The Miss America Pageant is dropping the Swimsuit competition beginning with this year's pageant in September so the girls will no longer be judged on their looks.  

- Doesn't matter to me. I only watched the Pageant for the articles anyway. No wait... that's was Playboy. 

- Pageant officials said It was "an itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow polka-dot decision".  


Starbucks Chairman Howard Schultz announced he is leaving amid speculation that he's planning a Presidential run in 2020. 

- Insiders say he's already ordered a bunch of "Make America GRANDE Again" baseball caps. 

- He hasn't even announced yet, and he's already locked up the all-important "Barista Vote". 


The Mayor of Philadelphia lashed out at the President after Trump "disinvited" the Super Bowl winning Philadelphia Eagles from a White House reception today because only 10 players said  they would attend. The Mayor called Trump "a fragile egomaniac". 

- Well I wouldn't call him "fragile". 


Bill Clinton has changed his story... This morning he said that he DID personally apologize to Monica Lewinsky after their sex scandal, claiming he was just "hot under the collar" when asked about it on Sunday.

- He was "hot under the collar" as opposed to his usual state of "hot under his belt". 


A physicist who did some work for MSU is facing charges of beastiality for allegedly having a 3 month long "sexual relationship" with a Basset Hound. O.M.G.!!!

- The physicist claims the sex was "consensual" and that the two met on Fetch.com. 


Queen Elizabeth went all out when it came to a wedding gift for Prince Harry and his bride Meghan Markle: She gave them a historic Stone Cottage. 

- It was built in the 1800's, so basically she gave them a fixer-upper. 


Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!