Sneak-a Peek-a-Boo… I See You!
The backlash is growing against the TSA’s making air travelers choose between a nude body scan or a groping of their privates. But some support the security measures. Missouri Sen. Claire McCaskill said, “I’m wildly excited that I can walk through a machine instead of getting my dose of ‘love pats’”. TSA chief John Pistole said he got an “enhanced pat down” and admitted it was “more invasive” than he was used to. But he stuck to the policy, even offering to bring security officers to the Capitol to demonstrate the pat downs on Senators.
- Senators are used to “invasive pat downs”! They’ve been giving them to pages and hookers for years!
- Former Senator Larry Craig had an interesting “stance” on the issue… When he flies, he insists on both the pat-down and the nude body scan.
- Bill Clinton has volunteered to be the guinea pig and said, “I don’t care how many times it takes, let do it until we get it right!”
The Good, The Bad, and the REALLY Ugly
Politico editor Jim VandeHei says that after 16 years of reporting on Congress, he’s realized it’s “Temptation Island”, especially for new, unattractive members. He said some newly elected Congressmen are away from their families and haven’t had women show them any attention since college. But since “power is an aphrodisiac”, he said the behavior you see at night from ugly new congressmen “is the behavior you often saw from our friends in college”.
- This gives a whole new meaning to the expression “bumping uglies”.
- Their wives must be thrilled to hear the news. Not only is their husband ugly, but he’s probably cheating too.
- These guys just got elected and they’re already messing with the “stimulus package”.
At Least It’s All “In” The Family!
Robert B. Spriggs of Pennsylvania is being held in jail on suspicion of stealing jewelry from his elderly mother and swallowing it. Jailers have been waiting for the evidence to emerge the natural way and so far it’s paid off. They’ve recovered three diamond rings so far. But a police spokesman said two tennis bracelets are still missing so “we are in a holding pattern,” waiting to see “what else turns up”.
- One bowl of Fiber One and they could have this case solved by tomorrow morning!
- Spriggs mother said, “He’s got a he a heart of gold”… and apparently a colon full of diamonds.
- His lawyer claims Spriggs was just trying to get more vegetables in his diet by eating a lot of Carats.
Animals In The News
Eric Easley of Mobile, Alabama, is charged with animal cruelty for allegedly having sex with a miniature horse. Easley denied it and hired attorney “Cowboy Bob” Clark who told the press, “You can get a ham sandwich and indict it, but that don’t mean the sandwich was guilty of anything, except being a bad ham sandwich”.
- After that statement, the pigs all demanded cans of mace and new locks on the pig pen.
- Word around the stable is that Easley isn’t much of a lover… earning him the nickname “The Pony Express”.
- To his credit, he did take the miniature horse out for a nice dinner of carrots and oats before hand.
Look What It Did For Their First Winner, Mel Gibson!
People Magazine has chosen Ryan Reynolds, star of “The Proposal” and the upcoming “Green Lantern”, as 2010’s “Sexiest Man Alive”. By coincidence, Reynold’s wife, Scarlett Johansson was just named “Babe of the Year” by GQ magazine.
- Well whoop-de-do! I’m the co-Grand Marshall of next weeks Thanksgiving Day Parade and my wife just got a “World’s Greatest Grandma” coffee cup from Jackie’s son Charlie!
Today’s Almanac
On this day in 1966, the Pope announced that Roman Catholics in the U.S. no longer had to avoid eating meat on Fridays.
- And thousands of housewives rejoiced that they no longer had to make hamburger patties in the shape of fish!
- On the down side, sales of “Mackerel Helper” plummeted.
Just a reminder… Thanksgiving is a week from today! A new study showed the average Turkey Day meal contains 4500 calories. So that’s it… No more gravy on my pumpkin pie!
Have a great day and we’ll see you back here tomorrow!
- Dick