celebrate, NYC mayoral hopeful Anthony Weiner will cover himself with mustard and tweet out pictures of himself.  

*****

Researchers say some day there could be a pill that gives the benefits of exercise without having to work out.

- I believe the key words here are “some day”.

- This gives a whole new meaning to “Pill-ates”. 

- Doctors are already warning that if you buff-up for more than four hours after taking the pill, go directly to the hospital. 

*****

The CIA is spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on a study to see if humans can control the weather.

- The money will come of course from their “Rainy Day Fund”.

*****

Carnival executives have released the name of their next cruise ship.

- It’s called “The Sewage of The Sea”. 

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday! 

-Dick 

"Previously Enjoyed" City Up For Sale...

Detroit officials announced that the bankrupcy filed last week did not mean that they were going to sell off the artwork at the DIA.

- They were going to put City Hall on the market, but then they remembered that Kwame sold that years ago…and he’s got the “rap sheet” to prove it!   

*****

In case you just crawled out from under a rock…Kate Middleton has gone into labor and is “in hospital”. As of this writing the Royal Baby has not been born, but it could happen at any minute. 

- Rumor has it that the baby is already crowning. 

- We don’t know the baby’s sex yet, but when push comes to shove they’re gonna have to let us know. 

- If the baby has Charles’ ears…we may be in for a long wait. 

- Soon we’ll find out if Enland will have more Royal Jewels, or someone to wear the ones they already have. 

- Nobody in the Royal Family has pushed this hard since Charlie tried to push Queen Elizabeth off the throne. 

*****

Vice President Biden says he hasn’t ruled out running for President in 2016.

- Everyone in the country has…but Joe hasn’t. 

*****

North Korean leader Kim Jong Un reportedly fired his step mom from her government post because “she knows too much”. 

- She knows too much as opposed to Kim Jong Un who knows virtually nothing. 

*****

A study by the London School of Economics found that for humans, happiness peaks at ages 23 and 69.

- Happiest of all are 69-year-old men married to 23-year old women.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday! And don’t forget Podcast #86 up now on the homepage!

-Dick 

Purtan Podcast #86: "Lights! Camera! Actress!"

Welcome to the weekend and one of those rare times when the number of my latest Podcast (#86) almost matches the temp outside! Today I welcome an aspiring young Actress from Detroit who wants to make it big on the “Big Screen” (or the “Little Screen” for that matter). Her name is Elyse Cantor and she’s got big dreams…and what better way to start than by appearing on my Podcast!? 

Not to say that my expansive stories about my own film work (an eleven-second voice over in Beverly Hills Cop III) aren’t enough to pump her up, but things get a little more involved when Jackie (one of the Original Cast Members of “The Second City” Detroit), shares a wealth of info and “behind the scenes” stories into the world of acting. 

From the thrilling time she spent with SCTV legend John Candy to naked cast members backstage, Jackie bares it all! 

The two ladies also try their hand at a little improv: we discuss the major differences between stage and film acting, and both ladies share their view on the protests that erupted from actresses who have made big bucks appearing topless - and then turned around and complained about it when Seth McFarlane sang “We Saw Your Boobs” at this year’s Academy Awards. 

Plus, our special guest explains how, at 23, she’s already been subjected to today’s version of “The Casting Couch”. (Turns out these days, directors don’t need to buy a sectional from Art Van to try and see you naked). 

So pop some popcorn, sit back and settle in for Podcast #86. I think you’ll give it two thumbs up, but if not…”Frankly my dear, I don’t…” 

Have a great weekend! 

-Dick 

Purtan Podcast #86

This Oughta Wig You Out!

There’s a company that makes wigs for babies who are born bald. 

- So between the wig, no teeth and diapers, babies are basically just miniature old people. 

*****

To show how sexy and beloved he is, North Korean leader Kim Jong Un realeased a photo of cute young female workers mobbing him at a mushroom festival. 

- Un threatened to have them thrown in prison when he found out they were whispering “There’s a Fung-Gus-Among-Gus”.

