An “Un-Friendly” Reminder…
Jimmy Kimmel has declared today - National UnFriend Day, saying “NUD is the international day when all Facebook users shall protect the sacred nature of friendship by cutting out any ‘friend fat’ on their pages occupied by people who are not truly their friends.” He added that “according to Facebook, there is no difference between your best friend – the person who cares so much about you he or she would give you a kidney to save your life – and the ex-girlfriend of a former roommate who constantly updates to make sure you know what color her aura is.”
- So far Jimmy’s received 2 million “likes” on this idea.
- This idea isn’t exactly new among late night talk show hosts… Conan O’Brian “unfriended” Jay Leno months ago.
- Fake Facebook friends are better than real friends! They never ask you to come over and help move furniture.
Are You Ready To Rhumba?
In a shocking turn of events last night, the higher scoring Brandy was kicked off Dancing With the Stars while the lower scoring Bristol Palin advanced to the finals. Some fans are grumbling that conservatives on the Internet are conspiring to vote for Bristol, as revenge for how ABC News treated her mom, Sarah Palin, during the 2008 election.
- MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann was outraged calling Bristol, “The Worst Dancer…IN THE WORLD!!!”
- During the finals Bristol will perform the Russian Cossack Dance. She learned it by looking out a window at her Mom’s house.
Speaking of Bristol…
Janice Cowen of Wisconsin told police that her husband Steven had been under a lot of stress due to finances and a mental health problem and was drinking while watching DWTS Tuesday night. When it was announced that Bristol was moving on to the finals, he went berserk - jumping up and down, swearing and demanded that she bring him his pistols. She fled in terror when he pointed a shotgun at her. He eventually surrendered to police and was charged with reckless endangerment.
- Doctors describe his condition as “Post Traumatic Stress Because Bristol Is Still On Dancing With The Stars Syndrome”… or “PTSBBISODWTSS” for short.
- Ironically, last season I jumped up and down, swore and demanded that my wife Gail bring me a pistol everytime I watched Kate Gosselin dance!
- Next time you go to a political rally, avoid standing next to this guy.
Today’s Almanac
On this day in 1968, NBC made the dumbest TV decision ever, when they cut away from the last minute of a major Jets-Raiders football game to show the kiddie movie “Heidi,” and the Raiders scored twice in nine seconds to come back and win.
- The second dumbest TV decision ever occurred last night when Brandy was voted off DWTS!
It’s Got A Familiar Ring To It…
England’s Prince William made worldwide headlines when he not only announced his engagement to longtime girl friend Kate Middleton – but gave her the engagement ring that his father Charles had given to his mom, Princess Diana.
- He was going to give her one like the one Charles gave Camilla, but apparently Kate doesn’t like nose rings.
- Boy if anything should ensure a long happy marriage for Prince William and Kate, it’s him giving her the engagement ring that Charles gave Diana!
- They knew Kate wasn’t all that thrilled with the ring when she yelled, “He didn’t go to Jared!”
- I haven’t been this excited since Larry’s King’s last three or four weddings!
“Just Say No To Escargot”
Chadwick St. O’Harra and Steve Righetti are suing the Seafood Peddler restaurant in California over “exploding escargot”. They say Righetti’s birthday celebration was ruined when they stuck their forks into some cooked snails and a spray of hot garlic butter shot out. They claim it got on their polo shirts, squirted Righetti’s nose and got into O’Harra’s tear duct causing temporary blindness. They say they were humiliated but wouldn’t have sued if the restaurant staff had shown remorse.
- The waitress said, “Enjoy!” … what more do they want?
- This is exactly why I always celebrate my at Leo’s Coney Island!
- Millions of men have suffered temporary blindness after thumbing through Playboy magazine, but you don’t see them filing a lawsuit.
“A Gay In the (After) Life”
Mike Konigsfeld and Tom Brandl of Cologne, Germany, are designers and longtime gay partners who’ve created a new product: coffins for gay people. They say their coffins combine tastefully plush designer interiors with homoerotic artwork on the outside featuring muscular young men in classical poses. They say it’s the perfect way to send off a gay loved one.
- Liza Minnelli has already ordered a bunch for all of her ex-husbands!
- And for those gay men who want to stay in shape for the afterlife, the casket is covered in drawings of Richard Simmons.
- A lot of gay guys are choosing the “George Michael Model” because they say it doesn’t make their loved one look dead… it just makes him look like he fell asleep.
- For Lesbians, they have an Ellen DeGeneres look alike who will actually go to the funeral and dance on your loved ones grave!
Enjoy the sunny weather and we’ll see you back here tomorrow!
- Dick