A group of senators grilled top executives from Wall Street investment giant Goldman Sachs yesterday about the firms “risky investment” tactics that added to the country’s financial meltdown. Michigan Senator and Chairman of the committee, Carl Levin became so angry during the session that he had to be bleeped eleven times…
- At one point, Kanye West charged into the committee room, grabbed the mike from Senator Levin and said, “I’m happy for you. I’m gonna let you finish. But Beyonce had the greatest video of all time!”
- Be proud Michigan! Looks like we’ve given America it’s first Rapping Senator… “Lil Lev”
- It was kind of strange when Senator Levin gave his leftover speaking time to Taylor Swift.
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Tuesday, financial markets worldwide were rocked by the news that Greece’s government bonds had been downgraded to “junk” level. The announcement caused the Dow Jones in this country to fall 213 points.
- Opa! I say we all do our part to help by having dinner in Greektown this weekend.
- Have some Saganaki (which to be honest I always thought was the name of a city in Japan).
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Using a $274,000 federal grant, Amtrak has begun operating the first “cow-powered” train between Oklahoma City and Ft. Worth. It runs on 80 percent diesel and 20 percent biofuel made from the rendered fat of Texas cows.
- I’d like to know how many MPC’s (that’s Miles-Per-Cow) the train gets.
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Speaking of Cow Power… this is perfect for Detroit! Mayor Bing plans to turn the city into a more agricultural community, right? That means more farms and more farms means more cows.
- I can see the ads now… “American Cars Now Powered By American Cows”
- Let’s just hope the Cow Cars are more fuel efficient than the current U.S. Government standards for horse *&%$#.
- I say we test it out first on “The People Moo-er”
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Some burglars in Medford, Oregon, had eyes bigger than their muscles. Police arrived at a store following a break-in and found a 52-inch big-screen TV smashed on the sidewalk outside. The thieves apparently had tried to steal it, dropped it, then went back inside and stole a 47-inch TV instead.
- Then they got winded, dropped that, and stole a couple of iPods.
- Next time I recommend they hire “Two Men and a Truck”
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Customs agents in Detroit arrested Michigan native Nimat David on charges of trying to smuggle a literal pantload of drugs in from Ontario. Authorities say David had 9,000 Ecstasy tablets stuck to his calves and thighs with (ouch) Duct Tape.
- Is there no end to the amazing things you can do with duct tape?
- BEAUTY ALERT: Duct Tape is what Richard Simmons uses to keep his legs so smooth and shiny!
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The latest figures from the American Society of Plastic Surgeons show that American’s spent $10 billion dollars on facelifts, breast implants, tummy tucks and other “enhancements” in 2009. That’s down 3 percent from 2008… meaning the recession has hit the industry hard.
- Now California Doctors who specialize in puffing up actress’s lips may have to switch to something less important in Hollywood. Like, say…um… Cardiac Surgery.