OJ Simpson reportedly lost more than 100 pounds during his last two years in prison. 

- He says he didn't mean to lose the weight, but claims Mark Furman planted "Nutrisystem Belly Bloat Buster Shakes" in the prison yard. 

- OJ said it was hard to stick to the diet but "If the Pant's Don't Fit, You Must Commit!"


California is holding it's second "Great ShakeOut" Earthquake Survival Drill today where residents are urged to "drop, cover and hold".

- As opposed to the drill Harvey Weinstein used to conduct by forcing women to "drop, UNcover and hold". 


Twitter blew up yesterday with rumors that Melania Trump is being replaced by a "Body Double" at public appearances. 

- As opposed to Chris Christie, who appears as a "Double Body" every day. 


Arby's will be serving deer meat sandwiches this Saturday for one day only. 

- Arby's... "They Have The Bambi!"


After 18 years and 450 shows, Elton John announced that he's ending his Las Vegas residency in 2018. 

- When asked if he'll be back, the Rocket Man said, "I think it's gonna be a long long time til touchdown brings me round again to Vegas". 


Northern Michigan University in Marquette is offering a Degree in "Marijuana Studies". 

- Students have been High-Fiving each other ever since the news broke. 

- It's great for kids who want to go on to Grad School and Get their LsD. 


Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday!