Citing an effort to make the school more "inclusive", an Atlanta elementary school is not starting the day with the Pledge of Allegiance. Instead, students will recite the school's "Wolf Pack Chant". 

- Nothing says "I Love My Country" like "Eat 'em up! Eat 'em up! Go Wolves, Go!"


A Florida woman who was high on meth was arrested after she stripped naked and ran around a park because she thought she was being chased by a giant spider. 

- My wife Gail would do that if she saw a regular size spider. 


The Department of Homeland Security busted five people for trafficking $73 Million worth of counterfeit Air Jordans. 

- $73 Million? That works out to like 17 pairs!

- Their attorney said, "Don't judge them until you've walked a mile in their Fake Shoes". 


Officials are trying to figure out how a woman's voice, speaking in Chinese, suddenly blared over the intercom at a National Weather Service office Wednesday saying "You have a package from Amazon at the Chinese Embassy. Press 1 for more details".

- Of course when you pick up a package at the Chinese Embassy you want to pick up another one an hour later.  


CBS will begin filming a new dating show - "Love Island" - where contestants fly to a remote Island and have to "pair up" or face elimination. 

- It's a combination of Survivor, The Bachelor, and The Real Housewives of Boblo Island. 

- And by "pair up" they mean "have sex". 


This Saturday, NASA will launch a probe that will travel almost 90 million miles over 7 years to visit the Sun. 

- The probe is covered in solar panels and Coppertone. 


A survey found that, in terms of Caffeine, 7-Eleven coffee gives you the best bang for your buck. 

- Plus... there's always a day-old hot dog available to use as a stirrer for your cream and sugar. 


Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday!