President Obama announced that Mt. McKinley is being renamed back to it's original Native American name, "Denali". 

- He also announced that the Washington Monument will now be known as "Big White Pointy Thing That Faces Sky". 


NJ Governor Chris Christie says he wants to track immigrants the same way FedEx tracks packages. 

- The hard part will be getting the immigrants to wear the bar code stickers. 


Researchers say that King Tut's manhood was fully erect when he was mummified, but that it was broken off when his tomb was discovered. 

- Suspects include an archeologist and a Ms. L. Bobbitt.

- Steve Martin could do a whole other song about this... "Howdya Get So HAPPY? King Tut...Tut...".   


Sleep well last night? A new study shows that people who get less than 6 hours of sleep are 4.2 times more likely to catch a cold. 

- Which explains why my voice may have sounded deep on the radio all those years. I was sick! 


Apple is expected to unveil their newest iPhones on September 12th. 

- And I will unveil my current Flip-Phone to anyone who stops by my house that same day.


The Wall Street Journal apologized to the President of China for Tweeting that their economy is "a chink in his armor". 

- They devoted a whole column to the apology. Actually two... Column A and Column B. 

- A lot of papers would have been too Almond Boneless Chicken to apologize. 


Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!