Several employees at Disneyland have tested positive for the Measles. 

- Meanwhile Six of the Seven Dwarfs have gone on antibiotics for an "undisclosed" condition after Snow White got back from a trip to Vegas with Prince Charming.  


Multiple sources say that Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg fell asleep during Tuesday night's State of the Union. 

- I didn't see it myself as I'd nodded off during that part of the speech. 

- In her defense, Ginsberg is 81 years old. By 9pm she's usually in bed watching reruns of Matlock. 


An app called "Invisible Boyfriend" creates social media posts that will make people think you've landed a guy. 

- You'll still be sitting on your couch in sweats eating ice cream on Saturday night, but your fake friends will think you're on a hot date. 


The Mayor of Paris plans on suing Fox News because the American network "insulted" her city during its coverage of the terror attacks in France. 

- And if anyone knows about "Insulting"'s the French. 


Pope Francis announced that he's booked a trip to New York for this coming September. 

- He's dying to try the kosher corned beef at the Carnegie Deli. 

- They won't have to worry much about security, since most New Yorkers will just assume he's some lunatic dressed in a Pope costume. 

- He'll hold a mass, greet followers on the streets, and bless millions of cockroaches and rats all over the city. 


The NFL has now confirmed that 11 of the 12 balls used by the Patriots in their 45-7 win over the Colts were under inflated. 

- Underinflation hasn't made this many headlines since Hugh Hefner's last honeymoon. 


Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday!