Retired General John Kelly takes over for the fired Reince Priebus as President Trump's Chief of Staff today after serving as the head of Homeland Security. 

- Trying to manage Trump is going to make keeping ISIS out of America look like a cake walk. 


Officials say a Spirit Airlines flight leaving Las Vegas was delayed after a passenger removed all their clothes while boarding.

- Apparently they thought the slogan was "What you Wear in Vegas Stays in Vegas". 


Hot Dog eating champ Joey "Jaws" Chestnut  downed 92 tacos in 8 minutes and was crowned the Taco Eating World Champion at Taco Truck Throwdown 7 on Saturday.

- His arteries are more clogged than 696 during rush hour. 

- Joey should heed the old saying "Ask not for whom the Taco Bell tolls, it tolls for thee". 


A new report claims that one pound of hamburger from your local grocery store can contain meat from up to 1000 different cows. 

- So if you want to know where the meat in your burger came from you have to log onto Ancestry.Cow. 


After President Trump slammed China for doing nothing to stop North Korea's growing Nuclear Missile testing, China said Trump was acting like "a spoiled child". 

- Trump responded by tweeting "Oh yeah? Well your Mother wore army boots! SAD!"


A man in Sweden died of a heart attack during surgery to enlarge his manhood. 

- Proving that like Football, Life is a game of inches. 


Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday!