A 25 year old British woman has entered the Guinness Book of World Records for having the longest female beard in the world. 

- She was going to go out and celebrate with her boyfriend... but then realized she doesn't have one anymore because her beard was longer than his. 

- That sketch looks like Caitlyn Jenner at 5 in the afternoon. 


Donald Trump says he needs to lose 15 or 20 pounds. 

- His next tweet should read "Trump With The Rump".  

- Apparently the Donald has been making his waist "Great Again". 


CBS is underfire for editing Bill Clinton's comments about Hillary's health...taking out the word "frequently" and leaving in "rarely" when he talked about her fainting spells over the years. 

- If I didn't know better... I'd think the media was Biased.

- Apparently CBS stands for the "Clinton Broadcasting System".


The White House has confirmed that two more prisoners released from Gitmo by President Obama have re-joined terrorist groups. So far, over 100 men released from the prison have returned to jihadist groups. 

- This is great.... we'll let anybody IN the country, but we make sure we send Islamic Terroists back to their friends and family.


A New York photography studio has begun offering professional "penis" photoshoots that include dressing "Mr. Happy" in costumes and tiny hats. 

- It's good to see Anthony Weiner putting his photography skills to good use. 

- For Trump fans, they even have an itty bitty  "Make America Great Again" baseball cap.


The Detroit Lions are teaming up with Uber to offer fans rides to and from their games at Ford Field. 

- In keeping with many of the Lions passes, the Uber cars will drive out of bounds. 

- So now you'll make it home safely, but the Lions still won't make it to the Super Bowl.


The Outback Steakhouse released a statement reminding customers that they do not allow firearms in the restaurants. 

- Apparently they want diners to leave their guns Outback.

- So you can ride shotgun in the car on the way to dinner... you just can't take it in. 


A Fertility Doctor in Indianapolis has been accused of using his own sperm to inseminate at least 50 of his patients.

- He's going to have to clear out an entire cupboard to fit all of the "World's Worst Dad" coffee mugs he'll be getting next Father's Day.     


A woman in Florida, upset with her order at a Wendy's drive-thru, went into the restaurant, trashed the counter and threw pink lemonade in the manager's face. 

- Wow... I had no idea Wendy's had pink lemonade.


Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday!