AUGUST??? ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? I am officially declaring today July 32nd!


The former site of a topless bar in Warren is being turned into a Dairy Queen. 

- Cones won't come small, medium and large... they'll be "B", "C" and "Double D". 

- Ironically, "Peanut Buster Parfait" was also the name of one of the dancers who used to work there. 


President Trump fired White House Communications director Anthony Scaramucci after just 11 days on the job. 

- Scaramucci looks so much like a mobster, he should be happy he just got canned and not kissed on the lips and taken for a ride in a rowboat. 


Despite the latest shake-up and continued leaks, Trump Tweeted that there is "No Chaos" at the White House. 

- Actually there was a guy named "Bob Chaos" but he got fired last week. 


A new study found that blowing out the candles on a birthday cake increases the bacteria count by 1400%. 

- Thus the expression "You Can Have Your Cake and Get Sick From It Too". 


A 34-year-old man was arrested TWICE on Sunday afternoon for walking naked through a Massachusetts town filled with shoppers and diners. 

- Apparently when the first cop told him to go home and put something on, he thought he meant Sunscreen. 


Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!