Roseanne Barr, whose hit sit-com was cancelled by ABC after she tweeted racist comments says the sleeping pill Ambien made her do it. 

- Bill Cosby said, "That's why when I was shooting 'The Cosby Show', I stuck with Quaaludes".

- Remember the good old days when the most offensive thing Roseanne did was grabbing her "covfefe" while "screeching" the National Anthem?


Grosse Pointe Shores has been named the "Richest City" in Michigan with an average household income of 150 grand.  

- All that money and the men still can't afford socks.


The 'world's oldest man' - 114 year old Fredie Blom from Cape Town, South Africa has announced that he's trying to quit smoking. 

- I'm all for a healthy lifestyle, but if you make it to 114... "Smoke 'em if you got 'em".


With talks underway to reschedule his summit with Kim Jong Un, President Trump will hold another summit today:  He's meeting with KIM KARDASHIAN to discuss prison reform. 

- Wow. He may be the first U.S. President in history to have a summit with Lil Kim and Big-Butt-Kim in the span of a month! 


Two little boys in Denver who opened a lemonade stand to raise money for a child in Indonesia, were forced to close their operation because someone alerted Police that they didn't have a permit. 

- Thus the expression, "When Life Hands You Lemons... Make Sure You Get A Permit Before You Make Lemonade". 


A televangelist based in Louisiana is asking followers to donate $54 Million to buy a private jet - saying that "If Jesus were alive today, he wouldn't be riding around on a donkey... he'd be flying around the world preaching". 

- This guy should stick to donkey-riding since he's clearly a Jackass.


Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!