The world's oldest living person, Miseo Okawa of Japan, turns 117 years young today! Her birthday celebration was held Wednesday - one day early. 

- You know...Just in case. 

- She said she wanted to spend the day surrounded by Abe Vigoda and Betty White stopped by. 

- Mrs. Okawa, who was born in 1898 says her life has gone by in "a flash". 

- And it almost ended that way too when the 117 candles on her cake came close to igniting her oxygen tank. 


Presidential hopeful Ben Carson told CNN that being gay is an absolute choice, since many men go into Prison straight and come out gay. 

- Um, I wouldn't say "Gay"...I'd say "Experienced". 


A University of Michigan study found a surge in heart attacks — 25% more compared to any other day — in the first full workday after the "spring-forward" time change. That means NEXT Monday! 

- So ironically, "Springing Forward" will cause some people to clutch their chest and "Fall Back". 


Ringling Brothers Barnum & Bailey Circus says they will do away with their iconic elephant acts by 2018 due to concerns over their treatment. 

- Apparently it's time for the elephants to "pachyderm" their trunks, and move on. 

- What about Clown Cruelty? I mean 27 guys traveling in one car sounds downright unsafe to me. 


McDonalds announced that they'll stop selling chicken treated with antibiotics. 

- But they will begin offering a special  "Ranch & Penicillin" dipping sauce with their McNuggets. 


A Nigerian woman filed for, and was granted a divorce, after claiming that her husband's manhood was too big. Her husband did not dispute the claim.

- Well duh!!!


Ellen DeGeneres donated $10,000 to the girl whose photo of "the dress" crashed the internet. 

-That's a lot of green! Or pink...depending on who's looking at it. 


Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday with a brand new Podcast!