NBC sources say that Brian Williams wanted to replace David Letterman when Dave retires from the Late Show, and even contacted Letterman himself, but CBS turned him down. 

- Or as Brian claims, He was "SHOT down". 

- CBS went with someone America can take seriously. Stephen Colbert. 

*****

Time Magazine named a 25-year-old Swedish gamer as the most influential person on the Internet. His YouTube channel, which shows him playing video games, has 35 million followers. 

- So...there are 35 million people who are too lazy to play video games themselves!!!  We are in trouble people. Big trouble!!!

*****

Bill Cosby released a bizarre promotional video in which he talks for ten seconds while wearing pajamas and then the screen goes blank. 

- It's basically like being on a date with him. 

*****

Bruce Jenner says he will continue to date women until his sex-reassignment surgery this summer. 

- This is great news for all you ladies who like a man who wears lipstick and is about to have his manhood cut off. 

*****

With sales continuing to fall, McDonald's announced they will try to attract younger, heath conscious customers by adding Kale to their menu. 

- Michelle Obama is said to be "Lovin' It". 

- So next time you go to the drive thru, don't be surprised if the teen behind the window says "You want kale with that?"

- They're even renaming the "Fillet 'O Fish"... "McKale's Navy". 

*****

A Trio of teenage burglars thought they hit the jackpot when they robbed a Missouri home of cash, jewelry, and what they thought was a box of cocaine. Turns out the box actually contained the home owner's father's ashes. 

- They realized their mistake after they snorted Grandpa and didn't even get a buzz. 

*****

Two California women were arrested after carving their names into the Roman Colosseum and posting a selfie of the event. 

- You can see the pic on Insta-Idiots. 

- Hmmmm... They like destroying ancient treasures and bragging about it on social media... These two are PERFECT for ISIS! 

***** 

The U.S. Anti-Doping Agency is looking into collusion allegations against Lance Armstrong. 

- You can read all the details on his Lance's website LiveWrong.com. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday! 

-Dick