Tonya Harding advanced to the "DWTS" finale last night saying "I've been knocked down and now I've been picked back up!"
- The same thing happened to Nancy Kerrigan... but she needed help with the getting "picked back up" part.
During a service this morning, Pope Francis admitted that he has thought about hanging up his hat and retiring.
- And that's gonna be ONE BIG HAT.
With the Nuptials just 4 days away, Meghan Markle's father announced that he won't walk her down the aisle because he had a heart attack last week.
- He had the heart attack when somebody told him, as Father-of-the-Bride, he had to pay for the Royal Wedding.
Bernie Sanders son Levi, a Democrat, says that Hillary Clinton hurt voters self-esteem, but President Trump has done "an incredible job" of making voters feel good about themselves.
- Even Stormy Daniels admits that Trump made her feel "like the only Porn Star in the room!"
The NYPD arrested a woman on Saturday after finding a stolen $30,000 Rolex in her panties.
- This gives a whole new meaning to "Sexy Time".
A Reproductive Scientist from China says that thanks to new technology it will soon be commonplace for 60 year old women to have babies.
- They already have them... they're called "Grandchildren".
Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!