*****

Business Insider says the chance of winning the $1 million grand prize in McDonald’s Monopoly game is 1 in 3 billion. 

- Which is just slightly better odds than the guy at the drive-thru getting your order right. 

- They should change their sign to “2 Billion, 999,999,999 NOT served!”

*****

New research says that we yawn because we need to cool off our brains. 

- I just stick my head in the freezer for a few minutes. 

*****

Boy Scouts considered to be “obese” were left out of this year’s Boy Scout Jamboree. 

- Unbelievable…but “on my honor” it’s true! 

- Instead of giving the usual Boy Scout two-finger salute, the boys who were left out used just one finger instead. 

- The obese boys blamed it on eating too many Girl Scout Cookies.  

*****

Oprah Winfrey has signed Lindsay Lohan to star in a new Reality Show on her OWN Network. 

- This is the first time Linsay will be involved in anything resembling “reality” in years. 

- It’s been tentatively called “The Biggest Boozer”. 

*****

Kim Kardashian was mocked after she tweeted about the injustice of acquitting a killer. Fans quickly reminded her that her late dad Robert Kardashian was one of O.J. Simpson’s lawyers. 

- Kim responded “Who’s O.J.?”

- Followed by “Who’s Robert Kardashian?”

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday with an all new Podcast - #86!

-Dick

First Baseman Gets To Third Base!

The Tigers played a huge part in last night’s All Star Game, with Scherzer pitching a perfect first inning, Cabrera hitting a double, Fielder getting a triple and Jim Leyland managing a great AL team! The 3-0 victory broke the NL’s 3 year winning streak. 

*****

NSA leaker Edward Snowden promised that if he’s allowed asylum in Russia, he won’t leak any state secrets. 

- And if you can’t trust Edward Snowden who can you trust? 

- Isn’t the fact that he leaks US government secrets the only reason Russia wants him in the first place? 

*****

A British study found that Viagra can boost blood flow to the womb and help preborn babies grow bigger. 

- Of course it only works on male babies. 

- Luckily, if the mothers-to-be have contractions lasting more than 4 hours, they’ll already be with their doctor. 

*****

Meanwhile a Pennsylvania woman gave birth to a 13-pound, 12 ounce bouncing baby girl. 

- Sereiously…she could bounce. 

*****

O.J. Simpson has a parole hearing tomorrow in Nevada. He’ll ask to be released from Prison. 

- After they say “No”, he’ll go back to his usual routine of looking for the real killer or killers in the Prison Yard. 

- He’s requested a change of venue for the hearing…he wants it moved to Sanford, Florida. 

*****

Asiana Airlines had dropped plans to sue a San Francisco TV station after a news anchor there read what turned out to be fake names of the pilots involved in the recent crash, live on the air. The names included “Sum Ting Wong” and “Wi Tu Lo”. 

- The announcement was made by the airline’s president, “Wi No Su”. 

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Pitcher This!

Tonight’s the MLB All-Star Game. Six Tigers on the American League roster…including Max Scherzer who will start on the mound! 

*****

Twinkies are officially back…and actually contain 15 fewer calories than before. That’s because they’re four grams smaller than the original. 

- What kind of Ding Dong came up with the plan to make them smaller? 

- I guess the governments plan to “slim down America” has to start somewhere.

*****

Michelle Obama is pushing the idea of “walking school busses,” where a group of students gather with an adult supervisor, then walk to school. 

- So now the kids will go to school singing, “The Knees on the Supervisor go Click, Click, Click!” 

*****

According to a new study, casual sex is linked to depression. 

- This explains the new Viagra/Prozac Combo Pack I saw at the drugstore. 

*****

Japanese Police have cracked an alleged “Home Delivery” prostitution ring that sent hookers weighing upwards of 300 pounds to their clients homes or hotels. 

- This gives new meaning to “Hot & Heavy” romance. 

- Oh sure…it’s always fun until somebody gets smothered. 

*****

A new study finds that 20 percent of smartphone owners use their phones during sex. 

- You’d think their partners would be upset, but people who text during sex usually don’t have a partner. 

*****

In Russia, the Kremlin is switching to typewriters to prevent computer spying. 

- Now they’ll be able to detect spys by watching to see who leaves work with his pants stuffed with mimeograph papers. 

- Wow…I haven’t seen a Smith-Kremlinona since the Cold War!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday…Go Tigers! 

-Dick

This Idea Is Off The Hook!!!!!

A San Francisco man has invented a bra that unsnaps when you clap your hands. 

- Men greeted the announcement with wild applause. 

- It’s called the over-the-shoulder-clapper-unsnapper. 

- Well there goes the old “Please save your applause until the end” speil during the Miss America Swimsuit competition.  

- Clap inside a nursing home and all the women will yell, “Help! They’ve fallen and I can’t get ‘em up!”

*****

A man was arrested at a Taylor Swift concert for holding up a sign that said “Taylor Swift is with Satan”. 

- Taylor Swiftly responded that she and Satan had broken up two weeks ago and were never, ever, ever getting back together again!

*****

One of Hollywoood’s most prominent same-sex married coules, “Glee” star Jane Lynch and Dr. Lara Embry, have filed for divorce. 

- They both cited “alienation of affection” saying the other one always said she had a headache. 

*****

A Brazillian Man was killed after a cow that had wandered onto the metal roof of his house, fell and landed on him while he was lying in bed with his wife.

- This is why I always count sheep…they’re a lot lighter. 

- Amazingly, his wife Elsie, walked away unscathed. 

- So a glass of milk can help you fall asleep. and a cow falling on you can put you to sleep forever. 

*****

News outlets from around the world have set up camp outside the hosiptal where Kate Middleton will deliver the Royal baby. 

- Reporters say the excitement is so palbable you can actually feel it in the heir! 

- In keeping with tradition, the doctor will smack the baby on the butt to ensure that it starts…waving.  

*****

20th Century Fox allegedly plans to turn a whole slew of it’s hit movie into musicals for Broadway. 

- Prodcucers are already working on a new tap-dance number for “Saving Private Ryan: The Musical”. 

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday! And don’t forget my “Happy Birthday Podcast” is up now on the homepage! 

-Dick

"If I'da Known You Were Comin' I'da Baked a...WATERMELON???"

Welcome to Podcast #85, which we just happend to record on my Birthday (Not #85 btw!). 

It’s a family affair with my wife Gail and three of my daughters, Jackie, Jill and Juie - plus as an added bonus my 11-year-old Grandson (Jackie’s son) Charlie. 

Charlie shares his knowledge of the Revolutionary War and more importantly, explains in no uncertain terms why he comes with his Mom to do the Podcasts!

Although our annual Purtan Summer Birthday Party celebrating 7, yup 7, family birthdays in June and July isn’t until the weekend, I was lucky enough to get a few presents in advance. 

I don’t want to give anything away, but one of them was green, curly and came from the “As Seen On TV” section of the drugstore! 

In keeping with my obession, uh, desire to eat healthy… Everyone sang “Happy Birthday” as they presented me with a seedless watermelon complete with a candle. 

My wife Gail had a suggesstion as to what gift I really need for my birthday…and (hint, hint) luckily I didn’t hear what she said. 

We also talk about everything from Roku TV to my dog Katie jumping out of the window of my car, to my Dad (who lived to be 96) and his penchant for slot machines and returning every gift I ever gave him for cash. (He was kind of a “two-armed bandit!).

So place your bets on Podcast #85. And if you’re in the area, stop by for a slice of my Birthday Watermelon! 

Have a great weekend! 

Purtan Podcast #85

-Dick 

Somebody's Celebratin' a Birthday!!!!!

Jackie here! Yes it’s July 11th! And that can mean only one thing…IT’S DICK’S (MY DAD’S) BIRTHDAY! And while I was going through some things getting ready for Dad’s traditional family party, including a trip to Chuck E. Cheese, Go-Carting and “Pin The Tail On The Disc Jockey”, I came across this rare, never before seen picture of my Dad, snapped just moments after he was born. (I can’t imagine why my Grandparents didn’t have it on display…)

Okay…truth be told, that’s actually a picture of my sister Julie’s baby Brayden taken on his birthday in January 2012… But you have to admit there’s a bit of a family resemblance! 

Have a great day and let the Birthday Festival begin! 

Much love…

-Jackie (Along with my Mom Gail & 5 Sisters… Jennifer, Jill, JoAnne, Jessica & Julie!) 

A Glib Gibb Pens Song About Girl In The Pen!

Barry Gibb, the last surviving member of the Bee Gees is writing a song about…wait for it…convicted boyfriend-killer Jodi Arias, who may get the death penalty.  

- It’s tentative title? “Not Stayin’ Alive”. 

- Barry admits it’s an odd topic for a song but says he wants to “take a stab at it”.

*****

The IRS mistakenly exposed more than one hundred thousand social security numbers online. 

- But don’t worry…the White House said it was just one guy in Cincinnati who made the mistake. 

- They say he was “dealt with” which in Government speak means he got a promotion and a company car! 

*****

Two House Democrats introduced a bill to estabish a US National Park on the moon, on the site of the Apollo mission landings. 

- Now if they can just get somebody to make an RV that flies. 

- For you conspiracy theorists, the park will actually be located on a movie set in Hollywood. 

*****

A Golden Corral employee went online and exposed that the restaurant’s management hides food out by the dumpster during health inspections and then brings it back in. 

- Well this explains the old tennis shoe I found at the salad bar. 

*****

Speaking of food…Mexico replaced the U.S. as the world’s fattest nation, with 32% of Mexicans considered obese compared to “just” 31% of Americans.

- All we have to do to reclaim the #1 title is build a few more Taco Bells!

- So apparently all those illegal immigrants aren’t “Running for the Border”…they’re actually waddling towards it.

*****

DirecTV is launching a new channel for $4.95 a month called DogTV that promises to entertain dogs 24 hours a day.

- The line-up of shows includes “Two and A Half Pit Bulls”, “Leave It To The Retriever”, and “The Butt-cherlorette”.

- Ironically I heard about it on CNN - The Canine News Network.

- They even plan on showing classic movies like “The Maltese & The Falcon”.

***** 

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday…July 11th…Hmmm, why does that date ring a bell???

- Dick

Osama Bin Laden Faced Major Speed Hump!

A leaked Pakistani report reveals that Osama Bin Laden was pulled over for speeding just a year after 9/11 but wasn’t charged. 

- Wow. That must have been one speedy camel!

- The cop let him go when he saw the Handicapped Sticker hanging from the Camel’s ear.  

*****

The report also indicated that Bin Laden walked around his secret compound in a cowboy hat, believing that it would block drones from detecting him. 

- Around the compound he was known as “The Lonesome Buckaroo”. 

- It’s worked for “The Lone Ranger”. Hardly any movie-goers have zeroed in on him at all. 

*****

The Girl Scouts revealed that the pension plan for their headquarters leadership has a $347 million deficit. 

- Looks like somebody is going to have to return their “Accounting” merit badge! 

- To  make up for the shortfall, they’re begging people to buy Samoa cookies. 

*****

According the the latest govenment jobs report, the largest employer in America is Wal-Mart, and the second largest is the Kelly Temp Agency. 

- Kelly Temps would have come in first, but they only employ “greeters” temporarily.

***** 

A gourmet shop in New York is offering wine-soaked popcorn. 

- It goes great with the new cheese & cracker flavored Raisinets. 

- They premiered the treat at a special screening of the Liza Minelli movie “Cabernet”. 

*****

A 92-year-old iraqi farmer married a 22 year old woman last week. 

- The wedding will be consumated as soon as he gets up enough energy to unbutton her Burka. 

- It was perfect…He was the “something old” and she was the “something new”. 

*****

Former NYC Gov Eliot Spitzer got heckled by a crowd yesterday after announcing that he’s running for Comptroller of NYC. He said his happiest professional moments came in public service. 

- And his happiest personal moments came while being serviced by a member of the public. 

*****

Have a great day and I’ll you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

America Falling (For) Behind...

Pippa Middleton is reportedly so tired of being called a “non-Royal” but having to live by the Queen’s rules, she’s moving to America after her sister, Kate Middleton gives birth to the Royal Heir.

- Queen Elizabeth calls her “a pain in the butt”. Meantime the Queen’s husband Prince Phillip added “and I do mean butt!” 

- America hasn’t scored this big a victory over the British since the Revolutionary War. 

*****

The NFL is considering banning academically-ineligible college players. 

- They’re never going to do it…but hey, at least they’re considering it. 

*****

Eliot Spitzer, the former Governor of NY who resigned after being caught up in a high-class prostitution scandal is  running for Comptroller of NYC. And he’ll be running against the madam who hooked him up with hookers. 

- The two are friendly…in fact Spitzer already has her number on speed dial. 

- I guess he figures if Anthony Weiner can get his career up and running again, so can he. 

*****

The Lone Ranger tanked at the box office - earning just under $50 mil in it’s first five days. The movie cost $255 million. 

- It would have done better, but everyone who went to see it got the Senior Citizen discount. 

- The producers never should have changed the Lone Ranger’s “Hi-Ho Silver!” to “Have you considered adding Silver to your Portfolio?” 

*****

The Beatles made Rolling Stone magazine’s list of the 13 Dumbest Band Names in History. 

- Imagine how much more successful their career would have been if they’d had a better name!!!  

*****

Pope Francis said it “pains” him to see priests and nuns driving flashy cars, and they should demonstrate their faith by driving something more humble. 

- He also requested that they take the “I Heart Benedict A Lot Better” stickers off their bumpers. 

- He suggests a BVM (Blessed Virgin Mary). Afterall, it’s the ultimate praying machine 

- Hey…at least some of the Priests carpool to their weekly Poker Game at the Vatican. 

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick 

Stars & Stripes & Spatulas...

Happy 4th of July Weekend! Whether you’re grillin’ or chillin’, I hope your celebrations are fun-filled and safe! 

And let’s not forget what it’s really all about… The 237th Birthday of the United States of America! 

Have a great weekend! 

-Dick 

July 5th: It's "National Workaholics Day"!!!

Hope you had a great 4th of July! Hey…I’m as Patriotic as the next guy and love the fireworks…but when they went past 12:15am, it started cutting into my beauty sleep. Oh wait…I’m retired. I don’t have to get up early anymore. But some people do! If you’re one of them…you’re being celebrated today during “National Workaholics Day”! Lucky you! 

For those of you taking the day off…make sure to don your “two-piece”, since today is also “National Bikini Day”. CAUTION: Guys…remember a Speedo does NOT count as a Bikini! 

No matter what you’re doing (or wearing) have a great rest-of-the Holiday Weekend and I’ll see you right back here Monday with my regular blog.

- Dick

Happy 4th of July!

Happy 4th to you and yours, from me and mine! And Happy Birthday to the Greatest Nation on Earth - America…237 years old today! Best wishes for a Safe & Happy Holiday Weekend! 

-Dick

P.S. In honor of the Holiday, I’ve put up one Patriotic and one rather appropriate Pop Song for your listening and viewing pleasure! 

"...And Counting!"

Happy July 3rd! As the Holiday Weekend begins, we’re doing what the Founding Father’s did the day before the “The 4th” and taking it easy. On that note, here are just a few quick tibits from the news…

*****

CNN is being critcized for broadcasting George Zimmerman’s social security number on TV.

- Pretty tacky move by CNN, but I don’t think there’s a person in the world right now who wants to go around pretending he’s George Zimmerman. 

- Except maybe Eric Snowden. 

*****

Egypt is in turmoil with major rioting as rebels try to oust the President and the Muslim Brotherhood from power. 

- And to think it all started as a Pyramid scheme. 

*****

27 NFL players have been arrested since the Super Bowl. 

- Looks like these guys should be wearing helmets off the field, as well as on. 

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here on the 4th! 

- Dick