Barbie turns 56 years old today!

- Mattel is celebrating the big event by releasing a new "Hot Flash & Night Sweats" Barbie. 

- Of course she's already a member of AARPP - the American Association of Retired Plastic People. 


The dating site, kicked 3000 members off their site for being "ugly", leaving just 100 active members. 

- So now those 3000 people will have to online-date by joining  


ISIS Militant Jihadi John apologized to his family for the trouble he caused them by having his identity revealed. 

- Like most kids, he's not sorry about what he did... he's just sorry his Mom and Dad found out about it. 

- And to think I broke out in a sweat when my parents found out I smoked a cigarette in my high school bathroom. 


A female Russian Porn star is in trouble for having sex at the Egyptian Pyramids. 

- In a related story, officials in Florence, Italy have upped the Security Detail around the Statue of David. 


A second grader in New Orleans worte a letter to Michelle Obama saying that her new lunch rules ruined "Taco Tuesday". 

- The First Lady allegedly wrote back telling him to "get over it" and enjoy "Watercress Wednesday". 


Harrison Ford is being praised for his masterful crash landing. 

- Had he not survived, how much you wanna bet his tombstone would have read: "Look Ma! No Han!" (And he flew Solo too!"

- Insiders say the plane may have been carrying too much weight. That's the last time Harrison takes Jabba the Hut for a joy ride. 


Nigerian terror group Boko Haram has declare their allegiance to ISIS. 

- Who would have thought the musical group who brought us "Whiter Shade of Pale" could turn so violent? 


Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday!