A Florida motorist was so drunk that he mistook a Bank of America drive-up lane for a Taco Bell and tried to order a burrito from a teller.

- Surprising, since most people think of Taco Bell as a gas station, not a bank.


Rumor has it that Elton John is set to announce that he's giving up touring so he'll be available to drive his 5 and 7 year old sons to and from school. 

- He'll be the only guy in the pick up line wearing a Duck suit. 


An unnamed "informant" has confirmed that there was a "Secret Anti-Trump Society" within the FBI during and after the election. 

- I think the most shocking part of this story is that they call it a SECRET Anti-Trump Society. 


San Francisco has officially changed "Columbus Day" to "Indiginous People Day" in a nod to Native Americans who were here before America was "discovered". 

- No matter what they call it, it's still the best day of the year to get half-off a memory foam mattress. 


A female railroad conductor in Canada has been fired for taking sexy pics of herself on the train tracks and posting them on social media. 

- Apparently she showed off a little too much of her Caboose. 


Mexican Drug Lord "El Chapo" is asking a Judge not to sequester the Jurors during his upcoming trial, saying he promises "not to kill them". 

- Works for me!


Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!