England's 96 year old Prince Phillip will officially retire from public duties this afternoon. 

- Yup, he's finally waving that gig goodbye. 

*****

According to a new report, Queen Elizabeth consumes 4 alcoholic beverages every day. 

- But that number goes way up when Prince Harry shows up with the Royal Beer Bong. 

- The Queen credits her daily "Metamucil Martini" for keeping her on the throne for so many years. 

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A Morning Consult Poll found that an overwhelming majority of Americans won't miss fired White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci. 

- It also found that nearly all Americans think Scaramucci is a new item on The Olive Garden's "Tour of Italy" menu.  

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Just days before the two will meet at an International Summit, Philippine President Duterte described North Korean leader Kim Jong Un as a "fool" and a "son of a bitch" with a "chubby face".

- The real story here is that it was the Philippine President who made the remarks, NOT President Trump. 

*****

OJ Simpson's former agent, who owns the infamous White Bronco from OJ's 1994 car chase is putting it up for sale for $700,000. 

- Interested buyers can contact him to arrange a Slow-Speed Test Drive. 

*****

A bride is Tennessee was arrested after pulling a gun out of her wedding dress and trying to shoot her new husband just hours after they exchanged vows. 

- She told cops in her family the bride always wears "Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, and a Loaded 22". 

- This is what happens when the Bride registers at Target. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick