Matt Lauer reportedly had a secret button under his desk so he could lock his office door remotely after asking women to come in. 

- Luckily he didn't have one of those automatic light switches... or they would've faced "Clap on! Clap off! The Clapper!"


88 year old John Conyers was hospitalized for "stress" this morning over the sexual harassment claims against him. 

- When he fell ill, his wife Monica let out a "Shrek"... oops, I mean "Shriek". 


Brown University is now allowing applicants to “self-identify” as persons of color.

- When I applied to Syracuse I "self-identified" as "Valedictorian"... It didn't work! 


NPR's Garrison Keiller was fired for admittedly putting his hand up the back of a woman's blouse that he was "trying to console".  

- Apparently he liked to do more than tell stories to his Prairie Home Companions. 


Matt Lauer broke his silence this morning, saying that while some of the allegations against him are "misrepresentations" there's "enough truth" in them that he's sorry for any hurt that he caused. 

- But mostly he sorry for getting caught. 


A man who robbed a bank in Massachusetts was arrested by police after he was found hiding in a Porta-Potty. 

- If there's ever been a time for "Money Laundering"... that time is now.  

- He told the cops he stole the money and hid out there because he didn't have a pot to pee in. 


Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday!