A new study found that dogs can't remember what happened yesterday and they don't plan for tomorrow. 

- You know...like most college students. 

- And Lindsay Lohan. 

- So if your dog has a job, chances are he's not matching the company contributions to his 401 K-nine. 


General David Petraeus faces up to a year in prison after pleading guilty to sharing classified information with his mistress. 

- He didn't leak anything to Mrs. Petraeus, proving the old adage "The wife is always the last to know classified information". 


Bruce Jenner has moved into a new $3.5 million dollar home in Malibu California. 

- He may be a bachelor, but friends say the house already has "a woman's touch". 

- Bruce even put in His and Her bathrooms. He says he'll use both depending on his mood.  


O.J. Simpson claims that prison officials won't let him out of jail for a much needed knee operation and that he's going to end up in a wheelchair. 

- Which would really slow down his tireless search for the "real killer or killers". 

He also says the knee pain prevents him from exercising and that he now weighs 340 pounds. 

- You can read all about the weight gain in his new book "If I Ate It". 


A new biography claims that Eric Clapton slept with Princess Diana after her divorce from Prince Charles. The affair lasted 3 months. 

- Which was just long enough for them to listen to "Layla" all the way through. 


The New York Times reported that Hillary Clinton used her personal email account to conduct business when she was Secretary of State. 

- "But what difference does it make??? That was a long time ago!!!"

- Meanwhile Bill reminded everyone that his personal email address is exprezontheprowl@REALLYhotmail.com. 


Have a great day and I'll you back here Thursday!