Mark Zuckerberg lost huge yesterday when Facebook stock fell 20%. He lost over $16 Billion.

- I know how he feels... I own FB stock, and I lost 16 Bucks!


A Michigan man was arrested for climbing Mount Rushmore and ending up underneath George Washington's nose. 

- Amazingly, the man's climb and arrest was predicted hundreds of years ago by Nostril-Damus. 


Larry Nassar has filed for re-sentencing, claiming that he was attacked in prison.

- Thus the expression:  "The Shoe Is On The Other Foot". 


An apartment complex in Grosse Pointe is using a new DNA service called "PooPrints" that can identify dogs whose owners don't pick up their "droppings". 

- The people who analyze the "samples" are known as "Pooper Snoopers". 


A bunch of companies in Japan are using high tech sensors that blasts employees with cold air if they fall asleep on the job.

- Why don't they just throw a glass of cold water in their face like my mother did to me when I wouldn't get out of bed for school? 


Police in Tennessee have arrested a man who stripped naked at a McDonalds and did jumping jacks in the women's bathroom. 

- And just like that sales of McNuggets plummeted. 


Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday!